Thou Shalt Not Kill
by Charlie911
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto has never entirely been happy with the way the world works. He thinks it should go rot somewhere and leave him the hell alone. But it only gets worse. He finds himself facing a difficult challenge: help people.
1. My Name

**Charlie:** My seventh story! Sorry for the long wait, but it was a much needed vacation and I enjoyed it. I am refresh with ideas along with a new streak. However...I don't know if I should bring back Narra to do the Conversation with me. Tell me if you guys like him. Let's see... oh, yeah I should do a disclaimer.

**Disclaimer:** The story Naruto does not belong to me. If I did, it definitely wouldn't be about ninjas. No offence to the author because he is really creative for thinking of the story.

**Charlie:** I have a friend who may or may not be reading this, but if you are, "Haha, I'm going to the upcoming anime con and not you! In your face, beeyotch!" ...I'm kidding...about the last part. Anyway, this story is different from the rest because Naruto is unhappy. He's the angst teenager that should've been Sasuke. But he still has some of the happy Naruto's usual traits, except it's the bad ones.

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter One: My Name  
_

* * *

My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I'm sixteen years old, and my life _was_ great. Notice the 'was' in my sentence. You would assume that it sucks right now, and I would tell you that you're absolutely _wrong_. It's much worse than 'suck'. It is much worse than hell. You know what; I think I would rather be in hell. Compared to this, it's sunshine. 

I am currently "sleeping," but I am fully awake to the extent that I can hear my oji-san (uncle) come up the stairs. I turn off my alarm (barely missing my parent's photo) and got out of bed. Even though knowing that he was right outside the door, I opened it anyway, almost smacking him in the face. His shock-changing-to-glaring face met my eyes. Aw, he looks so happy to see me.

"You're late for school," he said through large gritted teeth. Meet Jiraiya, my oji-san. A true living statement of bad parenting. It could be that I was raised in a bar. Being at an old age, he looked thirty. The white hair and board shoulders. It's disgusting.

I yawn and push past him to the bathroom. I slam the door shut before saying, "I hate you." An understatement it may be, but it is the only words strong enough to express my rage. He seems satisfied enough by it to not yell at me and heads back downstairs. Besides, he knows full damn well I have a reason to.

Two days ago, I was innocently walking home from school when my oji-san decided to pick me up…_during_ my walk. He drifted from five blocks down, using a move he had learned from watching an American movie. Well, there was screeching tires, smoke, and a permanently traumatized teenager who I don't really pity. In broad daylight.

I didn't even notice him, mostly because of my iPod. He had swerved the car so that it ended halfway up on the sidewalk. You know the little strip of land where _people walk_. He rolled down the window and I can still remember his grinning face saying, "Hop in." I really didn't know where we were going, nor did I bother to ask. It was one of his weird moments, or at least I figured it to be. It wasn't until we were a good distance away from home and wondering into the unknown did I ask. He only smiled and drove the car into what I remembered to be a bar called Chances. It's really famous in the US for being a lesbian club.

That's when I found out.

He enrolled me into an elite high school _without _bothering to tell me. I mean it's just my life he was changing and controlling with unbelievable idiocy. I don't know how it was related to all the lesbians, but he did tell me when we were in there.

Oh well. There was nothing I can do since he did raise me and he never did let me forget it. _'__How bad can an elite school be anyway?_' was what I thought at the moment, but when I saw the brochure for …uh…hmm? I'll remember to ask someone the name of the school later. It was a pretty brochure with the traditional summaries of how wonderful my life was going to be like, and it was a total lie.

The minute I had get in the car, my uncle decides innocent bystanders don't matter as long as I get to school on time. Oji-san, unfortunately, drives up to the front door (literally). It is embarrassing to say the least, but thank god nobody noticed, I think. The black tire marks on the concrete floor might be a problem, but it's not my problem.

The classroom proves to be easy enough to find. All the little heads that were facing downward look up to greet me with curious eyes. Oh, how I wish I could just rip the-. Ahem. Well, uh…I walk to my seat.

My motto is 'See not what you don't want to see, kill those who have seen you.'

So…this is what I did and want. My grades will not go above average or below it. My behavior will not be out of the ordinary or below it. My new "friends" will not be out of order or below it. My actions will not attract attention or….well, there's nothing more to that part.

This elite school is literally a mine field ready to set off at any minute. One look is all it takes for me to tell that they are spoiled stupid brats. It was the Land of Stereotype. The place that I hate most in the world because if you haven't noticed, I go to school there. Yeah, and my uncle knows that I know. He's thinking that if I went here, I'll probably combust and open up to someone who also has had a dramatic experience as mine.

…I say bullshit.

Now saying all that, I didn't come unprepared. I pulled an all-nighter and researched every sucker in here until I knew how many hairs they had when they're born.

**Warning: **If anyone of these brats in this damn school dares to push me over the edge, they are going to have a first row view of what their insides look like. I hope to god these people here are smart enough for that.

"Move."

Or not.

That voice, oh how I wish to destroy you. It was the voice of an arrogant boy, around my age. I don't even have to look at his face to tell there are no emotions on it. A blank paper that is going to be drawn on, as I like to say. I take a glance to see who my predator is. It's very important to know your enemies. He has red hair, green eyes, a carved-in tattoo of the word LOVE from what I can see, and a punk style dress code. And to my surprise, no…eyebrows. Either he got a really good waxing job or…

I resist the urge to laugh and ask, "What happened?" Stoic guys don't like it when you ask them questions about themselves. Some might answer due to surprise and later on become friends with you, only to pile you with their family complications, which I do not need. Save it for his sister or somebody who cares.

I rack my brain for information and finally settled on Sabaku Gaara. Anti-social, possibly an unknown relative of a werewolf as described in a fight, kind of smart. The profile doesn't say much about him personally, not the kind I need anyway. An older brother away at college, oldest sister is Konoha's school nurse (Temari), mother (mistress) died giving birth, and father died in a car accident (Gaara was in it too, but he survive) when he was ten years old. Gaara was supposedly blamed for the accident and thus called 'The Monster' (anything evil relating).

Is it such a mystery why he turned out this way?

And I realize everyone is giving us a look. I can tell that I am expected to grovel in fear. _Sigh._ But even knowing that, I also know that being the new kid, I have to at least act ignorant _and then_ grovel.

Fking bastards.

"Oh, is this your seat?" I ask. The more oblivious the better. That's the key to success, in my case.

"Yes."

Oooh, he's one of those types that are so emotionless they can't even feel the pain of a knife slash, but they have the tendency to constantly remind themselves of it (hence the carved in tattoo). It's to feel pain, but a more emotional kind of pain that runs really deep. Dude, this school actually accepted him? Well…I'm not exactly one to talk here seeing as how I'm a bit crazy myself. And moving on…

"Oh, ok." I smile, showing all my pearl-white teeth, and move. I am about to sit down in the back when I am literally pushed out of the way. One day, you watch, one day I am going to punch whoever did that.

"Watch where you're going, moron!"

Ladies and gentleman, introducing the shrill voice of a bitch!

I stand up and wipe the invisible specks of dirt from my pants. She's probably trying to sit next to her crush, and I am proven to be right. Turning around, I see a something that should've been listed in the Hall of Records. She is a pretty girl. Pink hair (an unusual color) and green eyes, but good god, that forehead! I have never seen anything like it before in my life. Short legs, tall backs, yes, but that _thing _looked like it could have a life of its own! When I was researching, I did see a photo of her, but….ugh!

She must've notice I am staring, because she speaks. All I hear is "….," but from what I can tell, she's smart, but chooses to hide it. Probably thinks guys don't like smart girls or she's too obsessed with her boyfriend (I'm just guessing here) to even bother using her brains. Her boyfriend is the….

I am again speechless. This school….**this school** is a dream come true. If ever I shall break out of my cage and be able to strike havoc, I will truly enjoy it. These people here, they have labels that say, 'Make a joke at me, I'm stupid!' all over them. It's like a miracle, and yet so deadly. Do you know how many jokes I can make of these fools? That's like a thousand, no, a zillion! Whoa, I just have a brillian-! Oh, that's right. I'm supposed to act nice for stupid Jiraiya-ojisan. What kind of a name is Jiraiya, anyway?

Ugh, I have to be "normal". What a total bust.

"Sorry, but commoners like you, I have to charge," she states.

I blink; because it's then I realize she's talking about my staring. The penny in my pocket itches to come out and into her hand, but I have to compliment her; she is smart when dealing with someone she hates. It's true; that was a nice insult.

"Stop it," says a calm, deep voice.

Oh, the reason I was speechless a moment ago. I look behind her to her boyfriend. Black eyes and black hair that resembles a peacock which I shall now call the Chicken. His skin is pale, pale as in Dracula pale. I have a fleeting thought of what would happen if I tell him how pale his skin is compared to white, but I keep my mouth shut, and does the girl, Sakura. The name suits her. Add a few branches to her and she'll look exactly like a tree…with very good taste in shoes. My inner self smirks at that. Hmm, a girl in oji-san's club has been looking for the same-. Argh, bad Naruto. Very bad Naruto.

Ahem! The pink girl is Haruno Sakura and the vampire boy is Uchiha Sasuke. FYI: Haruno Sakura _is not_ Sasuke's girlfriend, but she _is_ the president of Sasuke's fan club. Ah, I can see the restraining orders of last year. I also happen to have the fan club's full schedule. It said so right here on page 57 of LUVSASU **dot **com They have meetings in the Tenth Guest Hall every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. The Saturday is more like a stake-out since they go by Sasuke's house (or wherever he may be) to find out more about him to put in their black book. They actually have a code of conducts. It doesn't say what exactly. Any personal information is only given at the members recruiting meetings, which is on Monday morning and after school. I'm starting to think this goes way beyond obsession.

The Haruno is actually the Uchiha's business partner, but I think they're at the bottom of the scale. The Uchiha is probably only using them for all it's worth. They also donate a large sum of money to the school. There wasn't more to the two than business, but Sakura wants more than that. Marriage with an Uchiha has a lot of advantage after all. Sasuke must have a lot of girl trouble.

…that's going to be fun to watch. Hey, I'm not sadistic, I just like a good time.

The girl Sakura sits down, but she keeps an eye on me. Then I notice her boyfriend looking at me. My eyes meet his. Smiling innocently at him would be bad (Sakura would think I'm gay and is flirting with him); glaring would also be bad (Sakura would think I'm threatening him). It's a complicated world. So I choose to nod my head like a half-bow and head to a further corner in the back of the room.

When I sit down, twenty-seven pair of eyes looks at me. I stare back until they move. Those brats, they make me cause too much of a ruckus on my first day! I'll need to regroup again tomorrow. Well, this is technically the first day. If rumors do spread, it'll die in less than two days. And if it doesn't, I'll just have to do it myself. (Ignore the evil laugh).

I absorb my atmosphere and discover something quite strange; the kids are too relaxed, playing spit balls and talking about toenails. It is already thirty minutes in class, so I come up with a conclusion.

The teacher tends to be late.

He arrives not too long after with a carefree nature and a lousy excuse. Sakura calls him a liar something something and class is in session (I guess that's usual too). He is a weird teacher. The turtle neck's wearing is pulled high so that it covered half of his face. His ha-wait a minute.

"Kakashi?" It is a whisper, I swear. But they have to choose that moment when I open my mouth to shut up. All heads turn to me, well, almost, only Blowtorch (dude with no eyebrows) and the Chicken ignore me. Oh, there was also Sleeping Beauty over there.

I swallow and kept my cool. Wish I could yell, "WHAT, YAH' ALL DUMPSHIT?" in their faces. But I can't. It is so hard being me.

The teacher, Kakashi, cocks his head to the side curiously. The curve of his mouth indicating he is smirking or…smiling. "Do I know you?" By the way he says it, he obviously knows me.

"Yeah, you're a regular at **S7**, the bar my oji-san's owns, which also happens to be an all sexual preference kind of deal and the place I call home…or try to," but I don't say that. Instead, I lie.

"O-Oh, I'm your new…student. You just…uh, didn't look like a…I mean, I just assumed." I'm very proud to say my voice fits one in distress. They absolutely buy it, because the kids start sniggering and whispering. Chicken boy actually smirks, probably thinking how stupid I am. But damnit, I'm aiming for invisible, but now I just landed myself in category: MORON. Ugh, just because I'm a natural blonde, people automatically think I'm stupid. Maybe they should lay off the fairy tales a bit. My fault, though. I should've been more prepared.

Kakashi has started flipping through his role book, and scans for a new name. "Ah, you're Uzumaki Naruto." No matter how surprised the sentence is supposed to be, he absolutely isn't. "Why don't you tell the class a little about yourself?"

Class, are you surprise as I am to hear this? Because I certainly am. It was a simple question, but his voice is teasing. Ew. He wants to see what lie I will make up so in the future he can watch out for it.

Damn that guy. He could've seen me at the bar (oji-san tends to babble) or he had a little chat with the principal. He's seriously getting on my nerves! He's trying to drop the omega bomb! The bomb being me! He's the curious type, wanting to see me as I slowly slaughter everyone. But…

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto and…"

The corner of his mouth curves up higher. He must've seen the frustrated look on my face. I'm making it so that he thinks I'm getting frustrated when in fact I am distracting him so he doesn't know that there is only two seconds until the bell rings.

One, two, ding and I am saved. Kakashi looks disappointed. I bet you now he's regretting being late. He leaves, leaving me with a quick glance. He is probably the one I'm most cautious around…until the next one comes around.

Hatake Kakashi. I knew all about him, well, at least the basics. His past records show that he was always on time, but he had recently started since about five months ago. Since he was a high-class teacher, Tsunade didn't fire him. His students also have the top grades in the course.

His mask problem had started since he was twelve. No one knows why, but there were rumors saying it had to do with his dad's death. It was listed on the front page. Turns out, Kakashi's father was a well-respected man. He had owned a small, but developing business then suicide out of shame because a problem with the thingy and the boss. Whatever. I was stumped on what to do with him. He was definitely difficult and I can't do anything until I gather some more clues.

There is definitely something going on. I am going to deal with them later. Them being the principal and oji-san. Since this _is_ an elite school, the system will be hard to crack, but I've got my brains and undetectable skill. After I get my plans in order, I can swoop in for the kill.

* * *

_**Enter the Cafeteria**__**…**_

Holy shit. Heh, I mean what the hell. Really, it's like this place too is trying to set the monster in me loose. Geeks, punks, gothic, emo, rich, nerds, fangirls, all in one big rectangular room. I feel a need to light a fire and blow this place to kingdom come.

Shit! I duck as something sloppy; something that used to be part of an animal came flying over my head and hits the wall in a splat. I turn in the direction of where it came from and see something the color of pink pass by.

_**Sakura**__**…**_

A random website tells that Sakura burned the arm of a girl because she tried to ask Sasuke out. Her parents (the ones who spoiled her) covered up the incident with money. The site was made by an unknown author. It isn't traceable, but the site has been reported to be deleted after a two week warning. Nasty bullying, but it was a common thing back at my school. However, the school was dirt poor so they could only put the kid on house arrest. After that, the kids get expelled.

A janitor comes out and cleans the mess up. The tray in my hand tips to the side a bit, but I hold it still.

Habits.

Every time a mess is created, a janitor appears in a flash like somebody pushed a button for him to come out. It's awesome! No, no, no, stay on track. Some girls look at me and giggle. Either they're talking about me or they're attracted to me. I'm hoping none of them tries to confess to me. Because then I have to say no and break their hearts.

I can't help being so beautiful.

Course it's also dangerous to say no to a girl sometimes. They can become really angry by the rejection and frame you for something you didn't do. It's best to say, "Sorry, but I already have a girlfriend." And if they ask where, lie.

I know I should be interested in girls at this age, but I'm not. They're such a hassle. You have to think of them instead of just yourself. You have to remember every single day that is special to them. You have to remember their favorite food, favorite story, and so on and so on. Girlfriends are a bother to your everyday life. At least in my life. I have dated. Once. It was horrible. She (I will not name) made me pay for a movie I don't even like, food that isn't my taste, and a few toys that she had thrown out in a day. I'm not into guys either. They're about the same as girls, except more awkward and shadowy.

I am never dating again. I shall also never marry. Let someone else reproduce the earth. I'm just gonna stand on the sideline and say, "Impotent".

Now don't get any ideas.

I walk slowly so that I can look around. It's important to find the right table. Now this is actually more difficult than it looks. In the time that I'm walking, I have to find a place where I will fit so that people can leave me alone, so I have to keep a pace in my head. Also, I have to watch out for certain people, like Sakura. If I sit at their table, I will forever have to obey their every command, and I don't do any kind of slave duty. It's not like a law or anything, and it's not like I'm really going to obey them, I just don't like complications.

There's one, oh wait, Blowtorch is sitting there…all by himself. His lonely soul, may he find someone to share it with who is not me. Aha, I spot an empty table! Score! I walk over to it, but I can't look too eager. I'm almost there…just a little further.

"Ahhhh!"

Why am I screaming you ask? I tripped.

I tripped and landed right on top of a table that was right _next_ to the table that I had intended to go to. Luckily my tray didn't spill or there would've been a nasty fight. It was possible. I saw someone fight over a lemon size spill. It had landed on the kid's shoes. That school had a very strict school code and that was the very first fight that had erupted since 1987. That day had been a blessing to all of us.

Right, back to my situation. I look where I had landed and hope for the best. What I saw blew my mind away!

* * *

**Charlie:** I know I know. A cliffhanger so early in the story. It's fun to tease you guys. Seriously, it is and...I've got nothing better to do. It is summer vacation after all. I'm not posting the usual quotes in this chapter. I'll only give two and then when the next chapter rolls around, I'll do the usual. 

"All kids rebel. My way was to dye my hair half pink and half blue."

"There's not greater distance than first and second place."

That last one is true. Though I find it hard to believe that people actually go crazy over that kind of thing. Ah, it's their way of living. Please review while I go over my second chapter. Can you guys make it at least ten review? C'mon, it's only ten.


	2. My Freaks

**Charlie:** excuse me for the long wait everyone. Let us start today by doing some inventory.

**Narra:** ...why?

**Charlie:** Uh...it's for business. Here. _(hands him a piece of paper)_ I'll need you to answer all of these questions.

**Narra:** O-kay, but...

**Charlie:** Look, I'll pay you so just write.

**Narra:** Deal.

**Quotes:**

"Freedom means choices."

"A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit."

"If you wait for inspiration, you're not a writer, but a waiter."

**For Those Who Wanted to Follow a Military Career:**

"When you see a fight, rush forward to the front, divide your enemy's forces, stand before them, and get your body scarred by the deep cuts of their swords; thus your fame is pleasnt to the ear, not your body to the eye. As for you enemies, when they see you, they turn their backs, and with bodies whole and unscarredm they are pleasant to the eye, not so their shame to the ear."

"I tell you that virtue does not come from money, but that money comes from virtue, as does every other good of man, public and private."

"Without going outside, you may know the whole world  
Without looking through the window, you may see the ways of heaven  
The farther you go the less you know.  
Thus the sage knows without traveling;  
He sees without looking;  
He works without doing."

"If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character. If there is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world."

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill _

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Two: My Freaks_

* * *

I want to run! 

The table I have just landed on is full of weirdoes and rejects. I have nothing against these people. and I would sit down if they weren't so perky. Where I come from, they don't talk or look at anyone. Total silence. It was perfect.

This group looks like they haven't seen a live human in years.

The person, who tripped me, just so happens to sport a head full of bubble gum hair. Give me a pocket knife and two seconds with her. _'__Sigh__…'_ Getting up (it's rude) would mean a table full of enemies and good-bye invisibility. In the end, I have to sit down. I can literally hear Sakura smirk, but again my compliments to her. I mean, look at the distance from here to over there. That's **five** tables away!

"-Inuzuka Kiba."

I turn to the voice. It's a boy…and his little dog (I hate dogs). I'm pretty sure animals aren't allowed here, or is that his lunch? I'm just messing. But I swear if a see a knife near that dog, reputation or not, I'm getting the hell up.

If there was ever a bigger idiot, it would be this Kiba. He's bad at cheating, stealing, dating, and slow. I guess it helps that he's into animals. You know, grow up to be a veterinarian. Maybe the reason he messes up so much is because he's the only boy in the family. I don't like the idea of being surrounded by women. A guy could go insane, but in Kiba's case, he turned stupid.

Kiba's family is rich enough to afford a mansion, but not a dozen cars for each of the family members like the Uchihas. I think his family owns a zoo or something to do with keeping animals behind bars.

"Uzumaki Naruto," I say with my perfect smile.

"Yeah, we know." We as in the entire table. Oh, that's right. We're in the same class together. I sincerely hope he isn't talking about himself and the dog, though. "So, how's your first day so far? Didn't get lost getting here, did yah'?"

"Well, my day started out bad then went to worse and now it's the pits of hell. And I couldn't have gotten lost, you stupid dog-loving moron, everyone was heading in the same direction. That and I memorized the school's interior." None of those things come out of my mouth. I wish, but sadly no. Instead I say the same old boring, "Its okay, I guess."

"It's as best as they come, _kid_."

Did he just call me kid? Haha, because my hand is already a fist. I uncurl it painfully. There is a lot of unexpected people at the table.

He is staring, not into my eyes, but my face (more specifically my cheeks). Almost everyone does that at first glance. "Dude, what happened to-argh!" A kid nearby elbowed him and gave an annoyed look. "Oh, oops. Sorry," Kiba said, bowing his head in shame.

"It's ok. Car accident," I said truthfully. I had thought of saying birth defect, but that would be insulting my parents, wouldn't it? They were both very beautiful people until they "went away".

He perked up, which was something I hope he won't be doing so often. "Hey, let me introduce myself."

Sleeping Beauty over there was actually Nara Shikamaru, and also the one who elbowed Kiba, though I wish I could've done it. That's such a long long name, so I guess I'll stick with Sleeping Beauty. Or should I just call her-I mean him Beauty? There wasn't much to say about him except he was…sleeping. Pretty lazy for such a skinny guy.

His brain probably used up all the proteins since he has an IQ of over 200. Surprising, huh? When I found out I laughed. Hmm, I wonder what he's like drunk. It will be a cool thing to see. Me, I'm a mean drunk. Well, verbally, but I have been known to throw a punch or two.

The one sitting next to him was Akimichi Chouji. The two were best friends. Oooh, I see bubbly hearts (lol)! But there was a big difference between them… Chouji was FAT!

Uh…why is he looking at me?

"Someone called me the f word?" he asked, looking directly _at me_, which made everyone else look at me.

I find that disturbing.

I gave them my best 'huh?' just to make them stop. Some shook their heads at Chouji and he went back to eating. It seems that word is forbidden around our _big_ friend there. Next was a creepy guy in the corner, who Kiba introduced to be Aburame Shino.

Oh my god, is that a roach on his hand?

Ahem, I'm better off not knowing. I'm having this weird desire to spray some insecticide on him; maybe he'll shrivel up and die. Basically, he was the sanest person at the table. As long as his friends are happy, he's happy, though that big pair of sunglasses on his face is a real problem. His family specializes in insects so…he's a…bug person. Yeah, I prefer cats.

There was one more person, a girl, Hyuuga Hinata. At that moment, someone went by, bumped into her, and kept right on walking. If Kiba hadn't said something, they wouldn't even have noticed she was there. Wow, that was so cool. She's my idol! I want to be like her! Genius!

Oh, wait, it doesn't seem like she enjoys not being seen. Argh, never mind then.

She was very cute, but her eyes were extremely pale…to the point where she looks blind. I wonder if she is blind. I look at her in the eyes and she blushes deep red and turns away. I guess she can see, then. Kiba looked a little upset when Hinata blushed at me. Aww, he has a crush on her, but they so have no chance together. Hinata is too shy and Kiba is a freaka-zoid with no experience in picking up chicks. As a matter of fact, they had been going to the same school since second grade. Talk about pathetic.

Hyuuga Hinata has a social problem (as you can see). Her therapist, whom she goes to every week, can barely get anything out of her. I think she has a crush on me. After that blush, she kept sneaking peeks at me. Oh, curse this handsome face. An interesting fact is that she's part of the choir and is actually the lead singer. Imagine twenty something kids and she has to sing _above _them.

There was another Hyuuga at this school and in this lunch. What a coincidence. Oh look, he's glaring at her. With him as my cousin who needs enemies.

Hyuuga Neji. Captain of the Judo Club and in charge of the Calligraphy group in the Culture Club (yes, there is something like that in Japan).

According to…everybody, Hinata's father owns the whole Hyuuga Company, but his younger twin, Neji's father, worked _under_ him. I can see how Neji sees this as unfair. More over, Neji's grades are way better than Hinata's, yet he is not considered legitimate. Yeah, I'd be piss too.

However, it seems like Hinata dens't get any respect from her own father. She's considered a failure since she can't do anything that he expects from her. Neji's father died when he was somewhere around six. The boy was left to fend for himself in a house full of angry people.

It was said in an article that Neji attacked Hinata about a year ago. She was in a critical state and they thought she might die. Neji would've gone to juvie if not for Hinata's help. She pleaded for him 'not guilty'. A personal report said that a Kudari Tenten was there in time to stop Neji.

The girl, Tenten, was about fifteen feet away. She is a member of the Tennis Team, in charge of the Yearbook, and is the Sports Writer for the School's Newspaper. Neji and she might have some sort of a relationship in the past, and I don't think she could've taken Neji. In fact, he could've taken them both (including Hinata, who is a black belt, I think) on, having a ninth dan (rank) in Judo. That's good considering, there have only been fifteen people awarded with tenth dans in the history of Judo.

I'm hearing conspiracy here.

At the table, one kid was the weirdest of them all. Bushy eyebrows (Blowtorch could use some of that), ugly green clothes, and a very loud voice. If it was morning and I had just woken up, I would've knocked his lights out. Rock Lee, the hero of the Track Team. Nothing special about him, just really energetic. Gai, sponsor for the Track Team, trains him personally. Lee got his personality from Gai, and unfortunately, his sense of style, as well.

And that was that.

I made friends with them and the boy, Kiba, won't stop talking to me for some reason. He went on and on about something that I can't even bother to remember. My day was horrible and it isn't even the fking ending yet!

I passed my days by observing the kids. Blowtorch hates the Chicken who hates Neji. It was hard to miss with the go-to-hell looks they were giving each other. There's a whole lot of hate going around.

My head leans to the side as I look at the blonde girl next to Sakura. From the vibe I'm getting they were suppose to be at each other's throat, but here they were, laughing and talking together.

"Kiba, what is the relationship between Sakura and the blonde?"

"Oh, they're best friends," he said with no hint of knowing what's going on.

I said nothing. That didn't discourage Kiba from continuing his one-sided conversation. Yamanaka Ino: Editor of the School's Newspaper, which mean she gets the dirt on everyone first. Her family owns a few plantations and such. Neither a very big family, nor a large amount of money, but that's not really the point here.

Unspoken love, pure hatred, misunderstandings, emotional scars... I wonder if any of their parents know how messed-up their kids are.

* * *

I had never met the principal before and I thought I should make my acquaintance. Oji-san said her name was Tsunade, and if I'm guessing right, she should already know who I am. I walked right by past the secretary, not caring about her being in my way. One shove and out of the way she went. Well, I didn't really shove her. She tripped. 

"Hey, you can't go in there!"

Oh, just watch me, Lady!

"It's-!"

I forced the door open and slam it behind me. All I heard was the word 'lock'. There was a sound of a piece of metal dropping. Must be the doorknob.

"N-Naruto!" Tsunade tried to push the cans of beers under her desk unsuccessfully, seeing as how there were already piles of them there. I'm guessing she had been drinking for about an hour. Too bad she didn't die, we'd be better off.

"Good to see you, too," I didn't try to hide my face in front of her. There wasn't any point in lying to her. To others yes, but not to her. I clear a small spot on her desk and sat on it, facing her. "You can start explaining now," I said as kindly as possible.

She tried as best as she can to make an innocent face, but on her, it looked flirty. "Oh, Naruto, I don't kno-."

"Cut the crap. Oji-san may own some sort of property, but he isn't exactly rich enough for this place. What exactly are you two planning? Or to be more exact, what kind of deal did you two make?"

"Naruto, we aren't planning anything. We just want what's best for you." _Still _with the acting!?

"See, I knew you would say that, so…" I put the phone on speaker and dial a number.

"Hello?"

Tsunade's hand was twitching to turn off the phone, but a pair of scissors lay right in front of me. It wasn't exactly intentional, but she knew what would happen if she reached forward.

"Hello, oji-san. How are you doing?"

There was a nervous pause on his part. I made sure my voice sounded as unpleasant as possible so he knows how I'm feeling. He didn't need to tell me what he was feeling because that was a rhetorical question. To hell with his feelings.

"N-Naruto, i-is something…wrong?" He is hoping to dear god there wasn't, isn't he?

"You bet there is, oji-san. Because do you know what I just thought of?"

"W-What?" He didn't want to ask, but he had to. Because I command it.

"Your stuttering and _Tsunade__'__s_ stuttering just confirmed to me that you two are in a…what is the word:.. conspiracy. Now, if I hear one more, 'I don't know what you're talking about' or my favorite, 'Naruto, how dare you talk to me like that?' and I will come over there right now to tell you how _I_ feel about all of this. So now, let's save everybody the trouble of getting hospitalized and talk. Oji-san, you can go first."

Again, another pause. He was thinking of some plan, but he's never been good with…thinking.

"T-Tsunade?"

Told yah'.

I tap my nose at Tsunade and pointed to the phone. She smirks, but kept her mouth shut. She had already given up on trying to fool me since two answers ago. "Oji-san, she's not going to help you. She's on my side now. Come on, I'm waiting."

"Hehe, N-Naruto, you know Oji-san never meant to-."

I growl and bang my fist down. "Talk, damn it!"

"Ok ok, geez. Tsunade wanted some help. If you've noticed, her students aren't exactly 'happy'." The answer was said really fast and that was about all I can decipher. I focused on the 'help' part.

"But… I think you're wrong about something." They both waited for me to continue. It's like I'm the teacher and they're the brats. "She _needed_ help, she doesn't want it," I confirmed. I smile at Tsunade's unhappy face. She's easy to rile. "And why would you think I have the answer to your problem, Tsunade?"

It was Tsunade's time to talk. "Your uncle told me you're obsessive compulsive."

"Tsunade!" hissed the very pissed-off and nervous person over the phone.

"Oh, did he now?" You just wait till I get home, oji-san!

"Oops, I wasn't supposed to tell him that, was I? Sorry. It slipped" She didn't look sorry, in fact, she's looks like she's enjoying it.

"You did that on purpose!"

"Well…you owe me a door!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

I broke it up by whistling really loud into the speaker phone. I heard my uncle fall off a chair or something, but he got back up. "Will you two shut it already? I broke Tsunade's door. You don't need to know the details. All I came in here for is answers, and I want them! If I hear anymore talk about something other than what I want to hear, you two are not going to see tomorrow! Understand?"

Tsunade closed her mouth and there wasn't a peep from my uncle.

"Let's go back to the question."

My oji-san answered this one through and clear. "You are very observant when it comes to people."

DUH.

"It's very hard for _us_ to figure out what they're thinking, so we want you to go in and help them. Also, the place has a high level of educational classes."

I nodded slowly to what he was saying. "Two birds with one stone, huh?" Oji-san has this idea that I need to learn everything needed and more. He sent me to a karate class by blackmailing the instructor, an old friend of his. He didn't stop until I actually learned a few moves. Talk about embarrassment. I had to learn from the same instructor, thank god he was nice. It wasn't even bad compared to the time he took me to a restaurant to learn cooking by giving the owner coupons to a famous strip club (or as they like to be called exotic paradise). Good thing is, since I learned that, I'm able to make one hell of a drink. I'm his best worker, so he'd better show me some respect!

"I'm welling to help."

"WHAT?" they shouted, looking worried and relieved at the same time. I don't say those words very often, so it must mean something serious. They were right.

"However…" I rub my hands together, laughing.

Tsunade scooted her chair away, a freaked expression on her face. My uncle could only hear me laughing, but I'm betting he has the same look on his face.

* * *

A minute later I walk out of her office with a pair of special keys and scan card in my hands. I had remembered to ask them what the school's name was. They seemed quite shock by it too, but as long as I had my answer, I didn't really care. 

Konoha High School.

Ahem, there were three conditions to my service.

They were to pay me for each person I help. I'm not going to say how much, but you can be sure that grin on my face (a rare event) isn't there for nothing. Also, my every action (no matter what) was to be excused. It wasn't much, considering I've never been caught red-handed before. See the way I put my words. People knew I did it, but they can never seem to find any evidence (muhahahaha!).

The room wasn't hard to find. I just had to find a door with the words DO NOT TRESPASS. They might as well have put, 'Looky here, everyone, I have secrets in here! Come in, come in!' I scan the card, which shut the alarm off, and opened the door with the key.

Closing it behind me, I look around the dusty room. The third condition was to give me free access to the school's system and equipments.

Of course, I'm not stupid enough not to have all of this on paper. And on tape, but they don't need to know about that part.

Ding Dong! Another class is starting. Hah, like I care. Tsunade'll take care of it. Did I mention the penalty for violating the contract was my permission to control their lives and they have to do whatever I say? Sadly, they don't know about that part either nor the part where I secretly get them to sign it.

Now the students. Let's think of the school like Europe. Each of these kids is a king or queen in their own little castle, which means they are in charge of the whole student body. If I can change each and every one of them, the people of the land shall also change. The problem is how; I have to go at it quietly.

Before I left, Tsunade said, _"__Naruto, I do need your help, but be careful in the problems you cause. There is a limit to my power.__"_

You may think she cares about me in the way that sentence was laid out, but let me break it down.

"Naruto" – Stupid Brat

"I do need your help" – I don't _beep beep_ want your help!

"But be careful in the problems you cause" – Cover up your damn tracks because if anything gets back to me (implying police), I will… Yeah, it just ends there. Mysterious and deadly.

"There is a limit to my power" – HAH, I WILL LAUGH WHEN YOU'RE A$$ GETS BUSTED!

Yes, she's too kind. I just have to see about tomorrow. It might really suck and I'll probably explode, _but_…_**I will**__** definitely kill them before they rat me out**_ (hahahahaha!).

ACHOO! Haven't Tsunade ever clean this place out? I actually touched a paper and it crumpled to dust.

* * *

**Narra:** _(being rush out the door)_ So...you need me to buy milk? 

**Charlie:** Yes. Lots and lots of milk. _(pushes him out the door and lock it)_ Ladies, yes you. There has been a few fans of Narra and I thought 'what do fans need'. So I came up with this. _(holds up the "inventory" paper)_ This is Narra's profile _and_ some of the things he didn't write. It's all in the magic.

**Name:** Narra _(find out why on chapter 3 of My Crazy Secretary)_

**Birthday:** December 22, 2005

**Place of Birth:** Perkosin Studio

**Age:** 1 year _(looks 23)_

**Hair:** Black

**Eyes:** Hazel blue

**Bloodtype:** BO

**Height:** 5 ft. 10 in.

**Weight:** 68.6 kg.

**Allergies: **alligators

**Hobbies:** arguing with Charlie, collects pencils

**Likes:** gothic lolita clothes, turkey sandwich, time traveling, quietness

**Dislikes:** crazy fans, rap music, needles, the fact that his hair color was actually made after Sasuke, did not celebrate birthday last year, Charlie completely ignores him while writing, Charlie leaving him in the "closed" studio

**Secrets:** had a nightmare where turtles ruled the world, isn't allergic to alligators but rather goats, once left the studio without Charlie's permission to buy a CD, once ate Charlie's pie, wish hair was longer, reads Cosmo

**Occupation:** a member of the Conversation, once a narrator for MCS, creation by Charlie

**Location:** Perkosin Studio

**Quotes:**

"A clever man builds a city, A clever woman lays on low;  
With all her qualifications, that clever woman  
Is but an ill-omened bird."

"The road to success is always under construction."

"Dipomacy is the act of letting someone else gets your way."

"Life is not so much a matter of position as of disposition."

_Delirium is the youngest of the Endless. She smells of sweat, sour wines, late nights, old leather. Her realm is close and can be visited; however human minds were not made to comprehend her domain, and those few who have made the journey have been incapable of reporting back more than the tiniest fragments._

_The poet Coleridge claimed to have known her intimately, but the man was an inveterate liar and in this, as in so much, we must doubt his word._

_Her appearance is the most variable of all the Endless, who, at best, are ideas cloaked in the semblace of flesh. her shadow's shape and outline has no relationship to that of any body she wears, and it is tangible like old velvet._

_Some say the tragedy of Delirium is her knowledge that, despite being older than suns, older than gods, she is forever the youngest of the Endless, who do not measure time as we measure time, or see the worlds through mortal eyes._

_Others deny this, and say that Delirium has no tragedy, but here they speak without reflection._

_For Delirium was once Delight. And although that was long ago now, even today her eyes are badly matched: one eye is a vivid emerald green, spattered with silver flecks that move. The other eye is vein blue._

_Who knows what Delirium sees, through her mismatched eyes? _


	3. My Home

**Assumption of Risk and Release.** I am aware that ice skating involves **inherent risks**, **dangers**, and **hazards** which can result in **serious personal injury** or **death**. I hereby **freely assume** and **accept** any and all known and **unknown risks** **of injury** while skating at this ice arena and release owner, its management company, their affiliates, subsidaries, successors and assigns from any **liability** whatsoever for **bodily injury** or **property damage** resulting from any **negligent acts** and omissions in the design, supervision and maintenance of the ice arena. _  
_

**Narra:** I though ice skating is suppose to be fun for the family.

**Charlie:** Well...it was. Apparently people are more clumsy than I thought.

**Narra:** ...it's a death chamber hidden by pretty snowflakes and cool musics.

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Three: My Home_

* * *

After school was probably the worst part of this awful day. The sun was burning through my skin, blisters and everything. My sunburns were turning to scabs. Ok, so it wasn't _that_ bad, but it was definitely hot. Oji-san was supposed to pick me up; it's his duty as my guardian, after all. When the cars in the parking lot were almost gone, I called him up. Turns out, he had _forgotten_ about having to take me home. I hung up on him because if I kept hearing his voice go through my ear, I might run all the way home _just_ to land one punch on him. 

Well, he said he was on his way. He had been really busy with the bar lately anyway so I guess I'll excuse him _this time_. This reminds me of kindergarten…somewhat.

**Eleven Years Ago****…**

"NOOO, DON'T LEAVE ME! PLEEEASE!" Early workers turn to see what the problem was and they tried not to sweatdrop all over the clean floor with what they saw.

A baby-face Naruto was rolling his eyes as his pleading uncle, Jiraiya, clung to him. Naruto was going to school, his first day of kindergarten, but his uncle, for some unknown reason, didn't want him to go. Jiraiya was the one who had _insisted_ he go, but now Naruto knew he was just bluffing.

"STAY WITH ME! WE'LL START AGAIN IN FIVE OR TEN YEARS! PLEEASE NARU-CHAN!" Naruto was trying to walk, but the weight of his uncle's overgrown body dragged him down.

"OJI-SAN!" His voice stopped Jiraiya's cries momentarily. "Look, I'll be back around 12:30, so we can see each other then. Just remember to pick me up and have a snack ready on the counter, ok?" Naruto tried to back away as he was met with a trembling face before his uncle burst into even _more _tears.

"AHH, THAT'S THE SAME THING YOUR OTOU-SAN SAID! BEFORE HE GOT LOST! WAAAHHHAAA!"

Jiraiya's young employees watched with amusement and somewhere between shock and confusion as their boss shook his head with tears still rolling down his eyes. They wonder if they should really be working here in such an…insecure environment.

Naruto gave Jiraiya a stern look. The older and much larger man reluctantly let him go, but he was still on his knees. Naruto sighed and patted his oji-san on the head, promising to be safe.

Back to the present:

Otou-san did not get lost, at least not on his own. Oji-san had driven to some kid's school and otou-san was forced to walk home in the rain. That was exactly how otou-san and I had gotten lost. You think oji-san would've learned by now, but noooo.

That's why I forced him to get a car with a GPS chip and an emergency number in case something happens.

Then, on my second day of kindergarten, _he_ wouldn't go home. He was so worried that he decided to stay there with me _and_ the teacher let him. Ah, but now he's gotten clever. He doesn't get lost that often anymore, but now he knows that he's supposed to be in charge of this whole guardian/child thing. I did the job so much better than him.

There were about three cars left in the parking lot. A black something, and others. I didn't care much about cars, only that it got me from point A to point B. I can see the license plate from where I was sitting. The numbers were so familiar, but whose was it? I saw it when I was hacking into the school's computer. Apparently everyone here has a car or a limo. But this car…should I be concern about it? It was like a nagging feeli-.

Thud! Are my senses fooling me or did someone just drop a book on my head?

"I'm sorry." I recognize the voice. It was cold and distant with a hint of roughness.

…damn. It was _Sasuke__'__s_ car…and the book. I pick up the book, and for a moment I wonder if I should turn around to look at him or not. If I don't turn around, I might catch his interest as in why-didn't-you-turn-around-and-look-at-me crap. I kept my eyes at a semi-ground level and pass him the book.

"No problem." Yes, there is a problem! Not only was that a book, but it's a _dictionary_! Who carries a dictionary around? This guy is more of a nerd than I thought. Did you know he's the captain of the Karate Club with a ninth kyu (lame), Class President (lame-o), in charge of the Culture Clubs (loser), an A student…with honors, one heck of a painter, _and_ plays multiple instruments? I should tell him he's a nerd. No, I can't. I like to tell people off, but I rather not have the attention all over me.

"You're not going home?" I think he was more shocked to have said it than me having to hear it. Guess he's never asked a question of concern before. He was different from Gaara. The Blowtorch didn't know anything about life. He's uneducated in both love and fun. This guy didn't know fun, but he knows love. A common theme for rich people.

"I'm waiting for my oji-san," I said, sounding both polite and happy that he, Uchiha Sasuke, actually talked to me. Oh, gag me. He made a grunt, or some unworldly noise, and walked to his car. I forced myself to keep the happy face on before I disappeared entirely in his rear view mirror.

"Of course, I'm going home, you Chicken! Not everyone likes to stay at school like _you _do!" Well, I said that all in my head in case someone was around the corner.

* * *

The ride home was uncomfortable…for oji-san. He keeps thinking that I'm going to hit him. I had only reached forward to turn on the radio and he almost killed someone! What's up with that? It's not like I'm not enjoying it, but if he pass one more red light… 

"Oops."

That's it! I lift my leg and slam it on the break. It's kinda tricky since I'm not the one driving. "I'm not going to hurt you."

He looked relieved enough to start driving.

"Until you do something wrong again." I couldn't help myself. It was fun while it lasted, but then we were back to breaking the law. Funny, he's driving like a maniac and I don't hear one siren. He can be my partner in crime when I decide to rob a bank (hehe, joking).

I made him stop the car and took out the contract. "Can you sign this?" I made sure I sound a bit angry. He made some swiggly line (his name) and….and I was happy. I love parents, but I don't like how I have to get their consent for doing things. I could fake their signatures, but I've never liked doing that. That's another funny thing. How I can scar another human being for life, but I can't fake my parent's signature.

When we got to the bar, it was close to opening. I waved to the few workers that were already there. "Oji-san, I'm going to work at the bar tonight," I informed him.

"Huh? Oh, ok," he was busy checking something on a clipboard, but then he whirled on me. "Wait, what? You can't work at the bar."

I look at him like he was joking. "Oh, then the two years I've been standing behind that counter must've just been my imagination." I watch him narrow his eyes and purse up his lips.

"Ochi's going to be here tonight, and I don't want him anywhere near you," he said protectively.

I scoffed. Ochi officially stands for Orochimaru, a regular customer here at the bar, and he's taken an interest in me. It's not like I can't drop kick him every time he tries to flirt, but oji-san had said it'll be bad for S7's reputation. So I've either been avoiding the guy, up in my locked room, or I just get him really drunk and secretly throw him out back. Hey, I am not cruel. That man is all touchy-feely, and no, he has never touched me. If he had, do you think he still be coming here? He tried once (it was an accident, he said). Yeah, just like how the counter door almost slammed on his fingers.

I grabbed my snack he had left for me and made my way upstairs. "A Guava this time, eh? You're too kind," I said before closing the door. The good thing about this bar is…I have my own floor. See, this place has exactly third floors to it. Not very big according to me. Oji-san was afraid some people get really drunk and they can't drive home, so he lets them sleep on the second floor…after seeing how much they had in their wallet.

The stairway to the floor where I and oji-san sleeps has a door. I can lock it so that Ochi-bastard won't be able to get in. Well, I didn't have to lock it at first, but ever since he started coming here, I had to. Man, if only I had a rich girlfriend, then she can teach that man a lesson or two. Too bad though, Orochimaru works for the Uchiha, so only they can control him. Yeah, like the Uchiha would come-. Hahaha, I just had a brilliant idea! I go to the same school as Chick- or Uchiha (whatever!). If I can think of a plan to get him here, everything's solved. Oh, and I have to get that bastard totally wasted!

A-And…they might even fire him!

_YAWN_! I need sleep right now. World domination can wait until I'm rested. I set the alarm for an hour. I still have to go down later.

RING! You know how it just seems like you closed your eyes and the alarm is ringing a second later? Well, that's not the case here. I accidentally turned it backwards.

RING! Ugh, I don't want to get up! But I got up and automatically fix my hair and whatever's needed. I went down and saw Iruka carry a girl up to one of the room.

"Naruto." He looked kind of tired from having to lift the girl. "Your oji-san said not to go down there."

I sigh in irritation. One, for having to wake up and two, because of my oji-san. "Since when have I ever listened to him?" I continue down and when I open the door, scents of candle perfume (to block out the alcohol smell) hit my nose. It wasn't too bad. Oji-san went to a beauty school and learned how to make the perfume just right. It saves money on having to buy the expensive cologne. And I never let him live it down that he actually went to a beauty school. It wasn't that big a deal, but it always turns him red. Quite a color to go with that white hair.

I spot Orochimaru not too far away. I wonder if I can sneak behind the counter and probably wear a mask to hide my face. No, too identifiable. I guess it's the old fashion way.

"Naruto-kun," came the slimy voice of hell.

I smiled and began mixing up a drink. "Good evening, Orochimaru-san." I watched for his long curly fingers. It might reach over the counter and I don't want to have to chop it. Finishing the drink, I pass it to him. "I made this especially for you." My voice had to sound really sweet, like honey. I'm disgusted with myself too, but he went out like a light after gulping it down. I glance around then quickly took out some money from his wallet. I smirk as hundreds looked up at me. I snapped my fingers for someone to come over. "Take him out back." When he was gone, I pour myself a glass. I had just barely sipped it.

"Ahem!"

Bothersome oji-san. I opened my mouth and the liquid dripped back out into the cup. "It's soda."

"Then why did you spit it back out?"

Oh. I was about to drink it again, but he took it from me and sniffed.

"Soda that smell like beer?"

I turned around quickly and snatch the tiny cup from his fingers. Gulping it down, wincing a bit at the taste, I said, "It's a new product." Oops, he has on his serious look. "Or they lied."

"I thought I told you not to come down here." His parent voice was right on schedule. I once told him that I didn't have to listen to him because he wasn't my _real_ father. It was one of my moments, but he didn't stop crying for a week. Of course, the tears only lasted a day or two. I was glad because I didn't like seeing him crying. Bad for business, you know. _Then _I found out it wasn't because he stopped crying. His eyes were too dehydrated to produce any tears. We sure did spend a lot of money on eye drops that week.

"Don't you think maybe you're thinking too much?" I gesture to his head.

"Naruto." Uh-oh, he crossed his arms. That's never a good sign.

I put down the bottle of liquor and begin to make my way to the door. I turned around just to stick my tongue out at him.

"I saw that!"

I quickly retract it and zoom out of there. Orochimaru won't fall for that trick again. Actually….I had been doing that for about a month. Why the hell does he keep coming? Oh no, don't tell me he got raped and thought it was me. Or it could be that he's masochistic and enjoys the feeling of waking up from underneath a rockslide.

I had actually locked him out the backdoor once, but there was also a front door so he was able to get back in. By that time, however, I was already up in my room. The next time I come down there, he might do something drastic. But hey, black belt bouncers and there's a dumpster out back.

* * *

My hand slammed on the alarm clock, shutting it up. I went to the restroom first before going across the hall to oji-san's room. My oji-san really is something else. He can wake up earlier than anyone else every year when I start the first day of school, but then he sleeps like a log the next. I walk in and see only a big fat lump on the bed. "Oi, get up." 

He stirs a little, but then lays still. He was lying on his back, legs spread open. I pick up a shoe nearby and threw it as hard as I can. Ok, one thing you need to know about me. In reality, I have a very bad aim. It hit him right in between the thingy with the ding dong. He sat straight up and I ran for it.

"NARUTO!" Oji-san may be old, but that didn't stop him from trying to run me down with his gigantic body. That isn't the first time he's tried to do that.

I duck as various things were thrown my way. I only had time to snatch up a toast and put on half of my jacket. I managed to grabbed the keys by the counter and wave them above my shoulders. "Oji-san, I'm going to borrow your car, ok?"

"WHAT? HELL NO!"

Too bad, I was already in the car. "Ah, Oji-san, stop banging on the windows. You wouldn't want to pay for it if it breaks." I turn the ignition on and drove up. Thump! I glance up at the car roof. You have got to be kidding me. Did he just jump on the car?! I slam on the brake and watch my Oji-san's face slide over the glass. Wow, he looks really angry…in a squished kind of manner. I reverse to get him completely off before driving away. I can still hear him yelling.

"ONE DENT AND I'M SENDING YOU TO HELL! OH, MY BABY! MY BAAAAABY! WHY DID I EVER TEACH YOU TO DRIVE? I SHOULD'VE CRIPPLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE! KILL THEM YOUNG I SAY! KILL THEM YOUNG!"

Ok, I may be evil, but that right there is just wrong. What's he talking about, cripple? Che, he should be glad _I_ hadn't broken _his_ leg.

* * *

I left the car at a supermarket a couple blocks down. I really don't need Sakura to see it and make jokes. She still owes me two punches, by the way. I counted the days when I can actually go to receive my payment. 

There aren't many people there at this time. School doesn't start till 8:30, but Kakashi comes in around 10:45. I checked his sign-in sheet. There are some days that he actually comes in on time. I can't be late or really early. I imagined the scenes.

_I walk in just right before Kakashi and Sakura smirks._

"_Look, it__'__s the teacher__'__s pet. What you do, Naruto? Wait at the gate until he came? Such a good little puppy you are.__"_

Everyone laughs. Here's another one.

_I walk in early and sit down. When the others arrive, Sakura was the first to comment. _

"_Aww, look at sweet little Naruto. He wants to make a good impression for Kakashi-sensei. Don__'__t worry, Naru-chan, this isn__'__t a graded assignment.__"_

The last one was a little weird, but everyone will laugh just to make Sakura feel good about herself. I reckon she already knows about her forehead and must've spent hours on the perfect outfit alone. She cares too much about her appearance. Well, she has to…with that dashboard on the top of her head. Maybe I should stop, there are only so many jokes you can make about someone's forehead. Now if it had a nice oozy red pimple in the middle of it, that…t-that (shudders) would be so gross. In a cool way.

Hmm, I'll come in when a few people are already there. Even with no seating chart, everyone has their own VIP area. Yesterday, I spent all day in (dramatic music) "the Room". I have all of my classmates' schedules and activities listed. I feel like such a stalker.

I need a little work to do first. That would be my locker. There aren't any locks and if bullying shall occur, I don't want caterpillars to come crawling out of my shoes. Believe me that has happened before. I install a home-made cylinder lock _inside_. Here's the trick. A piece of magnet is inside the turning thingy and all I need to do is take my own little piece of magnet and voila! Smart, ne?

And now, my school day is pretty boring so I'll get right to the point. Tsunade called me to her office.

"Naruto, I have another request."

It must've been very important for her to personally ask me. "That sounded painful."

She grinned and bears it. Passing a paper to me, she attempted to speak. "The teachers…c-can you…I'll pay…but-."

"You want me to help the teachers too and you'll even pay me for it," I said for her. "It's not that hard to say." But she was a person of pride so I guess it was hard for her. "But?"

"But don't go overboard. I still need them to teach."

I made a snapping sound with my mouth. I'll get pay more, but with what she's already giving me, I can make use of it so… "No."

* * *

Throughout my waiting for the ding dong bell, I thought about why she wanted me to help the teachers. Sure, they're a little weird, but nothing serious is going on. Maybe I should check that over in (again music) "the Room". 

The paper she had given me were names of major teachers, really famous throughout the school. It wasn't like they were super smart (a few were), but it appears they left an impression on the students. Throughout the day, I spent hours (that means I skipped class) searching on the computer. I wanted every bits of information before I can confirm what I can do.

The list went like this

1) Maito Gai

2) Hatake Kakashi

3) Morino Ibiki

4) Yuhi Kurenai

5) Tenzo Yamato

6) Sarutobi Asuma

I feel like an assassin getting his next hits. And..I have all of these teachers. And when I realized that, another thing came to mind. She purposely gave me these teachers so I can observe them better. Somehow she knew she could bribe me with money. Why that bit-.

Ring ding dong! Ring a ding ding ding dong!

Oh, the new school bell.

…………………

"….turtles…stink….had…basement…" Kiba's voice is beyond annoying. It has been hours. _**Hours!**_ I had to listen to his voice for hours! And I am ready to do some beating!

I turn to him and attempt a smile. It's me giving him a chance to live. "Uh…Kiba, you might want to back-."

"Kiba!" called Shino.

"Hold on a sec," said the dog boy then he ran off. I sigh inwardly with relief. Man, I was about to-. Ahem, it was nothing.

I went to see Tsunade during lunch time. By some room, I heard her voice so I turned the corner and there she was scolding a boy for skipping class (what a loser, getting caught like that). Walking closer, I notice that the boy was scared. Well, Tsunade did have a (sort of) mean look on her face. She wasn't like that when I was in her office the first time. Ah, but I'm different.

"Oh, Naruto." She place a hand to her forehead, patting away the stress. This boy must've skipped a lot. "Can you do something about this boy? He's such a pain, never listen to what I say." The boy was awe that she was asking a sixteen-year-old for help.

For a tiny instance, I took off my mask and stare at him directly in the eye. "_**Don**__**'**__**t. Skip.**_"

He froze at me and my scary words with lots of threats to back it up. He nodded and ran off. That's good, right?

I turn to Tsunade and she looked freak, almost like the boy, but maybe paler. I'm sure the boy was paler, like Chicken. Speaking of which, both him and Sakura completely ignored me today, but I think it's because I'm seeing them less today. They didn't bother me at all.

"What was that about?" Oh, right, Tsunade.

"You told me to help. I helped." I shrugged at her expression. "Let's talk."

Once we were safe in her office, I dropped the details. "I will do it, but adults will cost more."

Again her shock face appears before me. "You're going to take money from a lady? How shameful!"

I slam the paper down. "You're hardly a lady and yes, I will. Service has to be pay. I'm not going to do this for free. And it's not shameful, since you're only giving me a small hole in your pocket (implying that Tsunade is richer then everyone thinks)." I hand her a pen. "Go on, write."

She scribbles a few words down and gave it back to me.

1) Maito Gai _Too energetic in the morning _

2) Hatake Kakashi _Always late_

3) Morino Ibiki _Just for fun_

4) Yuhi Kurenai _Sarutobi_

5) Tenzo Yamato _Workaholic _

6) Sarutobi Asuma _Kurenai_

I can do that.

* * *

Tsunade 

Jiraiya

I grinned as I add those two to my list. I'll do them for free, and I'll enjoy it. Oh, I don't care about them; it's for my own personal pleasure. Now since today was such a nice day, I thought I ought to start on **P**roject **E**rase **R**ash **F**acial **E**ffect **C**oming **T**oward **K**onoha **I**diots' **L**azy **L**umps (**P.E.R.F.E.C.T. K.I.L.L.**).

Through the midst of planning how I'm going to go about this, I worry about my teachers. As you can see, I haven't been going to class. Oh, well. I'll start with the best target. He will be a great support for me in the future. That person is….

* * *

**Health and Safety Precautions Booklet**

**Read the following warnings before you or your child play video games. If this product will be used by young children, this manual should be read and explained to them by an adult. Failing to do so may cause injury.**

Some people (about 1 in 4000) may have seizures or blackouts triggered by light flashes or patterns.

Anyone who has had a seizure, loss of awareness, or other symptom linked to an epileptic condition should consult a doctor before playing a video game.

Parents should watch when their children play video games. Stop playing and consult a doctor if you or your child have any of the following symptoms:

**Convulsions  
Altered vision  
Eye or muscle twitching  
Involuntary movements  
Loss of awareness  
Disoritentation**

To reduce the likelihood of a seizure when playing video games:

1) Sit or stand as far from the screen as possible  
2) Play video games on the smallest available television screen.  
3) Do not play if you are tired or need sleep.  
4) Play in a well-lit room.  
5) Take a 10 to 15 minute break every hour.

**Charlie:** _(after reading the manual, looks at Narra)_ Uh-huh.

**Narra:** I was just going to play Touch the Dead. I didn't think they were serious!

**Message:** The health and precautions above are actually true. Purchase the game if you don't believe it.

**Quotes:**

"Sometimes, perhaps, one must change or die. And in the end, there were, perhaps, limits to how much one can let himself change."

"A cold heart is a dead heart."

"Kill a man...you're a murderer; kill a million...you're a king. All of them...a god."

"And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty, and beauty stayed his hand. And from that day forth, he was as one dead."

"One owes respect to the living. To the dead one owes only the truth."

"Childhood is over the moment you know you're going to die."

"A grown man who runs around the city dressed as a bat clearly has issues."

"Be content with what you are, and wish not change; nor dread your last day, nor long for it."

"When the fox hears the rabbit screams, he comes running, but not to help."

"Take comfort in knowing you never had a choice."

"When everybody is somebody, then no one's anybody."

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter."

"I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland."

"I do not want people to be agreeable, as ti saves me the trouble of liking them."

"When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane."

"Sometimes it's easier livin' the lie."

"It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us."


	4. My Move

**Narra:** You have mail.

**Charlie:** _(busy writing)_ Read it to me.

**Narra:** ...your beta quit. You either have really bad luck or something along the line of 'you're screw'.

**Charlie:** _(growls)_ Send out the notice! I need a new beta!

**Narra:** Do you even really need a beta?

**Charlie:** _(thinks about it)_ I don't think so, but I still have some grammar pro-.

**Narra:** Yeah, everyone noticed. The point is I'm thinking maybe you can..._not_ have a beta.

**Charlie:** Why?

**Narra:** I am your alter ego! I do _not_ like sharing!

**Charlie:** ...

**Quotes:**

"In my time nightmares walked among us, walked and danced, skewering victims in plain sight, laying their fears and worst desires out for everyone to see. This... to make us laugh. And now nightmares are trapped inside the heads of humans... pitiful echoes of themselves. I wonder whom they angered so to merit such a fate."

"When surrows come, they come not in single spies, but in battalions. I've allies in heaven, I've comrades in hell... say hello for me. . ."

"Seven blackbirds in a tree, count them and see what they be. One for surrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret that's never been told."

"You won't have eyes tonight. You won't have ears or a tongue. You will wander the underworld, blind, deaf, and dumb, and all the dead will know: This is Hector, the fool who thought he killed Achilles."

**Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.  
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,  
talented and fabulous?  
Actually, who are you not to be?  
You are a child of God.  
Your playing small does not serve the world.  
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other  
People won't feel insecure around you.  
We were born to make manifest the glory of  
God that is within us.  
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  
And as we let our own light shine,  
we unconsciously give other people  
permission to do the same.  
As we are liberated from our own fear,  
Our presence automatically liberates others.**

"Peace is a dynamic process of nonviolent social interaction that results in security for all members of a society."

"We are raised in the United States of America to believe that our government is the strongest in the world, that as Americans we are basically protected, and that our country is basically good."

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Four: My First Move_

* * *

His IQ is way beyond my reach so I have to use…I can't use my head. Wait, I have to use me head. Hmm, what should I do? A message, I can send him that, but what should be in the message? I can't use ethos, he isn't exactly the emotional type. Pathos just too desperate and…crispy. Logos would be a dead-end. I can use all three. 

Use pathos to write a logo and create ethos. Genius! Now all I have to figure out is what the hell I just said.

Oji-san knew better then let me call him more than twice. He woke up instantly at the first call; memories of yesterday reminding him of pure pain. Everything went normally until we were driving and he knew it was safe to the point that I wouldn't dare jump out. "Orochimaru's asking for you."

"So?" Why does everyone make it into such a big deal? I don't want to have to dye my hair brown and wear contacts because of it. It's not like Orochimaru would kidnap and rape me (wouldn't put it past him though). I don't like talking about things like that. It's only more for oji-san to think about. His business is doing good and all, but with the Uchiha's rat boy on my hind, it's difficult for him not to get distracted. "Beside, if your business fails, I won't have a place to sleep. You need to take care of me."

He gave me a puzzle look and I sent him a small 'oops'. I had meant that to be a thought, but me kinda needed him to know that too.

He scoffs and purposely drove just a little closer to the lane beside the bridge, knowing I hate it. "Why did I raise such a selfish kid like you?" His voice wasn't serious, but he seems to have regrets after having said that. Don't know why.

_In Jiraiya's head, "Aww, he cares about me!_ (somewhere hidden among the harsh words, he finds concern)_ I shouldn't have said that! I'm going to make him cry!"_

It was true he needed to take care of me. Why? Because it was his job the second he wrote his initials above the word _'guardian'_. And it was also true that I wouldn't have a place to sleep if that happened. Hello, I'm only saying the truth here.

I narrow my eyes at him dangerously. "Go back in." There was a threat hanging loosely behind that statement.

He absolutely didn't want to find out so he drove back to the middle lane. "Che, I just don't want you crying all over me."

"Oh, you mean like you did at the age of 45."

He glare at me and didn't say anything, partly because it was true. Hey, I wasn't kidding about kindergarten. A true story that will one day end up on the front page of a newspaper.

His mood quickly changes and settles on a different matter. "I'm buying dinner tonight. What would you like?"

"Anything. I'm happy as long as you stay out of the kitchen." I had been cooking for him since I could walk, that's how bad he is. Oh, but his pride would not save him the embarrassment. Oh no, it has to speak and speak it shall!

"I am not that bad."

My lips could not resist quirking up into a smirk. "You almost blew up the kitchen. The whole city was on high alert because the government thought a terrorist set off a bomb. And you know what the whole irony of this is?" He opened his mouth to argue back, but I shush him. "_**You were boiling water!**_"

I still remember that day as the most embarrassing day of my primary years.

…………………….

Naruto, not much older than ten, was walking home when he heard sirens coming from afar. He quickly noticed it was going toward his oji-san's place and started running towards the smoke. When he got there, his mind was baffle with so many questions. Never had he seen so many fire trucks, police cars, or even secret agent (who weren't really all that secret). He speed walk under the yellow plastic rope and proceed toward a knowledgeable-looking officer. "Excuse me?"

The man looked down at the little boy, startled. "You're not supposed to be here! Someone get this kid out!"

A hand neatly plucked Naruto by the cuff and carries him away, but the boy kicked and screams that his oji-san was in there. His only reply was, "Then it's best you go somewhere…safe." He was going to say something else, but he didn't want to scare the boy into believing his oji-san was dead, which he probably was.

Naruto look up at the half-burned building and shouted as loud as he could, "_**OJI-SAN HEEEEEEELP!**_"

The man, who was holding him, winced at the high pitch sound.

Suddenly everyone's attention turns to the building as at sound of a window breaking. A man covered in smudges and smokes had jumped out! He landed on the trampoline and bounced off (doing a double flip in the process) to where he had heard the sound of his beloved nephew.

The first thing he did was knock out the man who was holding Naruto then grabbed the little fellow in a big bear hug. "NARU-CHAN! NARU-CHAN! I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU!" Then the old man put the boy down and enveloped into tears.

Naruto could only blush with embarrassment and try to console his oji-san by patting this head. "There, there. Look on the bright side; at least you're not dead."

When the fire died and the building was turned completely black, including the windows, the Chief of Police himself met up with Naruto and Jiraiya. "You say your name was…Naruto?"

"Yes, sir."

"You aren't in trouble since it wasn't entirely your fault," he said this while looking at Jiraiya. "However, you have to take precaution to not let this happen ever again or we may have to take drastic measures. Understand?"

Again Naruto answered, "Yes, sir. I'm certain it won't happen again."

He nodded and gesture toward Jiraiya. "You make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen again, Naruto-san."

"Yes, sir. It won't happen again." The boy glances up at his oji-san. "I'll personally make sure of it."

"Good to hear it. Have a nice day."

After everyone was gone and things settled, Naruto glare up at Jiraiya. "You, on the sidewalk. Now."

Jiraiya gulp and obeyed. "Naru-chan, it wasn-."

"Did I give you permission to speak?" Naruto had this wide unbelievable look on his face. "What happened?" The man in turn didn't answer. "SPEAK!"

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" It wasn't the angry scream Naruto was emitting; it was more like a pleading, crying kind of scream. "I WAS BOILING WATER AND-!"

"BOILING WATER? YOU'RE NOT EVEN PERMITTED TO GO NEAR THE TOASTER! WHAT MADE YOU THINK YOU CAN _**BOIL WATER**_?"

Jiraiya open his mouth.

"SHUT UP!"

He quickly closed it.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW HUMILATING THIS IS? I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM THE PRESIDENT…_**OF THE UNITED STATES!**_ THAT WAS HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU CAUSED!"

"BUT NARU-CHAN, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I SAW YOU BOIL WATER AND I THOUGHT I COULD DO IT!"

"AAARGH! THAT'S THE PROBLEM! YOU USED YOUR BRAIN AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT YOU!"

Jiraiya took a look at the well-done and crispy building then burst into tears again. "NARU-CHAN, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? WE'RE HOOOMELESS!"

"WRONG! _**YOU'RE**_ HOMELESS! _**I'M**_ GOING HOME!" And with that Naruto stump off, but later saw his oji-san at the dinner table.

…………………….

I watch him wiggle in his seat with guilt, embarrassment, and awkwardness. See what I have to put up with. If I could trade oji-sans, I would. I want to travel to a country where it's actually legal! Well, it wasn't like it isn't any fun messing with him once in a while. Oh, we're at school. I wave a good-bye and went in.

It's business time.

Passing on the way to somewhere, the person (Chicken), who I didn't want to see, appeared right in front of me. I almost crashed into him too, but luckily I stopped in time. He looked at me and I looked right back. He wouldn't look away and I don't want to be some girly dude shying away from this staring contest. If someone was to just suddenly walk by, I probably could move away. It's not that fuing difficult to just walk off, right? Wrong. Ok, I don't know why it's wrong, but damnit, even if he doesn't know it's a staring contest and have no idea why we're still staring without blinking at each other, I don't want to lose!

In the end, I had to turn away. There was a boy's restroom right beside me and I went in, standing right at the door to make sure he doesn't pull something weird and come in. Guys who don't wear their emotions on their sleeves tend to overreact at bit when interesting things come along. It happened to me once, except he was a she. She appeared anywhere I was and wouldn't leave me alone. One month later of agonizing stalking, she told me she loves me. I don't even want to know why. Told her I have a girlfriend who is blind because of an accident she and I were in and I can't leave her.

A horrible lie (no offence to anyone who had that happened to them), but it worked. She was still a little clingy after that so I set her up with some guy from Art Class.

It was still a long time till class start so I lock myself up in the Room and roam through the list. They had something in. They're all very sick and twisted. And I'm not including only the teachers here. Of course, that goes to say, _**I'm very sick and twisted too**_.

I went to class and saw most of the students' attention was drawn to the blackboard. I had almost forgotten about that. I had gone to school that night. Secretly, of course. The cameras were all off since I told Tsunade to turn it off. Using red paint, I covered Kakashi's black board with words. I just hope he wasn't planning on using it today. That would be sad.

I pretended that I was interested in it too, only until Kiba came. He sat next to me and immediately started talking. No, I'm sure his mouth was already opened before he even saw me. I stared at the board and what was written.

_Once upon a time, a boy asked me, "Where does Santa Claus live?" I told him the answer, but he didn't believe me. He was quite shock and ran off to find his mom. I never saw him again. Do you know the answer, __**Shikamaru**_

_I shall post the answer soon. _

I did the black on red thing all by myself. It really pops, don't you think.

Shikamaru was already seated by this time. His eyes were tired and half close, but they were steady and calculating. It shows just how alert he was. Geez, he looked ready to fall asleep. I would go to sleep myself if I didn't know it would attract attention.

Kiba and I wasted no time in going over to him.

"Hey, looks like a challenge for you," Kiba said, excited. He's never seen Shikamaru eager about anything and he vaguely wonder if he should've bought his camera. I know I did.

"Not interested." His tone was hazy and so dull. I feel like shoving a lemon down his throat just to see him react.

I rolled my eyes and poke him in the head. "Where does Santa Claus live?" I whispered to him. He sighs, took a look at the board, put his head back down and scoffed. I feel offended. "I think it's kinda cool, except for that big heart at the end." I drew that in so people didn't know I'm a guy. Maybe I should've added a few kisses. I didn't bother myself with it much and drag myself away. Kiba followed me.

Why? Why won't the boy just shut up?! I am a very patience person. Sometimes. This was not one of them. "Look Kiba, I am-," I was just starting with my threat when I was interrupted.

"Kiba, can you come here?" said Chouji.

Kiba is lucky.

* * *

When I said my life sucked, it was just an exaggeration. **Now** my life sucks. Kakashi has decided to single me out of class. Why? How the hell should I know? Good news is I didn't see him at the bar last night. Wonder why. 

"Naruto?" Why is it that the more I want to stay out of the spotlight, somebody drags me into it? It's like I'm curse.

"Yes?" Judging by Kakashi's expression, I just miss something very important. Man, maybe I really am curse. He pointed to the board and sure enough, there it is, a question. I examined it and was immediately confused.

"Aren't you a math teacher?" The words escaped my mouth before I can stop it. Yeah everyone's laughing at me. That Chicken is struggling not to laugh. But he stops when people turn their attention on _him_. Hah, how you like that, yah' beef jerky?

No breakfast, I'm hungry, so shut up.

Sakura, bitchy and angry, said, "Is there a problem with your head?" That question is directed at me, obviously.

Kakashi came to the rescue by, "No, Naruto. I'm your Literature teacher." Not much of a rescue.

"Ok," I said nonchalantly. Damnit, Kurenai was my math teacher!

I've been so into their lives that it's now jumbled up inside me. That sounds gay. Anyway, I took a piece of paper, but there was no need since Kakashi again had to open his mouth.

"Naruto, we're using notebooks."

"Sorry," didn't really mean it. You can bet Sakura sniggered on that one. Putting back the paper, I grab a notebook from inside my backpack. What's wrong with me today? I'm not myself. I must be sick. Sighing inwardly, I wrote down the question.

_What is your view point on life?_

Am I allowed to skip that? I look up at Kakashi and saw this weird twinkle in his eyes. That bastard, he purposely put it up there.

"This is a class journal so put it on my desk before leaving."

He's officially on my to-kill list.

I wrote something along the line of _life is wonderful_. As if. Kakashi opened up a book and begin reading it. I squinted my eye to look at the title.

Oh for the love of my dignity! He's reading oji-san's book! All I know from that was, it's rated R. Oji-san is an anonymous author of a porn book. It's so embarrassing along with the fact that my ma-english teacher is reading it.

I just have one thing to say and that is nothing. I am too speechless.

……………………..

Near the end of class, I put my journal along with the others. When I was back in my seat, Kakashi had mine opened in front of him. I can thank my luck because all of the notebooks are one color. His lip twitched in the most annoying way. With each word he read, his smile was growing wider. If I had telekinesis, I would pull his stomach inside out and pin it to the floor.

I grew tired of watching him and turn to the window instead. My head was scheming different ways to start on my next "patient". I think it'll be Kiba. He talks way too much. There doesn't seem to be anybody going after any one of them so waiting a little while longer won't hurt.

Ding dong! They should really change that sound. Hehehe, I can do that.

* * *

**Narra:** Look, you do not need a beta. All you need is me. Who out there is better than an alter ego?

**Charlie:** _(a bit weird out)_ You're not gonna turn all "Chucky" on me, are you? Besides, a beta is not that bad. She/he can help.

**Narra:** Yeah, she/he can also send back your chapter after a really long time.

**Charlie:** There are pros and cons.

**Narra:** But there's more cons than pros.

**Charlie:** A beta can help my grammar.

**Narra:** It's not very efficient.

**Charlie:** Grammar-obsessed fans will read more smoothly.

**Narra:** You can update faster!

**Charlie:** This is going to take forever.

**Quotes:**

"Teachings that do not speak of paing have no meaning because humankin cannot gain anything without first giving something in return."

"A hero made wax into wings so he could foy, but when he got too close to the sun…to God, the wax melted and he crashed to the ground."

**Things needed to create one human being:**

**Water:**_36 L_  
**Carbon: **_20 kg_  
**Ammonia:**_4L_  
**Lime:**_1.5 kg_  
**Phosphous:**_800 g_  
**Salt:**_250 g_  
**Salt Peter :** _100 g_  
**Sulfur :**_80 g_  
**Flourine :**_7.5 g_  
**Iron :**_5 g_  
**Silicon :**_3 g_  
**Human :**_1 thousand_

"**Lose your mind  
And control the time  
Down with thee  
Pay the fee"**

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"Be rich to yourself and poor to your friend."

"I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel."

"The only thing I regret about high school is that I didn't get to do half the things I heard I did."

"When I was young I feared I was adopted...now I fear I wasn't..."

"What if you're in hell and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?"

"When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and choke himself."


	5. My Blackmails

**PLEASE READ COMMENTS BELOW!  
**

**Charlie:** It has been a horrible horrible five minutes. He _(point to Narra who is talking to a fake Charlie)_ will not stop arguing with me. I have had two beta since he's been here and he has not complain much about them, but...how did it come to this? Let's just leave him be and let us talk about something more important.

** ESPECIALLY THIS! **

Push the beta drama aside, I have found out something incredibly amazing about this community. Beside the fact that it is mostly populated by females (not that surprising), but most (not all) authors who come on here are cheerful. Their first time writing, you can see that their words are all happy and a little nervous. _However_ as years go by (probably two or three), you start seeing their words maturing and losing that happiness. Even if their story is funny and will make you laugh, their words _feel_ cynical or tired. It's not that they are saying bad things about anyone, but you just feel it by reading (not the story) the comments.

I think that no matter how good their grammars are or storyline, if it doesn't have what the audience _want_, it might not work out. Of course that doesn't mean it discourage them to try and improve.

**Alert:** In need of beta. You might have to compete against Narra.

**Quotes:**

"Curiosity didn't kill the cat; it made the kittens."

"An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true."

"At all the weddings, my aunts used to come up to me poking me in the ribs saying, 'You're next!' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions."

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."

"To know a man, observe how he wins his object, rather than how he loses it; for when we fail our pride supports us; when we succeed, it betrays us."

"There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. "

"I am anti "txt" talk, I am part of the "save the vowels" movement, so for me and the sake of others, Type your own DAMN words!"

"We are never really alone... no matter what. ...only that it is recognized that we are not alone.. and then to recognize who it is that stands by us."

"...and the wheels of destiny will wait for no one and roll on..."

"...we do not have to divine the mind of the Divine ...but to just live our lives in faith that... ...all shall be well"

"Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease."

"Guys are physically developed, but single-minded creatures."

**There is nothing greater in the world than being in love.  
Romance should be the natural expression of that love. **

"If I tell you I'm good, you would probably think I'm boasting. If I tell you I'm no good, you _know_ I'm lying."

"Be formless... shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle; it becomes the bottle. You put it into a teapot; it becomes the teapot. Water can flow, and it can crash. Be water, my friend..."

"Use only that which works, and take it from any place you can find it."

"The more relaxed the muscles are, the more energy can flow through the body. Using muscular tensions to try to 'do' the punch or attempting to use brute force to knock someone over will only work to opposite effect."

"Mere technical knowledge is only the beginning of Kung Fu. To master it, one must enter into the spirit of it."

"There are lots of guys around the world that are lazy. They have big fat guts. They talk about chi power and things they can do, but don't believe it."

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Five: My Blackmails  
_

* * *

As I was walking to my next class, I sensed someone behind me, but I did nothing to stop her when she pushed me against the lockers. Sakura was strong…for a girl. 

"You better stay away from him," she warned me. Yeah, like I listen to her.

Though typical of Sakura. I just gave her this blank/a little confused look. What I really want was to knock her out. She walked away satisfied. I sigh. There wasn't anyone in the hall-oh, wait, there's the Chicken. He's staring at me again. I look away and continue on my way before I was so rudely interrupted.

"You ok?"

I ignored him and kept moving, checking now and again to see if he was chasing after me. He wasn't, he just disappeared. Good riddance. While he's at it, he should move to Europe. Whatever, I'm just glad to be left alone. I try to keep my mind off of it by thinking of something more…simple.

* * *

My next class is Kurenai, my _math_ teacher. She was down to earth and sort of pretty. Asuma came in once asking for a pen (stupid). You can see the obvious attraction between the two, but the guy smokes a lot. I can smell it when he was coming up the hall. I should search his house. If it smells like cigarette, I'm making him quit…even if I have to chain him up (ugh, nasty thought, nasty thought). 

Moving on, after Asuma left, she resumed her lesson. Asuma and Kurenai. Yeah, they have no life. Asuma smokes and Kurenai is stubborn, those two definitely belong together. All I need is to get rid of the chain smoking and make the lady (and I shudder) seductive.

In the middle of Kurenai's lessons, I almost broke down and gave in. Why? Because…

"Class (I swear she just looked at me), we're going to have an end of course exam. This test will be base on what you have learned so far. Now a simple test would be too boring for you intelligent children."

"Teenager," said somebody in the front.

She didn't seem phased by it and instead humor the little brat. "Intelligent teenagers. If any of you make a perfect score on the exam, you will not have any homework for the next semester."

"THE WHOLE SEMESTER?" shouted another.

She smile and nodded. The class erupted into uproars of cheers and applauses. Shikamaru was in the class too and he looked at me for just a second. I didn't roll my eyes, but I wanted to. Kurenai had noticed and could see there was some deeper meaning behind it.

I should be worrying that Shikamaru has some suspicion that it was me who sent him the challenge, but my mind, however, was filled with thoughts of a free night, no homework. I don't know if I should aim for that perfect score, it was tempting. Very tempting. Shikamaru was too lazy to do any homework. His grades are pretty low, but maybe because of his laziness, he'll actually try on the exam.

The last exam the Chicken had got perfect scores, follow by Gaara. Shikamaru was number 49. The third person had been Sakura, not surprising. I can probably get the…no, I can't.

Ugh, skip. Skip!

Tenzo Yamato is my _biology_ teacher. It could be something else, but I didn't really care enough to find out. Anyway it just has to do something with science. Workaholic? He didn't look like it. He actually looked like he enjoyed his job. Damn Tsunade. She's not a good informant. His lessons were a bit interesting only if he didn't talk about plants so darn much. He was obsessed, yes. Workaholic, no.

* * *

Can I kill somebody without going to jail? Cause I want to kill someone. I'm actually wishing a nuclear bomb would fly down and wipe everyone out. That guy…_**Might Guy is so annoying.**_ I can see why Tsunade needed me on this one. 

Might Guy: the gayest of the gay. Find him a lover and everything is solved. That was just it for him. Even the blind can see he's sexually active and all you need to do to keep him quiet is promise to give him some. But finding the right person is the problem. I can't just buy some prostitute off the street. Nah, I'll pay someone more professional, but I need the money first before hiring anyone.

His mutant clone wasn't any better than him. Both were jumping around doing stretches, jumping jacks, etc. They were like freaky, green, little monkeys with a serious overdose of steroids.

"Alright class! Today, let us run two hundred laps!" It was like he's trying to kill us. Legally.

"Guy-sensei, we can't do that," whined Sakura.

Sadly, it was co-ed. Along with Gaara, Shikamaru, the Chicken and the rest of the gang. Today is just lovely, isn't it?

"Alright, then fifty laps!"

"Have you seen the track? It's as big as a football stadium!" Her words did have some truth to it, although her deduction was a little off. It was five feet wider than a football stadium.

…hah, you guys actually think I'm _that _smart! How the hell should I know how big the track is? It's just big.

Well, we started running. I ran behind everyone else and kept a slow pace. I don't want to have to take a shower with all those other guys. I have a feeling the Chicken isn't exactly into hens.

"HI!" bellowed a voice right next to my ear.

Ok, ouch.

I turn and saw that it was Lee. I didn't want to look behind, but I did anyway and familiar faces grinned back at me. "Oh, hi." I resisted the urge to grimace. Why them?

During mid-way of our run, another class joined us. I spotted Neji to be among them.

Once he got on the track, it suddenly turned into a brutal battle field. The hate triangle was some competitive bastards. Everyone had stepped to the side, running slowly as me. They didn't want the three idiots to think they're joining the race too. That would be suicide.

I didn't mind. It wasn't any of my business, but the voices talking to me were pushing me to the point where I'm supposed to kill. What? I talk about death a lot so get use to it. I ran a little faster and faster until the voices disappear.

"HEY!" bellowed the voice again. _**Lee…**_ "Wow, you're fast!" Oh yeah, why don't you stop running after me then! "Is it ok to leave them behind?"

"You want to slow down?" I asked, hoping he say yes.

"No, I'm fine." Damn.

I ran faster, but he kept sticking to my side like dough! So faster and faster I ran until Lee stopped talking. Curiously I look behind me and ran like hell! A determined look was on his face and he was trying to gain up! I'm scare of him and his wiggly eyebrows. So of course I ran faster. After a while when I didn't hear any footsteps at all (in fact it was kind of quiet), I turn to look and was happy to see nobody behind me. When I glance in front, I skidded to a stop.

Whoa, who put that pole there? I could've busted a nose.

I stop to catch my breath a bit, hoping Lee wasn't going to pop up beside me. I was wondering why it got so quiet. There was no breathing or complaints from anybody. I glance around the track and my eyes bugged out.

Lee had fainted! Neji, the Chicken, and even Gaara were panting and _glaring_ (GLARING!) at me…from yards away. The class were watching me with bugle eyes and a jaw of three feet. Even Guy looked surprise.

I'm very good at reading situations so I think…I beat them.

GODDESS OF MERCY, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

I could try fainting…

HELL NO! I'M NOT SOME GIRL!

"Uzumaki Naruto, please report to the main office right now."

SAVE…

* * *

…BY THE DEVIL! 

Tsunade was walking by the track and peek out the window. She had immediately went to her office and made the announcement, knowing I needed help. If I wasn't so carried away, she wouldn't be sitting behind that big fat desk, smirking at me.

"Oh, _Naruto_. I see you couldn't contain yourself and caused trouble again," she was using that superior you're-screw tone. "What should I do?"

The door slams open and close. It was oji-san. I can tell from his breathing.

"I see you got the door fixed," I said back. Her victorious smirk didn't flutter. Oji-san sat down beside me, his face was trouble, but joy was behind his eyes.

"Oh, _Naruto_."

"Shut it."

He closed his mouth, but from the corner of my eyes I can see him struggling not to laugh. He and Tsunade exchanged glances and they burst out laughing. I waited until they were finished. Tsunade begin by trying to belittle me, oji-san was just mellowing through and going along with it. Oji-san was having a little revenge for all the times I had the upper hands. However, Tsunade was just mad I scolded her last time.

"Are you egoists done?" But they didn't stop. I glared at them. "_**It's my turn to talk now.**_" The words are all dark and italic. I don't know why, but when I get in those moods, people get really scared. I can remember…

……………………

"Oji-san, for the last time, no. Go away and stop bothering me." Naruto was at home, doing his homework, but his oji-san was whining and begging to go to the movies. Naruto had to baby-sit him until his parents come back from their trip. If kids at school find out, he would never live it down.

"But Naru-chan….!"

Naruto wince at how loud and how long the voice stretched before it closed. "_**Shut up!**_"

Jiraiya yelp and froze.

The blonde boy was a bit shock (though still angry) and slapped his oji-san, but with no effect. He was catatonic. "Oji-san, are you ok? Do I need to call a shrink? An undertaker perhaps?" That was when he realized it was his eyes. His oji-san was looking directly at his eyes in fear. Being the little boy he was, he was curious. "_**What do you see**_?"

"I-It's d-dark and…c-cold."

Naruto thought about the possibility of that. "Just like mom's?" He once saw this same thing happening with his mom and otou-san, but he wasn't really sure what was going on.

Thinking about it, his oji-san fainted. Right there on the living room floor.

"Cool!" he shouted excitedly.

…………...

That was the day I discovered my powers and used it for evil. I called it "Happy Apocalypse Day". But back to my little situation….

"Now that I've got your attention, I would like to say a few things that you guys think I've missed. Let's first start with the way Kakashi seem so interested in me. You (Tsunade) and he made up some stupid journal so that I can write down my feelings and thoughts. That way, you get to know me better and have a higher chance of dealing with me."

Tsunade gulp. That was enough to tell me I was on the right track.

"There was just a little problem with that. He wanted me to turn it in…on the same day he brought up the journal idea. Then there was Kurenai. No homework for a whole semester? She couldn't have done that without the principal's permission. And how is it, Tsunade, that all of the teachers you assign me are coincidentally the same ones you want me to help? You also purposefully added Gaara, Neji, and that Chicken to Guy's class today."

"Chic-?"

"_**Shut up.**_ Oh and oji-san?"

"Yes?" He was high on alert.

"I accidentally cut off one of my toe while cooking."

…uh, excuse me? Did you just say what I think you just said? DUH! Listen, people! Tsunade and oji-san both looked at me like I was crazy. Of course, who cuts their toe off while cooking? A finger yeah, but a toe? No way.

"Ok," he was thinking it was strange I had told him that, especially right now.

"And there's that other thing," I hinted to them that I know, but they weren't that quick to catch on. "You've been going out a lot since four months ago. Now I've just assumed it was to the Red District or something, but you've been planning with Tsunade since then haven't you?"

"What? No!"

"Then let me point something out to you. If I had told you four months ago that I accidentally cut off my toe, you would've been crying all over me." I turn to Tsunade while oji-san sat blinking confusingly. "You see, my oji-san can't multitask. He can only think of one important thing at a time and since he's been scheming, he can't get all baby-ish when he sees me. Instead he turns mature and is using more than one tenth of his brains now. But then since my severed toe hadn't affected him in the least, you guys are still planning something, aren't you?"

Tsunade had this unbelievable look on her face and she was speechless. Her leverage had flown out the window and I'm now the one holding her head above water.

I look at my watch and wait for the minute hand to reach the number five. When it did, my oji-san then had been engulfed in a hug. I didn't bother pushing him off. I had learned that he had unlimited strength when he got emotional.

"NARU-CHAN! YOU'RE TOES CUT OFF? OH NO, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? I PROMISE TO NOT LET ANYONE TOUCH A SINGLE HAIR ON HER HEAD, BUT I CAN'T EVEN SAVE YOUR TOE! I'M SO SORRY!"

I look unflinchingly at Tsunade. "It takes a little more time for him to do…that." I roll my eyes and patted him on the head. "I lied, I lied." Even Tsunade can tell it was a lie. Oji-san went back to being his usual self.

That's why her reaction to oji-san crying was this, "I'm teamed up with a loser." Then the two "adults" started arguing about who was the loser.

Still not satisfied with my total domination over the two, I cut in between them. "Being quiet! You're both losers! And Tsunade, I would like to have no more homework for next semester. For any class."

She narrowed her eyes at me, trying to look me down, but I didn't go down. "And why should I do that?"

I smiled maliciously and it did the job by scaring the hell out of her. "Because….you haven't told any of them (the teachers) about the 'list', have you?"

I can hear her eyes stretch to an enormous size and the scream welling up. But she would not give up. "So what if you tell them? They're not going to believe you."

Whatever. More fun for me. "Don't you remember that _I_ have the list with _your_ handwriting on it?" Man I'm good!

Oh, her brain just decomposed. "…fine."

"You know…there is one other thing," wow, you can see her veins popping. It's all blue and purple. "Make up something (spread rumors) about me being in the track team at my old school and me getting bullying." I didn't have to tell her the reason why and she was too afraid of what else I'll pull if she talks back.

She was red in the face, her teeth was gritting loudly (I can hear it), the blood was rushing with anger through her body. It was great. I walk out satisfied with what I have. This day ain't so bad until I reached this _one_ class.

* * *

**Narra:** _(still has not notice that the Charlie he is talking to is fake)_

**Charlie:** I'm feeling depressed. Or maybe stress. I could buy a dress. Are you impress? **:D **Okay, people of FF community, I WANT MORE REVIEWS! I'm a little obsessed, but you guys all put me on favorites and alerts, did you ever think about reviewing? It _would_ make me feel better. Definitely. It's so sad that you can only review once for a chapter. You know once upon a time, I read a story and then I reviewed every chapter. The author sent me a message saying that I _didn't_ have to review for _every_ single chapter. I think she thinks I'm an idiot. I was just trying to help. And I find it a little funny that when she checks her mail my name will just keep popping up.

Well back to Narra. Oh, he is going to be so piss when he finds out thats not me.

**Quotes:**

"I'm not a master. I'm a student-master, meaning that I have the knowledge of a master and the expertise of a master, but I'm still learning. So I'm a student-master. I don't believe in the word 'master.' I consider the master as such when they close the casket."

"Do not deny the classical approach, simply as a reaction, or you will have created another pattern and trapped yourself there."

"Jeet Kune Do: it's just a name; don't fuss over it. There's no such thing as a style if you understand the roots of combat."

"Unfortunately, now in boxing people are only allowed to punch. In Judo, people are only allowed to throw. I do not despise these kinds of martial arts. What I mean is, we now find rigid forms which create differences among clans, and the world of martial art is shattered as a result."

"I think the high state of martial art, in application, must have no absolute form. And, to tackle pattern A with pattern B may not be absolutely correct."

"True observation begins when one is devoid of set patterns."

"The other weakness is, when clans are formed, the people of a clan will hold their kind of martial art as the only truth and do not dare to reform or improve it. Thus they are confined in their own tiny little world. Their students become machines which imitate martial art forms."

"Some people are tall; some are short. Some are stout; some are slim. There are various different kinds of people. If all of them learn the same martial art form, then who does it fit?"

"Ultimately, martial art means honestly expressing yourself. It is easy for me to put on a show and be cocky so I can show you some really fancy movement. But to express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, and to express myself honestly enough; that my friend is very hard to do."

"Use no way as way; use no limitation as limitation."

"Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well.

Love is a temptation that starts with a sensation when a guy stick's his location in a girls destination to increase the population for the next generation do you get my explaination or do you need a demonstration???

"silent is golden, duck-tape is silver."

The rules are:

Use your hands on my daughter and you'll lose them after.

You make her cry, I make you cry.

Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health.

Bring her home late, there's no next date.

Only delivery men honk. Dates ring the doorbell. Once.

No complaining while you're waiting for her. If you're bored, change my oil.

If your pants hang off your hips, I'll gladly secure them with my staple gun.

Dates must be in crowded public place. You want romance? Read a book.


	6. My Discovery

**Charlie:** _(singing)_

"Miss Susie had a steamboat  
The steamboat had a bell (Ding, Ding)  
Miss Susie went to Heaven  
The steamboat went to"

**Narra:** STOP IT!

**Charlie: **_ (ignoring him)_

"Hello Operator  
Please give me number nine  
And if you disconnect me  
I'll kick you from

Behind the 'fridgerator  
There was a piece of glass  
Miss Susie sat upon it  
And broke her little"

**Narra:** AHHHHH!

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Six: My Discovery  
_

* * *

Upon entering with a tardy slip, the class had quiet down and start murmuring to themselves about me. I had initially wanted to sit beside a window, but I was force to sit somewhere in the middle. Their voices were all around me. 

"You think he's a demon?" Oh, come on. I'm not _that _strange.

But then I realize they were talking about the teacher. The class has been quiet before, but I hadn't assumed that since every class room I had been to was full of nosy snobs.

"Be quiet." Quite a strong voice, my friend. "For some of you, who weren't here yesterday, my name is Morino Ibiki."

Morino Ibiki? Where have I heard that name before? Oh yeah, the International Interrogation Institute (never been there, I swear). He also has a little brother that goes to my old school. Poor kid, he looked really depress. Maybe I should tell him to do something about his brother, but then he'll challenge me to a weird game of let's-see-who-screams-first. Trust me, he's a professional. He has a head full of holes to prove it too (there was a picture). The students are afraid of him, but there isn't a single record of him ever lifting a finger against a student. Pretty cool, huh? Still they freaked and many have been sent to the asylum. I'm kidding.

Kind of.

Ibiki has spent years studying the human mind and getting through to it. He can get under these kids' skins like that (snap fingers) and make them wrinkle in pain. I wonder if he'll be able to do that to me. I haven't felt that extreme kind of fear since six years ago. His lessons was said to be brutal and last year, more than half the class didn't pass. They had to take a summer class with Kurenai (which they did pass), but she only gave it to seniors. And that, ladies and gentlemen, means you must take it again and again until you reach the last year of high school to pass. I must say, it's a brilliant and cruel plan.

"I am your History teacher." A hand promptly raised itself up. "And I don't like a lot of questions." The hand was shot and stabbed down. "Do not confuse me with your _Art_ History teacher. I teach basic survival skills in Business Economy, Law, and to develop your common sense." He brought up a big brown book with floppy pages hanging loosely on its side.

Oh my damn.

"This is going to be your History book."

It's a fraternity disguised as a class. My worst nightmare has come true.

"You are all (he looks disturbed) going to be the future leaders. From this point on, you will learn to scheme, lie, and betray." Questioning eyebrows rose up, but not a sound was made. "In order to scheme, you will need to uncover schemes. In order to lie, you will need to uncover lies. In order to betray, you will need to uncover betrayal."

Whoa. Talk about dilemma. Most of the class already have swirls in their eyes.

Shikamaru, Gaara, the Chicken, and etc had all…._**failed**_. The Chicken, Gaara, and Neji were all unluckily put in the same class as me. According to Kiba (another misfortune), who is sitting right next to me (it sucks!), that Ibiki gives out a particular question at the end of every semester. Not many people got it right. The question changes every single… semester. And he's been working here for thirteen years so that's like twenty six questions. He must've had a lot of fun. I can relate to him.

He's methods are more mentally, mine is physically slash emotionally. It's a big difference when you've been doing what I've been doing for a long time. My dad would've been proud. Not my mom, she'll hit me so hard, I'll be feeling the bruise till next Christmas.

…hmph.

"I'm going to start the lesson for today by passing out a pop quiz." Most of the kids groan. "Now, now, I'm doing my best to make this as uncomfortable as it is for you. Give me some more displeasure noises than that."

I bite the inside of my mouth to keep the smirk from forming. The quiz was passed out and from what I saw; most of these kids were expecting themselves to fail. Wow…that is one hell of a confidence. I look down at my own paper. A corner of my mind made a small exploding sound.

_1) If it was very dark outside and a man mugged you, what is the first thing you do?_

_2) If it was very dark outside and a man mugged you, what is the second thing you do?_

_3) If it was very dark outside and a man mugged you, what is the third thing you do?_

_4) If it was very dark outside and a man mugged you, what is the fifth-?_

Ok…what the hell. It went on like that ten times. The title of the paper was '**Self-Defence Plan**'. The direction was: **Please read carefully before answering.** I read and I'm confused.

"The objective is to answer all the question. You have an hour."

An hour? For a pop quiz? You've got to be kidding me. I don't know how to answer it, but you know…it can't be impossible, right? I mean, come on. I don't think I can't beat this man. I will beat this man. I'll be the first person since…thirteen years ago to pass his test. Even if his test was hard, there was a couple few who passed.

He didn't seem to mind cheating since a kid just walked right up to his friend and asked for the answer. I poke Kiba (noticing Ibiki noticing _me_) and asked, "Has anyone ever passed his pop quiz?" A benefit of being in here. Kiba doesn't talk. He's too scare.

Kiba looked happy about me talking to him which kinda made me want to throw up. "One person did."

"Who?" I said, excited (fake).

"Him." I look to where he pointed. The guy was creepy-looking and didn't look smart. Ah, however, taking a better look at his face, he wore a mask. His was thick and more obvious. You know how people can tell you're hiding something, but they don't know what exactly? Kind of like our little friend here. He had black hair and deceiving thin eyes.

"Who is he?" I tried to keep my voice as patient as possible. I couldn't just say, "Oh, and I'm just suppose to guess his name."

"Sai. I don't remember his last name though."

Kontei Sai, an average guy. Not much to talk about. But his face just gets you interested. At least me. From where I'm sitting, I can see he's a loner. I heard he has a friend, whom he calls his brother, but the guy died long ago of a brain tumor. He is definitely worth my time, not that I want to bother with him. Yet.

Curious, I ask another question, "Do you know his answer for last time?"

At this, Kiba was annoyed. "He didn't even write anything on his paper. He just went up to the teacher and said, 'one'."

"So…what was the question?" I should slap some sense into him. If he gives an answer, of course, I would want to know the question. But I forgave his ignorance since he grew up in a "poor" environment.

"How many babies are born a year?"

It's a trick question. All his questions are trick questions. Duh, doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

"How many times?"

Kiba blink blankly. "How many times what?" I did not slap him. I remained calm.

"How many times has he passed the pop quiz?"

"Oh. Once."

How to solve it is hard or…maybe not that hard at all. I wrote one sentence on the paper and handed it in to him.

It's a freaking military class. At least that's how Ibiki treated it like. It could be because he served in an actual army right after high school. Thinking about it, it seems like he's trying to keep the kids _in_ school…forever. He definitely has a problem to be solved.

Back at my seat, I immediately felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Ibiki's eyes were twinkling with a strange eerie…twinkle thingy. That was my hundredth sign of failure. Let me now admit the truth: _I have never been invisible._ It's not like never, but more like it came naturally at my old school, however, I've never actually had to _try_ to be invisible.

_**Motto of Old School: You don't touch me, I don't go homicidal on your ass. **_

_**Motto of New School: If they had a brain, there will be no need for a motto.**_

It was a very difficult time for me. Now I have almost every teacher on my list on _my_ case. Maybe I should've acted stupid and not been able to answer that question.

Ibiki flip through each and every one of them, stopping on a particular one (mine). "Sakura?" he called.

"Yes, Morino-sensei?"

"Between you and…" his eyes search the room for the right person and landed itself on-. "….Sasuke. If you were given a choice to which one of you passes or fail, what would you say?" That sounds like a Hobson's choice, but it isn't.

Sakura looked from him to the Chicken nervously. Oh, the tragedy of making decisions. She could see through the trick if she wasn't so caught up with the Chicken. I shook my head, but maybe I should've done that _in_ my head.

"What about you, Naruto? Between you and Sasuke, what would you do?"

I hate him. He could've said Shikamaru and Sasuke, heck it could've even been Gaara and Sasuke, but no. He has to go and choose me. What I hate more than Ibiki would be my life. There is no comparison in that category, but still…it's hate.

I didn't look at Sasuke because he's looking at me. Sakura saw this. Kiba saw that she saw this. If I say I fail Sasuke, both Ibiki and Sakura would be out for my ass. Sakura because she loves him (I think) and Ibiki will just insult me. He's blunt.

"Aren't you going to give me an answer?"

"…we both pass."

"Why?" Oh, what's an answer without an explanation?

"W-Well… you said I was given the choice to which _one_ of us passes or fail. I'm just assuming that that left the option open to both of us passing. If you had said 'passes _and_ fail', that would've been different. However, since I'm a student, the choices legally aren't up to me. In a sense. But if this was a real business decision, I'm also assuming that you're implying, I would want both of us to succeed. Then again you're holding this over our heads and in a business, this generally isn't a very good thing. Mathematically, you're outnumbered," I said casually then added, "Sir. T-That's…uh…that's just want I-I t-think."

………………….

Eyes, lots of eyes, watching me. I should've gone and jump off the roof then go into the cafeteria. I was now a walking advertising billboard. What was I advertising? Fk should I know, but it was enough to make five hundred pair of eyes look at me like I'm some naked superstar. Should a place, where a fight food can occur any second, be this quiet?

Sitting down at Kiba's table, they were also looking at me, but quickly diverted their eyes when I look at them questioningly. I meant to glare (like 'what the fk are you looking at?') but that wouldn't help my situation, now would it? Sakura casually walked by, studied me a little bit, scoffed, and walked off to her table. And everyone went on with their lives.

You know, dogs travel in packs. They attack anyone who dares mess with their food, mate or anyone from the pack, even the dog who had shagged its spouse like a chew toy. Any new dog that comes in has to be "checked" by the leader. Once the leader check that new dog, only then can you start barking or licking it. Whatever.

I think I failed that.

Kiba looked happy for me. I dread that. My time is spent jumbling plans after plans. Then the Chicken's twin walked in. Yes, he has a twin. Nah, I lied. It was his older brother, Itachi. The dude came in, a light tap on the shoulder, and off they went. It was a moment where silence filled the cafeteria because everyone is too busy eyeing the brothers.

Itachi goes to Konoha University five blocks and a corner down from here. Ah, Konoha High School, Konoha University. There might even be a mini-me Konoha walking around somewhere.

Itachi was like an older version of the Chicken, but they were like day and night itself. The Chicken had problems socializing with people since he was little; Itachi was more sadistic. He had quite a record with heartbroken girls. It wasn't because he liked the feeling of being evil; rather he wanted to see how far he could go. People who have dated him knew from the start that he doesn't like them. He even, outspokenly, said that he'll break their heart, but they still come.

Was it really his fault? Not to mention…I think I've seen this in a movie somewhere, or it could've been a book. Pretty interesting that it can happen in real life.

In a profile of some girl on a website, he had played her throughout their whole relationship and then brutally dumped her.

Liar. The girl I mean. If he _"brutally"_ dumped her, she would be too depressed to actually type a whole thirty chapter of what had happened with full lengths of long details, each chapter consisting of _two hundred_ pages. She could've written that out of pure anger, but that was unlikely with the way her words were.

'_He kissed me deeply, so tender and soft. I couldn't believe-'._ Excuse my French, but who the fuck would write that? Sorry, let me rephrase. Who, angry or depressed, would fucking write that?

Her head must've been full of 'I am the One' business. Yeah, the same things those fifty girls ago had also thought. Someone even said she got pregnant, but was forced to have an abortion.

A bunch of crock.

The Chicken, of course is different, but…he doesn't date. There has never been on record of him ever dating anyone in his entire sixteen years of life. Even I, Uzumaki Naruto, have dated at least once. The Chicken, being a loner, probably forced himself into an asexual state of life.

I had found a picture they took on the computer. Together. Every one of them. You rarely get to see that. From the picture, the family isn't very close, emotionally. The mother is in Italy most of the time because of her business, but she look like a nice person in the picture. The father was very stern and is probably very strict about what his sons should or should not do. But I heard he's in America right now.

After the cafeteria got over their shock, everything went back to normal. I turn to Hinata and asked, "Hinata, can I have your number?" God, can that girl blush. Maybe I should lean back a little, give her some air. I'm very aware of her cousin watching me. I think he's jealous. Its cousin love. Romantic, but ew.

I'm kidding. He loves his cousin, but only as a cousin. Nothing above that…or below.

You know…there wasn't any evidence that Neji had actually laid a finger on her. They were told to keep silence so no interviews. Tenten too. Hinata's father has gone live on TV, but he just said it was a misunderstanding. People had already known that Neji dislike his cousin, but then scandals came out and said Neji was trying to murder her so he can be the heir.

That wasn't true since he didn't look bad. My kind of look is the inner-self kind so don't mix it up with something else. I think, initially, Neji did hate her, but then she probably grew on him.

I blink away from my thoughts and look at Hinata hopefully. Hopefully because I'm hoping she doesn't faint. She shred a piece of paper and wrote with shaky hands. I took it away from her timid hands and thank her, promising to call tonight.

* * *

I was walking to the main office when a curious thing happened. Sakura was walking with me. It's not that strange, but she kept looking at me, like the 'are-you-following-me' crap. I wasn't, but I'm a little tick that she thinks I could actually follow her anywhere. It feels like being demoted. 

I walked right into the principal's office and, ignoring Tsunade's apparent drunkenness, I picked up the phone. That's when all the thought of calling oji-san went down the drain.

"Hello?" That's not me.

"Sakura." That's not me either. Yeah, two people talking on the phone and they're not me. Go figure. God and I both know I'm a very curious person so it was ok for me to eavesdrop.

"I was getting worry about. There has not been much good news going around lately."

"It is fine, father." It is? What happened to the contraction? Oh, she has a mean big daddy.

"What about your relationship with Sasuke?" Now that's what I'm talking about. This is worth gossi-I mean eavesdropping.

"I-It…is also fine. Father." From what I'm hearing, Sakura fears her dad and he is forcing her to make Sasuke fall in love with her.

There was a pause and small sniffing sounds. I think she's crying. There is a possible chance of beating involve. "You are incompetence!" he hissed.

"P-Pleas-…g-give me another chance…."

"I have a meeting with the Uchihas today. You shall go in my place. If you do not get it right this time, do not even think of coming back into this house." The phone slammed down harshly and Sakura was left to her own thoughts.

Whooooa. No wonder she's so obsessive about the Chicken. See, I knew it wasn't because of his looks and definitely not his people skill. Pretty sad really, but it's a typical rich family thing. Well it is if you're in dept and there just so happens to be a rich, hot boy available.

I place the phone down and then wonder how the hell I picked up that line. I glared down at the blonde chick in front of me. "Tsunade…" She didn't wake up from her "sleep". "You know what, I shouldn't be worry," I told her. "Even if you guys try to mess up my life, I do have ways to counter that. Or, even better, I can mess up _your _life." Exiting the room, I forgot about calling oji-san and just relaxed in Tsunade's not-so-silent cruses.

* * *

I don't know what to call it exactly. You can say it was a miracle or perhaps I should say 'tropical hurricane disaster'. It was some minute or hours ago before school was let out. It caused Kiba to go mute, which was a good thing since he was bugging the hell out of me. 

…okay…

Neji spoke two complete sentences to me.

He approached me when there were plenty of witnesses. I don't know what the hell he was thinking. From up close, his eyes were really pale. Well, I had known about his eyes (saw a picture on the net), but to see it so close, it's eerie. There's like no…pupil. None at all. I think if I look hard enough, I can literally see inside his head. Ugh, that's so awesome and gross at the same time (LOL).

"Your name." Gee, aren't you polite, yah' bastard?

I thought I answer him anyway and ask him an obvious, but reasonable question. "Uzumaki Naruto. What's _your_ name?" I made my voice edgy, but with a little curiosity.

Being the cool cold dude that he is, he didn't answer. "How did you run so fast?"

Oh. That's easy to answer. "I was bully a lot as a kid." The rumors had been spread. I shouldn't worry. It wasn't an interesting rumor so I guess it's a good thing that some moron hadn't try to 'bully' me.

The truth is I have to be a fast runner if I wanted to set off two bombs consecutively in two different sections of the school where the guards come around every two minute (I was at a very bad school).

Anyhow, Neji looked me up and down as if he can't believe I was so much better than him. He grunted and left. I'm pretty sure his grunt sounded almost disappointed. Weird, eh?

Well, that was that. It wasn't much, but the Chicken was there and he's getting suspicious. Or rather more interested. Which means Sakura' getting more and more jealous. See, that's why I don't like attention. I mean, do you like people looking at you 24/7? No, I didn't think so.

Maybe I should focus more on actually trying to fix these demented fools than make myself invisible. It's not working and I haven't been trying since I was so busy with those two schemers (Tsunade and oji-san). It's pretty much down the drain. Oh well. Those kids will be so busy with my destruction, they won't even notice me.

* * *

It is so boring. I'm too lazy to actually start on anything with those brats. I can't go downstairs because of Orochimaru hanging around _after_ the hangover stopped. _**And I still haven't made dinner.**_

That kind of sucks.

Dinner can be made in twenty minutes and there's still about an hour before Oji-san comes upstairs. Homework, I can do on the way to school and in class. Shikamaru and everyone else will have to wait until tomorrow. That means…

…I have to check the security cameras.

It's my allowance money. And I'm the only one with the eye for this job. There were ten TVs on the table, each with controls and such. It was only for a few minutes since around this time there are more thieves and rapists. Actually happened once, but oji-san took care of it. And when I say took care of it I mean he chased away the rapist and then got pepper sprayed in his eyes for coming on to the almost-raped victim. It's sad I know. He screamed like a baby. I used that for blackmail for about a week, but then he decided he didn't care anymore so I broadcasted it for the whole bar to see. We got a lot of customers that day. I think that was about one month ago.

My eyes glance around the screen until I saw someone familiar.

Kakashi.

He was looking around; the drink in front of him was left untouched. His eyes seem to catch something and he quickly gulps down the drink, half choking. A figure came into the screen and I watch closely as the two converses. Hmm, interesting.

The figure kept pouring and he kept drinking and drinking. He didn't even talk all that much as I can see. I think he's…shy.

…that's so funny! What's even more of a laugh is the person he's interested in! I quickly ran to the storage room and took all the tapes from three months ago. What I found is a big WOW.

Hatake Kakashi, that guy is always late because he is…drunk! Most of the tapes had Kakashi in it so I checked all the rest of them. He appeared in almost every one of them! Can you believe that?

Remembering correctly, his excuse today was, "I'm sorry. A lady ran right out in front of my car and I almost hit her. As an apology, I had to-." That's when Sakura cut in and called him a liar.

Ugh, tomorrow. I'll handle it tomorrow. Right now… I picked up the phone and dial a couple digits. I waited until someone picked up.

"Hyuuga Resident, may I help you?" asked a hoarse and mean voice. That definitely wasn't Hinata…unless there was something she hasn't told anyone.

"My name is Ayame, a friend of Hinata. Can I please talk to her?"

"Yes. Please hold on." What a surprise. People at the Hyuuga's are really polite.

"H-Hello?" There's my cute stuttering little angel.

"Hey! I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

She paused. Must be blushing. "N-N-Na-r-u-," she stuttered. Yeah, someone is listening on the other line (I can hear them breathing) and I can't really have Hinata bust me like that so….

"Hinata," I cut her off. "I know what you're trying to say. I'm your best friend Ayame after all." I hope she gets the hint because if my guesses are right, it's Neji on the other line. I don't really know how she knows it was me though. "Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to go to the movies this Sunday. You know a little get together with some friends. We'll make sure to take you home on time so don't worry. Okay?"

"S-Su-re," she managed.

"Great! Then I'll see you later. Bye," I hung up right after she said bye. My fingers immediately dial another number. It picked up and I force myself to sound cheerful.

"Naruto! What's up?" said an eccentric Kiba.

"Movies. Sunday. Don't tell anyone," I said quickly and almost got the chance to hang up. Maybe even turn off my phone and lie about bad connection the next day.

"You're inviting me?!" He sounds too excited and I'm worry. "Sure, I love to go! But why not tell anyone? Aww, you want to spend some quality time with your best friend. Hey, why do you sound like a girl?"

As embarrassing as it is to admit, my voice totally sounds like a chick over the phone. It's a gift and a curse. And what the hell did he mean by best friend? I am not his best friend. I will never be his best friend.

"Yes, you're my…b-best f-friend. Bye…uh, pal." We both hung up and I'll say, that wasn't half bad. I thought I might have to puke, but I'm…ok.

Oh god, I'm turning nice.

* * *

**Charlie:** Look, I can make an origami turtle! 

**Narra:** _(holds up a nine inch, origami Noah's Ark)_

**Charlie:** ...damn.

**The Marriage of the Mouse**

Once a beautiful white mouse was born. As he grew into manhood his friends and his family took note of his handsome face, his regal manner, and his unblemished whiteness.

His parents often asked themselves, "Where will we ever find a wife worthy of this young man?"

When at last the time came for them to find a wife for him they had decided that only in God's family would they find a young woman who had all the virtues worthy of such a creature.

So, as is the custom, three older people in the family were chosen to visit God to ask him for a wife for the young handsome mouse. They went to his house and stood before it.

"Why are you standing at the door?" God asked, which was an invitation to enter. So they entered and said: "We are sent by the family of the beautiful white mouse, of whom you have doubtless heard. He is white as snow, and the most beautiful of all creatures. We are looking for a wife who is worthy of him. Only your family can give us such a wife for him, for your family is the greatest and strongest in the world."

God thought a little and smiled at the messengers. "That is a good thought. It is true that the young mouse should have just the right wife. But, alas, you have come to the wrong house. For there is a stronger family than ours. It is the family of the Wind."

"But," the messengers said, "are you not stronger than the Wind?"

"It would seem that way unless you know. But the Wind is stronger than I. When the Wind blows he covers the earth with dust, he even blows dust into my eyes. So you can see he is stronger."

The messengers talked among themselves, and agreed that in that case only the family of the Wind was worthy. "Where is the house of the Wind?" they asked. God smiled on them and pointed it out, and they left.

When they arrived they stood before the house, and the Wind asked: "Why are you standing at the door?"

"We are looking for a wife for the finest of all mice," they said. "We went to God's house, but he said the Wind is stronger than he. And so we have come to ask for a daughter of your family to be the wife of our mouse."

The Wind listened and thought. And finally he said: "Your idea is an excellent one, and I thank you. But you see I am not the strongest. When I blow with all my strength I raise the dust and uproot trees, but against the Mountain I can do nothing. I blow and blow, but the Mountain does not move, and I am forced to retreat. So you see that the Mountain is stronger than I am."

"Where is the house of the Mountain?" they asked.

The Wind pointed out the house of the Mountain, and the messengers thanked him and left.

**...To be Continued (TBC)**


	7. My Luck

**Narra: **So...how's the beta search going so far?

**Charlie:** _(turns around)_ Are you smiling?

**Narra:** _(stop smiling) _No!

**Charlie:** Whatever. Still haven't got a beta.

**Narra:** You haven't done a character conversation in a long time.

**Charlie:** A what now?

**Narra:** Character conversation. You know, when you bring in someone from an anime or manga.

**Charlie:** That sounds good.

_**ALERT:**_ Searching for beta far and wide! Whoever will take the job! Please at least be good at checking for errors!

**Continuing The Marriage of a Mouse**

When they came to the Mountain's place they stood there, and he asked: "Why are you standing at the door?"

They came in and the Mountain greeted them as is the custom.

"How are you? Did you bring good news? How are your cattle? How are your children?"

They answered him politely and then spoke of the beautiful mouse for whom they were looking for a wife. He listened thoughtfully while they talked, and when they were through he said: "Yes, it is right that such a creature should have the best for a wife. But it is not my family who can give him such a wife. There is another stronger than I. He digs at my foundations day and night. He makes holes in my sides, and causes me to crumble. His family is the most powerful."

"Ah, such a creature is powerful indeed!" the messengers said. "Where can we find him?"

The Mountain pointed out his house, and the messengers went to it. It was the home of a Mouse.

"Why do you stand before the door?" the Mouse said.

Once again they explained why they had come. The Mouse listened and said: "You have found a wife for your son! What a joy that our most exceptional families should be united!"

And in this way the beautiful white Mouse found a wife worthy of him.

The End

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Seven: My Luck  
_

* * *

I woke up early the next morning and "borrowed" oji-san's car (again). I traced the streets from Kakashi's house to the school using the local map. I walked along it before school (parked the car somewhere near) and checked it out. Some rumors here and there, one in particular about a lady dropping her wallet in the middle of the street and almost became road kill. The guy who was driving the car drove her to work as an apology. 

Kakashi isn't a liar after all, but he didn't need to explain himself to his student. I'm guessing he likes it, or that's the way he bonds.

Now it's all clear. For me, not for you guys.

* * *

I turn the corner, but quickly step back. Kakashi was having a private conversation with the Chicken about his father. I look down at my watch and silently groan. Such bad timing. I was a little more than late for class and the only other route is pass the soccer field. I have no intention of laying a foot onto any field for a long while. Sighing, I plug in my iPod and turned it up to full volume before going in. I did my best to ignore them and walk as fast as I can. 

"Naruto." He probably shouted, but it was faint to my ears. I quicken my steps. A hand grabs my shoulder and I had to stop. I would've kept walking…if I had a good excuse for it. I turn around. Kakashi was smiling. Sasuke was scowling. I'm sensing danger. I turn off the iPod to hear what terrible things he has to say.

"Naruto, I have a favor." _**I don't do favors. **_"It's about the culture festival."_** Screw it. **_"Sasuke needs some help preparing for it." _**So?**_ "Can _you_ help him?" _**Can I kill him?**_

I came up with thirty reasons why I shouldn't do it, but then I thought, how in the world did _their_ conversation go from 'daddy gives me no love' to 'festival goes boo boo'. Kakashi is really trending on hazardous territories.

"I'm sorry, but I have a load of work to do." I know it's a lie. I don't have any homework.

Is that a twinkle? Did Kakashi's eyes just fucking _twinkle_? "I'll speak with your teachers about it so they can limit your amount of homework."

"My oji-san-."

"I'm sure I can speak to him about it." I'm sure you already did. Chicken boy was looking at me full of curiosity _**again**_. He could probably sense that Kakashi was trying to push me into a corner. That raised eyebrow of his isn't there for nothing.

"But I don't want to," I said back with the stubbornness I was born with.

He tapped his chin, though he didn't look particularly worry. "But Naruto-_kun_," he said with a combination tone of Orochimaru and oji-san. Creepy, I know. "It's _very_ important. It affects a lot of people's _effort_ you know. I'm sure you don't want to _disappoint_ them." _Effort_, grades. _Disappoint_, my ass is expelled. I'm very good at reading between lines.

I'm already dragging enough chains behind me. It doesn't help _you_ one bit to clamp a boulder to it, _**Kakashi**_. "Oh man," I said, speaking to myself more than them. "Iruka is going to be so angry I ditched him at work. I told him I help."

You can see him racking his brain for a solution. Well he better hurry it up. My class is about to end and I need to get there before that happens.

"I heard you're uncle was hiring more workers." _**Damn.**_ Big boobs and pouty face, that's his new plan. Promote more customers. Why don't you just open up a damn harem, perverted old man? "It's only on Saturday. But we might work Sunday too."

"I don't need help, Kakashi. "YEAH, GO CHICKEN BOY! YOU ARE THE MAN!

"I'll just ask _Neji_ then."

"Fine." YOU ARE A _DEAD_ MAN! He glanced at me slightly then quickly looks away. "I'll work with him." Hey, don't sound so grumpy. Trust me, it hurt me more than it did you. Both of them were looking at me for an answer. Yeah, that's really comforting. They look like I'm about to take off, which I would've done if I wasn't on a very important mission.

"There's more than five hundred students here. I'm sure you can find at least one of them to help you," I said and walked away.

I went on to my class, but I'm sure they're still looking at me. Probably Chicken boy. I opened the door to my class room and WHAM! My watch (including my entire body) flew toward the table and stuck to some kind of devil machine.

"And that class is called magnetic attraction." I'll show you some magnetic attraction alright: the sole of my shoe in your face. The good news was Yamato wasn't teaching us about plants today. Bad news, I missed it. Everyone laughed and finally class was dismissed. Yamato called me to stay behind and asked me why I was late.

I couldn't possibly tell him that I had to bail my oji-san out of jail. _**Jail!**_ The idiot went and tried to break into his own car! I had to get him out before he became somebody's bitch. Though that was unlikely since he'll kill himself before he'll allow _his body_ to turn gay. I made up some lie about being sick and left.

* * *

As I walked to my lunch table, I look for that kid. His name was…Sai, I think. Yeah, it was Sai. He was sitting at a table in the corner. A big fat kid was next to him. No wonder I didn't see him last time. I think I'm seeing him this time is because I'm actually looking for him. He was busy reading a book and the others didn't bother him. They just talked loudly among themselves. By 'they', I mean gangster looking kids. Chains, studs, leather pants etc. He didn't look the type to hang out with those kinds of people. 

I heard that he is part of the school's newspaper committee. He takes pictures. That's such a coincidence since he looks exactly like the stalker type. There was nothing more. Get good grades, an almost perfect rep, and here's the thriller, Gaara, Neji, _and_ the Chicken all hate his guts. Heard it being whisper around. That's the most wonderful news I've heard all day.

When I sat down, I heard Kiba telling the others what happened in Science class. I kicked him under the table. "Nobody needs to know," I hissed at him. He pouted and rubs his leg.

"You're mean, Naruto," he said in a whiny and surprisingly cute tone. Hinata giggled. That was cuter.

"Hey, do you know anything about Sai?" I asked Kiba immediately. He wasn't one to ask too many questions. It was one of his rare qualities.

"Not really. There were some rumors going around that he used to be best friend with Sasuke and all, but look at them. Those two are on completely different worlds." He was right on that one, but opposites tend to attract. I look at Chicken boy. I can tell he was annoyed with all those girls around him. Each was offering him something or trying to strike up a conversation with no success. It was weird. Not the girls, but rather that I wanted to go and talk to him. I had a feeling that I can make him smile.

Ew, that's a disgusting thought, but then again I didn't find it so disgusting. I don't really know either. Hmm, maybe I should take precaution for this. Sakura is one for revenge. And it might get even more serious since I've just been caught staring. Thank god it was Chicken boy though.

I averted my eyes and turn around only to meet _Gaara's_ eyes. It could be assume to be just a coincidence. But his eyes weren't exactly on the book, however, even if it was I don't think he can read the book backwards. I looked sideways and met with _another _pair of evil eyes…from Neji. At my table, _Kiba _was looking at me with bug out eyes. It was saying 'holy crap, you're screw'. Yeah he's right.

I made a motion at Kiba as if to poke his eyes and he back away. It was fun for a while. "What about Neji?"

"What do you mean?" Oh lord, he really meant it.

"Sai and Neji. Their friendship. Details. Give me some juice."

"Oh. Right. The four of them were all friends."

"Four?"

"Gaara."

Hmm, they hate his guts and were his friends. Interesting. We'll leave it for another time.

'_Uzumaki Naruto, please come to the office. Uzumaki Naruto, please come to the office.'_

Oh no. I hope they're not that angry when Seikimatsu came on instead of the usual school bell.

……………………

As I entered the office, I saw Hatake Kakashi smiling at me. I really hope that he didn't do what I thought he did. In his hand was a piece of paper. He held it out for me and I hesitantly took it. As I read it, I can feel my vein throbbing against my neck.

Kakashi walked pass me and patted me on the back then said, "I'll see you on Saturday."

Oji-san just signed my soul to a psychopath.

* * *

Again I sat on the front steps of the school when everyone else was gone. I'm not doing it on purpose. Oji-san decided I need to be punished some more for stealing his car, his precious four hundred pound baby. So what does he do? He doesn't pick me up. The only good thing that happened today was when Kiba paraded to my side an hour before school to tell me that someone glued Kakashi to his chair. 

But still…I was miles from home and without transportation. Oh, he'll pick me up…when it's dark and cold.

I could wait for oji-san…or I can steal another car, except…

…_**these damn brats didn't bring their cars today.**_

As it turns out, you only show off your car on the first two days of school. The rest of the year, you ride in first class limos. The only cars were the teachers and the "cool" kids. Chicken boy, Gaara, Neji, Sakura, and Ino etc. They had club meetings, except for Sakura who only wanted to be there to watch the Chicken move around the room. I saw them while passing by. Talk about obsessive. But it wasn't really her fault. Sad Sakura. Hey, SS…like Secret Service or-.

"Waiting for your uncle again?"

_**Chicken boy, damn you.**_

"No, I'm waiting for my private helicopter to take me back to my million dollar mansion…which I _stole_." Ok, that didn't really made sense to his question. I could've answered yes, but I was cold and mosquitoes were sucking on me like a Happy Meal. Can you blame me? I could try asking him to leave me alone or something, but then he'll ask me why and give me a flat no.

"Hahaha, sorry I asked."

…huh? W-What…w-wait-t, I-I-I…_**WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?**_ H-He…l-lau-oh I can't say it. It's the end of the world. Yeah, that's right. We're all waiting for Satan to take us away to Never Never Land. Who am I kidding? The guy just laughed and I freak. I smile at him. I don't know if it was a true smile or a fake one, but it felt good. Since a long time. Then right then and there I decided that I wanted to talk to him. I didn't care about Sakura or someone else seeing us talking and laughing.

It's funny. Wait, no it's not funny. I don't care what Sakura thinks, but I am _**not**_ sitting here just to make him laugh. I don't even know the guy. Sure I know his specific height, shoe sizes, and entire profile, but I don't know _know_ him. Get it? Alright I have a feeling of wanting to get to know him, but my mind is saying NO. If I become his best friend, his family problems will be weighted down on me and then his father's going to be involved. If that happens, my oji-san's business will also be involved. I've seen way too many dramas to get suck up in one myself.

I gave him the same kind of look that any person at this school would give him. It was guarantee to make him mad and possibly never speak to me again. And it worked. He glared at me so I pretended to look away frightened. Seriously though, his glare was a bit weak. Maybe that's another reason why Sakura's still hanging on to him. I'll just go with 'she's blind'.

I watch him drive away in his car. He glanced back in his rear view mirror a couple times before disappearing beyond the road.

I spot a car in the principal's VIP lot. Thinking about it for awhile, I got up and walk over to it.

* * *

"**WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKING CAR YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"** It didn't sound like much of a question. I wasn't even on the phone and I heard it. Oji-san gave me a questioningly look and mouth to me, 'what the hell did you do this time?' When I mouth back that I had stole Tsunade's car and dangled her slim ball key chain as proof, he became petrified. 

I could hear more and more shouting. Our employees, who are suppose to look up to us and fear us, are starting to giggle and I don't like giggling in my-I mean oji-san's business. I took the phone from him and spoke with a stern voice. "_**Shut up, Tsunade. Kakashi ruined my weekend so I'm stealing your car as payment. Stop calling and if I see one red light outside my window, I'll personally drag you to hell with me.**_" And with that I hung up before she could respond with a whimper or however she shows fear.

I took my oji-san's speechless moment to my advantage by telling him I'm working at the bar tonight. He didn't sound too happy several minutes later when his jaw started working again.

As usual, Orochimaru was there, except he's got reinforcement. That means, whatever I'm giving him, he gives it to someone else first (usually a really ugly lady) before daring to sip it. On the positive side, he didn't, or rather can't, sue me. Who the hell sues the bartender for getting them drunk at a bar?

I place his drink on the stand and was pulling my hand back when he grabbed it. I got the knife ready for chopping when a third hand grabbed Orochimaru's wrist and squeezed it until he let me go. We both look to the body that the hand connected and was both shocked to find _him_.

"S-Sasuke-sama?" Hmm, he actually came at the right time. I felt kind of appreciated and wanted to say thank you, but everyone knows I rather have my tongue cut out then say those two words.

"I didn't know harassment was allowed here."

I smile and took away the drink. "It isn't, but you know…people," I emphasized heavily on people just to make it worse for Orochimaru. After a few awkward moments on Orochimaru's side, he left. Chicken boy sat down at his place. Hmph.

"Iruka, your turn!" I was getting ready to leave when he shoved a flyer at me. I guess I was supposed to read it, skipping the pictures of girls grinding against the poles.

**S7**

**This is one in a million. If you find it, you get to have any one of the employees serve you till as long as you wish.**

**Closing Time: 2 AM**

It was much longer, but I thought I save everyone the pain by just reading the _necessary_ parts. Yeah, I forgot about that. Oji-san thought it is good advertisement and apparently he also thought that sticking it in my school will be good for business. It is rich and so not elite after all. Well, it's just one drink anyway, or twenty. He looks like a drinker.

Throwing the curse piece of paper behind the counter, I asked the usual question. "What would you like to have?"

"Anything is fine." At least he didn't talk much. That's a good sign. "Sorry about today." And like always, he ruins that special moment. I thought about today then it dawn on me.

….he came to make sure I was home safely.

"And what happened today?" He didn't say anything. I can feel his eyes on me as I mix something strong and pour it into a tiny little cup. Sliding it onto the counter, I waited for his next command. I scoffed, the scoff turn into somewhat of a laugh.

Sasuke just looked into the cup for drugs.

Oh please, like I was going to waste it on him.

He scowls at me and down the whole thing. I grin with satisfaction as he grimace in disgust. Guess he isn't much of a drinker. But after two hours of watching him chug everything down, I realized I probably should've added some cocaine. He looked as fit as a fiddle. It was around midnight before he decided to go home. But then BAM, that's when all the alcohol he consumed also decided to knock him out. Right there at my counter.

I thought about leaving him there, but then I felt bad since he did…sort of…kind of maybe helped me with the whole snake thing. So I carried him up to the second floor. Ugh, he should really cut back on the carps. A size one and you think he'll be a bit lighter. I threw him on the bed and walk out…except right when I was going on the stairs, the little voice in my head told me to look back. So I did and saw a pedophile trying to break in.

"Hey!" I shouted. He must've recognized me as the owner's nephew because he sure ran away pretty fast. Sighing, I carried the Chicken up to the third floor and dropped him in an empty guest room.

After taking a shower and prepared for bed, my eyes caught the sight of the camera on the shelf. I grinned and took it to Sasuke's room. I didn't bother trying to keep quiet since he _was_ drunk. I raised it and was about to take the picture, but stop. His face was…captivating. Literally. It was absolutely…

SNAP! I took the picture before my mind can wonder off with thoughts.

I had some suggestive thoughts about changing his position and clothes, but all I did was take off his shirt, a quick flash, then put it back on. It was enough to get girls screaming. Good blackmail. Having had enough, I walk to the door. Ok, I'll admit I glanced back once…or twice, but then after that I left.

* * *

I had cash, equipment, and leverage. My plans were ready to be put into action. First, I am starting with Sakura and then whoever gets suck along. But I have to wait. Again. Why am I waiting and not just pound these suckers six feet into the ground? There are two reasons. One: Sakura's party isn't until three days later. Two: I need an army. Yeah I said it. At least twenty people. 

I can do it, but it's not like they have a map of Sakura's house in the middle of the streets. Securities are tight in a rich person's big white mansion and thousand acre front yards, not like the broken down shit hole I'm use to breaking through.

Ok, this plan I have is wonderful, but takes a little bit of time. Alright it's forever long, but I needed to gather information. I'm not stupid like some people who only look into things after the ball is already half way down the hill. I am building a ramp here…with _The Great Wall of China_ built in it's side so that the ball can go all the way down the hill _without_ rolling off somewhere else.

Well, I bought two tickets to a horror movie and I put hot chilli pepper in oji-san's clothes. Bloody scene plus scared girl equals happy boy and I put hot chilli pepper in oji-san's clothes. I just hope Kiba isn't that much of a wimp when it came to it and oji-san how knows not to sign things without my consent. _Sigh._ I had given Hinata and Kiba the tickets with a promise to be there.

…promises aren't exactly my thing.

"…it shot him right between the eyes…" It was Kiba's morning chat.

I cut him off when he began describing detail by gruesome detail of something he saw once. "Kiba, have you ever listen to yourself talk?" He looked a little confused but shook his head no.

Before I can say anything to crush his spirit, Shikamaru called him over. My ears perk up at that. I look at Shikamaru and he gave me a blant look. That hasn't been the first time for that to happen. I meant the whole calling Kiba away when I'm about to explode.

Unbelievable. It's absolutely ridiculous. Shikamaru is helping Kiba. And he's actually listening with open ears to Kiba's every word. I-I feel lost. Am I missing something here? Shouldn't Kiba know that he's annoying? Shouldn't Kiba know that he should shut up? At least once in a while.

Kiba pounced back towards me with a silly grin on his face. Dumb people are really hard to figure out sometime. "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" If it's about another movie with a dead white lady, I'm punching him.

He leaned in close and cups his hands over my ear. Thank god he doesn't spit when he talks. "I heard a rumor going around that at night you work as a stripper."

I spun around and look straight into his eyes to see if there was any humor or deceit. If looks could kill, well…whatever. "And do you believe that?" I must sound as angry as I look because he shudder his body away from me.

"N-Not t-the stripper part."

"Hmph," I turn away from him.

"Hey." Now that's definitely not Kiba's voice. This was deeper and anti-social.

"Hi," I said, calm, but my voice just a little bit too loud, causing whoever it was to wince.

The Chicken took a breath and shows me a bento box (Japanese lunch box). He was avoiding my eyes, a pink tint just barely visible on his cheeks. Oh, he's embarrassed. As usual, the second he had stepped into my circle of solitude; every eye shattered that circle and aimed it on me. I looked down at the wooden box and took it. I know who made it for me and I don't want him to say it in front of all the-.

"_He _told me to give it to you." _**Nevermind.**_ Wait a minute there, he sounded angry. Oh no, what did oji-san do now?

Kiba was ready to jump out the window. I don't know why he's so scared. Is it because the Chicken's family has power? Then he doesn't need to worry about that because the Chicken's drowsy with a hangover right now.

Gasps and whispers filled the room like a sudden storm. Oh, but he didn't care though because he was the cool guy. He doesn't have any feelings. He went to go sit down while Kiba whispered/hissed at me with a bunch of questions.

"Hush," I told him in my serious tone. His lips closed, but his eyes were moving everywhere. I satisfied him with an 'I'll tell you later'. Yeah right.

Sakura didn't want a later, she wanted one now. She got her whiny ass over to the Chicken and…I don't know what she said, but he yelled at her. He used his "outside voice" and yelled.

He said, "Will you stop talking?" There definitely wasn't a question mark at the end of that sentence. "I am sick and tired of you!" The whole room became quiet and I was very aware of a pair of green eyes glaring at me.

I scratch my chin and turned the hell away. I learned one important thing about our cool guy.

He's a mean hangover drunk.

……………..

Our pink hair queen bee got a hold of me in between classes. I was against a wall with five girls surrounding me. I saw a scene like this on TV once, except it was five guys and a bear.

"What the fuck did you do?" Whoa, since when did little miss princess cuss? I guess when you're angry, you're angry.

I shrug my shoulders. "I didn't do anything." Her hand slammed right _next_ to me face, _next_. If it had been at my face, she would not have been able to say her next sentence.

"Don't lie to me, scum!"

"It's middle class," I corrected.

"What?"

"I just wanted to clarify that I'm part of the middle class, not scum. Scums are the people you see_ in_ dumpsters."

"Do I look like I care?" Not at all, you look like that famous guy…Michael something…except with a more surgically enhanced forehead.

She was five inch from my face, five inch. That was enough for me to sniff out all the ingredients in her perfume. There's probably a "Tested on Animals" labelled on the bottle.

"Get near Sasuke-kun again and you'll regret it." I already did, but now you made me angry and so you're going to pay. Now my ramp has spikes and a blowtorch.

After she finished what she got to say, she struts off to her class. I got four bumps on the shoulders and her girls each got a bruise. Coincidentally at the same spot that they bumped me.

* * *

Ok, remember how I "borrowed" oji-san's car? I think the fact that I'm _walking_ is obvious to what happened. But I wasn't going home right now. I had business to take care of. So I went to a voodoo shop on Mystic Road. I haven't been to it in a while. At the shop, I stood for a second to admire the name (**Lend a Hand to Death**), but scrunched my nose up in disgust. The place is very cool and deadly, but did they have to burn so many incenses? I took a last sniff of the outside world before stepping inside. 

Upon entering, I found it dark. The atmosphere is very good. No stream of light would ever dare enter. I wish I could live here.

"Wait a second! I'm fixing the light!" There were a few noises then every bulb in the store lit up.

I shut my eyes quickly. This must be what dead people feel like when they enter heaven: blind. "It's a little bright!" The lights dimmed and a man stepped down onto the ladder. It's like waiting for god. When the man saw who I was, his fist attempted to bust my face. I quickly dodge and move away, keeping a distance between us. "Nice to see you too, Zabuza."

"Zabuza-san, are you alright?" Oh, the fist had slammed into the wall and a couple of picture frames fell, causing noise. And so enter….a pretty guy. He is the prettiness guy I know. There is not one girl that has surpassed him, except maybe Hinata, but she's more cute than pretty. Sad, yes I know. The Ultimate Woman is a dude.

I dodge again, this time from the pretty guy. He was much faster and I got nicked on the shoulder. A small one. Still hurt though. "…and Haku. Feisty as ever, eh?" They didn't say anything, choosing to glare at me. "May I ask why I'm being attack?" I think I already know.

"What the fuck do you want?" Zabuza said harshly.

My eyes narrowed at the word. "I know you're evil, but what's with the cussing? You certainly never did it before." He's more physical.

He didn't stop glaring, he never does. It's a 24/7 kind of thing. "It's only after that brat came." Notice that he is not talking about me.

"Zabuza-san!" scowled Haku. The man looked sorry. Amazing. How can someone glare and look sorry at the same time? Truly amazing. I would like to learn that. Be very confusing for oji-san, oh and Kiba. Two beautiful eyes turn their attention towards me. "Sorry about before, Naruto-kun. We were a bit upset."

Quirking an eyebrow, I pointed to the knife in his hand. "A bit?"

He blushed and put the knife away. "Would you like something to drink? Tea?"

I cross my arm and lean against a shelf. Good thing it's built into the ground. "No thanks. I'm just here to get the-." I almost jumped when a knife flew past my face and imbedded itself quote awkwardly in a doll beside me. "Tea sounds great."

……………..

As I was sitting there sipping my hot beverage, I thought back to the good old days. Then I realize there were no good old days. It was stressful. Like Zabuza and Haku for example. They're relatives, uncle and nephew kind of relationship. They're not exactly related by blood, but people still can't digest the truth that they're in love with each other. I've never been too judgemental of them, but there is definitely a 'no intimacy in front of Naruto' policy. That's why they're a feet from each other around me.

They were glaring at me, but Haku, who has never been able to completely mask his emotions like Zabuza, had some sympathy in his eyes. I know why they're angry. After all, I haven't come by here in a couple of years. There were the rare visits and occasional glimpse of my hair on the streets, but that was it. I don't know. I just don't like people showing me sympathy. I'm not a big egomaniac if that's what you're thinking

"So…" I might as well start something, right?

Zabuza gave me a suspicious look. I deserve that. "So…"

"I want to borrow the brat for a couple minutes."

SLAM! We both turn to Haku, who didn't look very happy. Maybe I should've bought him something before asking a favor.

"Four years. We barely see you in four years and you think you can just walk up in here asking for a favor. What is wrong with you?"

Oh, I can answer that. "There-."

"That wasn't a question."

"It sounded like a question," I said back. Since they know my true nature and everything, it's kind of hard not to argue. I roll my eyes. Haku was ready to cry. "Look, after the accident, everyone acted like I've turned into this freakin' China doll. The really fragile kind that you can't even touch, you have to wear these special gloves and walk as if you're stepping on broken glass. It's ridiculous."

He stood up, a menacing air around him. "Well, I'm sorry, but I was twelve!"

I stood up as well, not losing to him with the menacing air. "You could've been more emotionless! _That_ would've helped!"

"How else was I supposed to act when my best friend's parents **died**?"

I ignored the stinging in my chest. It's just a sting. I can handle it. Nothing to worry about. Haku slump back on to the couch and all the while, Zabuza didn't say one word.

"Hey, what's going on?"

All three of us turn to the little kid that just walked out. He should be ten today, I think. Or I could be wrong and he turns out to be eight. Possibly seven. Whatever. The kid was plain, but I liked him, mostly because he didn't remember my parents' death enough to care _too _much. He cares, but it's one of those fleeting moment…child thing. The only uniqueness about him was his name. Man was it long.

Momochi Shiro Konohamaru.

"Mommy, are you ok?"

Snort. Yes, that is me out loud. "M-Mommy? That's very interesting, Konohamaru." I enjoy teasing Haku. Look at that, we bounced back.

"Naruto!"

I let out an undignified 'oof' sound when he jumped and landed on me. He continues hugging me and _will not_ let go. "Ok, ok. Three second rule, remember?" He got off and proceeded to grin at me. Oh, charades. He's trying to…annoy me. No, wait I got it, he wants something! …why does he want something?

He stood up tippy toes and looked eagerly at my hands, which were behind me. "So? Whatcha' got?"

"Can you give me some hints as to what you're talking about?"

The grin fell from his little face and a mini frown came on. "You forgot again. It's my birthday, Naruto."

Again? Right. Those years where Haku would phone me up to remind me that it's Konohamaru's birthday and I would ship over a present. I really need to update my calendar. "Of course it's your birthday. That is why I'm here to take you out." I sure made that lie up pretty quick.

"Really?!" He was jumping up and down, looking at Haku for permission. "Can I, can I? Pleeeeeease!"

"Sure, but be safe and I want him home early, _Naruto_." He had this look in his eyes, but I pretend not to notice.

"Understood, _mommy_," I teased, watching in delight as he turned pink with Konohamaru not knowing what's going on. "Come on, kid." Ew, I had to hold his hands which brings his age down to six.

………………….

Nara Shikamaru was walking home alone, not aware of a pair of eyes following him. Why would he? I'm completely cloaked. I had bought the brat some ice cream and told him the plan. He should be right about-. Goody, they bumped into each other! Konohamaru was perfect. He had the letter and it was all set. I turned up the volume so I can hear their conversation.

The brat's eyes lit up as he recognized the person I described to him. "Mister, are you smart?" The voice is perfect! So innocent and naïve. One of the reasons I love kids.

"…I guess." Can his voice be anymore tired? It's like he just woke up from a coma. There's no energy at all.

He quickly held up the letter and asked eagerly, "Can you tell me where Santa Claus lives?" I could laugh! Wait, I am laughing!

"…_sigh._ Santa Claus doesn't exist." Do you know what is great about all this? The most critical moment of all?

"_Gasp!_ W-What?" Konohamaru really _does_ believe in Santa. "B-But h-he s-sends m-me gifts."

Shikamaru's face widens a millimetre from its lazy expression. He scratches his head in contemplation. The brat really does have the face of an angel…when he's sad. It's, like, all cool and stuff. One minute he's all plain, but once those tears start welling up in his big, puffy eyes, he's so adorable. He's like a live-action chibi.

"Uh…did you say Santa Claus?" The boy nodded. "Oh!" Shikamaru does not know how to look surprise. His face was kinda drowsy. "I thought you meant Santa...Floss."

"Huh?" What the kid said.

"He's a very…bad guy and he's so bad that people…umm…say he doesn't exist. So…you should never talk about him…ever. For the rest of your life."

Nice save, Shikamaru. Kind of stupid, but still a nice save.

"But you just talked about him."

"That's because I'm older than you. You can only talk about him if you're older than me."

"How old do I have to be then?"

"…130."

…………………

"That was some good communication," I told him. "What did he write?" He held out the envelope for me. The answer was good enough. I ruffle his hair in appreciation. "Good job. And do you remember what I said?"

He frowns with a pout, thinking. "If he asks I don't know you and you were asking for…directions?" He smiles when I nodded. He's a good kid. Easily manipulated. "…payment?"

"Hmm?"

He was still smiling with hands held up. "What about my payment?"

I knelt down beside him. "What payment?" I smile, knowing where this was leading to. Smart kid, eh?

"I helped you so you need to pay me," he said with a now evil smile. Almost identical to mine. "Because you know, I might just spill to the lazy-san. I don't know, it could "accidentally" slip."

"Hahahaha!" I wiped away the invisible tears from my eyes. "That is really good; however, you forgot one very important thing."

His curious face stares up at me. "What's that?"

I stood up and look away absentminded. "Because you know, I might just spill to Haku about your dirty little secret. I don't know, it could "accidentally" slip." I inwardly smirk when I heard him gasp with horror. I patted him on the head and lean down so we were eye to eye. "You're way too young to pull one me, Konohamaru-chan." He pouted so I poke his little cheeks until they deflated. I kicked him on the butt and quickly ran away. Of course I had to look back now and then to make sure he's still behind me. Kids run so slow these days. Uh-oh, that's a child molester behind him.

* * *

So after kicking some molester's ass and taking Konohamaru safely home, I wonder the streets of wherever the hell I am. There was a man on the streets, homeless. I know him. Well, I don't know _know_ him, but he once asked me for money and somewhere along that, he told me his name was Sarutobi. He never did get the money. I ignored him as I walk by. 

In an alleyway, there was a geek and three bullies ganging up on him for money. Is everything about money nowadays? It probably is. I ignored that too and kept walking. Dude need to toughen up.

………………..

I'll give you full detail of what happen when I came home.

Jiraiya, the man who calls himself my oji-san because he technically is, jumped when I slam the bento box on the table he was currently working. Two of his very shocked eyes stare at me then up at the box but then back at me again for some reason. "W-Wha-?"

"Don't 'w-wha-' me. Explain the box." Yes, I made it as simple as possible. His brain was working on a lie, one of the thing_s_ he was bad at. "Just focus on the bento box. Wrap your mind around the box. Do not think anywhere except inside the box." Two of his brown pupils dilated around the whole room and focused on everything that I did not mention. I snap my finger and made him jump again.

"N-Naruto…I-I…."

"You know I don't eat lunch." The box held delicious food and I guess it was a surprise to most people that it was still full. Oji-san and probably Iruka are the only ones who know I don't eat lunch until lunch is officially over. It's a rule that we all know and yet why are they breaking it? I know I break rules, but mine isn't idiotic and it isn't for the whole world. It's a personal, self-given one.

"It's not your uncle's fault, Naruto. I told him too."

"And behold, the other idiot," I said, not looking at Iruka. I didn't have to; he walked around to glare at me. I would describe the man as a quarter. When he's angry, he's angry. When he's happy, he's happy. There's no second guessing that. "What? I have a right to be piss off." His eyes turned sympathetic. I never did like seeing him angry…at me. "Stop that. I don't need your pity and you're probably thinking I have a problem, but I don't. I just don't eat lunch. Get with the century, people."

Iruka, nor oji-san, approached me because when I say I don't need your pity, I really mean it. They didn't look at me and begin the awkward moment.

"I'm ok." I came to break someone's neck and say 'I'm ok'. How lame I am. Lunch and me, those words don't go together anymore. It'll probably seem nothing to others, but it's personal to me. So personal I would kill (literally) whoever shoved food down my throat at 12 A.M.

"What do you want us to say?" Oji-san was never one to say those kinds of things so it was probably Iruka. My mind is so dizzy with thoughts I can't think.

"…nothing." I gave them a few glances before going up to my room. Hmm, I'm gonna have to turn that photo on my nightstand down.

* * *

**Charlie:** I don't know who to pick. There's so many.

**Narra:** What character do you like?

**Charlie:** Since I'm doing a Naruto FF then I should probably get someone from there, but I want other characters too.

**Narra: **Then get both.

**Charlie:** Che, go watch a movie while I think. Oh, audience, I bring you a new attraction. It's the riddles! Just replacing quotes since I can't seem to find any at the moment and there just so maybe to be a lot of riddles laying around on my file.

**Riddles:**

"Why is an island like the letter T?"

"Pronounced as one letter,  
And written with three,  
Two letters there are,  
And two only in me.  
I'm double, I'm single,  
I'm black, blue, and gray,  
I'm read from both ends,  
And the same either way.  
What am I?"

"My life can be measured in hours,   
I serve by being devoured.  
Thin, I am quick  
Fat, I am slow  
Wind is my foe."

"What other letter fits in the following series: B C D E I K O X?"

"What is the next letter in the series: "B, C, D, E, G, ..."? And Why?"

"Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet store and buy three cats. Each female gets her own cat. How is this possible?"

"What has wheels and flies, but is not an aircraft?"


	8. My Tormentor

**Charlie:** I know who I want!

**Narra:** Who? Who?

**Charlie:** I want someone dark, anti-hero, supernatural, and he/she has to have black hair!

**Narra:** ...you do relieve there are hundreds out there, don't you?

**Charlie:** Damn!

**Narra:** I'll contact Tokyopop.

**Riddles:**

"What is the best month for a parade?"

"What's white when it's dirty?"

"Which is faster, hot or cold?"

"Six glasses are in a row. The first three are full of juice; the second three are empty. By moving only one glass, can you arrange them so empty and full glasses alternate?"

"Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting. Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How come?"

"When is your mind like a rumpled bed?"

"What can you put in a wood box that will make it lighter?"

"Never thank me.  
Walk right through me,  
Never feel me.  
Always watching,  
Never speaking.  
Always lurking,  
Never seen."

"What has a mouth but can't chew?"

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Eight: My Tormentor_

* * *

Today felt like a good day and that's why I knew something horrible was going to strike me. Isn't it obvious? You're walking to school and the weather's perfect then you suddenly got "dumb" on that exact same day. Happened to me. Remember that one girl I dated? Well, I got sick of her and dumped her. Bad idea at the time since I was high on sugar and sweating through my skin. You can say I was a little surprise when she announced to everyone in the cafeteria that _she_ had dumped _me_. Yeah and somehow her car just magically burst into flame during third period. 

True story by the way.

Tsunade's car was parked in the same spot though it now had a more advance alarm system. I knew because she had placed a sign right there that said so. I wasn't going to steal it…yet. It's only when I really need it.

I was walking to class with Kiba (he stalked me) when we suddenly were both looking into the eyes of Sasuke. I immediately assumed the worse. See, perfect weather, disaster, learn something from this.

"Kiba, why don't you leave us for a minute?" Threatening words from such a _sweet_ guy.

Kiba looked at me uncertainly and I gesture him off. After he was gone, Sasuke's expression turned gloomy. It was a little off. "Something wrong?"

"Tell your **uncle** to get off my back." Sasuke had this burning fire in his eyes. It contrasted with his black coal eyes. I'm telling you, he should be a vampire. He has the right complexion plus…it would be so cool! "Are you…are you smiling?"

I wipe it off my face and tried to look innocently. This is one of those times I'm glad I have angelic looks. "No. And about my oji-san…maybe you could've…you know…_not_ have gotten drunk. That's a big blackmail, considering we have cameras everywhere."

Ok, he looks piss. In fact, he _is _piss.

"I don't care. I just want him out of my life. Whatever it takes-."

"You mean pay me?" Confusion splashed on his face and his mind slowly processed it. That only made the situation worse.

"Pay you? Sure, I guess." Why must people feel the need to say 'I guess'?

"I want a definite answer. Yes or no."

"…yes," then he realized he just answer an order. A command. A blow to his pride. Whatever you want to call it, he is surprise by all. "Wait, I'm not paying you."

"Ok, but you were acting pretty strange today and there could be only one explanation for it," I hinted.

He was resisting punching me and I felt thrilled. For such a stoic guy, he's easy to rile up. "This is yours." He held up another bento box for me. He gave me a questioning look when my eye twitched at the sight of it.

"Sweet," I took it. "I have my own errand boy. I'm so proud of oji-san." I smile at him just to add to his annoyance.

"…fine." A tiny little whisper.

"Sorry, what was that? I can't hear you," I lean side-ways toward him. "Can you talk louder?"

"I said fine!" He smirk when I backed away, wincing from the piercing vibration through my ear. "Loud enough for you?"

I was a bit put out but I wasn't going to let him see me angry. "Yeah, I think the whole block heard you. I'll save your payment for another time." I rub my ear as I walk away while also thinking of something weird. I wanted to hear him scream. Hmm, maybe I'm sick.

* * *

I called up oji-san and told him to stop messing with Sasuke, using five years worth of threats to convince him. I also told him to stop making me lunch or even asking someone else to make it. I had a moment of peace after that but then…. 

_Sigh_. I'm turning into Shikamaru. _Sigh._ I wish I had psychic powers or something…so I can know what's going on. Everyone was giving me weird looks now and then. It wasn't that long since homeroom started. Anyway the "perfect weather" day still hasn't ended. It got much much bigger. I got the news in Kakashi's class.

"Class, I have read your journals and-." Oh yeah right. Bet you only read the first sentence. "–I have prepared a project." Say what?

A paper landed on my desk that said **Best Friend**. I read the contents. Immediately, my mind started planning how to shove my fist into Kakashi's face without anyone seeing it. Oh hell, they can watch me shove his foot down his throat.

You guys have heard a lot of 'shoving my foot down his throat' from a lot of people, but imagine where that person's mouth has been. And there be blood involve. You really don't want that on your shoe or it could soak into your shoe. Pretty disgusting, don't you think?

"This is a group project…of two." The class went into hell after that. Girls were laughing and hoping to be with their friends…or Sasuke. More on Sasuke. I don't know if it's a really good idea. Not on my part. Maybe I should've killed him upon seeing that scheming glint in his eyes.

"Whoever name I call out; you are to work with them for the next week. There are no changes," he said looking at me for a second too long. I already know who my partner is going to be. It isn't too hard to figure out.

"Shikamaru and Lee." They're like negative forces. Lee will probably drive Shikamaru insane by the end of the week. I should ask him to videotape it.

"Gaara and Hinata." _**…? Sure, rabbits and lions have always coexisted peacefully since the beginning of time.**_

Sakura was crossing fingers and toes to be with Sasuke. "Ino and Sakura." Both girls squealed with horror. Oh for the love of god, just shut up already. It's not like they're going to turn gay in one night.

…well, I did see this movie once…

"Kiba and Shino." Mutual feelings.

"Sai and Ayumi." Again, it bugged me. The feeling wasn't often, mostly because I can't seem to stick him in my mind. He just doesn't…stick. People don't say his name and it slips right out my ear. Sai…I wrote it down on my hand just to remember. Oh, I need to get oji-san's car to the cleaners. Write that down too. And wake up early to cook breakfast. Make that a big breakfast.

"Naruto and…" He paused, his one eye scanning the room like a laser casually. I thought maybe he was giving up and decided not to give me hell, knowing _I_ would give him hell. He might even be a nice guy after-.

"…Sasuke." Talk about throwing it out the window. He practically used a slingshot. If Sasuke isn't there at school, he's ruining my weekend (having yet to go), but now…_**he's going to be sitting three feet from me on my couch in my living room. **_

…does that suck big time or what?

Some of you may think that being in the same room with Uchiha Sasuke would be like 'HALLELUJAH!' and all, but I dislike him. I may even hate him more than Sakura. The reason is a very good one…one which I will not reveal right now. It's…uh…private.

Sakura _and_ Ino glared at me. Oh, I am so lucky to have so much attention based solely on me (sarcasm). Then I became the spotlight of the classroom. The teacher secretly grinning maliciously, the students oiling their motormouths. Learn something from this here, kid.

"You are going to spend the next two weeks getting to know your partner. By the end of that week, I expect a one page report. It has to have quality. That is all." Another thing you need to learn, Kakashi's instructions are somewhat limited. I may be interesting, but his porn book is always top. So some people went around the room, talking to their partner or their friend.

Seeing that Sasuke wasn't moving anywhere, Kiba and Shino came over and sat by me. Poor Hinata, she wanted to finish the report as soon as possible so she's risking limbs walking over to Gaara. I wouldn't want to go to his house either. Too depressing and there is a chance of a strong perfume scent, secretly hiding another strong nasty scent. Hint hint.

"So are you going to his house or are you going to his? By the way, can I come to your house? I haven't seen it before. It's so cool you live in a bar!" My ears twitched at that last sentence. In an instant, his tie was wrapped around my finger while I pull him closer.

Shino was ready to break up a fight if necessary. Well fk Shino, this is bigger than him. "Say that last sentence again."

"It's so cool you live in a…bar?" The bell rang just at that moment to interrupt my thoughts of destruction.

Everyone filed out of class and I followed behind…Sasuke. Now let me say something, I'm working mostly on instinct here. In the next half of a second, I was already half dragging Sasuke (he was kind of walking willingly) out the door and into a secluded hallway. He was not as angry as he should've been if someone else had dragged him and that unsettled me. It gave more evidence to what I was thinking about what he was thinking.

"You told them?" I had on my angry and betrayed voice. It's been perfected for over nine years. Yes I was a master at controlling my tone level at age seven. Get over the shock, people. You should be use to these surprises already. Who do you think this is? President Clinton? …his story went national but that's not the point here.

"I can't believe you would do this to me! If you hadn't wanted payment, you could've used some other methods to ruin me!" That was necessarily true, the whole ruining me part. It went on and on like that. That right there is called overreacting mode. It's where I don't stop to think. Of course this is all make believe, pretend, fake. I wanted to see if he would explode back at me or choose to side with me. Usually people pick one or the other. Beside I need to see his self-control before I start planting mines.

"Listen, dobe, I don't know why you think I did that, but I suggest you start using your head or you're going to get hurt around here." Wow, he sounded serious but…_**HOLD THE SHIT UP!**_

That voice, it was calm and controlling. He didn't help me, if telling me that I'm going to get hurt called helping. There were some insults in his words, but I'm willing to ignore it. He didn't choose the other, which is weird. Naw, the stoic guys always pick the third choice. Yes, there was a third choice. Just because I didn't say it didn't mean it isn't there. It's called the neutral zone. I already know who spread the rumour. Sakura's words were like flame with its own tank of oxygen. The little bitch.

"Teme," I said through gritted teeth. That was real. I meant that one word. It has a lot of anger in it. However Sasuke was amused by it and that was all he showed before he left. Why does everyone start having a sense of humor around me? Where's the fear? Though…I wonder why he was amused. Maybe it's because I'm the first person who's insulted him in so long that he forgot he was suppose to feel angry. "Hey, don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" He had only taken five steps really, but I talk fast.

Anyway he only needed two steps to shove me against the locker. What is it with people and their desire to shove me against a locker? Oh wait, I have that power. Back to this awkward moment for me. A hand clenched at my shirt. It was tight, but not pulling. His other hand was above my head. Here is where I admit I'm a bit short. Just a little tiny bit. He leaned in threateningly close. It was threatening because it looked more like he was flirting with me than actually threatening me. We all you that you're suppose to punch someone then lift them up and say, "What you just say, beeyotch?"

These people suck at threats or…maybe…he's actually…

OOOOHHHHHH! Wait, oh? Oh what? It's like it's at the tip of my tongue but I don't know specifically what it is. Hmm, what is it? It's like something, but I can't remember. I-It…it is…what the hell is it?

"W-What…" I must've looked like I was trying hard to figure something out because his hand on my shirt loosens and he let it hang on his side. Except now he was right in front of me but let's focus on something more interesting. "…I can't figure what…what…it…is strange. What exactly are you doing?" I wave my hand at our position. My voice was honest because that's what I'm doing. I'm being honest. It was coming from him and I was supposed to know it, but I can't. There was like a cloud blocking it from my view. Tsk, stupid cloud.

I watched his expression for any clues to my question. He was…startled? Why? He backed up and was shock to finally realize what he was doing. Then he…ran away. Literally. Feet hitting the pavement and really fast movement kind of running away. _I_ was startled. He was embarrassed, but would somebody tell me why he's embarrassed? He…argh…I can't figure this out. It was coming from him and…I felt it too. Huh? It was inside me? Ok, ow ow. That hurts. It was like a ba-dump ba-dump. Stupid, I know it's my heart, but it was faster.

It went BA-DUMP! BA-DUMP! BA-DUMP! It hurt, but I didn't mind. Hah, weird. What the hell was it? I don't know. That's…weird.

….I gotta stop with the word 'weird'.

Oh well. Except it wasn't oh well I don't remember you so like whatever. It remained in my head for a long time before I finally got it out. If I could have it surgically remove, I would.

Nevermind, Sakura's standing right by the corner, not revealing herself, but I'm guessing she's carving a hole in the cemented wall with her manicured claws. Wait, she's right in front of me, seething.

I opened my mouth and before any sound could come out, I was shoved into a closet. It locked and that was it. I bend down and counted the feet. Three.

"Had fun flirting with my boyfriend, whore?" she sneered at me.

"I thought you were better than that, Sakura." Seriously, I did. "You can't go up against me without your friends?" She kicked the door once then it got quiet. I heard whisperings and some agreement then her two friends ran off.

"Hey low-life, if you beg me now, I'll let you out or else you're going to regret it."

"Ah, you sent your friends to go get something," I look around. "But you can't exactly put anything in here without opening the door." Pow! "I don't even know why you're kicking the door. It's only denting your shoe and doing me no harm whatsoever. That's a big lose lose." Her friends came back and I saw them set down something. A bucket maybe.

"Swear you won't bother Sasuke-kun anymore." I didn't say anything; too busy searching for a pin or something to open this door with. And also a box to stand on because whatever she's pouring, I definitely don't want to find out what it is. This stupid closet doesn't even have a light.

"What? Can't handle competition?" I found a small card of some sort and a used condom (yuck). At least be clean about it. Damn horny kids. I didn't stop in my search, but I was high on alert, especially since it got really quiet. That last sentence might have really push-. "AHHH!" W-What the hell-? I kicked and kicked until whatever it is fell off. I hissed to myself as Sakura laughed with satisfaction.

I climbed on my little tower (box) of safety. I looked down and HOLY SHI-! Those were…snakes? Ew, they were crawling all over each other and it's just gives me the creeps. I can smell the strong scent of dirt and something else that snakes has. They had dumped Yamato's collection of snakes into the closet…or at least force them in with their shoes under the door. I took a broken mirror (found it in corner) and shine down on them. They hissed and back away, but not before I got a good look at their features.

What I saw didn't make me feel safe one bit. I pounded my fists on the door and screamed. "HEY, LET ME OUT!" Stupid, stupid girls!

"Haha, scared? Why don't you beg me a little nicer and I _might_ think about letting you out?" came Sakura's voice. It made me want to rip out her lungs. Hearing the hisses growing more urgent only made _me_ more urgent.

"THESE SNAKES ARE POSIONOUS, YOU MORON!" _**They're grenade-throwing little brats.**_

My words only made her angrier and that wasn't good for me. Luckily…her friends were total wimps. I can hear them arguing with Sakura to let me out, but she won't. I think one of them whispered something secretive; however, Sakura was too busy yelling at me to hear them. It's a wonder I can hear them myself. Hmm, maybe they're planning to break me out. That's a happy thought.

STUMP STUMP STUmp stump stump! …ok, I think they just ran away.

This isn't exactly good for me either! You see my problem with these people here. Those two didn't even dare touch Sakura. If I saw someone doing something stupid (like right now), boss or not, I would slap them upside the head. That's what these people here can't seem to do. I think "who's going out with whom this week" stays longer on the rumour list than "oh, that's the guy who killed himself in our cafeteria".

What is wrong with these people? Seriously? Are they taking some kind of prescribed drugs? Because _that_ I would understand.

I banged on the door one last time and lean on it with one arm. I realized it's a good opportunity for me to talk to Sakura. If I make her angry enough, maybe she'll open the door to try to strangle me. Of course, I'll be long gone before that happens. "Sakura…you do realize Sasuke doesn't-."

"SHUT UP!"

"-like you, don't you?" I finished it anyway.

"Sasuke-kun and I love each other!" She was on the other side, keeping her voice clam, but her face was twisted into ugly knots of rage.

"_**Then why are you so upset?**_"

_Hiss hiss hiss hiss!_

Oh shit. "Sakura?" I tap the door hopefully. "YOU LET ME OUT NOW YOU BITCH!" I shouted, banging my fists non-stop. I jump as a mouth with two sharp fangs tries to have a bite at me. Not a good idea to be loud, Naruto.

…well

"OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN OPEN!" It was following by a series of BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG! There was a small scream in between because one of those spineless bastards tried to snap at me!

"Ahhhh!" That wasn't because of the snake. The door just opened so suddenly and I fell, resulting in a crash. I landed on a pair of really soft and sweet…t-thing…that was kind of wet. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ouch, that hurts, just like that time.

I quickly sat up and stared straight into…

On a note, my hand instinctively shot up and caught something wiggly (snake). "Hi," was all I can about manage. I definitely wasn't counting on what had happened to actually happen mostly because it doesn't happen too often.

"Hi," the other equally shaky, but deep voice said back to me. Guess who? C'mon, guess who? Ding ding, if you had chose who I think you chose then you are correct. It is…in fact…UCHIHA SASUKKKKKKEEE! Those girls went to get Sasuke!

I stood up follow suit by…him, you know. "S-So…uh…"_ Hiss hissssss! _ I quickly ditched the snake and closed the closet with a nudge of my foot. "…w-what are you…umm…doing here?" Did I just become stupid or something? Talk right damnit! Oh you just kiss the guy and you're worrying about talking. Nice one, Naruto.

…k-kis-ss? W-Well, it…uh…umm…b-barely touched…r-right? S-S-S-S-S-So….yo-…comp-p…I-I-I-I….hahaha.

Ugh.

My chest was pounding a hundred miles per hour. It's just having a blast, trying to beat the human record of creating a heart attack all by itself. What a nice little pack of bloody muscle. It didn't help that I knew those snakes were in there mating. Yeah I lied about them being poisonous. They were garter snakes and they can be pretty vicious when they're disturbed during…that time of the year

Sasuke was clenching and unclenching his hands at his side, sometime lifting it up to bite a nail nervously but figure it was too inappropriate and put it back down. "They…called me," he said looking at the two girls who I had heard ran away. "They said you needed…uh…help," he muttered quietly, not looking me in the eye.

"Right, well…thanks. I better get going," I said and he nodded in understanding.

"M-Me too."

I nodded like him and walked passed him except we couldn't get pass each other because we were standing in each other's way. So he zig and I zag and it was all a jumbled up until we finally got past one another and walked away embarrassingly.

………………

The weird part of what had happened stayed in my mind all day. Sasuke wouldn't look at me and I wouldn't look at him. And by that time, Kiba had thought we were best buddies or something so he asked me if Sasuke and I had a fight. I freaked and actually almost stuttered in front of _him_. Kiba, the idiot. I don't stutter for no good reason.

So Kiba's questions only reminded me about that…incident. It stayed until I beat the crap out of it. Then and only then can I think clearly. Unconsciously my hand reach up to touch my lips and I quickly slap the sucker down, hoping no one saw that. Ba-dump! Ba-dump! Ba-dump! Ok, owwww. I'm starting to think these are happening because of Sa-…that guy. Fk it, I can say his name! It's…S-S-Sa…Sasuke!

…ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump! Ba-dump! BA-DUMP. BA-DUMP. BA-DUMP! BA-DUMP!

ARRGGGGGHHH!

Along with that feeling, a thought was nagging in my head that I forgot something very important.

* * *

**Charlie:** Reviews are low.

**Narra:** So?

**Charlie:** Really low.

**Narra:** Let me repeat, so?

**Charlie:** I can't work with you!

**Narra:** I don't get you! What exactly is your point?

**Charlie:** ARGH!

**Riddles:**

"Why is an island like the letter T?"

**Answer: **It is in the middle of wa**T**er

"Pronounced as one letter,  
And written with three,  
Two letters there are,  
And two only in me.  
I'm double, I'm single,  
I'm black, blue, and gray,  
I'm read from both ends,  
And the same either way.  
What am I?"

**Answer: **An eye

"My life can be measured in hours,  
I serve by being devoured.  
Thin, I am quick  
Fat, I am slow  
Wind is my foe."

**Answer: **A candle

"What other letter fits in the following series: B C D E I K O X?"

**Answer: **The letter H. All of the letters in the series flipped vertically remains the same.

"What is the next letter in the series: "B, C, D, E, G, ..."? And Why?"

**Answer: **The next letter would be P. They all rhyme.

"Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet store and buy three cats. Each female gets her own cat. How is this possible?"

**Answer: **There is a grandmother, a mother, and a daughter. The grandmother is also the mother's mother, so there are 2 daughters and 2 mothers, but only a total of 3 people.

"What has wheels and flies, but is not an aircraft?"

**Answer: **A garbage truck


	9. My Romeo

**Charlie:** Attention, everyone!

**Narra:** It's too early for an announcement.

**Charlie:** It's noon, moron. Anyway, I just want to say that the chapter title really have nothing to do with the story. Sometime it does, but I just put anything. _(trying to wake up Narra)_ Hey, we gotta go pick up our guest.

**Narra:** Why can't our guest just come here?

**Charlie:** Because last night, you were the one who wanted to go. Now come on! She isn't going to wait forever.

**Narra:** Why not? She lives forever.

**Charlie:** Are you going to get up or not? Don't make me snap my fingers.

**Narra:** And I'm up.

**Riddles:**

"What is it that everybody does at the same time?" 

"Take away my first letter; take away my second letter; take away all my letters, and I would remain the same. What am I?"

"A doctor and a nurse have a baby boy. But the boy's father is not the doctor and the mother is not the nurse. How can it be?"

"What gets wet when drying?"

"The more you take away, the larger it becomes? What is it?"

"You can keep it only after giving it away to someone else. What is it?"

"If it has a quart capacity, how many pennies can you put into a empty piggy bank?"

"You have a barrel of oil, and you need to measure out just one gallon. How do you do this if you only have a three-gallon container and a five-gallon container?"

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Nine: My Romeo  
_

* * *

I thought it would be all better. It _is_ the end of Friday. So I went to bed thinking of lying in bed till noon. The Sasuke (I get over things fast) problem could wait till Monday and by then it would be all gone. But then…Sakura was there. Yeah, I had forgotten all about her and I've been too busy to observe her. Her anger has probably hit _that_ (roof-top) high. I'll let her land a few punches. Naw, what am I talking about? I'll beat the snot out of her before I let her touch me. 

She'll just do something, like put dog poo in my locker. I went to sleep having hopes that will happen.

………………….

Knock! Knock! "Naruto…?" a gentle voice called me.

I rolled around in my bed, groaning with displeasure. "…wha?" He better have a good reason for waking me up so early. It was barely ten o'clock!

"Your friend is here!"

I shot up straight in bed. That is a good reason. Fumbling around for some clothes, I wonder who could be waiting for me. Friends, yeah, but which one? Could be Kiba? But why would he come here? I vaguely remember him saying something about wanting to see…a bar? I think it was yesterday. Or was it today?

"About time you got up. We're late as it is." I stared at the person in front of me.

"Sasuke? What are you doing here?" He scowled at me but it wasn't a real scowl. God, I wish it was a real scowl. "Are you…blushing?" Shut up, Naruto. Why are unnecessary things popping out of my mouth this morning? Why of course. He's falling in love with you! It just had to be you! Whoever made up that saying about opposites attracting? Because they are _so_ dead! …and it's a stupid saying. Sorry for sounding so childish but a guy is falling in love with me! Do you know how…there's not even a word for it, but you know what I mean!

One of his dainty eyebrow quirks up at my inquiry and yes, there was more blushing. He didn't respond to that, promptly changing the subject. "I'm picking you up. For the festival," he added after realizing how much it sounded like a date.

I scratch my head. "What festival?" I frown when he looked angry. I scanned my brain and the light bulb on top of my head lit up. "Ooooh!" He gave me a 'duh' look and turn to leave. "Hey, wait!" I ran after him and…wow. He had a black RX7 waiting outside. It was so sleek and…wow. It was different from the one he usually drives. Damn rich people. Always showing off.

"Stop drooling over my ride and let's go." I growl at how proud he sounded. I got in and my miserable life brightened just a little. C'mon, the leather seats were really nice. He started the car and put it into gear. The engine…it has such a beautiful sound. Sure bets my oji-san's car. "-seat belts."

I turn to him. "Huh?"

"Put on your seat belts."

I cock my head to the side to see if I was hearing right. "Why? I'm not a kid."

His answer was simply, "My car, my rules."

"That is so unfair! It's not like I'm going to fly through the windshield!" …I don't believe I'm acting. I think that was…real. It wasn't like he was pushing my buttons. It felt like…my instinct to respond that way. If it had been anyone else I would've handled it in a calm and mature manner, how is he so different?

He rolled his eyes. Since when does he roll his eyes? "It's for your own safety. Now put it on."

"I don't want to!" I cross my arms and pouted. Ok, this has got to stop. I'm pouting for crying out loud! I _**do not pout**_. I have officially gone crazy!

"I'll buy you ice cream."

I turn, shocked, to look at him. He was serious! "W-Wha-? Ice cream? I'm not a five year old! You can't just bribe me with ice cream! You know what, let me out!"

"I am not stopping the car for _you_!" I was more shock to hear him yelling at me than the car speeding on a school zone. I got angry.

"_You?_ What's that emphasized suppose to mean! You're not better than me, you freaking emo bird!"

"Oh yeah?" The tires squealed as he spun the car around the corner. The buildings turned to a blur and the cops didn't even bother trying to chase us. Heh, would _you_?

"Fine! Go ahead and kill us! I am going to kick your ass if we end up in hell!" I punched him on the shoulder.

"Not if I kick your ass first, stupid moron!" He punched me back twice as hard.

"OW! That's contradiction, jerk!"

"Hell if I care!"

So we were punching each other and screaming. It was hell and all because of a stupid argument. Anyway, Sasuke was driving really fast and it all stops. He was hitting one twenty and wham! Drove right into a fire hydrant. Luckily, somewhere in the middle of our violent shouting, Sasuke had forced me into the seatbelt.

It's safe to say we're both alive. Nobody flew through the windshield or broke their neck. Then like another dreaded Jack-In-The-Box, Sasuke burst out laughing. I had lost all senses during the ride so I too burst out laughing. It was nice.

Let me take this moment to think about what exactly just happened. _**WTF was that?! **_We lost all simple control and relaxed.I do not want to fking relax around him!_** Especially him!**_

We stopped after a while and it turned kind of awkward. The guy's a total iceberg and he just starts laughing. Not to mention this is the second time. We sat there in silent until I couldn't take it anywhere and I started a….c-conversation.

"With all your talk about safety, you should really turn on the wipers." He gave me a weird look. "It's pouring out there," I joked. It was only then that he realized he busted the fire hydrant and over fifty pounds of water was splashing onto his windshield. He gave me a weak glare and drove back onto the road.

"Shut up," he said, but a corner of his mouth twitched. "…dobe." I grinned at him and he look away, hiding his "unwanted" smile.

_**What's happening to me?!**_

* * *

The minute his car drove into the school's parking lot, something clicked in my head. There was danger. 

Sakura came out to meet him and she wasn't too happy when she saw me. She ran over to Sasuke, overdoing that smile a bit, and the world spun extra fast. Sakura kissed Sasuke. He kissed her back and possibly gave her a tiny teensy _'_force' smile. I was then ignored. For a while.

"Oh hi Naruto," she said as if she just noticed me. I see. Sasuke was the kind of person who worries about what others think of him. It could be that she hinted about telling his father that Sasuke was turning to 'the other side' so he's now dating her. Sasuke…you're pathetic. Not that I'm much better, but hey, I was traumatized as a kid. Give me a little credit for at least knowing he's falling for me. I guess seeing Sakura made him remember…whatever.

I gave them an unconcern look before walking on ahead. But Sakura must be rejoicing, thinking she hurt me. I took my mind off them even though they're walking right beside me. Sakura kept up her little act and tried to make me jealous. Hmph.

The school was covered with colorful papers and flyers. What nerds, they're actually having a chess tournament. I scoffed at that and walk quickly to the meeting room. It was already filled with other club members and such. Kiba literally bounced over to me when his eyes spotted me.

"Here," I handed him a sheet of paper. "Now…keep this safe because it will help you for the rest of your life. It's one of my many mottos."

"I didn't know you have a mo-."

I held up a hand. "Quiet. When you need it the most, open it." His hands were already starting to peel it open. I clamp my hands over his. "Not now." He stuffed it in his pocket and we join the crowd by the table. "What's that?"

"Our class is doing a play. This is so exciting! I wonder who I get to play." Ugh, gag me.

I stood on tiptoe and saw the words, "Romeo and Juliet". Ah, the suicide couple. Kakashi was, of course, leading the whole thing. He handed out a basket and told us to grab a paper inside. When he got to me, his mask crinkled in a smile.

"Good luck, Naruto." Wow, that did not sound reassuring at all. I pluck one outta the basket and prayed. After everyone got their little paper, he told us to open it.

Sakura's face was filled with horror as she said, "Tybalt?! I play a guy!"

Many sniggers erupted throughout the classroom until she glared at them. After that, all the girls (almost) opened their paper in a rush, hoping to get the leading role next to Sasuke because Sasuke had automatically got the role of Romeo.

I slowly opened mine and saw the first letter of horror: **J**. Who else in the play is called a name starting with the letter J, huh? I crumbled it up. My eyes caught sight of the basket not too far away. I walk toward it but at the last second, Kakashi grabbed it.

His back was turn to me, but I reckon he's grinning. "Alright, now every one please tell me your role." He spun around, pretending as if he wasn't picking on me, and said, "Why don't you go first Naruto." Every eye pin pointed me and waited.

The paper was still crumbled up in my hand. I was going to make him pay. You know I keep saying that but I seriously need to get to it because this is ruining my reputation as the demonic spawn. "I'm…a servant."

"Hmm, well, there are only five servants, not including the nurse. So everyone who's a servant please raise their hands." See, there's no reason for him to suspect me, but everyone in here doesn't exactly have a brain so five hands rose (Gaara was one of them). Now everyone is even more curious as to what role I got. It must be really embarrassing for me to lie. I casually shrugged and pocket my hands, secretly tearing up the paper so that it's unidentifiable.

"Alright, since Naruto doesn't want to tell us, Kiba, tell us your role." Process of elimination.

"Montague."

"Ino?"

"Nurse."

"We already know Sakura's and Sasuke's so Hinata?"

"Chorus."

"Lee?"

"Friar Lawrence!"

"Shino?"

"Apothecary." Perfect, he looks like a drug dealer.

As the names were called off and each answered, Sakura's fist formed into a tighter knot. Fear was mostly in them. And the class was even more anxious to see what I got. They probably already had a conscious answer. Sasuke didn't look like he cared, but his focused eyes told me he is not missing a single word.

"Tenten?"

"Lady Montague."

"Chouji?"

"Paris." Heh, that's a new one. Paris, two hundred pounds heavier. Juliet would definitely have a reason not to marry him, among others.

"Shikamaru?"

"Friar John."

"Neji?" What's he doing here?

"Benvolio."

"Neji is our extra since we are short of people," Kakashi answered our confused looks. As the lists got shorter and there's just one name that hadn't been called out. Everyone assumed the worst.

"…do you think…?"

"No, not him…maybe."

"…he's a guy….!"

Kakashi's eye twinkled down at me. "I guess that only leaves one person left. Naruto…? That means you're our-."

LH

"Juliet!" shouted the director. Eyes were on me as I walked up the stage to the so-called director.

"_**What**_?" I made sure he looked into my eyes and fear me. He did and that was somewhat satisfying.

"Y-Your d-dres-I mean y-your w-wardrobe. S-Sir."

I snatched the…_**thing**_, hoping it would tear, and went backstage to try it on. It was horrible! The _**thing**_ was hideous. It had giant pink ruffles and a puffy bottom. I began tearing. First goes the ruffle because god knows we do not need ruffles! The bottom went flat in five seconds. Now it looked more like a prom dress which is much more suitable. Could things get any worse?

"Naruto, come out so we can see how it fits!" Apparently it can.

I took off the _**thing**_ and walked out in my normal clothes. I threw it in Kakashi's face and walk away. "It fits." Hearing Kakashi's footsteps behind me, I walk faster.

"Naruto, we have to see it on you and-did you tear it? You can't do that."

I whirl around and look him in the eye. "Iruka is going to hate you. I'm going to see to it that he does," I spat at him and continue on my way until I had to stop and get my script. This was just great. As it turns out, (heard it from Kiba) this was a class project and it was actually voluntarily. So…Kakashi had made sure (don't know what voodoo he used) I got that role. Sasuke knew, he knew and he went along with it. I think he doesn't know he's falling for me so he wants to see for himself if he actually is or something corruptive like that.

I open the paper and tried to memorize some of the lines. It made me want to puke. Who knew classic love was so cheesy? And FYI, I am not kissing him. Again. The first was an accident and the second…there will be no second. I'll cut off my lips if I have to!

The lines were put into words people can actually understand. It didn't help. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw someone sat down and I scoot away. The figure stiffens as if offended. Damn Sasuke and his confusing emotions. Can't he just get it over with already? A bottle of water appears in front of me but I ignored it. Yeah, how you like it now, beeyotch?

"Sorry." He put the bottle near my foot and I move it away. His hand stopped for a sec than he pulls away. He sat there until I made it clear I wasn't talking. He was a jerk first. Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to be a jerk too, right? Wrong! Life isn't fair. If it was, everyone would be like 'I'm so glad I'm alive'. I bet you no one said that during WWI _or_ the second one. I'm not fighting for someone who I don't like. He's not important to me.

Whoa, what's with the sudden heart pain? It's like someone's clawing at me. I'm healthy so there's no reason I should have a seizure. Am I having a seizure? Oh my god, I cannot have a seizure right now! I better go see a doctor or something. Hmm, we do have a nurse.

Across the room, Sakura was freely touching Sasuke all over. He didn't try to stop her. I hiss and clutch my chest. My face must be twisting in pain because Kakashi came over and actually sounded concerned. He must be thinking he raised my blood pressure just a bit too much and I'm about to bust a vein. The latter was somewhat true.

"Are you alright, Naruto?"

"I'm fine," I snapped at him. I grabbed the bottle and took a swig of it. It didn't feel any better. Sasuke was looking my way so I got up and stroll off.

"Where are you going?" asked Kakashi.

"Nurse." I was busy walking to the nurse until I finally came to the conclusion that I have no idea where the nurse was. I look at the school map and took a few turns. I found her alright. She was just like Tsunade, blonde and stacked.

"Uh…Temari-san?" She spun around in her chair and eyed me.

"Yes?"

"I have a…chest pain." What else can I call the damn thing? She gave me a look as if saying 'what the hell do you want me to do?' "Can you take a look?" That's the least you can do.

She sighs and spun around a bit before getting up. "Alright."

I was a little more than surprise to see her pull out a heart monitor. Damn, this school was too rich for its own good. So I was plugged up and she checked me. My heart was pretty calm and beating fine. She kept me like that for a while. Even checked my temperature.

I look out the window at the blowing willow tree with Sakura and Sasuke making out un-WAIT, WHAT? It was one of those kiss with the tongue and drool. Most of it was from Sakura. Sasuke was just stiff, but still…he was kissing her. I turn away, inwardly glaring at the floor.

Temari look up from her magazine. BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP! She checked the machine to see if everything was alright and…well, it wasn't broken.

I was mad…for some reason. Why was I mad? He can kiss her whole face off for all I care, right? No, I wanted to smack her with a shovel and bury her in a ditch so no one can ever find her! Then I would knee Sasuke where I knew it would leave a big bruise and beat some sense into him. I even have an image of it in my head. But why I was thinking about all this? I HAVE NO FKING CLUE! BUT I WAS THINKING IT ANYWAY SO THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

I thought about what I was going to give Sakura. That's right, hell. But that was later. It made me feel a little better and the pounding hammer in my heart slowed. I took a breath and felt even better. But…DAMNIT! HE'S STILL KISSING HER! IN FRONT OF ME! THAT'S JUST GROSS! WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHERE HER MOUTH HAS BEEN? S-L-U-T, WHAT'S THE SPELL? SAKURA!

Breathe. Breathe. One. Two. Three. Now…calmly breathe. Just like the therapist said. Breathe. I feel better. I look up and almost scream. That nurse was two inches away from me. She didn't look to good. "Yes?"

"Are you…ok?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your heart was going over 130. That's not normal!"

I look at the monitor. "No, it's not." Because as we both can see, it's beating normally.

"Your heart," she emphasized with her hands. "Was racing like the battle of yakuza! It stopped like it was going to end, but then one of those damn bastards jumped up alive! You had to fight it again until he died under your fe-!"

"…are we still talking about my heart?" I shook my head, not understanding her. I took off the sticky whatever thing and left before she can open her mouth again.

"I want you to come by for a check-up next week! And watch your heart rate!" Crazy woman.

As I was walking back, the couple who was glued together a moment ago crossed my path. Don't they look happy? Those bastards. I jinx you to have a baby with no…well, it's not the baby's fault its parents were sleazeballs. Then fine, I jinx Sakura to grow fat and…hairy. Same goes for Sasuke. Stupid fat hairy chicken.

Sakura sneered at me and I sneered back at her. Watcha goin' do? Tell your boyfriend on me? Go ahead; he's not going to do anything. She actually did too. She was hugging his arm and pouting at him. Then the minute he turned my way, I look elsewhere, dropping the sneer.

I walked really fast to the auditorium. Once they were out of view, I silently laughed. Take that, Sakura. Surprisingly that didn't make me feel any better. It made me feel worse. Like that time I had a conscience.

………………….

The auditorium was half decorated and I was just in time for rehearsal. Great. I was literally dragged on stage by Kakashi. That _**thing**_ dangled in front of my face. The ruffles were horribly sewed back on. "Over my dead body." Yeah I said it.

"Alright, men, hold him down!"

I jump back. "Wha-?"

He laughed and waves his hands in a no. "I'm just kidding! You don't have to wear it. Yet." He yelled out to everyone, "Positions! We're doing the scene with the dancing Juliet." Just as it sounds, people! And action!

I moved dully around until Kakashi called CUT! I'll cut him is what I'll do.

"Naruto, you need to move more lively! Move those hips!" Hell. No. You do not tell a guy to move his hips. Anything but his hips. Now move his fists sound more reasonably. I know where I can put mine.

The semi-music started again and I walked…in circles.

"Cut! That's not right, Naruto!"

I forced a grin. "Then why don't _you_ come up here and _show_ me how it's done?"

"That's exactly right, Naruto!"

I roll my eyes and we went back to the dancing. Sasuke/Romeo found his way over to me and we…you know talked. It went a little like this.

"If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."

There was a long silence after Sasuke spoke and everyone waited. I look down at my script with lazy eyes and back up at Sasuke.

"'Sup, dude. Your hands…uh…" I look back down at the scripts. "…their soft."

"Cut!" this time it was the director. "Where's the passion? Juliet does not say 'sup, dude'."

I gave him my best blank look. "This one does. How 'bout this? You tell this guy, Romeo, to switch roles with me and I think I can pull up some 'passion' for you."

Kakashi interfered before the director could say anything. "You can't change roles. Now…sound a little more alive. Alright? Action!"

I smack my lips and returned the scripts.

"Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?" said Sasuke.

I held my breath. There was a kissing scene in here. "Uh…let's shake hands?" I held out my hand hopefully and saw the director shake his head.

"Cut!"

* * *

It was the time that everyone had left, except for Sasuke and me. He was my ride home after all. I told him I left my bag and went back in to get it. 

"…but Kakashi-sensei!"

That was Sakura's voice. I better eavesdrop.

"No, Sakura. The role goes to Naruto. He got it fair and square." Li-ar.

"But he's a guy! Juliet can't be a guy! And I'm Sasuke-kun's girlfriend! It's only _right _for _me_ to have it!" You go tiger! Change it! I rather have that fight scene with Romeo. I can "accidentally" stab him a few times. That be cool.

"Sasuke didn't seem to have a problem with it. In fact, from my point of view, he was enjoying himself up there today." Really? I was too busy trying to mess up the play.

"Kakashi-sene-!"

"No and that's final. I don't want to hear it anymore."

"My _father_ is going to hear about it." Oh, threat. Bet that's not a first.

"You go ahead and tell him. I know him pretty well and I don't think he'll be doing any complaining about this. And I hear you threatening me again; you're having a week's worth of detention. End of discussion." Harsh words, Kakashi. I like it. Didn't know you have it in you, buddy.

"Isn't it rude to eavesdrop?"

I turn around, smiling innocently. "Sasuke. I was just getting my bag." I went into the auditorium, pretending I didn't hear what just happened. I quickly grabbed my bag and left. Kakashi has some power over Sakura. He must be using Sasuke as leverage…or is it something else? Could be.

………………..

We were walking out in the parking lot when I was rudely pushed aside. Sakura ran up to Sasuke and hug him from behind. I sigh and grab the car's handle at the same time Sakura did.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura whined. "Why are you taking him home and not me?"

"Because I drove him here."

"But Sasuke-kun…." I shudder as she pout. I look at him for that 'no' he was so famous for and…he was actually considering it.

I cut in between them. "Sasuke…are you going to drive me home or not?" He looked from me to Sakura and I wanted to smack him.

"Sakura's car broke down." And his car only holds two people. You see where I'm going with this?

"…what a man," I said as casually as I can and began my long, long…oh, fk it all. I can literally hear Sakura smirking as I left.

* * *

Yes, I think this is called &# DO #$# &$ &$# MOTHER&# #$$# #$&$ &$!!!!!!!!! 

(&$!!!!!!!!!!!

….now I feel a little better.

It was dark and I was hungry. The worst part was I wasn't even close to home. It was really really far for me. Even a person with my ability would get tired somewhere during the way.

…I want my oji-san!

To keep my mind off of everything else, I started thinking about people thinking.

When people don't talk, they think. They start thinking about what they're doing. If it's wrong or if it's right. Mostly, in the end, they find themselves to be sinners. Yeah right. I would tell them that they have too much alone time to themselves. That's how emo are born. Next thing you how mass suicides are happening everywhere. I'm not an emo. I'm a rager…and yes, that is a word. I looked it up in the dictionary back in 1999.

So, yes, I would say I'm a rager. That means I don't cut myself and get all depressing, I beat whoever the hell it is that pissed me off. I send their ass to hell. Now Sasuke is just getting up there.

He left me. Ugh, I don't even know why those words hurt. It was like a big pinch to my organs. I've be abandoned before and till this day, none have come back. They left me. They left me. They left me. They left me. No matter how many times I say it, the words don't really leave a scratch, but when I say 'he left me', there always (**always**) this constricting pain in my chest.

Screech!

I stop and look at the car parked right beside me. May I say 'huh?'. If it's another perverted guy, I'm gonna be plucking some grapes.

"You look a little lonely."

_What the-? _ "S-Sasuke?" It wasn't what I was expecting. Sakura definitely wasn't with him.

He peered at me, amused with my expression. "Need a ride?"

I wipe off the shock and slap on a glare. "Not from you, teme." I kick the car just for the hell of it and walk off. Hmph, good riddance. Ditching me and then trying to pull off that hero act. Well it ain't working for yah'! Stupid Sasuke. …hmm, his name spells 'uke'. That's kinda funny.

"Hey! Stop walking!"

"And I'm supposed to listen to a carnie prostitute?"

"Wha-? Carnie prostiture?"

He grabbed my arm and yanks me around. "Look, I'm sorry about before." He didn't seem to mind apologizing anymore. Che.

If I had more food in my stomach, I would drop-kick him. Wait, what smell so sweet? Oh, ice cream. I quickly grab it and enjoyed its cool delight.

"Feel better?" He was breathing a little heavily for some reason. "How can you walk so fast?" He smirks and pokes me. Interesting. I didn't break it off. I just wave his hand away annoyingly, still busy with my ice cream. "Probably because you're so skinny," I teased.

I was about to open my mouth when I realized I haven't swallowed. I did and my chest immediately experienced a quick winter. Oh ow. I took two breathes. "One, I am _lean_," I said poking him back. "And two, I am not paying for the ice cream." I ate the last piece and sneer at him. He so deserves it. Can't get his feelings in order so he goes off and smooch Sakura. Twice!

"A dollar ice cream, that's clever of you," he said like he was talking to a baby.

"Hmph!" I stump to _his car_. His car has heats, not to mention an advance horsepower engine that can get me really fast to where I want to go. Being me, I got in the driver's seat.

"What are you doing?" He was leaning over the car door, one hand in pocket. Aw, Kodak moment. Not.

"I'm driving," I said stretching out my hand. "Give me the keys." Being him, he wouldn't. "C'mon, I just want to drive it this once." I touch the black leather admirably. "Just this _once_." I grin when the keys fell into my lap. I don't know why he did it, but who cares, I'm driving! I turn on the car and listen with pleasure as it made that roaring sound as it came alive. I put it into gear and drove off…

…without Sasuke!

Alright it was funny for a while. I pretend to stop and he walks up but just as he almost touches the door handle, I speed off again! It was awe-some! I reverse back as he was trying to catch his breath. "Hey, you look a little lonely, sweet thang! Need a ride? It's free," I teased. He quickly got in the car before I changed my mind, glaring at me all the while.

"That was _not_ funny."

I reach out to pinch his cheeks, but he brushes me away. "Well…maybe if you stop grinning, I'll promise never to do it again."

"I'm not grinning," but he was a little unsure and actually glance at the side mirror to check. I burst out laughing, pointing a finger at him.

"Hah, made you look! Oww!" I kept on laughing. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

………………………

I sat there a little bit, thinking. "Hey, Sasuke."

"What?" He scowls as I dangle a keychain in front of his face and swat it away but I pull back. He waited, knowing I want something.

"Can I…drive again on Monday?" My face fell as I heard the harsh 'no'. "Why not? You owe me."

"I thought that little game we played was enough."

"Oh yeah…well…you punched me!" Lame, yes I know.

"I didn't realize we were keeping tabs. If that's the case then you owe me. For the play. It's a grade if you were paying attention and you didn't do anything right all throughout rehearsal."

He…has a point, but-.

"I still want to drive!" I bang my fist on the steering wheel and (accidentally) at the same time stumped my foot on the gas pedal. The key was still in the ignition and it was turned on so you can probably guess what happened next.

…BAM!

"Or not." Sasuke and I both had the same look on our faces: pure shock. Thinking quickly, I grab my bag and bailed. "Sorry!" I used every cell in my body to get out of the car as fast as I can and into the bar. I heard the word, "Nar-!" It kinda got cut off.

Huh. Talk about digging your own grave.

* * *

That night, I forgot all about Sasuke. I am seriously lying. All I could think about was him. _Him him him him him him!_ It was as if he invaded my mind using some alien technology only to implant his image in my brain so every time I think, I think of him. And every time I close my eyes, it's like a freakin' overhead projector. He's everywhere! Even when I'm reading, I'm wondering what he's doing. Is he reading the same book I'm reading? Or is he taking a shower? At the mention of that, i-it…uh…went a little erotic. The image! Not me! I _**did not**_ go erotic! 

AHHHHHH!

I went downstairs to work and immediately saw another on-the-way-to-raping rapist trying to pry open a door. After chasing him away, I grab a hold of Iruka as he passed by. "I saw someone on the second floor." That was all he needed to know. We keep things short around here.

Stepping behind the counter, I saw my revenge sitting right there on a stool with a jello shot in his hand. I walk over to the much-clothed man. "Hi, Kakashi."

The minute his eyes landed on me the jello shot was gone. He must be really stressed. Aww, don't worry. I'm here to make it worse. I sneak a glance at the door. "Why do you cover your face?" I widen my eyes and gasp. "Do you have scars? Or maybe a birth defect?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "I don't think that's any of your business." He looks around the bar searching. That's getting old.

"Looking for someone?" I smirk at his obvious attempt of a cover-up. "But seriously…why do you cover up your face?" I eye the mask and reach out to pull it down, but he was much faster and grabbed my hand.

Kakashi glared as if to kill. "**Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again.**"

"**What is going on here?**" said a very piss off voice.

* * *

**Narra: **_(looking around at the peaceful place)_ This is it? I thought you wanted someone dark. This is...paradise.**  
**

**Charlie:** When I say dark, I only meant the person. It doesn't matter about the place though this is nice.

**Narra:** So who is this 'she devil'?

**Charlie:** _(points to a little girl in a Japanese school uniform)_ Her. Isn't she great? _(little girl looks up and Charlie goes over, dragging Narra along)_

**Narra:** She's kinda young. What's her name?

**Charlie:** Enma Ai. _(shakes her hands)_ It is so nice to meet you. I am your biggest fan!

**Ai:** Thank you.

**Narra:** She's dead!

**  
**

**Riddles:**

"What is the best month for a parade?" **Answer:** March

"What's white when it's dirty?" **Answer:** A blackboard

"Which is faster, hot or cold?" **Answer:** Hot's faster. You can catch a cold.

"Six glasses are in a row. The first three are full of juice; the second three are empty. By moving only one glass, can you arrange them so empty and full glasses alternate?"

**Answer:** Pour the juice from the second glass into the fifth glass.

"Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting. Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How come?"

**Answer:** The hunters were a man, his son and his grandson.

"When is your mind like a rumpled bed?"

**Answer:** When it is not made up.

"What can you put in a wood box that will make it lighter?"

**Answer:** Holes

"Never thank me.  
Walk right through me,  
Never feel me.  
Always watching,  
Never speaking.  
Always lurking,  
Never seen."

**Answer:** Air

"What has a mouth but can't chew?"

**Answer:** A river


	10. My Sunday

**Charlie:** _(sigh)_

**Narra:** What is it?

**Ai:** There is a disturbance.

**Narra:** Ok, can you not talk all voodoo and shit? _(turn to Charlie)_ Now...what's wrong?

**Charlie:** ...lurkers

**Narra:** What about them?

**Charlie:** If they were paying attention to the top of the page, which appears on every single chapter, they would've noticed the words _**Sasuke U. & Naruto U.**_ so that if they don't like yaoi then they could've avoided my story, but you know what?

**Narra:** What?

**Charlie:** They didn't. And they complain to me about it. If it's already there then why should I bother to put up _another_ yaoi sign for them to read when there's only a small chance they will even read it. Their attention span is obviously not in good condition to begin with. Why bother I ask you? If you had not known who or what Naruto is, look it up. The internet is there for you to use. Please don't ever bring that kind of bullshit in here again. Now if you are a beginner and know nothing about the internet then I apologize for this. But if you're not then...well it's not like you're going to be interested enough in the story to read this passage here so let's say this is to entertain my readers. _(waves to them)_ Hey!

**Riddles:**

"What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?"

"What seven letters did Old Mother Hubbard say when she opened her cupboard?"

"What is so fragile even saying its name can break it?"

"How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days, and ride out on Friday?"

"A man was to be sentenced, and the judge told him, "You may make a statement. If it is true, I'll sentence you to four years in prison. If it is false, I'll sentence you to six years in prison." After the man made his statement, the judge decided to let him go free. What did the man say?"

"How many letters are in the alphabet? (if you say 24, you are wrong)"

"What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?"

"The more you take the more you leave behind."

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Ten: My Sunday_

* * *

_Previously on Thou Shalt Not Kill:_

…_.narrows his eyes at me. "I don't think that's any of your business." He looks around the bar searching. That's getting old. _

"_Looking for someone?" I smirk at his obvious attempt of a cover-up. "But seriously…why do you cover up your face?" I eye the mask and reach out to pull it down, but he was much faster and grabbed my hand._

_Kakashi glared as if to kill. "__**Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again.**__" _

"_**What is going on here?**__" said a very piss off voice._

Major bold letters everybody. Isn't it exciting?

Umino Iruka is standing there giving Kakashi a hard, cold look. I am impressed with myself because it is usually very hard to get Iruka piss at anyone. Iruka moved towards us and with an iron grip, released Kakashi's hold on me. "**I asked you a question.**" Man oh man, his eyes was burning with anger.

I released myself from Kakashi's grip and joined in on the conversation. "Yeah, he asked you a question." It was new for me to see Kakashi so scare. I hope I get to do it more often.

"I…uh…" Kakashi tried to explain, but I didn't let him get any further than that.

"I what?" I place my hands on my hips and glared. "Just because I didn't give you any free drinks or shake my booty for you…" Ok, maybe the whole shaking my booty was a bit much, but oh what the hell, it worked.

"Naruto, go upstairs." I opened my mouth to protest. "**Now**."

Maybe I should go. Iruka's not really "safe" when he's so angry.

When that door closed behind me, I ran as fast as I could up the stairs and into the security room. The red light besides the word 'Record' was already blinking. I am going to watch this over and over again. And when I grow tired of that, I'm going to send it on the World Wide Web so _everybody_ can watch it. That way, Kakashi will never ever live it down.

I spent the entire night re-watching how Iruka rejected and pummelled Kakashi until the masked man was ordered to 'get the hell away from here and if I ever see you again, I will rib off your head, stuff it, and mount it on my wall'. The latter was a little creepy, unsanitary, and completely out of Iruka's territory, but very impressive threat.

* * *

Sunday came. Instead of drinking behind oji-san's back or looking for new ways to make the world _not_ better, I was stuck watching the back of Kiba's. Now you can tell a lot about a person just by watching (it is not stalking!) them. Like for instance, Kiba here bent down a total of five times to tie his shoes every two blocks. You know what that says? If you're going to bungee-jump off of Hoover Dam and you need someone to tie that last secure knot, just go ahead and jump. At least you won't be too surprise when your brain splatters all over the place. 

Kiba turned around a few times. No, he didn't see me; I'm a master of disguise. He just wanted to run. But then after a little talk with himself, he decided to keep going. I'll tell you, he looks crazy doing that. When he finally got there, he became a two and a half feet insignificant little fairy.

God help this boy before I smack him.

I smirk as he unwrap the paper I gave him. Oh, his lesson in life. I'm not a very sympathetic person, but I wasn't a demon either. Wait, I am a demon. _But…_but I'm not the Satan. Wish I was, but I'm not. We all have our unfulfilled wishes, people.

My paper ended up in the garbage in not more than two seconds. Understandable, if the words _'suck it up'_ was staring me right in the face. Oh no, he was starting to panic. Come on Kiba, calm the hell down. It's only a date with Hinata. Now if it had been any other girl, she would've sucked him dry like a five-year-old with a juice box.

When the two love bird did meet up, I had to roll my eyes. I swear if I poke them both, they'll combust from all that blood rushing into their head. They look like two hairy tomatoes with legs. I contemplate on what to do. I pull out my cell and called Kiba.

"Hello?" said a relief Kiba. A little too relief.

"Hey, I'm sorry I can't make it to the movies today."

Kiba started to panic again or more of a heart attack. "WHAT?" He realized he said that out loud and lowered his tone. "What do you mean you can't make it? I need you to come. Please come."

What a baby. "My oji-san needs my help. But you have fun though. Look, I have to go."

"No, don't leave me!" But it fell on deaf ear.

I tuck my phone securely in my back pocket. After all, it's not like it's my phone. I watch the two converses and how Hinata blushed crimson red when she learned I wasn't coming. If they turn around and leave, I'm locking them in a snake-filled closet. But wait, they went inside.

I followed them the rest of the date and from them, I found an important something. I didn't know what it was, but it was all sparkling and warm. I didn't understand it. Thinking about it didn't help. It was a complete mystery to me…so I went to the one place where I can find answers. I haven't been there in a long time…not since my parents died.

……………….

The man before me was struck shock. Well, it has been a long time. He did not look happy.

I open my mouth and said the two words I thought I never say again, "Hello, Father." No no, my father is buried in the cemetery a couple buildings away, this Father is a man of God. In other words, a priest.

"Don't you 'hello, Father' me!" The man is old, but he is fast. He almost ran into me within two steps. "Where have you been all these years, you little demon?!"

I held up my hands in defence. Can't exactly hit him now can I? "Whoa, what's with the attitude? And are priests even allowed to talk like that?"

"Don't give _me_ any attitude!" His hands tighten in disappointment, sadness, and anger. "I've waited years for you to walk through that door. I thought you lost your faith after…the incident." His voice became quiet as he said so.

I cock my head to the side. "I didn't have any faith to begin with." I smile at him and coax one out of him.

He walked to a seat and motions me to follow. "So what do you want?"

"We're not going in the confession box?" He glared at me. I'm really sure that's not allowed either, but I kept my mouth shut.

"Hmph, you're not a person who comes without a reason, Naruto. Beside…you've never liked walking the slow pace." I shrug. It was true. Oh c'mon Naruto, he's a priest, he can't lie.

"I do have a reason, but I don't know exactly how to state it." So I told him.

The people at school were different, in some way. Don't get me wrong, they're still stupid brats. It's just…something's off. Back at the theatre, when we had got our seats (me somewhere behind them), Kiba didn't even dare touch Hinata and Hinata was too nervous to get scare. That plan burned up and died. However, they went for food afterwards. They talked casually and then by the end of the day, Hinata was blushing into her pillow and Kiba was doing backflips in the middle of the streets. It was hilarious when he almost got run over, but that's not the point….

…they were happy.

"Why?" I asked. Priests are confidential files. You can write anything you want on that piece of paper and no one would find out. But God is that professional hacker who just likes snooping into stuff.

"Naruto…they're in love."

"Well duh, Dr. Phil. Of course they are. Everyone knows that. What I'm asking is, even when nothing happened, even when they don't know the other person likes them, how can they be happy?"

Why is he smiling? It was to himself but still, he's smiling. He folds his hands together and spoke with an understanding voice. The same one he used for drug addicts and teenage mothers. Is that good?

"Naruto…people rarely get what they want. Sometime just by being near their desire is enough. Do you understand that?"

I gave him my truest, most confused look. Heck no. I can't say _that_ word in a church. God also happens to be telepathic, if you haven't known. But I wanted to change the subject since as you can see; this priest is a very dramatic man. "Alright…I have this other inquiry." He looked ready for it. "Ok, when I'm around this…person who's around this…other person, I start having this weird…ache. From here." I point to my chest. "Or even when I'm not around that…particular person who's not really suppose to be around that other person, I sometime have it. What exactly is that weird ache?" Well, he's not smiling anymore. He's just giving me this 'you're-crazy' look. Way better.

"You're asking me to work a miracle?" he teased.

"If you weren't a priest, I would hit you."

He smirks almost devilishly. "I get that a lot. Naruto…you-."

"Why do you start like that?"

"Start like what?" See the slow pace, people, see it.

"_Naruto…_ What's the pause for?"

"It adds more tension," he said seriously. This man is annoying. "Naruto…" he said again. "…you don't understand love." But he does have a way with words.

"_I _don't understand love? You're saying me, Uzumaki Naruto, does not understand love? I understand love more than anyone." And I do. For real.

He was amused by my argument. "Then explain _love_ to me. It doesn't even have to be a full meaning. Just one sentence." It was like he was challenging me.

Bring it on then. "Why just one sentence? I'll give you a full paragraph. Love _is_ crap. There is no use for it whatsoever. It's pointless. They say humans need love, but that's just a lie to hide the fact that the world sucks. It's all about survival. If there wasn't love or lust for that matter, because they are the one and same, Troy would not have been burned, not to mention the decapitated little girl who was killed by her father so he and his army could go sailing, Cleopatra would still be controlling her people with her body not her brains. Overall, love is not needed."

Complete silence.

He's…showing me pity?! We do not need pity in this conversation! Where those pities come from? "You better wipe that look off your face, old man."

He blinks out of whatever coma he was in and smiles softly at me. Softly, blah! "You don't understand love at all. You're subconsciously blocking it out."

"I'm not blocking anything out."

"And that's why it's called 'subconsciously'. You don't know you're doing it. It's the whole point of 'subconsciously'-."

"Alright alright! I get it." He can go on forever. "So…exactly how do you get rid of the ache?"

"Make that person hate you."

"That will really work?"

"…yes…yes it will." In his mind was a different story. _'Forgive me God for I have sin, but this is for Naruto's own good. This person, whoever he may be, might really be his only hope. And I know that you are a loving powerful being who will help him. Nor smite me for this sin.'_

Make him hate me? I get to do that?! I should make it big. He is falling for me after all. But what? Hmm… Ah-ha, I got it! Oh, but he's going to be really mad. Dummy, that's the point! I gotta get rid of this whole conscience deal.

* * *

**Charlie:** I was kinda in a bad mood in the beginning, but I've calmed down. The lurker, in return for his "opinion", shown me something. I so did not know there was a FictionPress dot com. Did you guys know that? Everything there is original. You get to write whatever the hell you want. It's all your ideas. 

**Narra:** You're ignoring us, aren't you?

**Ai:** Charlie is happy.

**Narra:** Oh please. Charlie is crazy.

**Ai:** Yes, but you are crazy too, are you not?

**Narra:** ...I hate this kid.

**Riddles:**

"What is it that everybody does at the same time?"

**Answer:** Grow older.

"Take away my first letter; take away my second letter; take away all my letters, and I would remain the same. What am I?"

**Answer:** The postman (mailman)

"A doctor and a nurse have a baby boy. But the boy's father is not the doctor and the mother is not the nurse. How can it be?"

**Answer:** The doctor is the mother (female doctor) and the nurse is the father (male nurse).

"What gets wet when drying?"

**Answer:** a towel.

"The more you take away, the larger it becomes? What is it?"

**Answer:** A hole.

"You can keep it only after giving it away to someone else. What is it?"

**Answer:** Your word.

"If it has a quart capacity, how many pennies can you put into a empty piggy bank?"

**Answer:** Just one - after that it won't be empty.

"You have a barrel of oil, and you need to measure out just one gallon. How do you do this if you only have a three-gallon container and a five-gallon container?"

**Answer: **Fill the 3-gallon container with oil and pour it into the 5-gallon container. Then fill the 3-gallon container again and use it to fill the 5-gallon container the rest of the way. One gallon will be left in the 3-gallon container.


	11. My Quest

**Charlie:** _(watching Narra dance)_ Why? Are you trying to blind us?

**Ai:** ...

**Narra:** You don't have a beta! You'll never have a beta! I'm all by myself! Yippee!

**Ai:** _(picks up a medicine bottle)_ He is not well in the head.

**Narra: **_(trips and fall head on onto the floor)_ ZZZZZZZ!

**Charlie:** True that.

**Riddles:**

"A word I know, six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains."

"This runs fore to aft on one side of a ship, and aft to fore on the other. What is it?"

"I am a box that holds keys without locks, yet they can unlock your soul. What am I?"

"What turns everything around, but does not move?"

"While walking across a bridge I saw a boat full of people. Yet on the boat there wasn't a single person. Why?"

"If your sock drawer has 6 black socks, 4 brown socks, 8 white socks, and 2 tan socks, how many socks would you have to pull out in the dark to be sure you had a matching pair?"

"Food can help me survive, but water will kill me. What am I?"

"What is broken every time it's spoken?"

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Eleven: My Quest_

* * *

They were all there with an I Love Sasuke t-shirt. There were other factors which I will not list. Those girls are worse than psychos in the ward (never been there…this year). Sakura wasn't among them. Why would she? I only sent out the fake invitations to the members, not the officer. 

I walk out from behind the Sasuke poster. It was big enough to hide an elephant…_and_ its herd. The thing must've cost a fortune. Ah, but it wasn't a problem for our rich fangirls. Once they saw me, it wasn't noises of excitement. It was growling.

I was dress in a ridiculous costume covering my entire body. I even wore platform combat boots so they don't know how tall I really am. I also can imitate my voice really well when needed.

"Tuck in your claws, ladies, I have an offer." Okay…they were closing in on me, but it's alright. I pull out the picture I took of Sasuke. Only one though. I needed insurance. And then out comes the lighter. I start it up and put it not too close to the picture. They were looking admirably and sort of angry at the same time. It takes talent to pull off an expression like that. "Hear me out?"

They back away and let me have some space. "I am here to make an offer…as I have said." They were paying attention. Oh that's a knife. Maybe I need to talk faster. They weren't exactly looking at me. "I need you girls to trash Sakura's party tonight." At the mention of Sakura's name, their eyes literally glowed with malice. "And I'll give you _all_ of Sasuke's pictures, but that's only after the job is done."

The leader of the pack stepped forward and held up a hand. They all reverted back to human beings, thankfully. "Where did you get those?" she asked suspiciously.

Might as well tell the truth. "I bribed him." Dear, they're getting ready to attack. "Don't you want more pictures of him?"

"We have pictures," said the leader.

I shook my head. "Yes, you do, but seventy percent of them don't come out right and you don't have _these_ kinds of arts." I gesture to the topless form in the picture. They thought about it and quickly huddled up in a group. When they were ready, the leader stepped forward.

"You…" her voice was uncertain. "Can get us _those_?" I nodded. "You swear?" Again I nodded. "Sasuke can't be involved in this."

"Whatever." I didn't roll my eyes because I like to keep them and they're my only pair. "I have a few suggestions that I think you'll like." I pass them a thick folder. The one without my fingerprints, handwriting, or any known evidence that they can trace. "I would love it if Ino could be involved too. So…this will not leave us?" I want to get out as quick as possible because this place is being air-conditioned by perfume and littered with lots of arousing drawings of Sasuke.

"It will not."

I held out the goods but before she can grab it, I pull back. "Remember that we have an agreement. If you do not do as I ask, _**there will be punishment**_." I heard their gasps of fear, but ignored it.

I place the picture on the floor and quickly left. I'll admit I was afraid, but if you actually saw their hungry, drooling eyes and razor teeth, you would think differently. Definitely. I trust them with it. Truth is they hate Sakura…down to the core. Hello, it's a Sasuke fanclub and Sakura's currently _dating_ Sasuke (news travel fast especially if you're stalking Sasuke). Not a very good totalitarian plan. I prefer Naru-litarian.

* * *

Now then, my next plan…is place-behind-the-cafeteria-which-has-no-name, also the place where Hinata had her accident. Ino is there wait-ing for me. She looked anxious too. Well as far as I can tell through this peephole I'm using. I went in and her anxious look turned cautious. Wow, it was almost identical to that of the fangirls. Is it the costume? 

"I'm guessing you know it wasn't Sasuke who sent you that note." Get down to business, Naruto. Take a deep breath and…go! "IcansetyouupwiththeoneyoureallyloveandIknowwhoitisbutyouhavetogivemeinformationaboutSai."

And that folks is translated as, "I can set you up with the one you really love and I know who it is, but you have to give me information about Sai."

"What the f-?"

"Alright I'll repeat it-."

"No, that's not what I meant." She was definitely smirking at me. "You're really confident."

"Of course," I stated obviously. Why else was I standing here? This place isn't exactly paradise.

"Tell me who I like then."

I shrug and said the name out loud. I grin at her expression. "I'm a bit curious though. Why didn't you go after him or is it because of _her_?"

"She doesn't control me!" Ino snapped.

"It's hard to tell. You're a very good actor after all." She didn't respond; don't know if it was a compliment or an insult. I opened up my box of opportunity. "I can help you."

She smirks mockingly at me and walk passes me towards the door. "You don't know anything."

I stood there till she left. I know a lot more than you give me credit for. But I can still use a bit more convincing skill. It's very hard to work in this place. Oh, look. A school newspaper. I picked it up, half reading and half wondering how it got down here. I took it and left.

* * *

First class was so…booooring! The beginning wasn't. The blackboard, which had been clean since a few days ago, is now ruined with black and white paints. The message on the board consisted of three sentences. 

_Congratulations, Shikamaru! You got the answer right! Santa Claus does live at the North Pole!_

There were gasps of confusion and those who were too shock to speak. Kiba, being the bubbly idiot that he was, waltz over to Shikamaru with the same confusion.

"Shikamaru, what's going on?"

The lazy boy sighed heavily and looked as if he wanted to say something, but chose not to since it'll only waste his breath and won't benefit him in the least. He grumbled something and stayed quiet. I see it as a good sign.

……………..

Kakashi won't let us talk to other people, no different assignment. He just wants us to sit and talk with our partner. The whole entire period. _Just_ to get to know their sorry ass. He even gave us a few sample questions. My conversation with Sasuke was short. Real short.

"What's your favorite food?" asked Sasuke.

"Anything," said I. "You?"

"Anything. What's your hobby?"

_**Planning world domination.**_ "Planning my career. You?"

"Same. What would you like to become?"

_**Satan or Dark Vader but without the nasty burns.**_ "A business manager. You?"

"Assist my brother in the Uchiha business."

"No, you don't," I said.

"What?"

So I was going to make him hate me and this kinda came up randomly, but I'm not going to let it go. Whatever opportunities come up, you need to take it. Or steal it. Whichever way work for you. "I'm saying you don't want to assist your brother. It goes both way though. Your brother probably works best flying solo. I mean come on, have you seen his showcase? You live with him after all."

Sasuke looked uncomfortably by my outward speech. I am speaking proud and true. What better way to make someone angry than devalue them?

"He probably can do a lot of things in seven day. Like God. That would be cool. He is _Uchiha Itachi_ after all. With a name like that, what can't he do?" Sasuke is really starting to get angry. "Oh, but I'm sure you will do great things too," I said while making it obvious I didn't mean it. That isn't entirely true. If Sasuke focus more on himself then he'll probably—where the hell was he looking? I turn around and saw Kakashi's face looking right at me.

"Having fun?"

I turn away. "Aren't you shameless, sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, Kakashi."

"Kakashi-_sensei_," he corrected. "I was just looking to see if you two were making any progress." Hmph, so Sasuke called you over. If he can't stand a little insult then to hell with him! I don't know why I'm angry, but I am, ok?

I slam my hand down on the table and stood up. It may seem like I'm picking a fight, but I'm not. "I'm going to the restroom," I declared and stomp off before Kakashi _or_ Sasuke can say anything. Having trouble, eh? I'll show you trouble! Looking around the place, I saw that it was empty. Such a rich school and no guards. Those brats must've paid off the guards so they can go do whatever the hell they got to do. I must say, it is kind of smart. What was I going to do?

Oh, that's right.

* * *

**Boom! Boom! Boom! **

The three most wonderful sounds a child can ever hear.

I was safely up in the tree, grinning as the sound of gushing water exploded through the front doors of the school. Wet students and grumpy teachers ran out, bulldozing over each other for a way out. Once they were facing the school with disbelief, I ran over and stood behind them with the same faces.

Kiba popped outta nowhere and looked me up and down. "Hey, why aren't you wet?"

"I was already outside. About to skip school," I lied.

He accepted my answer right away. Naïve, but to my advantage. "Wow, can you believe the bastard that did this? The whole school's flooded!"

I turn to him with confusion. "There's not going to be any school. I thought you of all people would be happy."

"Yeah, but I won't be able to see Hinata and our room will smell like detergent and piss for the whole week!"

"I'm not too sure about the whole piss smelling thing but I get your point." I nudge him in the ribs. He glared at me with no effect. "You like Hinata, don't you?" Wow I've never seen such a red face human before. Is that even possible?

"H-How-w y-y-you-?"

"How did I know? The part where you said 'I won't be able to see Hinata'." I grab him around the shoulders. "You know…a wise person once told me, "Someone rarely gets what they desire and it satisfy to only be near them, but sometime, that isn't enough." It made him think about his love life. I can see it swirling all around his tiny little brain.

"And I'm guessing that wise person was you?"

I thought about that and saw no harm. "…yes, yes I am." It's not like the old man's publishing a book any time soon. A little plagiarizing won't hurt him…or me. "You keep that in mind and _only_ in your mind." I don't want it getting back to me.

"Ok, no problem. But…can you….uh…?"

"Can I not tell Hinata that you like her?" His hand covered my mouth in alarmed.

"Shh, don't say it so loud."

I peeled his hand off and said close by his ear. "I was whispering."

"Oh."

I place his hand by his side and said begrudgingly, "But hey…" I look around and drag him to a secluded place. "I have some juicy gossip for you. See, Sakura and Ino…"

* * *

**Charlie:** Hey, Ai, don't you have clients? 

**Ai:** I have lots of clients.

**Charlie:** _(enjoying Ai's deadpan face)_ How come you haven't gone to see them?

**Ai:** I do. At night. You were asleep.

**Charlie: **That's...creepy. Very cool. So do you believe in heaven?

**Ai:** I have yet to see it.

**Charlie:** ...is that a no?

**Riddles:**

"What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?"

**Answer:** Umbrella

"What seven letters did Old Mother Hubbard say when she opened her cupboard?"

**Answer:** O I C U R M T

"What is so fragile even saying its name can break it?"

**Answer:** Silence

"How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days, and ride out on Friday?"

**Answer:** The horse is named Friday.

"A man was to be sentenced, and the judge told him, "You may make a statement. If it is true, I'll sentence you to four years in prison. If it is false, I'll sentence you to six years in prison." After the man made his statement, the judge decided to let him go free. What did the man say?"

**Answer:** He said, "You'll sentence me to six years in prison." If it was true, then the judge would have to make it false by sentencing him to four years. If it was false, then he would have to give him six years, which would make it true. Rather than contradict his own word, the judge set the man free.

"How many letters are in the alphabet? (if you say 24, you are wrong)"

**Answer:** There are eleven letters in "the alphabet."

"What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?"

**Answer:** The letter M

"The more you take the more you leave behind."

**Answer:** Footsteps


	12. My Destruction

**Narra:** What happened to the dead girl?

**Charlie:** _(slaps him on the head)_ Not dead girl, Ai! Enma Ai! Don't be so rude.

**Narra:** You're the one hitting people!

**Charlie:** I want to go see Ai at work, but I have a feeling I shouldn't.

**Narra:** Why not? You can just snap you f-.

**Charlie:** It's gruesome. Her work. Really really gruesome.

**Narra:** ...I don't get it

**Riddles:**

"Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?"

"I am an insect, & the first half of my name reveals another insect. Some famous musicians had a name similar to mine. What am I?"

"What relation would your father's sister's sister-in-law be to you?"

"I know a word of letters three. Add two, and fewer there will be."

"You can see nothing else  
When you look in my face,  
I will look you in the eye  
And I will never lie."

"No one ever saw me, nor ever will"  
"And yet I am the confidence of all"  
"To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball."

"How did Mark legally marry three women in Michigan, without divorcing any of them, becoming legally separated, or any of them dying?"

"When is it bad luck to meet a white cat?"

"A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?"

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Twelve: My Destruction  
_

* * *

Kiba was born with a woman's tongue. 

It wasn't much of a surprise when Ino and Sakura were at each other's throats. It was a recreation scene of this battle with a couple of cheetahs thrown in. I wish I had brought a camera but someone else was already recording it for their website. I can make a copy of it later.

"Uchiha likes you."

You know that feeling, the one where you feel like you accomplished something? Well, mine was ripped out from my stomach and shove down a garbage funnel. It was the weirdest thing. Here I am enjoying this blood bath and someone just had to ruin it. And it was kind of surprising because the voice came from Shikamaru. The others were too preoccupied to bother eavesdropping.

"No, he doesn't," I argued. Even if it is true, it should stay false. Besides, I made him hate him. He can't start liking me! …not again.

"He keeps looking over here," then he yawn. You do not yawn after saying something like that.

I didn't look at Sasuke nor made any movement that I knew he was looking. My lips moved barely enough for me to say something, but not show it. "How do you know he's not looking past us?"

"At Sabaku?" Shikamaru lay his head down. "The only affection between them is rage."

"Why is that?" He became silent and I'm sure he isn't asleep. I sigh. Gaara and Sasuke is the only one I don't have any information on. I mean the relationship between them. Shoot, I have their favorite food stapled to my bed stand. Ok, not true but work with me here people, I'm exaggerating. "…keep it to yourself."

"Not really necessary. Gaara doesn't know the meaning of life and Sasuke's never had a life. The two meet and… (yawn)," he waves his hand around in a weird motion.

…and everything Gaara said pissed Sasuke off. Everything Sasuke said pissed Gaara off. It's like the rules of magnet. The same forces tend to want to beat the crap out of each other. "You should talk to Gaara." He seems to know the red-head enough not to get smacked.

"Wha-?"

"It wasn't a suggestion."

"…fine." Hah, my power is back! "…but do something for me." Power down to ten percent and dropping. "G-Get…" He's stuttering? We have signs of life! What is it, blackmail? Want me to cripple somebody? "…N-Neji…to…t-to…"

Oh no no no no no. Was it even the slightest bit possible that what I could be thinking of whatever it is that he is saying…could be true? My hands wrap themselves around my head. "Ugh, I'm having a headache." I grab the _full _bento box and stood up, ready to leave.

I _was_ ready to leave. "How come you don't trust us?"

I stare at him. "How come you still think I should?" I walk away. He has my highest respect (as high as it can go), but that was a dumb moment, wasn't it?

* * *

Three reasons I don't like complicated situations: 1) they aren't _my _complicated situations 2) they are _your_ complicated situations 3) …why exactly am I involve again? 

People think I care. But see, I only care about what's important. They can talk about how I might've been a prostitute's son; however, everyone knows that if I was, I would be wearing something more stylish, not blue under orange. Yes…I like orange. But back to the prostitution.

That's what everyone was saying. I hadn't count of Sakura spreading rumors about me just to vent out her anger. I had thought about it, but I was thinking, 'Naw, she'll be too busy with Ino's mockery at her'. These kids confuse me. They're smart when angry, but then you add a bit of lemon and their IQ drops. They're smart when under pressure and you see where I'm going with this.

If I move away from all that and back to the bloody chopped arm…oh, right. We were in History (not Art History) and somehow it turned into a forensic lab. It was fresh outside, a bit windy but nothing to worry about. You might want to be home at about seven. Any other time will cause great damage to your hair and clothes.

Ibiki turned into Sergeant Jackass again. At the top of the bleachers was a bloody arm (just the arm) and a woman's purse. If you're wondering where the other parts are, it's _under_ the bleachers. We are supposed to solve the mystery of who chopped the man's arm. Not that hard to figure out, people. The arm had a little affair with the purse and she whacked him. End of story.

The suspects are five girls behind five tables. Our materials are one notepad and a pencil. When we are finish, we write a name down onto the notepad and give it to Ibiki. He will in turn examine our evidence which we are supposed to tell him. Oh, and we're graded on everything we do, including the part where we just stand around lost and confused. The real thing that irked me, besides the arm, is that the suspects were real suspects. One of them actually did cut off a guy's arm.

Did I also mention that we get to have a partner? I grabbed Kiba before some idiot grabbed _me_.

"Kiba, go look at the purse. And wear these." I toss him a pair of gloves and I watch him hesitate on the first step. "Are you hemophobic? Because it's fake blood." Sasuke just smirked. He was definitely enjoying Kiba's fear and my annoyance.

"N-No, no I-I'm fine." Slam!

Oh no. He fainted.

I was very clear on the fact that Ibiki is writing everything down. I walk up the bleachers and took a look inside the purse. Other groups chose to talk with the suspects first but I'm more on the 'criminals lie' part. The purse's content is a toothbrush, black underwear, a bottle cap, a broken pencil, one pack of cigarette, and a silver spoon.

Should a woman's purse have those things?

The purse was very worn out and a side was even torn. And it was…wet. I pull my finger out and sniff the substance. My brain instantly recognized the smell. Hmm…so that's what the bottle cap was. I have to say it was a little unexpected.

"AHHHHH!"

"Securities at table two!"

I kick Kiba awake and motion for him to follow me. The five girls were comfortable talking to the students, a bit sluty. One was trying very hard to get Sasuke to have sex with her. Ah, convicts. I sat down at one of the tables and began my interrogation. Many years working at oji-san have taught me to look out for signs and that's why I sat down at this particular table. It creep me out that the girl was trying to flirt with me. I'm totally fine with flirting, but it's just this girl….

"Do you mind if I do an examination?" I asked. She was very quick to say yes. I took her hand and spread them out. They were normal and big. I smile politely as I walk around to feel her head. "How tall are you?"

"5'11." Small head.

"Hm," I check her brow's bones. Heavy. "Can you stretch out your arm please?" She did as told and I check their length. Short. Jaw is wide and a long nose. Now this is all professional. "Can you stand up?" It's all for the grade, people, the grade! I felt her ribcage which coincidentally happen to be kind of close to her breast.

"Uh…Naruto, what are you doing?"

I'm aware of the stares I was getting but it's for the grade. The girl giggled when I touc-poke her. I retracted my hands and went to get the notepad from Kiba. "You can sit down," I told her. I pushed Kiba down too and whispered, "Talk to her." Several people have already turned in their answer so I thought it safe and turned in mine too.

That's when this happened.

The girl who Kiba was talking to suddenly stood up, yelling hysterically. "THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! _YOU_ ARE VERY BOOOORING! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? BOOOORRRING! HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO YOURSELF TALK? YOU KNOW WHAT….I DID IT! I KILLED THE GUY! I CHOPPED UP HIS FKING ARM AND THEN I KILLED HIM! YOU HEAR ME! I DID IT! NOW CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TAKE ME BACK TO JAIL BEFORE I KILL THIS SON-OF-A-BITCH?"

I walk over to Kiba and slung an arm over his shoulder, pulling him back before she actually did something. "I left you for five seconds. Five. I'm impressed." Kiba was too scared to be proud of himself. Ah, he'll get over it eventually.

And then _this_ happened.

"Good job, Kiba. Now everyone please gather around so we can hear this group's explanation since they were the only one who got it right by _using _logic," he said, looking at both Gaara and Sasuke. Oh, shit. I forgot about the twin of doom's evil glare. Only they can scare the hell out of cold-hearted convicts! …next to me of course.

And _that_ is why I don't like getting attention.

Kiba sure didn't know the answer. I could say I guessed, but then…oh what the hell. "I guessed. She looked guilty of something."

We leave it at that because it got really ugly afterwards. I rather just not say it, but there was laughter.

* * *

"Nice one." Am I curse or something? I must be because whenever something bad happens, Sasuke is always there to bathe in the glory of my humiliation. 

"Excuse me?" Acting dumb is good, it's very good actually. I once humiliated someone by acting dumb.

"Not really quick to catch on, huh?"

But that was back at my kingdom. Everyone there was smart. I have said it a million times and I will say it again. Why? Because it's what I do best. Everyone _here_ is dumb. I don't rate intelligent by…well, their intelligent, but by their pure instinct to tell when to back down and when not to back down. People should know like that (snap finger) who is dangerous. You go out in the streets at night and you get scare. Because you know that bad things happen on the streets at night and you're walking along one that isn't very safe.

"Only under some circumstances." I blink at his curiosity. I blink _and_ think. Always remember that. "Why are you following me?" It was time to get straight with him, real straight because I put myself out there. I made him angry which usually have very big consequences, but here he is acting as if nothing happened. Am I missing something here? "Hello, you followed me _just_ to taunt me about my failure in class. I think it's being out of character for a person such as yourself."

He walked threateningly closer, fists all balled up. "I did not follow you."

"Your class is at the other end of the building and this path that I'm walking on leads nowhere to _your _class. And I am smart. You're just too dumb. There's a big difference between those two." I held up a hand. "Please do not speak because I am very piss right now. The whole class laughed at me because _they're_ dumb. The teacher is angry at me because _he's_ dumb. You're following me because _you're_ dumb. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

He didn't look angry. I take it as a bad sign. I knew something unexpected was coming.

"How did you know where my class was?"

But I wasn't expecting that.

I chose not to answer that, but rather focus on a more direct approach. "You know what started this whole mess. _You_ like me. Uh-huh, be all shock and retreat, but it is true. So that's why you need to get rid of it. I don't want any of your complicated shit haunting what's left of my life. Oh, and by the way, you're a…asshole." That was the best I can muster up in that situation. I walk away before he can recover from what I just said.

When in doubt, freak me out. Hell, even I freaked myself out.

* * *

A delicate, but strong hand reached out and gave me a small shove in the back. What lay in front of me is a staircase. As I dropped, it was when I actually realized that I was dropping. You see, my mind had been so preoccupied with what's been going on, I hadn't been paying attention. So when I was in mid-air, ready to hit the ground, I reacted by instinct. My hand hit the last few steps of the stairs and I did a back-flip over the remaining stairs, landing gracefully on my legs. 

I was disturbed when I turned around. Sakura stood at the top with lots (I do mean lots) of people staring down at me with astonishment. Sakura was angrier then shock. What was going through my mind, however, was _'She __**did**__ push that girl'._

I left before the others could make it down the stairs to smother me with questions. Following that "accident", I _almost_ "tripped" out a window on the third floor, _almost_ had vomit dumped on me, _almost_ got cut by a pocket knife that was coincidentally being carried by a pink hair girl.

After that, I believed that if Sakura did really die, she would come back to kill me even though I wasn't the one murdered her.

On top of this dilemma, Kiba has been bugging me about Ibiki's assignment. How did I solve it? I didn't really guess did I? Because that would really suck, in his opinion.

"C'mon, Naruto! Please, pretty please with a cherry on top, tell me!" he begged for the umpteenth time.

Eventually I broke. Hey, either I broke or he breaks.

"Alright alright, if I tell you, will you promise to shut the hell up?" He nodded gleefully. I shake my head at him. "The she you are referring to is a guy."

"Wait, you mean-."

"Yup. _She_ used to have a _dick_. Now quiet." I breathe deeply to get my nerves to relax then continued. "I found testosterone gel in _his_ bag. People who had transsexual surgery need it to regulate the hormones of the opposite sex that is now in their body. Or something complicated like that. I just know they need it. And when I examined _him_, I found the body structure very abnormal. For a girl. Male has larger hands, long upper arm, wide ribcage etc." I was already having feelings of regrets.

I found out later that I should've broken him.

He went around school, bragging to everyone how I was so smart. That only gave Sakura another reason to mock and insult me. Apparently there's a difference between mock and insult. Mock is more physical. It was just a few jabs to the shoulder. Still pissed me off though.

Shikamaru felt that entire load wasn't enough. What does he do?

"I talked with Tsunade." He just had to share. What, he's not getting enough of that with Chouji?

"That's not something I needed to know right now."

Everyone has a timer on them. The clock ticks closer to 12 every time they experience some emotional feeling. My clock is being _forced_ to tick. It's just going tick tick tick tick. It didn't help that I drank two cans of beer before lunch. Why? Because little Naruto was upset and needed his ba-ba.

"You're hiding your manipulative side, you're bribing the dean. Why?"

I made a clicking sound with my mouth, twice. It's not a secret code. It's to relieve the headache I was getting. Again. "Didn't Tsunade tell you _anything_?"

"She's easy to push, but loyal."

"Yeah, I know." Darn it, she purposely told him so he can come to me. That means she expects me to do something about it. Or not. She probably has someone watching me and her talk with oji-san means she knows my nature. This indicates she also knows how shitty my day is and she wants to push the final button so that I can go overboard. Are my threats meaningless? Did it lose some sort of effect? Or is it because these people are so dense?

"Why can't you trust us?"

"Shikamaru…" How should I say this that won't offend him? There's really no right way. "Let me tell you a story. I once saw a little bird. It could be a lot older or younger. I wasn't exactly train to tell the age of birds by a glance. Anyway, that little bird is always flying. One day, its wings got tired. An infection due to the pollution caused by humanity. After a while, the bird's wings grew itchy so it goes on a pecking spree and eventually got through to the muscles. The infection gets worse and the little bird loses a few ounces of blood. Obviously it can't live without blood. So it got delirious and hallucinated a cure in the image of a wall. It flew by a couple of nice ones and finally chose a strong brick wall. It flew head on into the wall and do you know what happened next?"

"It died? What does that have to-?"

"No, it lived. Wings broken, muscles not functioning, but it can feel pain. It felt the ants, the bugs crawling and violating its body, chewing everything apart. Until many agonizing minutes later, it died. The moral of this story is, 'those who are weak, dies'. Even if you try to get me to trust you, even if you try to get to help me by researching, this is reality. And reality is a cruel place to live in."

His jaw was set tightly. Neither he nor I said anything to each other. I left him be soon after. I was in a rotten mood and I thought maybe it couldn't get any worse.

That was before I found out that Sasuke broke up with Sakura.

_**Two days people! Two freakin days and it all go kabooey!**_

But I figure that Sasuke would do that. I just didn't think it was because of what I said. Now I've become his inspiration and that meant he would want to talk to me…soon. So I took up his schedule and figured out all the possible routes that he can use to get to me then proceed to avoid him.

Didn't really matter since he found me. I've never been good at hide-and-seek, but this is just pathetic of me isn't it.

He looked unsure of himself and a little vulnerable. I must admit it was very cute.

…okay, I have no idea where that came from, but I can reassure you it's not happening ever again. At least not consciously.

"Can we talk?"

I took a breath and look around the room that I was so rudely pushed into. It was dusty and crawling with spiders. I'm certain some of these spiders haven't eaten in a while. Yes, it was a perfect place for a little chat.

"I don't want to talk to you. I want to leave." Obviously that ain't happening with him blocking the door and all. He frowns at my childish behavior. How else am I suppose to act being locked in a room with someone I don't want to be with? I think I can sue for this.

"Well, you just listen to me!" The exclamation doesn't mean he's shouting. He's just raising his voice a tad high.

"I thought you wanted to talk. That usually involves _both_ of us speaking."

His hands flew to his head in a fury. "Can you stop being sarcastic for one minute?" But I'm so proud of it.

I want this to move a little fast so… "How about I talk and you just listen? You came in here to tell me you broke up with Sakura and then you intend to fiddle with your fingers, figuring out ways to probably ask me out. Or some sort of trial tests to see if you really _do_ like me. It could be just a phase, is what you're thinking. That would be called 'playing around with someone's feelings'. But if you do ask me out, I would say no. You'll get angry and possibly very violent. And-."

"You are impossible!" he shouted. "Yes, I came here to ask you out, but can't you just answer like a normal person? No, yes, is that so hard to say? And if you're worry I'm going to change my mind later on, you don't have to. I thought it might just be a phase like you said, but then I found out that I truly do have feelings for you. You're always in my head. It's bugging the hell out of me. Unless you say yes, but I don't think _that_ would even get you out of my head," he was looking as hopeful as he could manage. It was a new expression for his stoic self. But…

…holy shit.

I am freaking out! I don't know why, but I am! Think think! C'mon, he's just a boy, a kid. He's like any other normal brat, right? RIGHT?

Ba-dump ba-dump!

_**THERE'S NOTHING TO BEAT ABOUT! I ORDER YOU TO STOP BREATING!**_

….ok, that was stupid.

Ba-dump!

_**SHUT THE HELL UP!**_

"_You ever think that maybe he's different?"_ No, he's the same. They're always the same. He can't be-.

"Naruto? Are you alright?"

I suck in a breath. Why is he so close to my face? "You're not sto-." What the hell am I doing? "I-I have to go!" Running away is cowardice, but that was…it was a bad situation! And he was so far away from the door. I don't even want to know what possessed him to do someth—Kakashi!

* * *

**Charlie:** Naruto is getting so violent.

**Narra:** He's acting like a wuss to me.

**Charlie:** He's not being a wuss! He's confused.

**Narra:** ah, same thing

**Charlie:** It is not the same thing! Totally different. You're just twisting everything. You...word twister!

**Narra:** Now that's just sad.

**Charlie:** Shut up!

**Riddles:**

"A word I know, six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains."

**Answer:** Dozen

"This runs fore to aft on one side of a ship, and aft to fore on the other. What is it?"

**Answer:** The name of the ship

"I am a box that holds keys without locks, yet they can unlock your soul. What am I?"

**Answer:** A piano

"What turns everything around, but does not move?"

**Answer:** A mirror

"While walking across a bridge I saw a boat full of people. Yet on the boat there wasn't a single person. Why?"

**Answer:** Everyone on the boat is married

"If your sock drawer has 6 black socks, 4 brown socks, 8 white socks, and 2 tan socks, how many socks would you have to pull out in the dark to be sure you had a matching pair?"

**Answer:** Five. There are only four colors, so five socks guarantee that two will be the same color.

"Food can help me survive, but water will kill me. What am I?"

**Answer:** Fire

"What is broken every time it's spoken?"

**Answer:** Silence


	13. My Mistake

**Narra:** _(walks in with the milk)_ Hey, where's the dead girl?

**Charlie:** She doesn't talk much so I sent her home.

**Narra:** What are you doing?

**Charlie:** _(working on a weird machinery thing)_ I am building a teleportation machine that will take us to other parallel universes.

**Narra:** You're kidding, right?

**Charlie:** _(looks up at him)_ Why?

**Narra:** Well, let me see. _(takes out a notebook) _We almost got killed in the past by a dead poet.

**Charlie:** His name was Edgar Allen Poe and we were in his dreams. Duh.

**Narra:** _(slams the notebook shut)_ I almost became some tribal princess's bitch!

**Riddles:**

"There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters." What is the word?""

"Brothers or sisters have I none, but that man's father is my father's son. Who is that man?"

"With thieves I consort,  
With the vilest, in short,  
I'm quite at ease in depravity;  
Yet all divines use me,  
And savants can't lose me,  
For I am the center of gravity."

"I never was, am always to be,  
Until I am measured  
I am not known,Yet how you miss me  
When I have flown."

"Alive without breath,  
As cold as death,  
Never thirsty, Ever drinking,  
Clad in mail, Never clinking,  
Drowns on dry land,  
Thinks an island, Is a mountain,  
Thinks a fountain, Is a puff of air."

"Mom and Dad have four daughters, and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?"

"What stinks when living and smells good when dead?"

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Thirteen: My Mistake_

* * *

**Not at school:**

The man, the most hated and unworthy of life, is inwardly shuddering with fear as he is being stared down by a demonic being: me. I looked him in the eye and saw recognition. He, of all people, should know better. So please god, tell me why. Why did he exist? Why am I the only one he's tormenting? Why did he go and tell Sasuke to express his feelings to me?

"All I want to know is why," I told Kakashi while glaring with every bit of hatred in my being.

"Whatever I say you're just going to hit me." He did look prepared for it.

I locked the door, noticing how he didn't look too happy with it. "I am not going to hit you." That is true. Believe me or not, it is.

Kakashi thought about whether he would die or be beaten until he died if he said what was on his mind, but he made the mistake of thinking that I would never actually kill him.

"Sasuke's happy around you and you seem to like him."

I won't say that I don't make him happy. Everyone can clearly see he's happy around me, but see, I'm not happy around him. I don't wanna be around him. "That is the most ridiculous answer I have ever heard." I reached into my pocket, but Kakashi thought I was going to shoot him so he ran behind a desk. What came out was actually _somebody else__'__s_ cell. I dialled a number and worked my magic power. "Iruka! I need your help! Please come! I'm at Veg!" It didn't surprise Kakashi that I was practically yelling into the phone, but rather because I was sounding like I was crying. I'm very good at that.

Five minutes later, I actually felt a little tiny bit sorry for Kakashi and I wanted to laugh…really bad.

Who knew that **Iruka** could drive twenty blocks, including turns, in under a minute?

Who knew that **Iruka** could bust down a one hundred and fifty pound door off its hinges like it was nothing?

Who knewthat **Iruka** could take only three steps in order to land a powerful five-finger bomb right on Kakashi's nose?

Who knew that **Iruka** could totally beat the crap out of Kakashi?

Who knew that** Iruka** could be just as deadly when he's hugging a sixteen year old boy?

Who knew that **Iruka** likes Kakashi?

It couldn't have been easy. Ok fine, it was. Oh lord; it could've been oji-san. Isn't that a corruptive thought? But guess what? The most exciting thing happened…!

I get to bring a gun to school! Well, it's a BB gun, but nonetheless a gun! What happened was I cried and told Iruka not to tell everybody about Kakashi because that would definitely be bad for me. C'mon, a kid who survived an incident wherein both his parents died and now is being molested by a teacher. Imagine what kind of nonsense that could stir up. But nevertheless, Kakashi is miserable and he won't be able to see Iruka for a long, long while. I think it'll be a few restless nights and a whole lot of booze.

But I'm not finished.

After we got back to school, Kakashi had a few mishaps along the way. Flowerpots almost killing him from ten feet above, shattered glasses, butt glued to the chair, hair suddenly combusting into flames, tripping everywhere, missing porn book. You know, just the usu-.

"Alright alright! I have had enough! WTF do you want?!" I checked my watch to see if it was the exact time. Only a few hours. I think it was two hours and 3 minutes.

"If you give up too easily, you'll never make it as a teacher," I informed him.

"AHHHHHH!" he screamed until there was a bloody stump where his head used to be.

For a second, I wondered how that was even possible. "If your head explodes, you'll never make it as a teacher."

So he screamed and unfortunately his head didn't explode. I would've liked to see that. I would like to see a lot of things being performed. For example: did you know there are exactly five hundred ways to torture a human being? For animals, it's probably three hundred. Do not ask how I know this. It's a hush hush matter.

"I never took you as a person who's so patient!" said Kakashi, but he was kind of yelling. I must admit that seeing him yell is weird. He's usually so calm and collected so there should be no reason for him to yell even if he's at his wit's end.

I sigh outwardly and close my eyes. There should be a ticking sound, should there not? Or a humming noise? Something. My hand reached up to my chin and I stroked it from side to side. Did you know that if you touch the middle of it, there's this 'W' shape to it? A round 'W'. I opened my eyes to Kakashi's curious one and shoved my hand into his hair. Yes, his hair. What I pulled out from there was a chip. It was even blinking. I narrow my eyes at the said device.

"I'm onto you," I said into the chip. The small red light blinked twice then its color turned dull. "What do you guys think you're doing?" Kakashi looked sheepishly at me, but didn't answer. I wasn't angry because they were spying on me. I was more focused on the chip. It was poorly made so the connection was really weak. I don't think they got much out of this conversation.

"It's an old model," Kakashi finally said.

I see. I recognized the feature of this model and know how it works better than any of these amateurs. I could tone it so there wouldn't be any sound emitting from it. I could even make one exactly like it.

Because it was otou-san's.

I guess you can say I left Kakashi there and just went home. No car ride, just a really long walk. Except this time, somehow, I got home faster. The sun was now sitting lazily on one of the smaller skyscrapers. I sighed and went inside, finding oji-san in the living room. The TV wasn't on and there definitely wasn't any food on the table. He was waiting for me.

The chip was still clenched in my hand. It made me feel down all of a sudden. "Very clever," I told him as I went to my room. Because it was true. I added, "_**Very manipulative.**_" Because it was also true. Then I locked myself in my room, leaving the chip on the nightstand. I laid myself on my bed, arms under my head, and thought about the times ahead. Until I got tired of thinking and just fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up around five and found myself in a foul mood. There was definitely an urge to kill, but you know I had to hold it in. Except I had to go to the restroom. Ahem, anyway after that I still wasn't feeling any better. 

PIK! PIK! PIK!

And there it was. I have no idea what _it_ was, but I looked out the window and there on the power line was a squirrel. There is a park nearby so the whole squirrel situation was understandable. It turned to look at me with its beady little eyes. The eyes reminded me of Sasuke. It was black. That was my only reason.

I swear I could see fear in the squirrel's eyes. It's probably wondering why I looked angry. Even if I told it, I don't think it would understand me so there wasn't really any point to it. And then I decided to name it. Yes, I am naming the squirrel. It shall be named Sasuke.

PIK! PIK! PIK!

Oh look, another one. It seemed to say something in squirrel language and stared at me. It shall also be called Sasuke.

PIK! PIK! PIK!

And a third one. It is also Sasuke. Hmm, I wonder why all three of them are staring at me. I certainly don't have any food in my room or any smell. Is it the hair? Aren't squirrels color blind?

PIK! PIK! PIK!

Ok-ay, it's-.

PIK! PIK! PIK!

….-getting creepy.

PIK! PIK! PIK!

There are now six squirrels looking at me. They were all in a row, just sitting there, staring. At me. Do you know how weird that is? Even squirrels are giving me the evil eye. It's like mini little Sasuke with a tail.

"Shooo!" I said, waving my hands at them. They didn't even flinch. I took a pebble and threw it at one of 'em. It hit the fifth Sasuke on the head and bounced off. They still didn't move. "If you guys don't scatter, I'm going to kill you," I snapped at them to no avail.

PIK! PIK! PIK!

PIK! PIK! PIK!

PIK! PIK! PIK!

PIK! PIK! PIK!

There are now ten squirrels staring at me. That does it. I went to my backpack and grabbed the "gift" that Iruka gave me. They all cock their head to the side, looking curious at what that strange device is. You remember how I told you I can't aim? That doesn't necessarily involve guns. I was angry. I have a loaded BB gun in my hand. And I was definitely not afraid to use it.

You know what….they're squirrels and I can't just shoot them. I do have a little humanity in me. I'm not all crazy. Then the strangest thing happened. All ten of those squirrels suddenly turned into Sasuke. Seriously, for some reason unknown, their head turned into Sasuke. I think my eyes turned red because that was all I could see when-.

BANG!

Then…

….SPLAT!

'EEEKK!' I did not know squirrels could make that sound. I was just going at it when my neighbour looked out her window. Bad idea because it turns out those squirrels could, like, fly! One of 'em, like, stretched itself so I went all "Terminator" on its ass. It flew right into that lady's window. It was also bad timing because I finally did shoot it. In the head. So its face was implanted on glass and slowly (very slowly) it began to slide down.

We were staring at it and, uh…she fainted.

………………

I poked at my plate of food, looking at oji-san as he ate from his plate. Somehow, I didn't feel like eating right now. An apple or something, but not the food, because it was meat. I noticed very clearly how oji-san looked like he was enjoying the food. He made a painful noise and spit out a little green ball.

"What is this?"

"I got a BB gun. Must've not seen that one." He gave me a strange look and I made it disappear with a, "It ricocheted."

"Oh," he said, simply. Then oji-san awkwardly tried to start a conversation, not looking at me. "So…do you know why there's…uh…blood in the alleyway?" That, I'll clean that up tomorrow.

I look at him and nodded. "Yeah." I turn to my food again. He didn't question me further, not deeming it an important meal conversation. We ate the meal in silence; well…I didn't really eat. I don't have an appetite for anything fleshy tonight. Sadly there weren't anymore fruits or vegetables left.

* * *

"_Naruto. Naruto!__"_ called Iruka. 

I picked up the phone. "What?" I'm still in my mood and I guess I shouldn't push that on Iruka.

"_A friend of yours is here. He said he__'__s Uchiha Sasuke.__"_

….what? Uchiha Sasuke? As in Uchiha Sasuke, who goes to my school and openly told me that he liked me? I haven't made any plans for us to meet so he shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be here! Do you hear me? He _should not_ be here!

"Tell him I'm not here."

"…_he can hear you.__"_

"Well in that case send him up." I hung up the phone and tried in that two minute to make myself unattractive as possible.

Knock knock! Two minutes up.

I opened the door and was expected to see Mr. Izz Disgust. Instead it was his hateful cousin, Lustful Lovelock. I'm confused. Sasuke is supposed to be this obsessing perfect person and I'm not perfect.

"You look great!" he blurted out and then blushing afterward.

Huh? I look what now? I do not get him. My clothes are winkled and my hair is all over the place. Yet he thinks I look great. And do you know what happens next? I don't feel moody anymore. Nope, nothing. It just vanished. Maybe it's because I haven't heard a good compliment in a very long time. Or it's the other reason: I like hearing him compliment me. I'm pretty sure it's the first one.

Instead of showing him by confuse look and standing there in an uncomfortably silence, I move aside to let him in. I hope he won't bring it up again because that would be very bad for him. We sat down on the couch, me far away from him.

"Why are you here?" I asked impassively.

He held up Kakashi's assignment and let me decide what to do. I'd burn it. That would be my first answer. I should've told Tsunade (along with the no homework) about my two-people problem. There should never be two people on a project. If it's three, at least I have someone to distract me from that second person.

I got up and went to the kitchen, while hoping his voice won't reach.

"I'm going to ask you a few questions."

"Whatever." Pouring myself a cup of water, I waited for him to continue. Oji-san might've fainted in the restroom. I haven't heard a peep from him and that's usually a bad sign.

"Can you tell me about your family?"

The cup stopped an inch from my lips. It's his plan to get to know me better, but he should first notice the fact that I live in a bar. Then he should probably know that the whole family thing is a tender issue and we could've avoided that question, but Sasuke took something called a risk. It's very stupid and tends to blow up in your face. I grab a soda and went back to the couch. It's not fair that he likes me. It's not fair that I _know_ he likes me. I'm perfectly fine with being ignorant towards that.

I pass him the soda and wonder how I'm to answer. Oji-san's probably eavesdropping, including Iruka because I can clearly see that the speaker is on. How dumb are these people?

"I don't know," I said, taking a sip. "People are spying on me a lot today. Can't I have a little privacy?"

"What?" He's thinking I'm crazy. Partially it is true.

The light on the speaker grew dull and I faintly heard retreating footsteps. "Nothing. So my family, huh?" He doesn't need to know about the accident, but it has been printed in the newspaper. "Well, you already know my oji-san. He's the owner of this bar. He can be stupid occasionally, but he's been with me since I was…conceived."

"Meaning?"

"How should I put this? When my oka-san found out she was pregnant, my oji-san was excited. More than my otou-san _and_ oka-san," I said, embarrassed.

"I….uh…I see." Yup, he was most definitely trying not to laugh. He scribbled something, his hand shaking. "Anything else?"

"I was born a month early. I blamed oji-san. Still do."

Cocking his head to the side, like a curious baby, he asked, "Why?"

I don't even know why I'm telling him this, but…whatever. "It may seem like I'm focusing everything on him, but you have to understand that he's really, _really_ annoying. You know how some pregnant women play music to soothe their baby and all that?"

He looks as if I've spoken another language. His hand had ceased any writing and he was listening to my every word. Even with him focusing on me, knowing that he likes me and having the realization that I might've been lied to by the priest about the whole 'make him hate me', I can help but think about the squirrels. Poor dead squirrels. Their family is probably waiting at home for them right now, not knowing that their husbands or whatever are tonight's special at the Uzumaki's home. There was still some left in the fridge.

"Are you hungry?" I asked Sasuke. As I had hoped, he said something that sounded like a yes. I had this weird dead pan smile on my face as I walked to the kitchen. I think he noticed. It was as if I was leading him to his doom. I feel honored. While it was heating, I begin to explain to Sasuke about things that he has no knowledge to. "Women care about their children. The nice ones, anyway. And when they care for their children-."

"I know," he rolled his eyes over my exaggerated assumption. "I just don't understand why women have to play music, Naruto."

Wow, I really do mean it. That is the first time he's said my name. The _first_ time. How cool is that? Never has that happened to me before. "It's soothing," I said firmly. "Stop asking so many questions." Upon his bemused look, I immediately said, "What I meant was…oh what the hell. I have no idea what it's for, but my oka-san did it. Anyway, my oji-san decided to sing to me. Ugh, he cannot sing and since I was in the womb, I had to depend on my oka-san to run. However, she was pregnant so escape wasn't really an option. And you can probably assume what happened."

"Uh-huh." His hand started to move again, more vigorously. "What is your favorite place?" I didn't know why he changed the subject, but I don't mind.

"…" I know he was looking at me, but I was thinking. Hard. I shrug with a gesture of my head. "Nowhere." I've gone to several places before with my parents, but there weren't really any favourites. I look at him and he had this disbelieving face. "What?"

"You don't have any?" I didn't see it as a big deal so I said nothing. "Want me to take you there?"

….let's just say…we _both_ weren't expecting that. _He_ couldn't believe he said it and _I_ couldn't believe he said it. We were really stunned.

"S-Say t-that a-again?" I dared myself to ask. Please ignore the stuttering. There's usually something that-. A ding sound made us turn to the cause. Ah, the meat is ready. I took the plate over to him along with a fork. We prefer not to mention that little moment back there. I watched his fork like a hawk as he stabbed the piece of meat and (in slow motion) brought it to his mouth. My heart was thumping like an out-of-beat drum and suddenly the trance broke.

"Can you stop staring at me?"

I semi-nodded and turn my head away, glancing back to see if he's eaten. He didn't let my odd behavior pass and sniffed the meat. "The answer is yes," I told him.

"Huh?"

"Yes, I did put rat poison in it," I admitted like a criminal on trial, but with an air of sarcasm. "Now eat it so I can bury you in Mt. Fuji." I watch with amusement as he hesitated before eating it. Out of annoyance, of course.

After he swallowed it, he commented on how good it was while a little confuse by the grimace on my face. He ignored that and went on with the questions. "The—."

"I wasted ten squirrels," I blurted out just as he had done with the 'you look great' phrase.

"You did what now?"

There was no way I can cover that up. Can _you_ cover that up? Oh wait, I can. "A year ago. Yes, a year ago I wasted ten squirrels." He seems to accept that until he remembered something.

"Why is there blood in the alleyway?" I should've cleaned it.

There was confusion, amusement, and a weird-out expression going on his face. He got the whole mojo package. Ahem. "Ok so it was more recent."

"You mean an hour ago, right?" It was a rhetoric question so I didn't answer.

I try to look indifferent, not working for me right now. "I was a bit upset."

"_A bit_?" He couldn't understand why I had done that. "You murdered ten squirrels! You…shot them!" I wonder how long he can go because I was still watching the plate of meat quite intently. "What are you looking at?"

I look up, but not before he saw my gaze's previous direction. I wasn't paying much attention to how he was putting everything together. I don't know. The meat is probably getting to me. Sasuke suddenly rushed to the restroom at the speed of light. "Aim _in_ the toilet," I shouted to him. I picked up the plate and had myself a bite. Why is he so worried? It's just chicken. If he had wanted some squirrels, he should've gotten here earlier. Squirrels don't have that much meat on 'em. You can only make one plate off of those ten squirrels…

…and I gave those to oji-san.

* * *

Sasuke sure did stay a long time and boy was he mad. I can not even begin to explain how many cuss words he threw my way. Some of them, I think he invented it cause I've never heard them before. Oji-san was loving it by the way. Eventually Sasuke left and I got to sleep, possibly dream. 

As I was lying down all peaceful, I heard screams. It was wonderful, but I was still curious where it came from. I searched the pile of rubbish on my desk and found one of those digital cameras. I plugged it into my computer and saw a holy sight. No kidding. And that's when it hit me. Oh, it hit me hard.

_**Sakura**__**'**__**s party!**_

I missed the opening act. There was a big bonfire right in front of Sakura's million dollar mansion. I couldn't install the camera right on Sakura's lawn so I had to find a tree right in front of her house. I saw a helicopter that zoomed by and hovered over the mansion. Even though I had recorded it, I wanted to see when it actually began. But whatever. No pain, no gain. Aside from the really huge bonfire blazing away anything that touches it, there were toilet papers wrapped around the Victorian mansion. Paintballs and a gooey substance was flying everything. Sakura and her guests were drenched from head to toe, their make-up running. A look at the broken door with water running out of it like Niagara Falls could tell you what happened.

Everyone was screaming, some of them at Sakura for having such a suck-ass party. Ino was sneering and even though she was pissed, you can see that she's happy that Sakura was suffering. Sakura, on the other hand, was looking around and shouting a name. I zoomed the camera in and tried to read her lips. It looks like S-Sa—Sasuke. Huh? Obviously he isn't there; he's been here the whole time.

_Gasp!_ He's been here the whole time! He was supposed to be there, but he ditched the party to come here. Hate me, hit me; don't love me. This is why I'm traumatized. I am too young and innocent (ok, well not innocent) to be molested by some erotic bird boy. It's bad enough I have a fifty-six year old baby on my hands. Imagine the horror!

Anyway the media could only hover above the site. They would've been shot on the spot if they entered. The cops were there and they surrounded the area. The most surprising thing happened, they arrested Sakura! Ok, they thought maybe the culprit was still there so they arrested everybody. One of them tackled Sakura right into the mud. He thought she was trying to escape. Anyway it was really funny until the cop realized who she was and had to apologize non-stop. She was angry enough as it was and Ino's smart ass comments weren't making things any easier.

The fangirls were amazing. They didn't mind getting dirty and they played the upset guests really well. I can learn a thing or two from them. That got me thinking. Why do they create fanclubs? You can collect posters or whatever, but why create a club? The meetings must be boring. Of course unless you're insanely obsessive then it really doesn't matter, now does it? Oh my god, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with wanting to watch people suffer.

That is…_awesome_!

Well you know, people have their downsides too. Sometime that downside is a person with pink hair because there were definitely consequences for messing with the rich.

* * *

It is horrible. I'm stuck dealing with crisis after crisis. Nothing happy has gone my way. I'm actually wishing for a miracle. I can't touch these kids. Law suits can go a long way. It didn't help that on top of everything…I found a bottle of liquor. The thing came outta nowhere, I swear. I did feel better and that second bottle made me feel _way_ better. It was lunch. Nothing in my stomach except expensive sake. I might've gotten a little tipsy. 

As I was saying, it was lunch. I stumbled into the lively cafeteria and to my seat. I was aiming for the bathroom and steered off course a bit. You try walking straight while delirious. The whole crew was there and they can obviously see something is wrong with me, but they didn't know what. Now when I'm drunk, you can't even tell I'm drunk. My face isn't red or none of that shit. I just walk like I have two left feet.

Kiba was about to open his mouth. To talk. I glare at him and said as deadly as possible. "_**Shut it.**_" He made an 'eep' sound and went pale. Hey, I'm drunk. Can you blame me?

It was silent and I love it, but Shikamaru felt that it was his duty to speak. "Sasuke's staring at you. More than usual." And he said this loud enough for my table to hear. "What's going on?"

"Gaara suspects you of something," said Shino. You know, I think that's the first time he spoke to me.

"Everyone got their inquiries out?" They looked like it was. I nodded. "Now shush, I'm going to sleep because I ain't answering shit," I said bluntly and laid my head down. None of them said anything. Probably too shit-faced. However (after fifteen minutes or so)…

I glance up just in time to see Kiba nod to Shikamaru. The boy in turn looked around and casually sips his water. What kind of code is that? Is it a new invention? How come I wasn't informed? Then faster than you can say 'sucker', a bucket of what I think is puke was dumped where I _was_ sitting. See, before the bucket thing, the crew had pulled me away and created some sort of powerful shield (actually it's a wooden board). The smell combined with the sudden movement made me extremely nauseas.

If I puke on the puke, I don't think anyone would care.

The girls, who poured the ugh, (shiver with disgust everyone) made an 'oops' face like it was a total accident. Sakura had her pretty ass by the table and saying comments like, "Eww, that is so disgusting, _Naruto_." Behind her hand, an angry smile was concealed.

Kiba had helped, somewhat, and scooted me away while Sasuke became angry. He actually walked up to her and pushed her. She didn't fall (stumbled), but he still pushed her. The fangirls were happy. The rest of the crowd sat down for popcorns and some drama. Sasuke and Sakura were arguing about something. There was a small moment where Sakura looked ready to pounce on me, but Gaara actually stood by my side to make sure she doesn't. Well…I think it was Gaara. I'm not sure.

I wasn't really paying attention. Sai was eyeing me, calculating. He was listening to Sasuke's argument. Sai is a suspicious subject, but I was too busy looking at the robotic janitor who came out. After they left, the puke was gone and there was a citric scent in its place. I smile and purposely dropped some food from my tray onto the floor. I couldn't tell if it was the same janitor since they all look alike. But anyway, one came and cleaned it right up. I took a spoonful of something and threw it on the floor. I did it as fast as I can. Five actually came out together. I laughed really hard. But I felt someone poking me from behind and turn around.

"Uh…Naruto?" asked Kiba. "Are you ok?"

My laughs slow down to a halt as I look around. Everyone was looking at me. Hmm, no wonder it was so quiet. I look back at Kiba. "Don't tell me you've never noticed? Look." I drop a few crumbs and a janitor came out. "They're like home-made robots for chrissake." No one really found that funny. I roll my eyes. What losers. I motion for Kiba to help me up. "I need to go to the nurse."

He was self-conscious of the stares we were getting, but still helped me up. "Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm drunk," I tried to sound like I was joking.

"Really?" he said, shocked. But the guy's an idiot.

"Walk," I commanded and he obeyed. Now that's a good boy. We were almost to the door. Almost.

"Sakura, stop it!" said Sasuke.

"No," she shouted and pulled away from his grasp. I'm only imagining this since my back was still turned. "You were at his place last night, weren't you?" She makes it sound like a love affair. "Weren't you?!"

Huh, how in the world did she know Sasuke was at my place? Was that what that weird guy was for? Oh, I saw this guy dressed in black with a pair of binoculars aiming at my window.

"He's manipulating you! Why can't you see that?"

My ear is cracking from the high pitch of her voice. Not a very good thing for a person with a headache. "Will you shut up?" I mumbled.

"What you say?" he said to me. Kiba heard me, but not her

"He's a nobo-!"

"_**WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!**_"

* * *

**Charlie:** Ok, hang on tight. Make sure you got your seatbelts on.

**Narra:** _(force to come along)_ Are you sure about this?! It could be dangerous!

**Charlie:** _(starting up the engire) _Stop being such a worry-wort! I am 98.9 percent sure this is going to work!

**Narra:** _(screaming because of the loud noise)_ WHY ONLY 98.9 PERCENT?

**Charlie:** BECAUSE... _(put the machine into gear)_ WE COULD DIE!

**Narra:** I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT! YOU SAID EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT!

**Charlie:** _(strapping on googles) _YEAH, I KINDA LIED ABOUT THAT! HANG ON!

**Narra:** _(as they fly off)_ AAHHHHHHHH!

**Riddles:**

"Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?"

**Answer:** In a dictionary.

"I am an insect, & the first half of my name reveals another insect. Some famous musicians had a name similar to mine. What am I?"

**Answer:** Beetle

"What relation would your father's sister's sister-in-law be to you?"

**Answer:** Your mother

"I know a word of letters three. Add two, and fewer there will be."

**Answer:** Few

"You can see nothing else  
When you look in my face,  
I will look you in the eye  
And I will never lie."

**Answer:** Your reflection

"No one ever saw me, nor ever will  
And yet I am the confidence of all  
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball."

**Answer:** Time

"How did Mark legally marry three women in Michigan, without divorcing any of them, becoming legally separated, or any of them dying?"

**Answer:** It's part of his job - he's a justice of the peace.

When is it bad luck to meet a white cat?"

**Answer:** When you're a mouse

"A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?"

**Answer:** The man wrote "your exact weight".


	14. My Confusion

**The place is a desert with wind blowing everything.**

**Narra:** Where the hell are we? Gobi Desert?

**Charlie:** Hello, we traveled to another universe. _(looks around as if there's something there)_ I have no clue where we are.

**Narra:** _(ready to cry)_ WHAT? HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW? OUR STUPID SHIP IS BROKEN! WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSE TO DO?

**Charlie:** Sheesh, I'm only kidding. _(opens up a map and briefly skim through it)_ Okay, I _officially_ have no clue where we are.

**Narra:** You are so dead. Yup, I am going to kill you. No, I am going to let you fix the ship and _then_ I am going to kill you.

**Charlie:** _(unconcern)_ I have the map, I just can't figure out which way is North. The compass isn't exactly built to work in another universe.

**Narra:** _(points to her right)_ That way.

**Charlie:** How the hell do you know that?

**Narra:** Do you not even remember making me? I have the words **Made by Charlie Inc.** printed on my-.

**Charlie:** Ok-ay, over sharing.

**Narra:** What? You've seen it before.

**Charlie:** I meant the audience.

**Riddles:**

"When can you add two to eleven and get one as the correct answer?"

"What work can a painter never quite finish?"

"Why wasn't John able to take a photo of his mother with curlers?"

"What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?"

"Who makes it, has no need of it.  
Who buys it, has no use for it.  
Who uses it can neither see nor feel it."

"What can you hold without ever touching or using your hands?"

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Fourteen: My Confusion_

* * *

If you hate your boss and you feel like saying something to him, don't. You may think that five seconds of pleasure when you tell him he's an asshole with only one butt cheek is worth it, but it's really not. Five seconds pass by really fast. In the end, you're just a bitter loser with no job. 

But see, I'm not bitter. I'm angry. It makes all the difference. And I'm no loser. _And_ my job is safe. I think. Sasuke has my back so she won't do anything stupid to make him crush her. But that would be (and I quote) COOL! It's not everyday you get to see Sasuke crush somebody. Well, I've never seen it.

"W-What did you just say?" Sakura's voice was trembling with anger and confusion. I think she's nervous. But then she seemed to regain some of her composure. "How dare you speak that way to me?" I'm betting everyone's rolling their eyes. Sasuke is the only person who has raised his voice to her and that was only once. She walked toward me slowly. "Who do you think you are?" She was standing right behind me now. My face was half turned so I can tell.

I spun around and slammed my fist into her face. I step away from Kiba and toward the fallen Sakura. "_**I told you to shut the fuck up**_._** Didn**__**'**__**t you hear, bitch?**_" Ugh, major headache. I look around at the silent air. "_**What? I**__**'**__**m surprised you guys hadn**__**'**__**t exploded with all the bullshit she**__**'**__**s been giving**_." I snap my finger for Kiba to take me to the nurse's office while muttering about conceited bitches. "Piss me off."

………………..

Temari was already off her chair when I came in. She immediately asked what's wrong, but Kiba was too tongue-tied to answer.

"Kiba, lay me down. This earthquake is making me want to throw up," I said. Upon hearing that, he laid me down quickly and shoved something that extremely resembled a bucket into my hand. When my head hit that pillow, my mind began to shut down.

"…take…Naru-…."

"No….trouble…night…"

Ok, I'm hearing voices. I forced my eyes open and saw hazy figures. I tried to see who it was, but then my eyelids became really heavy and they just closed off by themselves. I don't remember what happened after that, but I did dream of something. Can't remember what. It was nice though and smelled really good.

The voices came back to disturb me, then went away. I saw lights, lots of round lights. I wanted to tell whoever the hell it was to turn the damn lights off. Even though I didn't say anything, it went off by itself.

The voices came back again. This time, the sound was unrecognizable. It was different, like someone new was there.

The next time I woke up, I was somewhere unknown, but I didn't know that yet. I sat up, but soon regreted it as I fell back down onto the satin sheets; a searing pain went through my skull. Hold up, satin? Since when did oji-san buy satin? And why the hell did he go into my room?

Oh, this isn't my room.

Slowly (very slowly), I sat up and looked around. Wow, can a room be this black? Or…blue? Oh lord, I'm in some crazy Emo's house. Or mansion. This room is huge! I got up and tried to guess where I was and whose clothes I was wearing. …alright, the emo bought me new clothes. It felt really nice too. Must've been expensive.

The rest of my belongings were settled neatly on a chair. I search for my phone first, finding it quickly. I dialed home and was _**very**_ glad oji-san picked up. "_**Hi**_." I heard him gasp with horror. "_**Mind telling me where I am?**_"

"You're at my house."

I turn around and saw a pair of deep onyx eyes. Alright I have no idea who that is. I'm surprised that he's just standing there, watching me intently. "I'll see you at home," I told oji-san and hung up. The man before me looks very familiar. "Who are you?"

"I was just about to ask you that," he said with a deep, sexy voice. People would kill for voices like his. I've known a few. When he took a step forward, I took one back. I wasn't scared, but if he pounces I want to be ready to kick. Now see, he was smirking and that immediately jugged my memories. He's—.

"Aniki," said Sasuke, who was looking very cautious of the man before him.

Well, that sucks. I am in the Uchiha manor and having a staring contest with Uchiha Itachi. The spotlight is burning me. Oh, I'm melting…._mel__—__ting!_ Ok, enough of the exaggeration. Itachi turn to face his little brother and acted like any big brother would: he smiled. So they're not a normal family, I can live with that. Anyway I don't want to overstay my welcome. I grabbed any belongings I have and try to leave. I tried, I really did.

"Wait, where are you going?" asked Sasuke. I turn around just in time to see Itachi drop an arm around Sasuke's shoulder.

"Missing him already, Sasuke?" Itachi was immediately pushed away, but I'm still here so he had to look at me. I thought about him suddenly running over to me with daisies around him and well, that made me shudder. "He's scared."

"I wonder why."

I attempted a grin, but it came out more like a wince so I gave up on it. "I'm gonna go now," I said and left the room until two sets of staircases made that a little difficult. See, if there were no stairs, I could easily sprint to the door (when I find it) and leave. But since there were stairs, then if any of the twins said anything (like "don't go") I would be able to hear them quite clearly and that would be trouble.

"Why don't you stay for breakfast?"

See?

"No thanks," I yelled back up to them. I am so out of here. And they might want to turn on a few more bulbs. I cannot see in this place! It's like visiting Dracula's forbidden lair. I actually did reach the door except there were a couple bull dogs outside, about three feet high. I wasn't prepared for that so I came back in. There were three smirks aimed at me. Yeah, an old maid just came out and saw what happened. Awkward and embarrassing.

"Does that mean you're staying?" Itachi said with a sly tone. He was not going to call off those beasts, probably going to use some lame excuse.

I narrowed my eyes at his dare. I punched Sakura in front of everyone, literally putting myself into the attention of these weirdoes. "No," I said. "I am not staying here. I am going to walk home."

Sasuke stepped in at that. "But it's more than 50 miles from here and I promised your uncle that I'd take you to school."

"Promises are meant to be broken," we were all shocked by the harshness I put into those words, but I try to (not too discreetly) brush it aside. My hand was on the doorknob, but I couldn't open it just yet. "Can I borrow a car then?"

Even Sasuke thought it was stupid because Itachi (I don't know why) wanted me to stay very badly, so he came up with this pathetic excuse. _'__All the cars are broken.__'_ I heard he was emotionless, uncaring, and distant from everyone. I was counting on that. I can't steal a car because there are a lot of cameras around and I don't have the strength to disconnect them all. If you've noticed, I haven't eaten breakfast, hence Itachi's suggestion to it. I don't know how I've gone without dinner. There was a pain in my stomach signaling to me, that if I don't get some food in there, my body will automatically start eating itself. And possibly make this awful growling noise that I absolutely don't want anyone to hear.

So here I am. Sitting at this table and eating with two Uchihas whom I have come to despise. Oh, how I despise them. But they do serve good food. It's very delicious. We skipped the introductions and just went straight to the food. As I was eating, I was also enjoying the one thing the Uchiha were famous for, silence.

"So did Sasuke tell you why he had to take your clothes off?" It's a lie I tell you. There is no silence. It's just very dark in here.

"Aniki," Sasuke hissed and I think he tried to kick his brother under the table. All I heard was shuffling.

Itachi was waiting for some kind of reaction from me. I gotta tell ya, I got nothing. It doesn't really surprise me, however, "How did you know that?" His reaction was tiny, small. His eyes widen just a little and that was it.

"He was with you the whole time. No one else went in there." So he just assumed that. Oh no, that brat could've taken my naked pictures as blackmail to go out with him! Nah, he wouldn't do that. Would he? He could have, but then again…. Argh, this is confusing. Well, Sasuke is a neat freak and I was drunk, haven't taken a bath so it could've been an innocent act. Sasuke avoided my eyes, I think he's blushing.

"All you did was changed my clothes, right?" I had to make sure, but he was still angry.

"Right. What do you think I did?" Oh I don't know. Touch me in all the wrong places? I shrug to drop the topic and he did drop it, but his brother had to bring up another one.

"Sasuke," was how the horrible unexpected subject began. "You should drive him to school. It's the right thing to do." When is the big brother act going to end so the emotionless creature can come in? And when the hell is Sasuke going to stop saying 'aniki, aniki' and start doing some serious backtalking? This is not normal. Seriously, where is all the hate? (annoyance does not count)

I feel like arguing, but I don't see much point in it. I shoved as much food as I could into my mouth so I didn't have to talk. Hmm, I don't think I did my homework. I wonder if I can plead drunk. Everybody saw it. My ring tone interrupted my next thought. It can't be oji-san, just talked to him.

"Aren't you going to answer?" asked Itachi, curious as to who is on the other line. I shook my head 'no'. I'm curious too. I'm almost sure it's Kiba or Shikamaru. Neither of which I really want to talk to. By the fourth ring, I knew it was Kiba. Shikamaru's too lazy to just keep it going like that. What about Hinata? Nah, she's too shy. Kiba and Hinata. It has a nice sound to it.

"Thank you for the meal," I said politely. Yes, that is real. Hello, they gave me food. It's common to thank people. Oji-san is an exception because more than half of it is done to try to make me suffer. Though some of 'em are good intentions, they are also really stupid. I had nightmares once because he went and gave me "the talk". That is not something I needed to know. At least not from him. I slept one door away from my parent's thin-wall bedroom. I am perfectly well aware of those physical and emotional feelings since I was six. I lost my innocence that day _and_ we had to move. Bigger house, thicker walls, and a cheap motel several blocks down. I was this close (fingers millimetre apart) to being an older brother. Boy that would've sucked.

Again I wanted to leave, but those damn dogs. They wanted to bite me. So did Itachi. Ugh, I'm getting goose bumps just thinking about it. Right now, instead of walking until my feet bled, I am in Sasuke's sleek, black car with very nice horsepower.

I am not happy. But the AC does help, somewhat.

* * *

I sat observing my surroundings questionably. I should feel grateful right about now. After all, Sasuke just parked far away from the school and is now kicking me out so it'll seem like I walked to school instead of spending the last couple of minutes sitting in the most popular boy's very expensive car. Come on, Naruto, you can feel grateful. 

But I don't.

A part of me wants to ride to school _with_ Sasuke and walk to class _with_ Sasuke then eat lunch _with_ Sasuke. This is complicated and confusing (the most famous Cs) for me because I don't know what feeling this is. It's familiar, but nothing comes to mind. It's like Atlantis, the Lost Continent except I haven't lost it. I've misplaced it or forgotten about it.

"You can get out now," he said impatiently.

With a very extreme use of unnecessary will power, I got out of the car. And then it happened. A cry like a she-devil gone mad echoed throughout the street. I don't really know how to spell the scream. It wasn't quite an 'AHHHH', more like an 'EHHHHH'. Sasuke was sitting on that part where-the-window-goes-up-and-down staring, along with me, at Sakura. She was a few feet behind us, gapping like a fish on shore with pink hair and a shiner as huge as a golf ball! Oh yeah, I did that! Too bad I wasn't wearing rings.

This is bad. I should do something. "Hey, Sasuke." He completely ignored her and focused all attention on me. "Thanks for the ride," I gave him a flirty smile before nudging the bottom of his chin gently and walked off. Oh my god, Sakura is going to be so pissed! I should be thinking that, but again my brain was not cooperating well with me. It sent me a message saying, 'Wow, his skin is soft'. Yeah, I am totally lost. And my tongue feels a little numb. My heart is also pounding like crazy, but you know me, calm and cool.

I'm in trouble.

* * *

People don't understand most of the world's wonders so they kill them. That's how the Salem's witch hunt started. But I could've gotten my history wrong and it was actually caused by somebody's jealous wife whose brother happens to be a judge. I do have somebody's jealous girlfriend hanging on to me. There's probably no death involved but the student body is avoiding me like the plague. 

"Hey, hey, Naruto," said Kiba. "Let me borrow your homework."

"What makes you think I did mine?" He pouted and went away…all the way over to Hinata.

I don't know about the student body, but it would be great if he doesn't talk to—wait a minute, he's talking to me. In my drunken mode, _they_ did help me so Sakura's effect on them is zero to nothing. No big deal. They're just unaffected, it's not like they actually care about me. Do they?

Sasuke appeared out of nowhere and waltzed (more like glide) over to me. Unfortunately he didn't trip. What if he did trip? How would our audience react? They definitely wouldn't laugh. I think. He places a paper on my desk and walks away. Ah, it was his homework.

…I'm confused. Is this a thank you gift for punching Sakura or for that flirt? Because I just don't understand him. I look at the paper thoroughly and discovered something. He wrote his name in pencil.

**27 minutes later****…**

Kakashi stood in front of the class, grinning from ear to ear though there was no ear to see. "Well well, Uchiha Sasuke didn't do his homework. That's a first," he announced to the class. "…detention after school in room 103." One thing Kakashi always remembers, even if he is late, is homework.

I think _this_ is how God feels.

I look out the window, very aware of two dark piercing eyes that have two very pale hands wishing to strangle the life out of me.

I think _that_ is how Satan feels.

* * *

I feel danger all around me. Sakura assaulted me ten times today, discreetly. You never really catch a glimpse of her because you'll be too busy dodging a scissor or something as sharp as a scissor. Did you know I could never pronounce 'scissor' as a kid? It would come out as 'sisser'. 

My day was dangerous, or is. I can never get my tenses right. I was safe for now because Shino was here. I don't know for sure either, but Sakura's keeping her distance. I would really like to know why and how. Shino is shoving a newspaper into my face so I can't continue thinking until he stops.

"You're on the front page." It was the school's newspaper and there I was in all my glory with Sakura's smashed face falling backwards onto the floor. I was more concern with the picture than the article. When was this taken? Is that what that flash was? I thought I was hallucinating. If it's taken from there, the camera should be in the bottom left corner from me and the only person (who I bother to remember) is Sai. He took this? Wow, this is pretty good.

However… "Why are you talking to me?" I can't tell what he's thinking with the thick, sunglasses blocking his eyes. He looks like the grim reaper with an infestation of bugs.

"We're friends," he simply said and walked off.

"Uh…you have a tarantula on your head," I shouted after him. His answer both intrigued and shocked me.

"…I know."

* * *

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry! Ok, I am on the run from Sasuke. He's still angry about the whole homework thing. There is only one person on earth who can help me. No, not Tsunade. She's off somewhere drunk. Oji-san is oji-san and I don't think him being here would really help. "Kakashi-sensei!" Yes, the teacher I don't like. But what can I say? A savior is a savior. Even if he is perverted, more arrogant than a king's ass, and has absolutely no-. 

"Yes, Naruto?"

Ahem, lying machine now operating. "I need help with today's lesson. There are a bunch of things I didn't get. And also about the play." His eyes glance behind me to Sasuke, who is waiting to rip me apart and is doing a very good job of opening some guy's locker, pretending it was his.

"I can see that," he turns back to me and I saw this evil little glint in his eyes. The same one he's been giving me every time I'm in a bad situation. This being a bad situation. One that concerns my life actually. "But sadly (doesn't look like it), I'm busy."

"I thought you were free for two hours," I said through gritted teeth. I felt more like sharpening them for a better bite of flesh.

"I know," he whispered, grinning with victory in the air.

I laugh uneasily then clear my throat. "But what about the _dolphin_?" I said with an unmoving smile. I was looking for that small widening of his eyes, but none so far which means he didn't exactly get it. "The big, fluffy one with the _beer_." Nope, still nothing. "And the _scar_." If he doesn't get _that_, I will slap him.

His eyes widen one millimetre and I knew I didn't have to. "I see." He looks as if thinking about it then turns and walk away. "Come on then. I only have two hours after all." I sigh in relief and was about to follow him.

A hand fell on my shoulder and a voice said to me, "This isn't over." The hand left and without wasting a second, I ran after Kakashi and stuck to him like glue. I should probably apologize to him, but no. It'll ruin the relationship we have going. The one where he hates me. _**Oh, well, how**__**'**__**s that working out for you, Naruto?**_ Not too great. _**I have a perfect solution.**_ No, I can't kill him. _**Awww, no fair. That**__**'**__**s the best one I have.**_ And you do a very good job, but I still can't. _**You**__**'**__**re right. Too many lawyers.**_

"He's gone."

I turn my head 90 degrees upward and nodded. "Be at the club around six."

He cocks his head to the side in confusion. "But the club doesn't open till-. Oh."

I sigh and shake my head while leaving. And as I left, I could hear his fading voice saying something about a smart little demon. I am, aren't I? But not five steps out the door and, "Ah!" Sasuke's cocky smile stared back at me from behind his hair. I look behind me curiously and back to him. I swear there was no way he could've gotten around here that fast. "That…is a very neat trick. Ok, from one to ten, guess what number I'm thinking of."

"How dare you," his unfriendly voice said, but then an expression of thought swept over his face for about a second. "…four."

I didn't say anything because eerily, he was right. Emos are naturally supernatural. I'm freaked. Mostly because he wasn't angry anymore but rather disappointed, like how a dad would be. There's definitely something wrong with that picture. I got this itchy feeling and couldn't bear to look him in the eye. It's embarrassing.

"What? Stop looking at me. You shouldn't have been acting so nice." _**Uh**__**…**__**Naruto**__**…**_ "Don't get me wrong, you acting all evil wouldn't be any different either." _**Don**__**'**__**t go there. **__**…**__**it isn**__**'**__**t safe, dude.**_ "Fine! I admit I was wrong! Can you please stop looking at me like that?" Of course that didn't have any effect whatsoever. "I'll do anything!"

Uh-oh. "W-W-Wait, I…I didn't mean it!" It was already too late because the smile on his face was slowly forming. I'm scared. "I was joking!" I laughed to prove it, but it was so fake even I can hear it. "…k-kidding? Ha ha ha."

He on the other hand was, "…" while staring at me in amusement.

"Oh god." I wave my hands in the air dramatically and just left.

"I'll pick you up at seven tonight." I literally felt the pain when those words pierced my skull in determination. I'm going on a freakin' date with the most popular girl's ex-boyfriend! Do you see why my life is so terribly wrong?! I don't know why I freaked out. I seriously don't see how it happened. But he was very good with his expression.

…oh my god.

Puppy eyes. He used _the_ puppy eyes on me. He used one of the top ten things that I have worked for the past years to create immunity from. He used it and just liquified my whole system!

* * *

**Charlie:** We can pull this off.

**Narra:** They're staring.

**Charlie:** Typical. We are newcomers.

**Narra:** They're surrounding us.

**Charlie:** Maybe they just want to get to know us better.

**Narra:** One of them is holding a rope.

**Charlie:** We just have to blend in. It'll be alright.

**Narra:** They have tentacles and weight over 800 pounds.

**Riddles:**

"There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters." What is the word?"

**Answer:** "therein"; the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.

"Brothers or sisters have I none, but that man's father is my father's son. Who is that man?"

**Answer:** I am my father's son, so that man's father must be me. That man is must be my son.

"With thieves I consort,  
With the vilest, in short,  
I'm quite at ease in depravity;  
Yet all divines use me,  
And savants can't lose me,  
For I am the center of gravity."

**Answer:** V

"I never was, am always to be,  
Until I am measured  
I am not known,  
Yet how you miss me  
When I have flown."

**Answer:** Tomorrow

"Alive without breath,  
As cold as death,  
Never thirsty, Ever drinking,  
Clad in mail, Never clinking,  
Drowns on dry land,  
Thinks an island, Is a mountain,  
Thinks a fountain, Is a puff of air."

**Answer:** A fish

"Mom and Dad have four daughters, and each daughter has one brother. How many people are in the family?"

**Answer:** Seven. The four daughters have only one brother, making five children, plus mom and dad.

"What stinks when living and smells good when dead?"

**Answer:** Bacon


	15. My Date

**(Alien Abduction Arc) **

**Narra:** _(hanging upside down) _What are we going to do? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

**Charlie:** _(also hanging upside down)_ So my powers don't exactly work here. It's ok.

**Narra:** Ok? OKAY? WE ARE HANGING ABOVE A VAT OF TOXIC WASTE!

**Charlie:** Alright already, stop screaming.

**Narra:** I WILL SCREAM IF I WANT TO _BECAUSE_ **WE ARE HANGING ABOVE A VAT OF TOXIC WASTE!**

**Alien # 2:** Rtuk lpoi dkigk eighd fugnd dkfisn eifuth skdik a eifjk ie!

**Narra:** I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!

**Charlie:** He said shut up.

**Alien # 3:** Tke!

**Charlie:** And that one just said you're really hot.

**Narra:** ...help.

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Fifteen: My Date  
_

* * *

I am cool. 

I am calm.

Everything is fine. I mean, sure, I look like a sponge from soaking in the bathtub so long and I _probably _did spray on a little cologne, but that doesn't mean anything. I just need to remember to breathe. And I'm not checking in the mirror to see if I look alright…for the fifth time.

My uncle popped his head in. "Hey, there's a-." He looks around the room and raises his eyebrow curiously. "What are you doing?"

I tried my best to hide the pile of discarded clothes on my bed. "What is it?"

He gives me a look and walks over. I was very cautious. It took me a long time to iron the shi-uh…ahem! I mean…heh, dumbass. There was probably a thousand questions swirling around his teeny tiny little brain, but all he did was brush some invisible lint off my shoulder and said a guy called Kakashi was here to see me.

"Oh, thanks." I'm very grateful he didn't pressure me to talk. It's a family trust we have with each other. He's a good man. "Now get out."

……………..

Kakashi was by the bar, waiting anxiously. He was dressed very nicely too. It's hard to pull that off since he was still wearing his mask or whatever. I wonder what would happen if he walked into an airport. When he spotted me, he grew frightened. Sure, I said I was gonna help him, but I never mentioned how. He better be glad he's getting any help at all. He would've been a lost case in the shrink's file.

I walked over and didn't explain much. I sprinkled a little water on his face, messed up his hair a bit and when Iruka walked in…

"Hey, Iruka-san, remember Kakashi-san?" I pulled him over to the white hair man.

"I remember him." We can all tell by the glare you're giving him.

"He felt so bad about last time that he offered to help do my chores for me." Kakashi narrowed his eyes at me, but I gestureed with my head toward Iruka and he smiled brightly. Iruka's eyes begin to soften little by little. "It was a big misunderstanding and he's really really sorry." Normally that would not make up for a sexual assault, but it's me, Uzumaki Naruto. If I say it's alright then by damn, it better be alright. "Kakashi-san is actually very nice. We've been talking for hours. Great sense of humor, knowledgeable in literature, never been to jail. Have fun!"

I left the two love birds alone and went outside for some air. If I knew Sasuke was out there, I might not have gone.

"You look nice." A typical statement, but there was anxiety swirling in his eyes. They're windows to his soul, if only they were a bit bigger. Oh, but that would be really weird and so awesome! I can see the headline: **Freakazoid of the Titanic Eyes**.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Let's go." I led the way to his car, which isn't really necessary when you think about it. We both got in the car (me not driving). It was the same car, same color, same scratch. I wonder if I still have to pay for that (still not driving even if I did). "Where are we going?"

"You'll know when we get there."

"That's exactly what the killer says before he…kills," I said under my breath.

He fixed the mirror (even though it's perfect) then put the gear into drive. So on and so on. During the trip, Naruto grew bored. Yes, I am speaking in third person. Naruto hated being bored. It was definitely in the top ten, along with Sasuke. First, he tapped his foot. Tap, tap, tap. Then he tried the radio. Maybe there was an interesting channel. Sadly, there wasn't.

His world came crashing down; however, when he learned the amazement of sliding windows. Next was his discovery of a pebble beside the car handle. He wondered how it got there, but realized what a stupid question it was and threw it outside. He watched and enjoyed the moment. The pebble flew onto the sidewalk. That wasn't what he enjoyed. It was where a biker came by and somehow that little pebble popped (the force came from the biker's wheel) up then got caught in one of the bike's important thingy that enables it to move. Next thing you know, the biker crashed right into a candy shop. Kids were dog piling on each other, trying to get in.

"The world's a dangerous place," I informed to whoever cares.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Sasuke gave a hmm noise then took a turn. He parked the car and told me to get out. I was a little confused, but I obeyed and took that time to observe my surroundings. It was definitely old and not all that exciting.

"Ok, mind explaining this?" It must not have been a very important question because he ignored me. He was too busy knocking on a door. "Sasuke, we're in the middle of an alleyway and you're parked next to a dumpster." Considering it's him, I thought my date would be in a four star restaurant.

He gave me a quick glance of annoyance. "Wow, thank you so much for telling me. I don't know how I could've missed such a big sign of illegal parking regulation."

I glared at his back because I can't find anything to say back. If I had laser vision, I would so be arrested right now. The door opened to reveal a bouncer. Ah, I could take him on. He took one look at Sasuke and moved aside to let him in. I followed after him, keeping my eyes on the big guy there. We entered a red hallway and to yet another door. That's when I noticed the smell. I think its pasta. Are we in a restaurant?

It would seem so. I arrived at a Chinese style place. There weren't that many people there. A family of three and two elderly couple. Ok, so the place is kind of deserted, but with Sasuke's popularity, deserted is good. Or he can buy the whole place out for the evening like everybody else.

We were seated in a corner, far away from civilians. The waiter handed us the menus and it got really quiet. For us. Neither one of us knew what to say nor am I sure I want to be the first to break that peaceful moment. I wasn't too keen on trying to catch Sasuke's eye or let him catch mine so I was concentrating really hard on my menu. But I realized it's written in Chinese and I'm Japanese. You see where I'm going with this?

I meekly place the menu down and face Sasuke. No, seriously, he's smirking at me right now. Turns out Sasuke knew I didn't want to "communicate" with him so he took me to a foreign place (waiters are also Chinese with no Japanese background whatsoever). That is a whole new way of forcing someone to talk. He gets an A for creativity and an F for having not thought this through.

He is nervous. Sweat building up in his palms, blood not flowing right. He is nervous _because_ he has to talk to me. That's like having the burger without the ham. I once typed in ham on this search engine and it showed me a picture of a pig, cut in half, with a knife and fork in each of its hooves. Off track, off track.

"So…what kind of food do you like?" That wasn't me. That was Sasuke's attempt at starting up a conversation. Oh well, he's paying for the meal and Kakashi's doing my chores. It's a good day.

"I want mussels."

Sasuke gave me a weird look. "You want to eat…muscles?"

"Not muscles, mussels."

He tries to think of all the "mussels" he could think of until it clicked. "Like clams?"

"Yes, only longer and not so bitter." I point out a picture to him on the menu. "And can I get this?"

"Do you even know what that is?"

I try to identify the meat, but found I couldn't. "Oh my god, is it a puppy?" I've heard lots of stories about that and they're not pretty.

He scoffed at my assumption. "…chicken." Well, that's rude.

"Just because I don't eat little puppies does not mean I'm a chicken," I said angrily. How dare he.

Two onyxes rolled at me, but there wasn't much annoyance in them. More like….amusement. "No, I meant _its _chicken," he said, pointing to the menu.

"Oh. My bad."

"Anyway…are you done with your essay?" Sasuke started.

Without thinking, I pouted and shook my head no. Is it just me or did my pout turn Sasuke on? There wasn't a full "down-there" growing, but he was shy. That is so cute.

…I meant soy puke. Yeah.

"Are you done with yours? Well, isn't that a dumb question. Of course you are."

"Actually," he started. The shyness still hasn't completely gone away, instead it grew. "I haven't started it yet."

That is…complicated and-. Oh my god! I don't mind! How come I don't mind?! I should mind! Wait, what the hell am I thinking about? That's right. Normally I would start going on this rant in my head about how Sasuke is being lazy, even though I haven't started mine either, but I don't mind that he hasn't started it. Rather more like I have no insults for him. In my head.

"…Naruto? You okay?" He is too concern about me. Feels kinda nice.

"Peanut butter!" He narrowed his eyes at me. _I_ narrowed my eyes at myself. That wasn't exactly what I was going for, but _peanut butter_?!

"What?"

"Nothing! I said nothing!" I nearly shouted to unsuccessfully cover up my mistakes, but see that's the thing with _nearly_ shouting. You try as hard as you can, but the harder you try, the bigger the mistake.

Wait…

I think he's laughing. No, not again!

"Hahaha." Yup, definitely laughing. I don't find it very funny. He didn't really laugh long. He didn't even question me about it. Hell I don't even know the answer. He called the waiter over and engages in alien talk. If those people are going to immigrate over here, at least learn some damn Japanese. It would really help when a certain someone is being blackmailed into going on a date! Why blackmail? Because _Uchihas_ do not have puppy eyes! Puppy eyes are for people with emotions and who like to associate with another human being. Uchiha Itachi was not supposed to be teasing me! And in his mansion of all places!

…after that, I think we bonded. I don't like going into details. Food came, we talked then we went for a movie. He drove me home. No, there wasn't any intimacy of any kind. I ran inside before it could happen.

* * *

Oji-san was not working at the bar, instead he was following me around the house bugging me about my "relationship" with an Uchiha. I threatened to stab him with my knife, but he retaliated. 

"Naru-chan's never done it before so Naru-chan's not going to do it now." You may think he's teasing but he's actually quite serious about the whole –chan thingy. But…

…damnit! I've become predictable. And he is too old to be talking like that! I switch to talking about how I'm not going to cook for him anymore and he'll have to eat cold take-out for what's left of his life. That bought me some time to change the subject. There is something I've wanted to ask since I came home. It's a little embarrassing.

"Did uh my parents have some kind of saying, anything about…umm…peanut butter?" Talking about them have never really bothered me before, but I've never directly asked a question about them. That kind of makes a bit of a difference.

"Actually there is. Your mom is a smart woman but," he grin, having remember the past. "There are times when she gets tongue tied in front of your dad and she would yell out peanut butter. She claimed it made her tongue sticky so she couldn't talk right."

_Oka-san__…__you__…_ I had to roll my eyes. I am without words. Wait a minute, _I__'__m_ the idiot. I'm the one who said peanut butter.

"What's this all about?" I'm wondering that too, buddy. Oh, he's talking to me.

"Nothing," I said firmly.

"Come on, you can tell me." Maybe it wasn't firm enough. I stop and look unwavering at him. He turns away and pouts in a cute adult kind of way. "Che, you never tell me anything." I don't know why, but it always works. It's better than my evil eye actually, but I like the evil eye. It's cooler. I have laundry to do and I need to go to the market.

"Naruto."

"Hmm?" I had turned away and when I look back he wasn't there. "Wher-?"

"Na—ru—to!" He was in a crouching position and looking up at me. From 6'2 he was now only 5'4. I have no idea how a giant like him can become so small. "I'm hungry. Feed me," he demanded.

I sigh and shook my head. "Oji-san, you're over fifty. Stop acting like a kid." But even a kid has pride. I rephrased that sentence. "Stop acting like a _baby_. Are you not a man?" I immediately shut my eyes and turn my whole body away. "It was a rhetorical question! You don't need to prove it!"

I don't think I can take another year of this, much less two years.

* * *

I fed oji-san and wandered off. It was definitely instinct that brought me here. I usually only come once a year and that is only for a couple of minutes. I've been here for over 40 minutes. That's about four years worth of my visits. 

I'm confused a lot lately. There's Sasuke. Something is definitely growing, but I can't tell what it is. Then comes in Kiba and the gang. I feel as if I'm starting to trust them, but I don't understand why. I'm not as angry as I used to be and my teachers, I'm not really bothered by them. Back at my old school, I would've at least pranked each of them five times a day. Now, I'm not even paying them that much attention, except for Kakashi. Even oji-san. I know what he's doing and I know that I'm supposed to be making him miserable for it, but I don't feel like it. No, it's…I'm making up excuses to avoid doing it.

Well, I did make some food and tease him with it (like not letting him eat it), but I didn't do any physical harm to him.

_Uzumaki Arashi Uzumaki Sachiko_

_1975 __–__ 1997 1973 - 1997_

_Beloved parents_

Yeah, rest in peace, beloved parents while your son wrecks havoc. I sip the hot cup of coffee. Cheap stuff. It wasn't even bitter. It was sugar in black water. Oh wait, that's how I've always taken my coffee.

"I honestly do not know what to do," I told them. It was obvious but I just like to state it out loud. "Should I go talk to him? I don't know what to say, but should I anyway?" Silence met my words until the wind blew. A leaf flew down. My eyes follow it and my hands grab the damn thing before it landed in my coffee. I sniffed it. Hmm, violet. Not a very good choice for a funeral, but it smells nice.

This could mean something. Usually violets mean 'let's take a chance' but it was used by the Greeks to induce sleep and calm tempers. Either it's a sign to tell me to go talk to him or he has a temper and needs to calm down so I have to put him to sleep. That means killing. I don't think my dead parents want me to kill someone. I hope they're not haunting me. That would be so weird. Again cool, but weird. Another thing (among others) is also on my mind.

I was lied to…

…by a priest.

* * *

It was around 6:30 in the morning. Believe me, I would still be sleeping, but remember the priest? That whole make-Sasuke-hate-me plan is all bull. A priest, a man of the lord, who still has his (don't know how he does it) virginity, lied to me. I was lied to by Virgin Larry. You know what his name _is_ Larry. But still, I was—. 

"—_**lied to!**_ You're a priest!" He is a deer and I'm the one driving on that highway, drunk. "How could you….why?" I had burst in there and shouted at him, but then had to lower my voice because I realized he was praying. He slowly got up and walked towards me.

"I did nothing wrong," he said back to me then added, "Except lie." He quickly made a cross on his chest then _glared_ at me. Glared?! That is not appropriate priest behavior! "I did it for your own good. Didn't you enjoy your date?"

No! Well, maybe a little.

"Didn't you like any of it? Didn't you want to have a second one?" Flares were coming from his nostril and he really needs a clipper or something because them hairs are too long!

"You do have a point." He seems to have regained his composure and is now more priest-like, but then he suddenly went back to his deer-on-highway state when I pointed an accusing finger at him. "And it would've all been really convincing _if_ I had told you about my date!" I am drunk and my car is not stopping.

"O-Oh, y-you're right," he chuckled nervously at his own mistake then he shouted at me again. "But with a story like that, it couldn't have not been told!"

"Why you…" I closed in on him and he at least had the decency to back away.

So it turned into a hit-and-run situation.

* * *

It was as it usually is, except for one thing. I found a newspaper of the Neji/Hinata incident pinned up on the wall of that place-behind-the-cafeteria-which-has-no-name (do not ask why I was down there). Under the Editor's name (Yamanaka Ino) was a heart. She finally accepted my offer. But why did she give me the paper? On the front page was a picture (circled in red) of Hinata all bloody with Neji beside her, but I've seen this before when I was researching them. 

Let me think of the possibilities. C'mon Naruto, gather your thoughts. Ino has the skill of a reporter, but she isn't as rich or as powerful (in any manner of speaking). It would be unwise of her to print something other than what is happening in the picture. Freedom of the press doesn't go that far here. She was only able to publish this paper because it had already been published. She got sued big time when the Hyuugas found out, but Hinata covered for her because she's nice. And being all beaten up tends to soften your father into agreeing with whatever you say. What a nice family. There is only one copy of this paper left in the world and Ino just gave it to me. There must be something I'm missing. Man, I can't think so early in the morning!

Alright, let's go back to 'it was as it usually is' and forget about that for a few hours. The kids were giving me weird looks (normal) as I pass by them and then _he _(not normal) just walked up to me. He began with saying how he saw the newspaper from four years ago. That is very direct and I do not like where this is going. It should end before it starts or better yet, it never existed. I'm having a sense of déjà vu. That's right. I had this thought before. The never existed part, I mean.

"Gaara," hah, you thought it was Sasuke. "I don't exactly get your point. Why are you telling me this?"

"…" He's staring instead of answering. He looks like he's about to kill me, but truthfully it's the nicest look he can muster up. Finally it dawn on me. We have the same past and he wants to become friends with me.

"I am only going to ask you this once. Why?" He continues to stare and walla-bing, another epiphany. Gaara thinks of me as strong and himself as weak. He wishes to learn from me. Even though the same thing had happened to us, I grew up not caring what people call or thought of me. I fought back, not that he doesn't. He does, but it's only because he does care what people thought about him. So he fights to get them to stop. I, on the other hand, don't care if they stop or not, I'll still mess with them. I actually _like_ it when people avoid me. He wants love.

I am crazy. No, I really mean it this time. He isn't talking and I have no idea where I'm getting all this from. I'm asking the questions and the answers in my head. _Gasp._ Oh no. I'm relating to him. This cannot be happening! My life is ruined, it is so ruined.

"You're Naruto, right?"

Gaara and I turn to the speaker. Of all the time to come, why now, Sai? You had Monday and all the other days of the week before this day. Is it because I punched Sakura? Cause I will take it back and let her punch me instead. Nah, I would never be able to do that.

"Uh thanks for stating the obvious. What do you want?" Since I broke my cover of being a non-violent person I thought I'd say whatever the hell I want. And that was a lie. He didn't have to ask if I'm Naruto. That's just a waste of good oxygen. He was the one who took my picture. If there's anyone who knows what my name is better than me that would be him (parents excluded). He smiled, one of those fake ones. Hell his whole face is like a freaking mask. How can he hold that for a whole day? I feel my jaw aching just looking at him.

"Just wondering why you didn't do it sooner." _It_, punching Sakura. Why is he waiting until now to talk to me? He's trying to figure me out. Everybody wants to know about Naruto. I don't really like that because I like my privacy. "You look good when you're angry. You should do it more often." I think Gaara flinched, but it was an angry flinch.

"Oh my god," I said in disbelief. "Are you flirting with me?" He's…He's smiling…in a flirty manner. I push him against the locker with one hand while the other is pointing sharply into his chest. Gaara was just watching this without much concern. "Look here Noumen-oni _**(1)**_, you better not be messing with me right now. Insult me, yes, but _flirting_? That is the one thing I cannot tolerate from anyone. And you took my picture—," I let him go and back away, my eyes rolling upward in thought. Gaara was a little disappointed when I stopped the hostility, but we'll get back to him later.

I feel as if I'm onto something here and I know he can feel that too. See, he made a mistake in coming to me. I smile when it's all clear to me. Neji may be holding a grudge against Hinata, but he would never actually hurt her. He cares fo—I think we already discussed this in chapter two.

"You take pictures for the school's newspaper, don't you?" I ask him, my smile not faltering. Ok, now _his _expression definitely looks like a deer on a highway. It's better than the priest's. I gave him the shoulder shove, scoffing at his silent, and left, grabbing Gaara on the way.

* * *

I think I walked Gaara to class. I think he has the same class as me. I think I'm hallucinating. Because I swear to god from the look in Gaara's eyes, I _think_ he just thanked me. Why do I keep second-guessing myself? My guesses may as well be facts. 

Today feels bad. It's after I stepped into school. First Gaara, then Sai, and I am ignoring Sasuke. The best way to not recall what actually happened yesterday is imagining that person didn't exist. Kakashi didn't want to get on my bad side since he now knows what will happen. He's probably making his way to second base on Iruka and doesn't want anyone interfering. Yuck. I hope for as long as I live I never have to see that.

I didn't sit at my usual seat, but went over to Shikamaru instead. "So I have these tickets to this movie," I haven't bought the tickets. "And you can invite Neji along." Isn't it shameful for a genius to have a confuse look?

"Why would I?"

"I thought—," I cut myself off. I might've miscalculated a little bit.

"You thought I like Neji."

Alright, it's a lot. I open my mouth and a strangling sound came out so I had to close it. Boy, this is sooooo embarrassing. How could I have miscalculated? I'm always right! Always, always, always, always! I'm starting to sound like oji-san. No no, this is not fair! I can't be wrong.

"I don't like Neji. I'm not even gay." Oh. Then who the hell do you like?

"Fine, I was wrong. Happy?" I bang on the table and sulk my head in another direction.

"But I know who Neji likes." Oh, turn around, turn around. This is interesting. Please be a girl. But I can't really imagine Neji with a whiny girl. Nor an uptight one. "…Gaara." Now Gaara is a fine ch—wtf? "Naruto, did you hear me? I said 'Gaara'. Hey, ar—?"

This is not good. Not good at all. My image of the two is like two hungry lions with a fresh piece of a zebra's right leg in front of them. Gaara can't be the leg, but the red head is kind of aggressive so Neji should be the l—I can't think about that! My mind is contaminated! It's spreading, spreading! I'm not ok with this. Neji is gay, Sasuke is gay. Is _Gaara_ gay?

"Naruto?"

"Bye," I shift over to my seat. Ah, my seat. Far far away from those lunatics. They're all crazy. Crazy! _**You**__**'**__**re crazy too.**_ Yeah, but I'm good crazy. _**There**__**'**__**s a difference?**_ Of course! Ugh there is no use arguing with myself. I need to think up some distraction. Ino…the rumors about Neji being a mass murderer only started when she printed that paper. She isn't the type to do yellow journalism. The only way would be blackmail, but that had to be one hell of a blackmail. Sakura has known her the longest etc, but deep down inside she would never do that to Ino.

Ryoka Yamanaka, the one person preventing Ino from being with her true love. But her mom wouldn't waste time bothering someone else's family when she is too busy destroying her own. The one closest to being the suspect would be Sai. Everything's pointing towards him. There was a peep hole at that place-behind-the-cafeteria-which-has-no-name where he could've taken the picture, but there's no motive. It can't be a prank, he wants something. What does a noumen-oni gain from ruining someone's relationship? Maybe he's a psycho. Nah, that's unlikely.

I'm betting he was there, watching the whole thing. He couldn't have been the one who hurt Hinata, but there wasn't any mention of a fourth person. Putting that aside, what were Hinata and Neji doing down there? Neji likes….ew…so no sin there. Following that, Neji, Sasuke, and Gaara used to be best friends, but from what Kiba told me, at a time that was never mentioned, they separated after the arrival of Sai. If I'm not mistaken, Ino and Sakura started having problems around that same time too. I think he also made Kiba so scared of Neji that he can't tell Hinata how he feels. Talk about manipulation.

No, Sai is evil, but he's like that evil wizard guy from something something. He's done a lot of terrible, but great things. Oh, there goes Hinata. I ask if I can have a talk with her. People like her are scarier than me. It's true. See I'm always bad 24/7 so it doesn't get any worse; however, it's different for her. If she turned bad, it's evil. If she turned evil, it's the Apocalypse.

"T-T-Ta…I-I-I…" I led the way for her since she seems to have a speech impairment issue going on. It was a class break, but walls have ears. We went to "the Room". I've checked the place out. It's sound proof, bullet proof, people proof, and there's a coke machine. I, uh, kinda stole it, but let's not dwell on that matter.

"Hinata, I know it's really none of my business, but there's something I want to ask you." I beckon her to the sofa (found it on the roof) which also had a coffee table (_that_ was a gift) in front of it. "What really happened a year ago?"

She gasps at my question. Must be shock. She looks away from me with her hands clenched together. Her eyes close for just a fraction of a second, but that enough was to make her remember the event quite clearly in her mind. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

I shrug. That wasn't my reason for dragging her all the way here. I don't really have much first hand contact with people on a personal level. That question was actually not meant to be spoken, but I didn't know how else to start it. "It doesn't matter, but…I'm sorry," I told her. She was shock again, but she shook it out of her head.

"You did nothing wrong."

"Wow, you said something without stuttering." I lean away from her when I realized what my closeness was doing. "I don't know how to say things right so excuse me if I'm being blunt. It wasn't Neji's fault that you got hurt, was it?"

She shook her head again.

"Then I really don't see the problem." I stare back into her questioning (extremely pale) eyes with questions of my own. "Why aren't you talking to Neji?"

"M-My…f-fath-ther…" Oh, her father had forbidden her from talking to Neji. A disadvantage when you're all beaten up and every newspaper in Japan having enough proof to back up the idea of Neji being the culprit.

"Again I don't see the problem. If Neji isn't the one who did it then you should've convinced your father. And if he doesn't believe you then to hell with him." That might've been a bit harsh. "What I mean is, Neji cares about you and you him. You're a nice person, really, but you're just going to do nothing while people say terrible things about him. For god's sake, woman, you're rich. Sue the newspaper, _make_ your father see things your way, go national on Channel 5. Do something."

It's getting to her, but not quick enough. "I can't eat lunch." That sounded more dramatic in my head. "It had something to do with an incident concerning my parents." I did not want to look her. I settled for the floor. It's not as clean, but it'll have to do. "I've always tried to eat it, you know. Psychological problem." My confession was in bits and pieces. Somehow she understood it.

"Can you eat it now?" I'm guessing she's hoping for a yes. I wish it was too.

"No, but I'm still trying." I had to lie. "At least _I _didn't give up."

Let's leave it with that. She didn't ask me about the lunch thing or why I'm going out of my way to tell her these things. I like her, out of our group. She isn't all pushy like the rest. Why are they pushy? I have no idea; I just like to think bad things about them. Oh, and she doesn't talk very often. That makes her A-ok in my book.

Now all I need to figure out is what _**the hell is Haku doing at my school?!**_

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait, but I was having a bit of trouble. Everything in here is meant to be, well, here so read it! Read it and review! You put me on favorite so review! I know your user name! And there is a lot of angry verbals inside of me! 

**1 -** Noumen means Noh mask and oni means demon so it's Noh mask demon. You get the point. And why Naruto called Sai that, you asked. It's because Sai is so emotionless...like a Noh mask. There explanation done.**  
**

**Riddles:**_**  
**_

When can you add two to eleven and get one as the correct answer?

**Answer:** When you add two hours to eleven o'clock, you get one o'clock.

What work can a painter never quite finish?

**Answer:** Her autobiography.

Why wasn't John able to take a photo of his mother with curlers?

**Answer:** You can't use curlers to take photos. You need a camera.

What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?

**Answer:** A stamp.

Who makes it, has no need of it.  
Who buys it, has no use for it.  
Who uses it can neither see nor feel it.

**Answer:** A coffin.

What can you hold without ever touching or using your hands?

**Answer:** Your breath.


	16. My Misery

**(Alien Abduction Arc Part 2)**

**Narra:** AAAHHHHHHH! _(pause)_ AHHHHHHHHH!

**Charlie:** Why are you always screaming? What is the deal?

**Narra:** IF YOU HAD NOT _NOTICE_ WE ARE BEING LOWER INTO A VAT OF TOXIC WASTE! SLOWLY AND SOON TO BE PAINFUL!

**Charlie:** Oh my god. Last time we were above a vat of toxic waste and now we're being lower into a vat of, the one and only, toxic waste. You should be use to it by now to stop screaming.

**Narra:** I WAS NOT FINISHED! IF YOU PAY MORE ATTENTION, IF YOU WERE MORE CLEVER, YOU WOULD SEE THAT THIS DAMN ALIEN IS FEELING ME UP _WHILE_ I. AM. BEING. KILLED.

**Charlie:** Oh. I see.

**Narra:** Are you...ARE YOU LAUGHING?! THIS IS NOT FUNNY! GET US OUT OF THIS SITUATION OR I AM DRAGGING YOU DOWN TO HELL WITH ME!

**Charlie:** Easier said than done. Let me think...

**Narra:** _(feet is almost touching the toxic)_ I don't exactly want to put any more pressure on you, but could you maybe HURRY IT UP!

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Sixteen: My Misery  
_

* * *

Then the axe came down and that was the end of our hero. The evil villain set up an empire all over the world. Every human and animal bowed down to his law. None dared go against him for the consequences were dreadful. There were many witnesses of his punishments to assure order. Many loved him, but they also hated him. Again a hero rose and again the hero was slain. 

"…Naruto!"

My attempt at blocking out reality was ruined by that simple call. Did you know I once thought that my dreams were visions of the future? But then I dreamed that vampires were going to rule the world in the year 2000 so that kind of extinguished that idea. Everyone was watching the beautiful girl/guy as he/she ran gracefully and stopped in front of me.

"You—."

"Lunch, yes I know."

"How—?"

"I'm psychic, or…," I pointed downwards. In Haku's hand was a bento box. I hadn't gotten oji-san to stop. He has his moments of courage. That's why I thank god every single day how rare it is he gets them.

Haku merely blushed, but that still gave half of the bystanders a nosebleed. "Your school is so huge," he said admirably. Our hormonal raging bystanders interpreted that as something much more perverted and the blood gushed out from their noses like a geyser. "Zabuza rarely lets me outside," he pouted and our audience swayed at the innocent action. "I keep thinking he's gonna put a collar on me someday."

I put an arm around his shoulder and led him towards the exit. "Listen, Haku, Zabuza is just really protective and I got my lunch so I think you need to leave before a cop comes." He was confused by my words, but he left. I examine the place. It's more like a murder scene now than a safe environment for children to learn and enjoy.

Among the students was one particular guy. He had dark hair and was currently displaying jealousy in his extremely dark eyes.

Oh, I'm in trouble.

"Who was that?"

I can use this to my advantage. "Just a _friend_," I emphasized heavily on the 'friend' to show that maybe Haku was more than a friend. How ironic. This morning I was flirting with him and now I have an ex wandering around. "By the way," then I socked him on the arm and it made him stumble back.

I looked straight at his eyes and gestured with mine over to the corner where someone was currently hiding there with a camera. After learning that I'm on to him, Sai now has a reason to expose my current relationship with Sasuke. That's going too far for revenge. Seriously Sakura hasn't done any—Sakura! She has not tried to kill me in the last hours. Oh, Sai, you've sunk that low. He went and told Sakura—I'm guessing there's going to be a lot of punching after school.

* * *

Lunch, the most hateful part of my day, sent its strongest force upon me. It's like that last scene where Darth Vader was completely destroyed. I was only told about Darth Vader and so I did not know he used to be good until I looked him up on the net last night. That completely ruined it. I thought about going to another evil villain, but they kind of all died in insanity. I kinda wish someone did make up a story about that guy I was thinking about who ruled the world. 

I want to rule the world. Too bad somebody would want to end me with a bang. Literally and quite painfully.

But before lunch and my sudden desire to rule the world, I had a moment with Kiba. More nasty rumors. Sakura and Ino were getting even more vicious with each other. Every time they saw each other, it became a showdown. People knew better than to try and stop them. Even the principal was useless. Not that she noticed, being drunk and all.

_Plank plank plank!_ Three trays slammed onto the table consequently. I think the trays were just for sound effect to piss me off.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked.

Neji answered because the other two are just mute and staring freaks. "Hinata invited me." Gasps from the crew told me they weren't expecting that. I wasn't either.

"You invited him?" asked Chouji.

"He agreed?" Shikamaru said.

Hinata blushed deeply and nodded. She tried very hard to explain, but remained unsuccessful until I interrupted her by asking _Gaara_ why he's here. He nudged his head toward Shikamaru and we all turn to look (I scowl) at him. He didn't explain, oh no. Somehow my unneeded and mysterious telepathic power hit me in the forehead.

'_Talk to Gaara.__'_ Or something. Those were my words. I remember it clear as day.

"You moron! Talk, not invite! Can't you—?" I think I said that out loud. "—take a joke?" _**Smooth.**_ They accepted it. Sorta. We might as well go on to Sasuke. Shino did me the honor by asking. I almost broke off Sasuke's finger by slamming it down. He should not be pointing that at me. He is using his glare to tell me that I owe him. Well I ain't paying shit. So I punched—oh my god, I'm feeling guilty.

I. Am. Feeling. Guilt.

First the puppy eyes and now guilt. What is the world coming to?! I should've been paying more attention to Sasuke instead of ranting in my head because he is growing angrier by the second. Because I should've been stroking his ego. Because he just flat out said,

"I found another place for our date."

And the cafeteria turned into the most quietist, deadly place on earth. I'm actually considering moving. Who the fuck would say that to another human being in a room full of people? Sorry for the profanity, but seriously! A ten-year-old would know better! For the first time since…yesterday, I am feeling Sakura's full blow of anger. Its way beyond anger, but I couldn't find any other word to describe it. Maybe 'outrage', 'fury', 'wrath' or 'destructive emotion'. I once read that wrath applies especially to anger that seeks vengeance or punishment so I think I'll go with wrath.

I can see this evil aura floating behind her and let me tell you, it is not pretty. Unless some of you happen to like dark floating particles. Ahem, I should speak calmly and reasonably or this might go all out of proportion. We definitely don't want that because that will lead to—.

"NARUTO-KUN, YOU'RE DATING HIM?"

Ok, who…who said that? The one who shouted that wore some sort of green suit that is way too tight on that lanky body. Lee? This is…great news. Well, obviously not the situation. I was so disgusted or annoyed (whatever you want to call it) by him that I completely blocked him out of my mind. Wow. That has never happened to me before. I mean there are Chouji and Shino, but they're not exactly that loud. Lee, on the other hand, is. To be able to not hear him at all (until now) is considered an accomplishment for me. However the matter at hand is that I am screwed. More than usual.

Oh what the hell. "Mind your own business," I told them and I have the menacing look to prove what would happen if they don't. I quickly opened my bento box and grabbed something covered in seaweed.

"Why aren't you eating?" asked Shikamaru. It must be 'Torment Naruto' day. These people need to learn to shut up.

The piece of sushi was still in my hand, completely intact. "I'm just enjoying the scent," I did my best at smiling. Even though I blew my cover, who am I kidding, there is no cover. Rewind. Even though I have shown a part of my true self, it is still only a part. This is just a place where I sit and I don't want to "connect" with them by revealing my problems. By the way, sushi does have a scent.

"Doesn't look like it." This comment is from Shino.

I brought it closer to my face and for a minute there it looks like I'm about to eat it. I thought so too until really loud noises pop into my head.

'…_like to eat?__'_

'_Still early__…__wait__…'_

'…_Naruto__…'_

'…_lunch time__…'_

'…_otou-san__…__ oka-san__…__'_

"Naruto," said Kiba.

My eyes were prickling and I tried not to think about those…_noises_. It wasn't until Kiba spoke again that I realized I was holding my breath. I tried to forget that too.

"You might want to open your mouth before putting that in." I don't know what it was in his voice, but it wasn't sympathy or pity. I think he doesn't know, but has a feeling that something was wrong with me. But there's nothing wrong with me. They were just _noises_. That's all.

I took the opportunity nonetheless. I put the sushi down and for once, appreciated Kiba for talking. "You know what, I will eat it whenever I damn well please so everybody get their noses out of my face before I break them off." I rolled my eyes and closed the box. I am safe.

"It's funny how you never eat lunch. Do you have some kind of problem?" Kiba is like a double edged sword. He likes to know things. He doesn't force people to do what they don't want to, but he still likes to know things.

"I noticed that too," said Neji and everyone, in one way or another, agreed. I was kinda hoping Sasuke would disagree with Neji, they have a big argument, and I'm saved from explaining, but now what to do? Such a tough decision. I'll have to hide the bodies and I'm not sure they'll all fit in the basement since there's so many already down there. You can say the grin on my face is like Dracula, starving for AB type and finally found one. Or a dozen.

"Oh, really because it's funny how _you_ (look at Kiba!) never told Hinata how much you love her." No matter what you think, that sentence did not end with a period. The cafeteria was all hush hush again. Someone actually said, 'finally' until Neji's big scary face made him a little woozy. "Oops, was I not supposed to say that out loud? My bad." And in the middle of Kiba fainting and Hinata blushing, I had another realization or epiphany. Whatever. The main thing was I had no idea who Ino's true love is. Yeah I lied to her. Not that big a deal except she'll be really pissed when she finds out. I can work with this, I can. I've worked with less. Lord knows I did. I only knew about her mom ruining her life because I thought it might be similar to Sakura and it is.

Nobody knows what to make of my confession or is it Kiba's? Though Neji was angry. That reminds me. I've never seen him glance at Gaara. Not once. I look at Gaara and he stared back with dull green eyes. He's angry at Neji. O-kay, I'm definitely gonna have to sever this mental connection between us. But that gives me something.

I slam my head down onto the table. I lied! I got nothing! Then I started ranting, out loud, in a mumbled voice. To other people, it sounded more like a jumble of words. The only thing they could decipher was, "oh, she's going to kill me."

"Who?"

"The love of my life!" I jerk my head up and saw Sasuke's extremely pissed off eyes at my outburst. I think I'm going to cry. Outbursts after outbursts and now this. "Ok, what I meant to say was 'for the love of…'." Wait, what am I saying? "Yes, I love _her_," whoever her is. "And that's why you should leave me alone." There was a slight pause where Sasuke and I look at each other before I shrug and say, "Yeah, I don't believe it either."

I can't believe that I'm still sitting here when Sasuke just admitted to everyone that we're dating. After all that, Kiba looked like he was about to say something, but I just left. They did too, after a while. None of us noticed the speechless crowd we left behind, and one of them is very, very angry.

* * *

I couldn't call Kiba and give him more juicy rumors. The whole school was talking about what happened and I was the center of it all. Needless to say I avoided everyone as much as I could. It's just for a year or two. Maybe longer. I couldn't avoid Sakura though. The minute school was let out, her gang surrounded me. I knew I should be worried, but I couldn't help noticing how "gold" her brass knuckles were. And is that a katana? So many shiny objects…and only a few feet—no, focus Naruto. Forget about the shiny and very tempting objects. 

The thing is I've been forbidden (by oji-san and the school) to pick up anything sharp, even my kitchen knife is blunt to the point where I can't even cut my finger, not that I've ever tried. I'm not lying, I never have. I need my fingers, all nine—I mean ten of them. So you can understand why I'm having trouble concentrating on the knife at my neck. Females are such vicious species and so confusing. It's always 'if I can't get it, no one will' to them. We males are more civil. Our way is 'if you're not careful, I _will_ take it'. Hey, it's more civil than them. At least we give people chances. Sorta.

"—bitch!" She charged and I had to duck.

Ok, I have this habit of not listening to people when they're talking. I did actually listen to someone once and I found them ridiculously boring. Hmm. What a weird day I'm having. I wish it really was a dream then I probably won't have to beat the crap out of 'em. It's not like I'm not enjoying it, but she was crying. That brought me back to the phone call she had with her dad.

I grab her arm when she attempted to punch me. She was the only one left standing and she's already too tired to fight back anymore. Her eye didn't have the dark color it used to have. Her clothes were dirty from being pushed down so many times. I take fault for that. She'll probably have bruises, but nothing major. I feel sorry for her, for her dad.

"That's really pathetic." I meant that for her dad, but she's obviously taking it very personally. I had to twist her arm back and knock her to her knees. Obviously she's going to get back up if I let go so I decided to knock her out. It's gonna heal, eventually. In the meantime, I gotta find a way to get that camera from Sai. I had been wondering for a while what all the flashes were about.

……………..

You know what the best thing about this school is? Lots of secret passageways that can lead to Sai. It's a miracle that you would even think to believe that. Remember when I told you I run fast? That is the only reason how I caught up with him. The camera was in a bag, safely zipped.

"I'm going to need the film." I held up the katana that I took from one of those girls. They don't need it. Not anymore. He shrugs and didn't even seem reluctant as he tossed the bag to me. I didn't catch it because I was too intent on it exploding. And ladies and gentlemen, the film is not in the bag. He's part of the paparazzi. He has to be smart about these things. I point the sharp edge to his chest. "Empty your shoes."

He took them off and flips it over. He even did his pockets and anywhere a roll of film may be. "You might want to check the bag."

Okaaaay so maybe I was wrong. I checked the bag and took every roll I could find, which is a lot considering the _entire_ bag was full of 'em! I kinda did run away with the bag. Hey, it's not stealing if you're doing it for a good cause! It may not be world peace but it's a good cause dammit! Wait a minute…what am I thinking? I grinned and turned back. To go find Ino. To edit my part. To print this in the newspaper. To show the whole school. To embarrass Sakura.

…ugh, remember people, good cause here! Good cause!

* * *

"_Oka-san?__"_

"_What is it, Naru-chan?__"_

"_Oka-san! I__'__m seven years old. It__'__s Naruto.__"_

"_Well, Naruto what is it?__"_

"…_I__'__m hungry.__"_

"_Aww is my Na__…__alright, fine. Where would you like to go, Naruto?__"_

"_That place where we all sit on the floor! Oh, and then that big teddy__…__uh, I mean tiger__…__it umm comes out.__"_

"_Hahaha, alright. That place with the big scary __"__tiger__"__ it is. But first, we need to go get your father.__"_

"_But oka-san__—__"_

"_We are spending too much time in Japan. Why can__'__t you say father or dad?__"_

"_I can. Chichi, tou-san, short for otou-san.__"_

"_Say father.__"_

"_Otou-san.__"_

"_Father!__"_

"_Otou-san!__"_

"_Say father or I will embarrass you in front of your friends.__"_

"_I__'__ll tell otou-san on you.__"_

"_Oh please, you__'__re decades behind from pulling a fast one on me.__"_

"_God, you __**are**__ old.__"_

"_NARUTO!__"_

I shot up straight, sweating coldly with my hands tangled in the sheets. I almost scream when a hand brushes itself across my cheek. "What are you doing here?" I try to regulate my breathing as much as possible. The massive figure of oji-san sat silently, hand still extended and watching. My head was spinning too fast for me to decipher his expression. I push his hand away and brought my knees up to my chest. My hands hung limply beside me.

"Bad dream?"

"…_nightmare_." I flinch when he patted my face with a tissue.

"Want to talk about it?"

I push his hand away again, not looking at him. Who would want to talk about a _nightmare_? "What do you want?" I asked, not really caring about the answer.

"Checking up on you." That's when I knew he had screamed my name. He woke me up.

"Thanks," I still didn't dare look at him. My head was beginning to clear, but I didn't want to know if he was crying or that expression he had was sympathy. But I had to know something. "Was I screaming?"

"Yes," he lied.

I realized why he had touched me the first time and the second. It wasn't because of the cold sweat. I wish it was, but it wasn't. "I'm not going to school."

"Sure," was all he said and I wish I could thank him a thousand times.

* * *

**Narra:** _(shoes is slowly melting away) _Uh...Charlie? Charlie! CHARLIE! 

**Charlie:** I've got it! _(pull up to the surprisingly breakable rope and chew through it. Watch Shanghai Knight to get a more visual effect. Then bite Narra's rope and they both swing to safety...only to have pitchforks thrust at them)_ Maybe I hadn't thought this through.

**Narra:** Yah' think?

**Charlie:** At least we're not hanging above a vat of toxic waste.

**Narra:** I don't think getting stabbed to death is an improvement.

**Alien # 1:** Dkfight skoeowik gkdnight.

**Charlie:** She said that we get to live.

**Narra:** ...we get to live? HOORAY!

**Alien # 1:** Dktoglieddksi.

**Charlie:** But there's a catch.

**Narra:** We're doomed.

**Alien # 2:** Lokapdo skdoek digkn aweidknkd.

**Charlie:** You have to become his odalisque.

**Narra:** One, that's a he? Two, what's an odal-whatever?

**Charlie:** Podkeidk akdioekdls?

**Alien # 2:** Vkgmb disk feiale skigkndkf.

**Narra:** It must be something bad because he just wiggled his tongue at me.

**Charlie:**Well, an odalisque is a virgin, usually female, slave who will become a concubine, wife, or in a harem.

**Narra:** So what you're saying is...I HAVE TO BECOME SOMEONE'S BITCH? UH-UH! HELL NO! YOU TELL HIM THAT! HE IS AN UGLY MOTHER _(insert word)_ AND I AIN'T DOING SHIT!

**Charlie:** Bifndk midowk wituhdkla sksiujg!

**Alien # 2:** ...Lokapeidk fkbwmd bmdjkfyrnd! _(slithers away)_

**Charlie:** And we're so dead.


	17. My Day Off

**(Alien Abduction Arc Part 3)**

**Narra:** Charlie do something.

**Charlie:** And what exactly would that be?

**Narra:** Uh...fight?

**Charlie:** Good idea. _(slide hand up Narra's shirt)_

**Narra:** _(tries to pull away)_ I said fight, not molest me! There are aliens for that!

**Charlie:** Oh shut up. _(finds something and pushes it)_

**Alien # 1:** Lspdok gkeorkg dnfkf! _(solders of alien advance forward)_

**Narra:** _(without thinking, starts pulling out some Bruce Lee moves on the alien soldiers)_ Wow, I can fight! I never knew I could fight!

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Seventeen: My Day Off  
_

* * *

6:30 a.m. – Restroom time. 

6:45 a.m. – Back to bed after accidentally sleeping in the restroom.

6:46 a.m. – Remember door is unlocked.

6:47 a.m. – Thinking about the unlocked door.

6:49 a.m. – Deciding what to do about unlocked door.

6:50 a.m. – Pissed because of unlocked door.

6:52 a.m. – Try to deal with unlocked door by using telekinesis.

6:57 a.m. – Realize telekinesis doesn't exist.

6:59 a.m. – Pissed that telekinesis doesn't exist.

7:00 a.m. – Momentarily forgetting about unlocked door.

7:10 a.m. – Finally locks unlocked door.

7:30 a.m. – Muscle spasm in leg

9:00 a.m. – Restroom time again.

10:30 a.m. – Thinking about waking up.

10:30:45 a.m. – Decides not to wake up

11:05 a.m. – Wakes up.

Upon reaching the kitchen and seeing that it was safe and sound, I said to myself, "What did oji-san eat?" It was obvious he didn't starve as there was no body for me to find. I don't know if I want to find it even if there was a body. I snatch the note hanging from the fridge.

_food in fridg. it chinese. hop u lik it._

Four years of high school and this is what he can come up with. Well, I'm hungry so I'll focus on eating first. After my meal I went to my computer and what I expected to see was indeed there. On the front page of the newspaper were Sakura and her gang getting their asses whipped by an unidentifiable figure of a blur. That was tricky because I didn't have my disguise with me yesterday. So I improvised. I used the school's copy machine and made my own set of papers. There was an alarm (my own invention) that goes off when the school bell rings and my five hundred copies of newspaper would be…free.

And now for another addition, I quickly uploaded _Ino's_ picture. The pictures were of her digitally enhanced super-sized head on the body of a fat baby, a female wrestler laying on her side, a male bulldog named Ringo who is currently in his "happy place" and dozens of others embarrassing photos. I post them on a newly created website entitled '**PAYBACK IS A BITCH!'** and sent them to every student in the school. _Every. Single. One._ Of course, the website would automatically delete itself after 24 hours. I can't have anyone trailing me. But this site doesn't officially load until tomorrow. It is not because I'm not knowledgeable enough about computers, but rather…well, you definitely wouldn't want to miss it.

Oh, I would like to say I am like that something puzzle guy. I think it was in a movie that had something to do with a chainsaw. Or was it called chainsaw? It was something saw. Getting back to my similarity, I also like to personally watch my plan in action. But I couldn't install a camera.

…HAHAHAHAHA! Sometime I can't stop myself. Anyway I installed the cameras out in the open. People can see it if they look up at the ceiling. Now why would an _almost_ (_**don't want to talk about it**_) flawless mastermind like myself do something so…revealing. Duh, it's obvious. Even though people can see it, they'll just think it's another of the _school's_ security camera. And then I'll have to take them down afterwards. The school only started installing cameras because of the blackboard incident. You know the one where I asked that question about Santa Claus? Anyway I was lucky.

But since I'm not in school, people would probably assume that I did all those things. Thinking of not being in school reminded me of why I'm here. That dragged me all the way back to last night and I really don't want to remember it. Not now, not then, not ever again. Oji-san's voice helped broke me out of that trance.

"Naru-chan, you have a phone call!" There was a long pause and I do mean long. "From school!" Like I said, four years of high school. I wonder how he passed elementary. Must've been hard.

I picked up the phone. I would've liked for oji-san to make up some excuse, but we all know he's very terrible with excuses. I hesitated with my hello. A single cord, separating me from that person on the other line. That person who is here to ruin, possibly destroy, my youth. My youth, the time where all I have to worry about is embarrassing parents and school work, but no. I have to deal with psycho ex-girlfriend, psycho classmates, and psycho hot stalker. …ahem, let's pretend I did not say hot. So that person spoke one word that made me shudder. It made me want to kill.

"Hi."

Because I know the voice.

"Itachi," I said with much distaste as I can muster. He could've gotten the number from a newspaper ad so no need to ask that. "Can I help you?"

"Would you like to have lunch with me?"

First Sai, now Itachi. My voice must not quiver, I must sound calm, I must not pick up that knife. "If you're coming on to me, please don't. I'm really not in the mood." He laughed. Uchihas are supposed to be stoic. How can they be this easy to humor?! Bad day, bad day, bad day.

"No, I want to talk to you about Sasuke." I try to find signs that maybe it's a joke. Maybe, just maybe. There my mind goes again. Denial is a bad habit and I do not need that habit. My mind is free of denial.

"He is one topic I do not to discuss about. Ever."

He laughed again and he said the one thing that _**made me snap. The one thing he should never say in front of me.**_ "You're so funny. No wonder Sasuke likes you so much."

"_**Listen here, pretty boy. I do not find any of this funny. The second I knew Sasuke existed, I wish he never did. I wish all Uchihas would disappear because you are a pathetic lot who only think about yourself and not anyone else. And when I say you only think about yourself, I do not mean superficial. I mean something much more than that that you people seem not to understand.**__**Now I am going to explain this very slowly so you're teeny little brain can hope to understand. I'm hanging up.**_" And I did just that. To make sure he doesn't call here right after, I unplug the phone. That was a mess. My "cell phone" rang so I went to pick it up. I only gave Konohamaru the number. It's obvious that it's him.

I was wrong.

"What's up, brat?"

There was a sigh that was too deep and depressing to be the brat's. "Can't you _pretend_ to be polite?"

Let me rephrase something. Ahem! _First_ Sai, _then_ Itachi, _now _Sasuke. It's like God's master plan to ruin my life. Where is free will and all that crap? But it…it has great timing. Seriously it does. While on the subject of God, I read this book called 'The Black Tattoo' (**don't read this next part if you haven't read it**). In it, God was a dorky librarian, there was no heaven, and the creator of our universe acts like an arrogant twenty-year-old. Interesting, huh?

"Are you sick?"

Am I sick? No, why woul—oh. I should've seen it coming. I can lie, but I see no purpose in it. "No. How you get this number anyway?" I swear I could hear him blush.

"That day you were drunk and I…"

"It's bad enough that you violated me, but now you're stalking me?" Usually my voice would be extremely angry, however I find myself smirking…with delight. No no, I would refuse to let myself…"walk" that way. That way is bad; it's evil and not straight. There came a knock at the door. "Look I gotta go so…whatever." As soon as I opened the door, Sasuke's face scowled at me. Damn I'm gonna have to install a peep hole or something.

"I didn't violate and am not stalking you."

"You're standing in my doorway." I tilt my head to the side and looked him up and down. "And you're wet. Why are you wet?" That blush would not go away. Not me, him. It's like a disease. AH, I feel like dying. No wait, I don't. I feel like _he_ should die.

'_The second I knew Sasuke existed, I wish he never did.'_ Funny that I'm remembering that…at this moment…in front of Sasuke. It awes me that there's a small ache in my chest. It wasn't strong like that time at the nurse office. I think it pains me to say, or even think, that Sasuke doesn't exist.

Yeah, right. Like that'll ever happen.

But back to wet Sasuke. It wasn't raining and I can't think of anything else except…

"I got splashed by a car."

I couldn't help snorting. It's not everyday you hear about an Uchiha getting splashed by a car. "Seems a little eccentric," I move aside as he scowled his way past me. I close the door then made my way to my room. I wonder if he will even fit into my clothes. He is taller and—. I pick up a black pant. It was the one I wore when I met Sasuke's fan girls. It would have to do. A dark blue silky shirt, a knee length leather coat (of course it's black), and a pair of shoes. This would do nicely. I handed them all to Sasuke and point towards my bedroom. He didn't question me why I pointed to _my_ bedroom. I don't think he's even wondering about it.

I jump and land with my back on the couch. Picking up the remote controller, I turn the TV on and dial a series of numbers. Sasuke taking his shirt off and Sasuke drying himself off. You heard me right. There's a hidden camera in my room. This is not some perverted envision of mine come true. I picked up the DVD controller next and tap PAUSE three times. The camera automatically started taking pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Sadly I am not intelligent enough to have built this kind of technology. The guy who made it is a friend of an ex-best friend of a cousin twice removed from another friend of a science geek who I had to threaten.

One thing about Sasuke: he changes his clothes really fast. I wonder why? Could be that he was once "violated"? Probably Orochimaru or his big brother. That would explain their sometimes-distant-sometimes-not-so-distant relationship. But then the hate between the two would've been really intense. I felt nothing of the sort. I heard Sasuke's dad is back in town. For a week, or more if he ever finds out his little baby boy isn't exactly straight as he once thought. Could it be that he already knows and that's why father and son doesn't get along? So many possibilities.

H-He's…he's snooping! He's going through my stuff. Ok, calm down. It's not like he's takin—oh, he just opened my underwear drawers.

"Sasuke, are you done in there?" I shouted. He abruptly close it and shout back a 'no' to me. Liar! My backpack lay on the floor, a tempting object. Luckily I don't keep all my "secret" stuff there. It's in oji-san's room. Not that he knows. My computer is not on so all he has is my backpack. Hmm, it would seem he's searching for a paper or document. Well, something with a paper. Ugh, he smirked at my homework. My unfinished homework. It's not next semester yet so yes I have homework. The reason why I had voice for next semester instead of now was because I didn't want to look too suspicious. Shikamaru notices things.

He's…doing my homework. Half of it anyway. But he's still doing it. Its math homework, one I could have done in less than half an hour. That's…nice of him. You know, just a compliment. But after he finished that, he quickly searched again and then stop after I call for him a second time. I thought he was going to remain there for a few more minutes but…

Red alert. Red alert. Sasuke is coming out. I switched off the TV and acted like I hadn't just watched him changed, snooped, and lie. Just so you know, he didn't take off his boxers so I didn't see anything of…"that".

"Why are you here?" I immediately asked. The clothes look good on him. But he can't keep them. The pants have a reason (evidence of previous encounter with fan girls). The shirt is my most expensive one. The shoes are one of those formal kinds and also the only pair I have. The coat…oh, he definitely has to return that. It's my winter coat. It's warm and comfy and he can't have it.

He sat down beside me, a couple inches away. "I thought there might've been something wrong with you. But you loo—seem fine."

I didn't miss the slip. Sasuke find me attractive. Ok. I can deal with that. He also came to check up on me. Again. I can deal with that too. What I can't deal with is him…a-and the whole scene. It's starting to look like a scene from some romantic movie where the guy kisses the girl. And I'm not the girl! I'm not kissing him; I'm just saying I'm not a girl! And we're not kissing! My brain is multitasking on solidifying itself because I can't think. I can't move. I can't do anything. I think he's leaning in. Is he leaning in? Oh god, oh god, I think we're about to kiss. Or we could be kissing right now because I can't feel anything. But when you kiss you should feel something.

I need to push him away, but I can't move so…s-s-so it's like a…accident. Yeah. I don't want to kiss him. I just can't move at the moment. And you know what? My heart is starting to speed up again. I think he can hear it. Can he hear it? I'm pretty sure he…can…hear…it.

"PEANUT BUTTER!"

His eyes snap open, curve in a very amused and alarmed way at my outburst. "I see."

I quickly cover my mouth with my now-movable hand and stood up. "I…uh…ate some peanut butter. I-I'm allergic. Deadly allergic. And it hurts. You know my mouth. So…uh…I-I…" As I attempted to lie my way out of it, I realized three things. One, Sasuke knows that I'm lying. Two, Sasuke's starting to laugh. Third, I just sound like my mother. **_Again!_** Curse that old geezer for telling me about that and curse myself for asking!

He got up and that resulted in him towering over me. I try not to step back because I am Uzumaki Naruto and I am not intimidated by anyone. His laugh stopped and was replaced with a smile. Ugh, Uchihas are not supposed to smile. Be more stoic, man. He pulls out two tickets and took my left hand, placing them in it. I focused my attention on the ticket and not how incredibly warm and soft his hand was. He leaned in and I couldn't help flinching. That stopped him, but he leaned in anyway and kissed my cheek. I must tell you I am very upset about that.

"See ya." And he's gone.

I sat down again because suddenly my feet feel like jelly. Isn't that weird? The tickets were for a movie and there are two of them. That means another date. It's not even twelve and already I'm tired. More coffee it is. Or a beer. Or coffee with beer.

* * *

In that day, I received five phone calls and talked to seven people. Shino said see you tomorrow, Chouji said, while chewing, get well soon, I think Shikamaru snored at me. Hmm. Those three used the same phone. Kiba called. He was worried that I got some deadly virus then he worried that I might die and that led to the human race being extinguished by said deadly virus. I had to assure him that I would be ok, that the world would be ok, and if it's not, we would all burn in hell together. Such a lovely friend. 

This may sound impossible, but Hinata's call was even longer than his. First she stuttered about my health (that was 15 minutes) and blushed into silence (that's 20 minutes) then she stuttered about my school work (another 20 minutes). That, ladies and gent, is a total of 55 minutes. Tsunade wanted to see if I died or not. When she learns that I hadn't, she swore and hung up. Even Gaara called. Our exchange was short-lived. Something I was glad for.

He said, "This is Gaara."

I said, "Oh. What is it?"

So he said, "Are you well?"

So I said, "I am well."

Then he said, "Will I see you tomorrow?"

Then I said, "Maybe."

We ended our conversation right there.

The reason why the call had gotten through was because oji-san had plugged the phone back in. There wasn't much to do so I checked the computer on how the school is reacting to Sakura's beating. That cheered me up a bit. I stared at the tickets for about an hour then turn my gaze to the clock. I sigh and got up from the couch. Might as well go to sleep. Upon entering my room, I was met with the sight of Sasuke's discarded clothes. I had forgotten about those. _He_ had forgotten about those.

I thought about burning them, but then decided against it. I ended up washing them and even ironing them. By the time I was done, they smelled like my clothes. I wonder if he'll be happy about that. That gave me an image of Sasuke laying the clothes out and rolling on top of them like some silly school girl.

Achoo!

Damn, now I have to wash it again!

* * *

**Charlie:** _(having just escaped from the aliens)_ Readers, I would like you to know that-. 

**Narra:** _(running up and out of breath)_ _**How dare you leave me?**_

**Charlie:** _(not caring that Narra is advancing with a knife) _...uh...I lost my train of thought.

**Narra:** **_You are going to lose more than that._**

**Charlie:** I fixed the machine.

**Narra:** Oh, that's lovely! _(forgot about revenge) _You're so wonderful! Let's go home!

**(The end)  
**

It was kind of short, wasn't it?**  
**


	18. My Execution

**(Wizards and Witches Arc Part 1)**

**Narra:** Charlie?

**Charlie:** Yeah?

**Narra:** Where's the studio?

**Charlie:** _(in front of a butcher shop)_ Uh...I have a slight confession. _(silence)_ I might not have fixed the machine as good as I had initially claimed.

**Narra:** So where are we now?

**Charlie:** According to my universal GPS system, we are in...the Harry Potter world.

**Narra:** Okay.

**Charlie:** _(surprise)_ You're taking all this in better than I thought.

**Narra: **... _(faints)_

**A/N:** I AM PUTTING THIS IN CAP LOCKS BECAUSE IT'LL PROBABLY CATCH YOUR EYE BETTER! I WOULD JUST LIKE TO INFORM YOU GUYS AND GALS THAT THERE WILL BE A CAT FIGHT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! SO REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW FOR ME, MY DEAR READERS! I WILL MAKE IT GREAT AND AS DETAILED AS POSSIBLE...DEPENDING ON HOW MANY REVIEWS THERE ARE! AND IF YOU CAN'T REVIEW FOR THIS CHAPTER ANYMORE THEN GO BACK TO THE FIRST CHAPTER AND SEE IF YOU CAN DO IT THERE! GO THROUGH THE WHOLE STORY IF YOU HAVE TO!

THIS IS FROM YOUR AUTHOR, WAITING AND HOPING!_  
_

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill _

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Eighteen: My Execution  
_

* * *

Oji-san woke me up at 2:30 in the morning. I was actually asleep, but then he tried to be stealthy and _that_ woke me up. I think he broke my pencils. I just lay there, waiting to see what he was going to do. I heard a jingle of some sort. He placed his hand on my shoulder and moved it up to my neck. I felt something wrap around my neck and for a second I thought he was going to strangle me in my sleep. Instead the wire loosened and I heard a click. It's a necklace. I cautiously peeped from under my eyelid to see him looking at a photo. I only have one in my room, but that one wasn't mine. He places it on the nightstand anyway and sits by my side for a few minutes before leaving. 

When I heard the sound of his bedroom door closing, I sat up. The photo he set down was of him and my parents in the old days. It was placed next to another of my parents and I. The necklace was a locket. It was approximately 2 by 2 ½ inches and made of pure gold. Oh I'll probably get jumped after school. I opened it and saw three small portraits. Oji-san—always one for attention—put his first then otou-san and finally oka-san. There were exactly six places for pictures and three of them shall always remain empty.

I fell back onto my bed and slept. I have school tomorrow and I need all my energy. It's gonna be hell. No, I really mean it this time.

…………….

Next morning, I woke up at the sound of a rooster. Why? Because my neighbor got it into her head that a chicken is a proper animal for a pet. I checked the clock and it was 5:30 exactly. Well, that gave me time to upload the website and prepare breakfast. While I was eating, there came a knock at the door. The only person who could be here this early would be Iruka and I was right.

"Good morning, Naruto," he said, a dazzling smile forming on his mouth.

Iruka was always a morning person. So was oka-san, but otou-san definitely wasn't. I have both genes so I was kinda stuck in the middle. I didn't like loud noises and I can't drink anything warm. It has to be freezing cold for me. There were many other things, but I don't want to go into that just yet. Or ever.

I let him in and sat back down to my breakfast. I can't taste anything in the morning either. "What is it?" He blushed. It must be something embarrassing, one which I should not hear. "You want to talk to oji-san?"

"No!" he said rather quickly. Ok, not only is it embarrassing, it probably contains some R-rated topics. The arrow is stabbing Kakashi in the forehead. Why must I become the middleman? "Um…it's about Kakashi-san." –san? He's using honorifics? Exactly how slow is Kakashi? "…h-he's…really great, but…"

"You do realize I'm sixteen, right? Not to mention a guy." I have to say he looks like a gapping fish with a scar on its invisible nose.

"I-I know. It's just…Kakashi-san is your teacher and I work here…" Oh, I see where you're going with this.

"Don't worry, Iruka," I said light-heartedly with a sweet smile. He sighs with relief. "If you mess it up with him, all he's ever going to do is hold me back for five or six years. No pressure." The smile was still there, but then it disappeared and I was left with rolling my eyes. "Iruka, you really need to learn how to take a joke." He managed a somewhat uneasy laugh. "You might want to breathe."

* * *

I got to school to take down all of my cameras. I stashed them in "the Room" and… Well, Sasuke's incident yesterday was totally an accident, but it reminded me of my debts. I printed out the color coded pictures and gave them to the fangirls. Secretly of course. The janitor was mostly freaked when he heard high squeals of lust and delight. I wasn't too concerned about all that. After making sure Iruka wasn't going to pass out on my living room floor, I woke up oji-san. But of course, Iruka was still there. He wanted to know if he could invite Kakashi to dinner. At my place. With me there. 

Apparently he's still too nervous around Kakashi to be alone with him and he wanted our approval before going any further. Oh, my life is just _**gr-eat.**_

Moving on to a school-related subject…

Sakura had been absolutely humiliated. Her make-up didn't hide the bruises and cuts. The cuts were not from me. One of her gang members accidentally slashed her during the fight. And when I saw her this morning, I noticed that some of the bruises on her face weren't from me either. Oh such a mystery of who did it.

Not.

It's pretty obvious and I don't want to think about it. Gives me too much a headache when I dwell into someone else's personal life. But he must be some great tae kwon do master to be able to land a hit on her because Sakura's moves yesterday were no joke. That girl can really fight. Most of the popular girls at my school are just for show. Seriously, you flick them and they'll run away screaming. Hilarious sometimes, but usually just really ridiculous.

A bag dropped onto my desk and a red head sat down in front of me. His back was facing the blackboard and his face was looking straight through me. Is it just me or is his trash bag darker than yesterday? His eyes were drooping as if he could fall unconscious any minute. Great, now I'm gonna have Killer of the Raccoon on my record. His hand reached forward suspiciously and I leaned back, but since there wasn't much to lean back on he ended up touching…my forehead? He let it stay there for a while until putting it back to his own forehead. He's…checking my temperature. This is like something my mom used to do when I got—or pretended to be—sick.

Gaara's concerned about me. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean I do know. It's just weird. There's like a warm feeling of some sort. Like I told you, weird. I jump back as a finger touched my finger. This one was from Shikamaru. He had somehow managed to lean all the way from his desk to mine while _still_ lying down. I guess being that skinny gives you an advantage in flexibility. Whoever likes him would be thrilled. Of course that would only work if he was ga—oh lord, I am thinking of "that".

Clear my head, clear my head, and everything is clear.

"36.9 degree C," he said and took his long, thin finger away. You know some people's fingers are so thin they look like chopsticks. But others' bones stick out too much so it's more like twigs. I always wonder how easily breakable they were

Sakura walks into the classroom and it turns quiet. Her eyes fell on me and it reminds me of a hawk hunting its prey. "I didn't think you'd dare come back, freak." She does remember that I whipped her butt, right?

"Rorrrwor!" I turn and saw Akamaru growling. I had never liked the dog. That's why I killed its existence in my life, just like Lee, sometimes Chouji, and the Romeo and Juliet play. Yeah, I hadn't forgotten about that. I pushed it out of my head. For example: every time Kakashi passed me in the hallway he would remind me about the play, but now he doesn't anymore since he realized how much of an influence I am over Iruka. But still, when he did, it goes in one ear and out the other.

"Fuck off, Sakura," warned Kiba. Whoa, where did that come from? All those times he annoyed me, never had he cussed. Wish he did, but he didn't. I wonder what brought on the sudden change.

"What're you gonna do about it, dog breath?"

Immediately on Sakura's rhetorical threat, Shikamaru, Gaara, everyone—even Hinata—stood up. Sakura's own gang of kung-fu-fighting girls backed her up. I sat looking at them admirably. This was exactly like a Mexican stand off. Never had I seen one before and it's so awesome that it's happening right here in a classroom! Damn, I should've brought a camera.

That's when something popped into my head. They were…d-defending me. Ha, no one has ever defended me before. There was that time at the cafeteria, but this—_this _right here was an all-out right up front defense. But why are they defending me? Why so worried? Could it be that they actually think that I'm their friend? Ha, now that's a joke. I want to see what would happen next. Is it going to be a big high school showdown? Or are they going to wimp out?

"Good morning, everyo—eh, what's going on?"

"K-Kakashi-sensei?!" That was mostly everyone.

He's early? I didn't know that was even possible! I must be hallucinating! This is a dream…or a nightmare because Kakashi's in my sleep. The kids who were standing were too shocked to move. Don't blame them. It is their first time seeing their English teacher coming in early. I myself am shocked, but it was kind of expected. Ok, not really. I thought going out with Iruka would make him even later to class. You know…what with _that_ going on and everything. Wait, this mean I did the job. I found out the problem and I…solved it.

Hey that was easy.

"Everyone, please take a seat," he requested cheerfully. I'm concerned. Did he hit his head or something? Maybe bruised the interior? Because this is pretty strange. Oh—I think he just twirled. "Now I hope you all have been working _very_ hard on your essays," he set down his—since when did he have a briefcase? "As you all are well aware it's due next Monday. That's only two days away."

Huh? I missed that part. Did he just say the essay is due in two days? THAT IS TERRIBLE! I haven't even started mine!

"You all had two weeks to finish it."

How come I wasn't informed?!

"However for Keiko and Maho, I will give you an extra day to finish yours because of your absence."

Wha—no fair! I was _not_ prepared for this! Ah, but it's cool, it's cool. I can finish an essay in two days. No I can't! It's only an essay. Not _only_! It's a big chunk of my grade! A BIG one! Oh, what am I going to do and why the hell is Sasuke staring at a time like this? He placed both hands facing towards him, fingers upwards, and waved it in a sort of I-don't-care Shikamaru style. Al-right, I'm associating with a lunatic. He did it again, a little more urgently this time. Oh! He's using sign language. How do I know? I usedtoteachdeafchildrensignlanguagedon'tlookatme!

I smiled and raised my middle finger. One of his eyebrows curved up. I scrunched my nose at him in return. **Red alert! Oncoming laugh!****Diversion! DIVERSION! **

"What about you two?"

One blonde and one dark-haired head turned to the speaker, the most hated man/teacher at this moment. He'll always be at the top of the list in my heart, but Sasuke still hadn't had the chance to put him up there yet. I assure you, he will one day. If not, I'll make him. He is in love with me after all. Argh, that word 'love'. How could someone even think of inventing such a word?

"Well?"

Oh yeah, he's still there. It's not as if he's going to disappear if you wish hard enough, Naruto. You have to _**make it happen**__**…**__**MUHAHAHAHA!**_ Ahem, now how to answer our strange teacher.

"We agree."

…I'm lost. I thought Kakashi wanted to know if we were finished with the essay. Exactly what is that all about?

"Excellent! Naruto and Sasuke have volunteered to read their essays on Monday."

Good god, no! What have you done, you home-wrecker? He couldn't have figured me out. No, he can't! How did he know I was going to never ever show him the essay and then when Kakashi goes looking for it in his desk, it would somehow _"__disappear__"_? Sasuke just had to know what I wrote about him and if it's not his way, it's the highway (that right there being the highway).

"_I _don't agree." Everyone looked at me with great interest. Sure, why not. "Because…shouldn't it be the ones who finish first that get to read their essays?" My observation never fails, nor have my plans. The website did its job by upsetting our young antagonists even more and that resulted in two ill-written essays. I gave Kakashi the look. It is the one where I telepathically tell him that if he does not do exactly what I _order_ him to do, it will be hell all over again for him.

"Naruto has a very good point. Ino, Sakura, why don't you two go first?" They didn't seem to mind, rather they were eager. They both stood in front of the class room, two sheets of paper in each hand, ready to have it all out in the open.

Ino went first. "Sakura is _my_ best friend," that sounded a little forced. "And she is also a back-stabbing bitch with no good morals in her slutty, fat body with that floorboard on her face she calls a forehead." She looks up from her paper with a sneer and pause for dramatic effect. "The end."

Sakura's paper looks so delicate in her fist. Kakashi could see where this is going, but before he could interfere and stop all this nonsense, Sakura opened her mouth.

"Ino is also _my_ best friend and you would think she can be trusted, but you'd think wrong. She's too busy sticking her pig-headed nose in other people's asses because otherwise her dear, lovely mother would think she was elsewhere. Probably in her bathroom saying over and over again—."

Ino's eyes widened. "SHUT UP!"

But Sakura ignored her and continued, "—how much she loves—."

"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!" She lunged at Sakura, but Kakashi had dived in on time and now had a strong grip on her arm.

"—**Shikamaru!**"

…oh.

Well, that was unexpected.

* * *

**A/N:** THIS IS UP HERE A SECOND TIME IN CASE YOU MISSED IT AT THE TOP! SO LET ME REPEAT! 

I AM PUTTING THIS IN CAP LOCKS BECAUSE IT'LL PROBABLY CATCH YOUR EYE BETTER! I WOULD JUST LIKE TO INFORM YOU GUYS THAT THERE WILL BE A CAT FIGHT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! SO REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW FOR ME, MY DEAR READERS! I WILL MAKE IT GREAT...DEPENDING ON HOW MANY REVIEWS THERE ARE! AND IF YOU CAN'T REVIEW FOR THIS CHAPTER ANYMORE, GO BACK TO THE FIRST CHAPTER AND SEE IF YOU CAN REVIEW FOR THE STORY THERE! _(hears a groan)_ I THINK NARRA'S UP. I GOTTA GO!

HOPING FOR LOTS OF REVIEW.


	19. My Apology

**A/N: **I know it's been two weeks. So sorry, everyone, but I wanted to make it extremely long for you to enjoy. Besides, the fighting scene was really hard to write and I tried to put as in much detail as possibly, including the constant humor. It's difficult, you know. I've never written a fight scene before and there is a ton of work. Not FF, my personal life.

I also would like to recommend this song to you guys because it has both enlighten and depress me. "Apologize" by One Republic. A perfect title for this chapter. Now on with the arc thingy.

**(Wizards and Witches Arc Part 2)**

**Narra:** _(open his eyes and sit up)_ Where am I? Again.

**Charlie:** _(pounce over)_ OH MY GOD, WE ARE IN _THE_ LEAKY CAULDRON! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I RENTED US THIS ROOM FOR A WHOLE MONTH! ONE WHOLE MONTH! AREN'T YOU EXCITED?! Why aren't you excited?

**Narra:** We cannot stay here. Absolutely not.

**Charlie:** And why the hell not?

**Narra:** Are you insane?! This is messing with…something very important that I can't name right now, but if I did it would be very serious. We are leaving!

**Charlie:** No, we're not.

**Narra:** Yes, we are.

**Charlie:** No, I really mean it. The machine is broken.

**Narra:** _(faints again)_

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Nineteen: My Apology_

* * *

Someone pulled the strings and every head—forget about the body—turned to our number one lazy boy. He was sporting a fish-out-of-water look. Now_ that_ is surprising since his eyes were half closed in a hazy daze. Where do people get all these cool facial expressions? 

Describing the mood of this situation would be a start. There are many, actually.

_Awkward_ as in, "Whoa, dude, this is like _**to**__—__**tal**__—__**ly**_ awkward."

_Confusion_ as in, "WTF did she just say?!"

_Anger _as in, "Oh no she didn't."

_Urges_ as in, "I spy with my little eye, something sharp that could go into your side."

_Envy_ as in, "That kid has a _camera_ phone!"

_Pity _as in, "Ha-ha, loser!"

That about sums it up. It's so quiet I can hear Tsunade snoring. A shape blurred forward out of the corner of my eye. Ino had made the first move in the attack and…

…sadly before we can see any fists or hair-pulling, Kakashi separated the two. Our not-so-studious English teacher remained calm. The first thing he did was tighten his grip on both of them, either that, or try to break their arm. I can't really tell, but they were no longer trying to kill each other. But I don't think screaming in pain is a thumps up from self-destruction. The second thing he did was ordered both of them to rewrite their essays, which is the best idea I have ever heard from him. Yes, it would be different after today. Definitely, definitely.

Oh, who would've thought that Kakashi's calm exterior would only remain for those two seconds? He started freaking out—almost breaking Ino's arm, which Sakura took the pleasure in enjoying—and called for the principal or someone with authority—_that_ almost broke Sakura's arm and Ino enjoyed that.

The two were taken away, but I later saw them again in some period. But let's not talk about that just yet, let's talk about Shikamaru. He is now an interesting fellow in exhibit A. Exhibit B would be Sakura's declaration of Ino's love. Was that even true? Ino sure did blush a lot when that issue was called out loud. So that question would be yes. But does Shikamaru like Ino?

Ah, who cares! The many whispers and cautious looks are now directed at him. I'm free!

"…read As It Is." A book appeared in front of me. And everyone else. That seemed to have shaken them from all their jumbled thoughts. I wasn't focusing on the book, more to the person to my right. No, not Sasuke. Go right, more more more! And there's Sai. There is this killing aura swirling from inside him. I doubt it's jealousy for Ino. Hmm, the thought of that brings back memories of the newspaper. Does that mean Sai has nothing over Ino anymore? No, he still does. Even if it means that he can't expose her to the school anymore, he still can to her mother. Remember the mother who is out to get her? So what is with the angER? Or am I misreading? Frustration is also a form of anger. He could be frustrated, but of what?

"…Naruto!"

I look up into Kakashi's amused eyes. "Huh?" was the best answer I could've formed.

"What is so interesting that could've captured your attention away from your work? Care to share with the class?"

I crack a smile. Sasuke actually has hope in his eyes that I would crush the English teacher with my words. "I was thinking of…dolphins and how vicious they get when someone messes with their young. Do you know the answer, Kakashi-_sensei_?" Oh I am good.

Kakashi cleared his throat and slowly walked away. "Sadly I don't teach biology. Class, turn to page 71." His tone made it clear that if anyone brought up that subject again, he would have no mercy whatsoever.

I turned to the page and was dumbstruck at what I saw. The title stared mockingly at me and I felt Sasuke's once or twice nervous glances. _'__Love Revealed.__'_ What kind of stupidity… I forced my glare onto the paper. Hopefully it'll combust and I can watch it go down.

…**and the dolphins will maw anything or anyone who messes with their young.**

* * *

'_Save me, save me__  
Kill me, kill me__  
For all I care, stab my toe__  
Do anything, just let me go.__'_

Kiba was not in the slightest bit of a moody mood. He wasn't angry that I particularly told the whole school he liked Hinata. Neji was angry. I found that out when I took the wrong turn and ran into him giving Hinata a pep talk. Apparently Kiba and Hinata are now officially a couple. A first date has yet to be mentioned or conceived.

As it turned out, the chapter titled _'__Love Revealed__'_ was just a title. It didn't have all the mushy love crap; it was actually about love spiritually. Still a bunch of crap. Then we had to write a timed essay about love.

Uh…w-well…

"Naruto, how come you didn't write anything?"

I think this guy is a masochist. I'm surprised he's survived this far with me. Could it be that I'm going easy on him? Nah. Though there is a possibility.

"Naruto?" I just noticed how the class is staring at me. Damnit. Well, it was nice while it lasted, which was what—20 seconds? I've been spacing out a lot lately. Always thinking about what the hell I'm doing. Sure, I have tons of techniques for people to leave me alone, but I've never once thought of using it against _them_. What are they? My gang? My replacements…for something?

I quickly jot down a few sentences (like 2) on the paper, not caring about lines or penmanship, and handed it to Kakashi. Luckily, he didn't read it out loud like he had done to Shikamaru. His was surprisingly poetic. I felt a bit conscious as Kakashi's eyes scanned my paper.

_I know only the harsh truth about love. For me, it__'__s better not to think about it too much._

I should've written something more pathetic. Like how love is wonderful and all that crap.

Sasuke desperately wanted to read what I wrote. Fortunately Kakashi figured it was for the best that no one else should see it. I don't know why I wrote that. Maybe because it's true. But I've never used that kind of tone to talk about love. It was almost…confusing and sympathetic. You do realize that if you take out sym-, what's left is –pathetic? Maybe that's why I don't like it. Maybe that's why I am what I am because the second I let out the truth, people will only see a pathetic boy and everything that he does will be aimed at that point.

After class, I made sure to tell Kakashi about the dinner plan. He disappeared right after hearing it.

……………………..

I started to wear sunglasses whenever I'm around Sasuke. It's dangerous to look into his eyes now. The sunglasses keep him from seeing that I'm looking elsewhere. It's fool proof.

"So I'll pick you up at eleven?"

"No. You may not pick me up. That was a one-time thing," I told him confidently. Hah, let's see him do something now!

"Why?" Uh-oh, he's entering the personal zone. "Don't you like me?" Cute puppy voice! I repeat, cute puppy voice!

"U-Uh…no—yes…I mean…" With one swift move, he had my sunglasses and self-control in his hand. I'm a stupid puddle of pudding. Speak, Naruto, speak! "Umpf!" I-I uh y-you 'n-now…

OH MY GOD, HE'S KISSING ME!

"Nice." Kissing has stopped. N-Not t-that I…umm…kissed him b-back. "That would be _very_ nice for the paper."

"Look, it's the Noumen-oni." Even if I'm trapped in Sasuke's arms, my insults are still coming out. Sai did his fake smile. I'd rather he didn't smile at all. Oh, _that_ would be nice.

"May I talk to you, Naruto-kun?"

I feel the arms tighten around me. It's not really uncomfortable, but…ah! "Sure." The arms did not loosen. I refuse to look at him right now. "Ahem." He got the hint and let me go without a word. I walk by Sai and drag him along by the arm to the third hallway. "_**What do you want?**_"

He looked unnerved for a second, but regained his composure. "Nice face." I think he's mocking me. Not sure.

"Cut the crap. You're here about Sakura and Ino."

"I love direct people. They're much easier to handle."

Still not getting to the point and is that Sasuke's hair I see? That one, peeking behind the pillar. Wait, there's a pillar in a hallway?

"How would you solve it?"

It? What's it? I try to think of all the 'it' I can think of, but nothing comes to mind. "Explain."

"Those two. Everyone. You're 'solving' them." His tone didn't waver and he wasn't hesitant. He's probably known this for a while now.

"Where's your proof?" He might have a recorder up his sleeves or somewhere and I am not going to jail for that.

"No proof." I analyze his position. There was no proof so I'm guessing it's instinct. From one psychopath to another. "I only wish to see what happens after. How would you solve this puzzle, Uzumaki Naruto?"

So cliché. He's acting the villain part alright with the whole calling-me-by-my-whole-name-so-it'll-sound-even-creepier thing. Still I didn't like the way he said my name. It's like he's sexually frustrated.

"What's so funny?"

I wipe the oncoming smile off my face. Sai, the Noumen-oni, frustrated. It's not really coming together. "You. You're even more _emotional_ (hint hint) than Gaara." I caught the surprise look on his face before it vanished. "You want to see what happens? Be at the courtyard."

"When?"

"You'll know." And Sasuke is still following me.

* * *

"What was he talking about?" I decided to go with the shock-and-innocent. 

"You were spying on me?" He was flustered for a second or two, however, his brain steered him the right way. He's smart, but I had hopes that it would be one of those moments where his emotions take over. This apparently is not one of them.

"Don't change the subject. What does he mean by 'solving'? And who's them?"

So shock-and-innocent isn't working all too well. Let's go with indifference. "It's none of your business."

"Naruto!" Whoa, he practically screamed. No! No, not the eyes! Where's my sungl—damn, he has them! "What aren't you telling me?"

And I found it. The perfect solution to getting him off my back. "Tsunade is paying me to help you guys deal with your "emotional" problems." I said it with an indifferent tone, as if he was just another check and not an actual person with feelings. Oh, that sounded corny just now.

I didn't flinch or move when he glared at me. It worried me that he was so angry. Worried… I was worried. Why? What I'm picking up is, 'I'm worried that he'll never speak to me again'. I'm not supposed to feel that. And of course, my heart rate is speeding up. I don't understand. I'm worried about _us_. I'm also worried about _them_. Us them us them. There are no us. There are no them. It's only me, myself, and Naruto.

He's walking away. H-He...doesn't trust me anymore?

…what to do? What to do? Well…don't know, don't care. And the next step is…oh, it's time for lunch. Ugh, lunch. Whoever invented that should die. It's thousands of years already so they probably did. Then whoever invented that should _slowly_ _**feel the pain of a thousand knives cutting into their body over and over again.**_

…………………..

Currently, which is at this miserable moment, I am talking to oji-san on the phone.

"Naruto, I know there might be some problems are school, but you cannot dismiss them like that."

"Like what? I want to desperately hear what examples or experiences you're going to tell me. Is it similar to how I should get rid of that person you and Tsunade sent to spy on me while I was having that little chat with Sasuke?" I gave him a minute to think that over and again attack him verbally. "I know you want the best for me. I know you mean well. But I also know you're not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed."

"Naru-."

"No no, Naruto is talking." He remained quiet. "Let me admit something. I do have problems. With everybody, myself…, you. But they are _my_ problems. You let me handle it the way I want to. You're not my _father_. And you'll _never _be my father. _But_ you are my oji-san. And that's all you will ever be." I hung up the phone, not realizing how tightly I held it or how I had almost literally crushed the handle on the door.

That's all he will ever be.

* * *

"…" 

Words were going through my head like air. Wait, that's air. It was so quiet. I imagine I'm in a cemetery because this can't be the cafeteria. Maybe I've walked into another dimension. Kiba was silent. Sasuke wasn't sitting at our table. Neji was further away and Gaara wasn't even here. Sakura and Ino literally had the grim reaper standing nearby because of how strong the killing aura was around them. I could explain all this. It certainly would help the sound of nothingness in my head.

The incident with Shikamaru and Ino was so completely shocking that Kiba had nothing to say. Obvious. Sasuke? Another obvious answer. Neji couldn't possibly expect to go near his cousin without his uncle looking over his shoulders. There was probably some shouting and threats thrown in for Neji. Gaara obviously couldn't sit at a table with both Sasuke _and_ Neji there. He so _obviously_ didn't get the memo that they aren't here anymore. Sakura and Ino is also another obvious answer.

I miss Kiba talking.

The words were thought of before I could stop it. I don't get it. All these thoughts and feelings, where are they coming from? And why the heck are they here in the first place? I have no regrets whatsoever. It's…its completely ridiculous. Here I am, enjoying peace and quiet. Yet my mind and my dead heart is ravaging all out of control. Especially for Sasuke. It's like a magnet or something that's trying to pull me closer to him. But I want to get closer to him.

…ok, what the hell?! I want to get closer to him?! What kind of thought is that?!

"Naruto?"

"What?!" I lower my voice down some. "What?" It was Shikamaru. He knows. He knows about Tsunade and everything. Of course he would call me and make me look into his pleading eyes. I am not going to willingly help these people. They have to wait their turn. It is _not _their turn. Am I not being clear here? I told him 'no' with my eyes. They glared, there was actual angry in his lazy eyes. Is that even possible?

"Naruto," said Kiba. "Why isn't Sasuke here?"

The last name I ever want to hear. _He_ has to say it. "Shut up," I told him. "You are annoying. Do you even know that? Obviously not because you're still talking." Sarcasm and humor covered my words like fresh honey out of a bee hive, except it was no where near sweet.

"Hey, lay off of him."

"This coming from _you_?" I stared, almost with shock at Chouji. "Maybe you should first lay off the food because if you haven't "noticed", you're getting a little round. Or should I say fat?" His hands were in fists and he was ready to rumble. He actually got up, but the others pushed him back down. "What? Does that word offend you?"

"Naruto, quit it."

"Ah, Shikamaru. Always the calm one." I-I don't know. There was this angry. I wanted—no, I _need_ to talk. I need to tell them these things that don't even matter to me, but somehow had edged its way out of my mouth and into the open. "Or are you? Shikamaru here is lazy and relax, but deep down underneath, do you all know what's there? It's anxiety." I scoffed amusingly. "He knows things. That is enough to make him worry constantly about every little detail. Every single one. They're all about his friends. How to keep them safe? How to go about the next day as if _nothing_ is wrong? But you know what? Something is terribly wrong."

Kiba slam his fist down, catching everybody's attention. "Shut. Up."

_That_ caught my attention. I wasn't afraid of him, but curious. They did know that something was wrong. But they were afraid to do anything about it. 'What am I doing here' is my first conscious thought. Did I have to sit here and endure this? No. Did I have to harshly greet them every morning? No.

I left. It was easy. I just got up and left.

* * *

I am confused! It's like there's a little monster inside me and it's ripping everything apart. Ibiki doesn't care about this. I'm in his class right now. He's a loner, doesn't need anyone. Hello, there are bullet holes in his head. The end. 

Ibiki is giving us a business, a company. It's a game of survival of the fitness, where he is God. The last one standing wins. Here's how it works. Each day we go to his class, there will be special computers in his room. It is all connected and we slowly build a company through this game with fictional people and a fictional city called (not very original) Konoha. It reminds me of Tycoon City.

We are suppose to write down some not-so-essential stuff as an essay and will type it into the computer later on. Why write it right now? Because he wants us to steal it. Yup, people are dirty. They are even dirtier while handling business, going as far as sending spies. On his desk is the bible. Not the real bible, the class bible. It has comments from old people who used to be young. I found something of Uchiha Fugaku on it. It seems he _wasn__'__t_ the champion of long long time ago. I don't know who won last time. The only information is all in Ibiki's head and I am not going there.

Anyway, I am confused. That is easy enough to read, but not understand. I made Sasuke angry. I should be happy. I made the weirdoes angry. I should be ecstatic. But nothing. Not literally anything. There's a big ass tsunami crashing against my wall. I have a wall. So what? And the wall is cracking. It's not going to tumble down at any minute, but it cracked. It never cracked.

Get out of my head. Get out of my head!

Argh!

* * *

'_..oka-san..__'_

I close my eyes and push it back. Successful. But that's just the icing on the cake. You should really see the big fat fucking cherry on top.

"Naruto, we still have rehearsals for Romeo and Juliet."

"Naruto, do I look better in black or white?"

"Naruto, what are we going to eat?"

"Naruto, why are you glaring at me?"

Kakashi has officially become another Kiba. All those questions were just under thirty minutes, not including the unbelievably long explanations and assurances. Guess what, guess what? I still have another two hours of school.

"Naruto?" Here we go again.

"What?" Surprisingly, my voice remained patience and calm.

"Are you feeling ok?" I swear, teachers are not supposed to be this close to a student. Not physically. He's just really casual, which I am not use to. The fangirls have gotten more than vicious as the day for that "show" grows near. Turns out, Sasuke is a pure virgin. Never did it, never kissed anyone. I guess Sakura hadn't told them about that little mishap or the part where she tried to eat his face. That one I need to ask him about. Oh, but we're not on speaking terms so that will have to remain one of the many mysteries of the world.

So to answer his question…

"I am fine."

"But—."

I turn to him. Not with a glare, but annoyance. "Seriously, think. Do you really want to ask me that right now?" He looks elsewhere. That's what I thought. For a long time, he didn't talk and I sorta pity him. So with a heavy sigh, I replied, "Iruka won't care." He never does. I'm getting a headache. One among many. And guess what? Kakashi is a guest—rule number one is never let the guest do anything. I will not even _think_ about oji-san holding a pan. Iruka…sweet, sweet Iruka who this day is dedicated to as his first date. Who else is left to cook for us? Let me give you a hint: he's blonde, weird scarred cheeks, and the last hour has not helped his temper.

……………………..

Everyone avoided me. I'm not talking just the entire student body; the teachers think I'm an infested little bug hiding in their classroom. Sakura, her anger ruling over her past experience with me, had actually tossed in a few snide comments. Oh, I definitely ignored them. My head is swarming with questions. First off, I know for a fact that those weirdoes are angry at me; however, there is not a single word of insult thrown at me. Sure, there was the glare and the angry little mutt trying to bite me, but other than that, nothing.

I hate that.

I want them to yell at me or do something to make me hate them. At least I would feel better and have no whatever guilty feelings that will probably decide to spring up when I go to torment them. I know I said people should leave me alone, but c'mon, this is…not right.

Second, those fangirls are driving me nuts! They're not attacking me 24/7 and _**that**__**'**__**s**_ the problem! Whenever they're not bugging me about the play (that cursed reality), they're going after Sasuke and _I_ know that they are. The problem with me knowing is I keep imagining myself tearing them apart for even thinking dirty things about _my_ Sasuke. See?! Did you just see that?! I keep calling him mine! And when the fangirls images come on, Sakura smooching him flashes instantly over my eyes. Yet another person I wish to murder.

…what is the matter with me (promptly ignore the wailing in the background that isn't really in the background)?

Oh my god is that a fucking fangirl hanging off of S—dear god please let this stop. I am having a heart attack. Literally. Though I am not on the floor gasping for breath. I have a much more dignify way of going at it.

Ignore the beating till it goes away.

I am feeling guilt. Me, Naruto, feeling guilt. There's also confusion about the guilt, a depression about the confusion and an obsession clouding my mind, trying to rip away every shred of free will to start a scavenger hunt into my deepest darkest secret. My secret? Is it my feelings for Sasuke? Sure _feels_ like it. And what feelings are those?

_**How the fuck am I supposed to know?! I just know I**__**'**__**m feeling something! Oh and it is not good! **_

And oh lord… I have to go home…with Kakashi. _**WITH KAKASHI!**_ Since my mind is replacing him with Kiba, I am disgusted to find myself feeling attached. Another feeling! Of course, the whole school has to see me get into his car. But look here, I'm not going to _my_ house, I'm going to _Kakashi__'__s_ house. Yeah. Apparently he has been driving back and forth from school to his house, looking for the perfect outfit. Now with me along, he hopes to deprive me of my life force.

It's a first date! They're never perfect! The most you can wish for is a second date. That's all! But in one of those rare date moments, you wish for a GET-THE-HELL-OUT-OF-MY-FACE-NEVER-SHALL-I-DATE-YOU-AGAIN kind of thing. But my inner child must be missing a companion or something because it's forcing me to like or think about going on another date with Sasuke. I'm starting to think my inner child is some kind of psycho from the future.

"If _that_ hits me, I'll kill you."

Kakashi turn around from his almost-empty closet and finally noticed the mess he had caused. In his hand was a pair of underwear—if you can call it that—and I was in the aiming zone. "Sorry, I'm just a little nervous. I want to look nice." It actually took longer for him to say that sentence than it looks.

I gave him my most unbelievably look. "You…are…wearing…a…mask," I stretched the words into a slow speech that a child can understand. "Or has it cut off all circulation to your face that you no longer feel it?" That one was much more insulting and made Kakashi move a little faster.

But two minutes later, we were back to where we were. Him being indecisive and I being very decisive. Instead of going with my first plan—it involved him lying in dirt—I helped him with the clothes. A formal something shirt and whatever pants on the floor. I had to be home a certain time because, remember, I'm the cook. Oh if I had a gun…

Wait, I do have a gun. Not a real one, but still a gun. One that has killed before. I thought about making a special dish served from the electrical wire, but settled with beef instead. Ah, good ol' beef. Being Japanese, I normally should go for fish, but fish is gross. That's probably my American side.

…are you guys…a-actually shocked by this revelation?

Hello, I'm blonde. Wait, I don't think I've ever mentioned it before? Oh, so sorry. But still, you've probably seen the anim—ahem! Please ignore that moment of insanity and…_moving on_!

…………………….

You know how it is. You desperately want to destroy someone, but you can't because there are too many strings attached, like explaining to the judge how a murderer broke into your house/bar without being seen and killed three men while you escape unharmed.

Wham!

Each chop was louder than the next and little bits of beef flew in all direction, surprisingly the floor was clean. The knife in my hand couldn't possibly take much more of my brutal cooking. Oji-san and Kakashi is in there laughing it up. About porn. How can you laugh about porn?!

_**It**__**'**__**s porn!**_

Iruka was left idly to the side with an occasional tease from oji-san now and then. But he was one to do something (not revenge). I meant working, labor. So of course he's in the kitchen with me and when he's alone with you, you had sure better solved any issue you have. Because…

"Is something wrong?"

…he's all emotional and sensitive, like a woman.

"Nothing's—."

"I know something's wrong. You and Jiraiya-san hadn't even look at each other since you step in the room.

Wham! So maybe I'm a little upset, but he doesn't need to get his thong all in a twist. Ugh, mental image…must…stop! "…nothing's wrong. We're just having our usual fight." A small tired sigh and let him know you're sincere.

He'll be concerned and probably feel guilty. "I don't mean to push you, Naruto. I'm just worried."

The tricky part is to have your voice sound completely understanding, but not to the point of sympathetic arrogance. In English (half American, half Japanese) that would mean, lie…lie like a dog. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

He sighs wearily, the sign of retreat. "Want me to help you cook?"

I scoffed amusingly at his offer to only find his face not that of a joker. "Seriously?" The stone expression was still there. "I'm good. You can go out there." I had to resist from rolling my eyes when he put on the pink lacy apron, the one oji-san bought me. He bought it, not that I wear it. I have my own special fire-breathing, black apron. "No, you should really go out there."

"I can cook," he said defensively.

"I know you can," I said. "But you're directionally challenged mind scares me."

He stared at me with disbelief. "I am not directionally challenged." How can he not know? I was a witness to this disability. I respect Iruka more than oji-san so my next sentences were not insults.

"You remember that time I sent you to the market?"

His eyes edge to the side a bit, but went back to its original position on realizing what I meant. "You mean yesterday?"

"Yes. Yesterday and do you remember what happened?"

His cheeks flame with embarrassment, but wouldn't relent. "The signs were confusing and there were a lot of people so I got lost. Big deal." He is sounding rather immature, but he always gets like this when caught in a bad situation.

I cleared my voice and prepared for an _indirect_ insult. "The market was right behind the bar. It was probably fifty yards."

"Naru—."

"Ok, it was really twenty-five."

The upcoming outburst died on his tongue and his mouth had a hard time deciding whether to remain open or close. I look on with childish triumph. Sometimes Iruka is too much like oji-san. They never admit their faults. Thank god I'm _almost_ perfect and rarely have any such faults. I love Iruka, but I would never let him drive or handle anything that could possibly harm/kill me. I am too precious to die.

**Flashback:**

_Some years ago__…_

_"What happened?" was the first response little Naruto said. He was cautious of whatever it was in the kitchen that could've possibly done this to Iruka and Jiraiya. It was just his luck that his parents were away for the week and he had been carefully put in charge._

_Iruka's lips were trembling and his eyes were frozen still, stopping him from attempting any form of communication. Jiraiya had no trouble at all speaking and Naruto had hoped he wouldn't._

_"NARU-CHAN!"_

_Naruto winced at the proximity of the sound. His oji-san has got to have the weirdest behaviours. When he's hurt, no matter if he's lying in the middle of the road bleeding to death, he can scream louder than a newborn baby. In this case, Jiraiya isn't bleeding to death in the middle of the road, but he is still bleeding to death. There is a small trail of blood from where Jiraiya had been. The source of the blood was from somewhere below his rib, his kidney is probably shutting down right about now._

_"I'VE BEEN STABBED!"_

_Naruto couldn't help feeling annoyed. Anyone with eyes can see he's been stabbed. The little rational boy went for something…well, rational. "Who stabbed you?" He found his answer when Iruka gasped, but it was also because Jiraiya pointed his pouting lips toward him._

_Now Naruto was __really confused. He knew his oji-san can be perverted most of the time and annoyingly immature, but Iruka knew that when he met the man. There wasn't really any use in stabbing him since his oji-san is probably immune to the pain after all these years. Yes, this has not been the first time Jiraiya has been stabbed. In fact, it happened so often that Naruto can literally tell how long he can wait, depending on Jiraiya's blood loss, before calling the hospital. Naruto cleared his throat and asked, "How did this happen?"_

_Jiraiya sank to his knees and Naruto estimated approximately two minutes before the man needed to be rushed to the ER. "H-He…was c-cooking….a-and he STABED ME!" Naruto got the phone ready since stuttering meant the brain isn't getting the amount of blood it needed and was doing something that wasn't very good. He dialed the number as Jiraiya wailed and Iruka stood, paralyzed._

**End of Flashback.**

What really happened was Iruka had been holding a knife. Oji-san was just sitting there watching him, innocent as a bee. Iruka had forgotten where the salt was, even though it was right in front of him. So with knife in hand (he had probably forgotten about the knife too), he asked oji-san where the salt was. The older man pointed to the counter, but Iruka still didn't see it. So oji-san got up, walked over to where the salt was, and got ran through with the kitchen knife. The only reason oji-san knew he had been stabbed was because there was this itching sensation close by his stomach which made him look down and scream. Iruka, a sensitive man, freaked out.

So on and so on.

I urged Iruka to get out and after some pleading, he did. I went back to chopping the dead animal (beef, remember?).

"_Naruto!__"_

The knife slipped and almost severed my finger. Again, I closed my eyes and shut out the voice. Oddly enough it had sounded like the voice of three people. I know it wasn't the three in the living room because once I got my bearing back together, I can hear them laughing. They were like background noise now. One of the three people had the distinct voice of Sasuke. I tried not to close my eyes for too long because I recently found out that whenever I do, I see him. Deadly…vivid, the same emotions planted on his face…the moment when he clearly knew I can't be trusted.

"…_watch out!__"_

Ugh, not only were there voices, different sounds were starting to appear in the background. But I will never tell.

_SCREECH!_

"FOR PETE'S SAKE JUST SHUT THE F---K UP!" Oh. Did I say that out loud?

"Naruto, is something wrong?" called Iruka.

"Uh…I'm fine! It was just a…" Chirp, chirp. "…bird!" I shouted back to him. "Damn thing won't shut up!"

* * *

The meat is perfect. Not too overcooked, hint of moisture and that wine sauce really brings out all the flavors. Ignore awkward silence. The spice was seasoned just right. Maybe I should've used a different type of red wine. Block out awkward silence. I really think it could've been better. Darn, that steak I saw would be really nice with this sauce. I wonder if the butcher guy will have another one tomorrow. Destroy awkward silence. 

You're probably wondering why I'm having murderous thoughts. Again. Well, oji-san is too busy with food to notice that I'm not really caring about Iruka and Kakashi sitting there like nervous idiots.

"…_not my father__…"_

Yeah, that's partially why. I told oji-san he wasn't my fathe—otou-san. Well, it's true. The truth is always harsh. He's been avoiding me all evening and wouldn't sit next to me like he usually would. You know, he even fought a crippled man to get the seat next to mine. Talk about possessive and _embarrassing_. It had happened at a school event. Kids were laughing all day after, but they weren't laughing when they "suddenly" got a butt rash. Being a chef has its advantages. Anyway, my ignoring oji-san is ignoring me, obviously. There was nothing to do about it. I was never going to apologize. For anything.

"Why did you become a teacher, Kakashi—?" I force out the last part. "—san." Iruka was always one for formality. I might as well humor him. They looked relieved that I had decided to break the silence.

"My mom was a teacher." Oh, dear. I do not like where this is going. "And she—."

"Yeah, yeah, she inspired you to be a teacher too," I interrupted. I hate mushy scenes. His mask crippled up into a smile, or a smirk. Oh whatever. I have no idea.

"Not exactly. She died before I even knew her, but my dad talks about her a lot." Then the tone of his voice diminished into something less. "I had intended to be some kind of businessman, never really thought about it. An…but then I changed my mind and here I am."

Ok, people, to fully understand that pause between 'An' and 'but', go back to the beginning **(1)**. That definitely would ruin a kid's dream. Fortunately for me, I have no dream. I've thought about being a teacher just for the hell of it. Hey, torturing kids is not an easy job. It even crossed my mind to be a professional pianist, but it's a little more than depressing. I don't want my life dominated by a musical instrument.

"Iruka, why don't you tell Kakashi a little about yourself?" And that started a conversation which lasted more than an hour. I was not mentioned often in that conversation, not that I mind. Oji-san still hadn't uttered a word and it's a problem. Well, it wasn't at first…until both Kakashi and Iruka felt that he needed to talk. So again, the awkward silence. God, I tried to help them. Really I did, but it's like they're seeking out trouble. Can a brother get a break?

"It's getting late."

Well, it was. I'm not trying to ruin their date or anything. But I have school tomorrow. Rise and shine, as usual. I escorted the two lovebirds to the door while oji-san cleaned up. He can't cook, but he sure can clean. I don't even know why he bothers washing his plate since it was spotless. For real, he literally ate the patterns off of those China dishes. There used to be designs on every one of our dishes. Now they're just white, even the black one. I think we've had those dishes for more than twelve years.

So I was about to close the door when Kakashi here calls me. He stood there as if to say something, but seemed to decide against it with a shake of his head and went off, leaving a 'nevermind' behind.

He talked to Sasuke.

Kakashi probably feels a little guilty since he knew about the arrangements between Tsunade and me. Tsunade, that witch. She's always causing trouble. I thought about giving her a call, but that might agitate her to do something highly unnecessary. I went to my room. On the way, oji-san's silent form made me stop. Just for _two_ seconds.

…………………..

I was just getting ready for bed when my door opened. It's a little creepy since my door creaks. That and no one came in. I weigh the possibility of it being a burglar. The answer came to my head. Even if it was a burglar, they'll take one look at the size of oji-san and run. Or shoot him. Ok, now I'm a little worry about the open door. They could come in and shoot _me_. Oh, but there's oji-san's head peeking in at me and ducking out. In then out, in then out.

"Will you just get in already?!" Frightened, he jumped right into view. How can someone so bulky…ugh, I'm not even going to finish it. "What do you want?" I roll my eyes. "Stop pouting."

"I'm not pouting," he yelled back, unaware that he was indeed pouting. H went mute after that and I don't really like long silences. I can only tolerate so many in one day.

"If you're angry about what I said on the phone, then you—." I was ready to tell him off, but his response surprised me. It was enough to change my indifferent expression into one of bewilderment.

"I'm not angry about that." He's sincere. Oji-san never could lie. His left ear would twitch. "The locket…you threw it away, didn't you?"

"YOU'RE ANGRY ABOUT THAT?!" Ok, I am clueless. Anyone, I mean anyone, would be pissed if I told them what I said on the phone. "What about that thing on the phone?" Oh my god, he actually has on his thinking face. It's when he can't quite remember what I'm talking about. Finally, the light bulb on his head went ding and he gasp as if suddenly angry or whatever the hell it is he's feeling. Then, just like that, he shrugs.

_**SHRUGS!**_

Like it doesn't matter. Like it's trash. Like he doesn't care. This…_this_ coming from a fifty-year-old cry-baby! I think I'm dreaming. This must be a dream. It can _not_ be true! I jump when a hand waves past my face.

"Are you ok?"

W-What? Now he's concerned. What is up with this guy?! This is a side of him I've never seen before and—. "You're creeping me out." Pause. "Will you quit pouting?!" I made a disgruntled noise and brought up the locket (still attached to the pants). "I made it into a semi-pocket watch. Whoa. Whoa! Get off! Get off!" I kicked him off me and watched with disgusted annoyance as he rolled around on the floor…right on top of my clothes?

"I'm surrounded by weirdoes."

* * *

The tension between Sakura and Ino is at its limit as you all know. Everyone, even the teachers, is uneasy whenever the two are around each other. It's suffocating. But you know what? I don't get the luxury of experiencing that. I have to constantly think about what I told those losers and for some weird reason; I want to take it all back. Yeah, can you believe it? 

Oji-san began acting "normal" again.

Those losers still refuse to talk to me. Not that I made any attempt to start talking again with them.

Oji-san made me breakfast. Well, he bought it and then lied about making it.

Those losers act like _I__'__m_ the one who did something wrong.

Oji-san drove me to school, but he didn't go home. He went to Tsunade's office. I don't think they care that I know.

Those losers are so stupid. Oh, and Sakura likes Lee. _**Rock**_ Lee. The one with the monster eyebrows. I lie. Lee likes Sakura, but I think Sakura likes Lee. He did give her a book and she didn't throw it away. Saw her reading it, while smiling, in an empty classroom.

Those losers…are such losers. Hey, I'm running out of words here.

Sai talked to me again. Yeah, he told me a lot of things. He told me how he was also the ones who helped spread rumors about Sakura and Ino so they can hate each other even more. He didn't spill the things about Neji etc., but he gave me one of those "looks". Says everything. Since he said that much, I felt obliged to tell him something too.

"I'm just winging it."

That's what I told him when he asked me how I'm going to "solve" Sakura and Ino. Either I'm going to help and everything will be alright or I'm going to help and everything will _not_ be alright. I still have some questions as to why he's telling me all of this. Believe me I do.

Well...

Here I am, in the "Room". I installed cameras and speakers in the courtyard and here. Or I could look right out the window and see them, but I wanted to record it. I could probably get some cha-ching for it. I set everything up and went online to that website. Oh boy was there a lot of viewers. Ino wasn't bad at computers either (hello, reporter). It wasn't hard to find her website…full of Sakura's rearranged pictures. Ah, revenge couldn't have smelled so sweet.

Ding!

Lunch is way too boring for ya' so let us skip to the good part. Sakura and Ino had gathered in the courtyard with students forming a wide battle area for them. I doubt Tsunade would let any teachers go out with the circumstances. This isn't just another fight. It's about the will of all—oh, who am I kidding. It's about the action, people. There were no verbal insults and the two had gotten right into it.

They had both ran at each other, faces twisted into expressions of anger and the pain of betrayal. Ino did a flying round-house kick, but Sakura blocked it and delivered a successful blow to her stomach. At the rate of having her head smashed into the ground, Ino push up with her hands and kicks Sakura right below the chin. The force of their moves sent them both yards away from each other.

…wow.

Really, wow. Like I said before, Sakura wasn't an amateur at hand-to-hand combat, but Ino? This is like one of those five shows you _never_ get to see on TV. Sasuke wasn't anywhere in sight. Wonder where he—.

WHOA! Ino just totally smashed Sakura's nose into the ground. Oh. Oh my. Sakura pulled out a knife and Ino has a…ok, what is with the katana, people? I can barely hide a switch blade and these people are somehow able to conceal long ass swords in god only knows where?!

They're attacking.

Sakura's puny knife was more like an anthame, but surprisingly it withstood against the katana. The knife twirled around in her hand, slashing everything it can reach while its owner dodged the attacks. Ino managed to get a few slices—so did Sakura—but she suddenly pulled the blades apart, revealing a hidden counterpart. Sakura was now on the defence as she couldn't possibly keep up. It's a long ass sword against, I repeat, a puny knife. I'm surprise she could defend herself at all.

Sakura retreats a couple feet away, hand clutching the deep cut on her left arm. Small, but, possibly, deep cuts littered her shoulders, legs, and none on her face, which she had kept guarded most of the time. That's how she got those cuts on her shoulders.

Ino held her sword with shaky hands and seemed to have trouble breathing. Oh, that's right! She has asthma! See, I forgot to mention that when I caught her taking a whiz on an inhaler. But her body was also pretty bloody. Her cuts weren't as deep, but they stretched for miles. Like her pink "friend", she had also kept her face guarded. What is it with girls and getting their face cut? It's just a few slashes.

The girls weren't giving up their battle any time soon and I'm not stopping them. Yet. Oh! Sakura just pulled something out! It's a…tube? She gave it a small jerk and the 'tube' became…a staff?

…yeah, I'm not seeing much of a difference here.

Sakura charged with her staff and brought it down on Ino's right shoulder. There was a noise of bone popping. Dislocation in the population. Ino wasn't quite ready so she hadn't dodged and took the blow full force. But the small pause that Sakura gave let her thrust the sword into Sakura's body. Sakura moved—though it still stabbed her—and avoided injuries to vital areas. Ino had forgotten about the small knife Sakura had and wasn't ready when it was plunged into her abdomen. Ino twisted her blade and that caused Sakura to do the same. The pain was unbearable causing them to separate.

Ouch. I mean I've been stabbed before, but not like that. I'm counting lots of stitches and crying. C'mon, grown men go into the hospital and come out with tears streaming down there faces. Sure there's the whole wife, daughter, whoever died issue, but still, crying is crying. That's a lot of blood.

"ARRGGHHH!" War cries from the female warriors.

"_AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!_" They stopped at the loud outburst and for a minute, forgot about their quarrel. The audience lost half of their attention to the voice—my voice—and looked around, eyes full of confusion.

"_Hahahaha! Sorry, I thought that would catch your attention better than __'__excuse me__'_" I modified the machine to transmit my voice as that of a simple child. It was much easier handling a crowd when they don't know who you are. Like I said before, I'm just winging it. "_Sakura likes Lee._" And so it begins. It's a lot quieter than I would've thought.

The student body may be elites, but they have no coherent answers for this is type of situation. So, what does everyone do when they're overwhelmed with confusion? They laugh. Sakura—obviously a little upset—roared up into the sky as to who I am. There were many other things following that, but it wasn't in a language I understood.

"_Is that not true?_" My altered-voice caused many to think this is some kind of joke. Well, it's not. I just want Ino and Sakura's attention. I have let them suffer long enough now…leave me, you mortals.

…ok, I'm kidding! Gee, learn to chill a little.

"_Or do you still believe you love Sasuke?_" Let me be clear. When I said I'm just winging it, what I really mean is I have no idea what the hell I'm suppose to be doing. It could be the appeal of using a different voice, or my inner self subconsciously emerging, but I feel (another unwanted feeling) as though…there's like no doubt at all in my head. It's as if everything I think of, I'm just saying it because it's as good as true. Weird, huh?

"_You shouldn__'__t really be judging Ino right now. Hmm, I wonder why you two are fighting._" I didn't mean to, but sarcasm just rolls off my tongue like butter. "_Oh such a mystery_." I didn't even think about it. Not much. "_You two should definitely focus more on yourself because FYI, no one cares about you. And by that I mean your personal life that goes along with your personal family et cetera. Don__'__t blow a fuse. You only have so much blood left._" By that last sentence, I revealed (if anyone noticed) that I'm watching them.

They seem to because they were looking around. Where are Shikamaru and all the gang? I pop open another camera and quickly look for them, but my equipment was limited so there are only so many places I can look. I didn't stay on them too long. I still have an audience to entertain. Sakura, however, was elsewhere in her world. Her eyes had shifted to the left for just barely a second…to Sasuke. Now he shows up, but his sudden appearance confirmed an undiscovered mystery.

"_Sakura, you__…__hate Sasuke, don__'__t you?_" That 'just barely a second' glance held years of revolts and decaying tolerance. I never miss looks like those. I wince for her voice had shrieked up to my ear. It was painful, but I can deal. "_You hate him because__…_" Ok, I really need to lie or something because I'm drawing up blanks. I put together this and that and came up with, "_…__he took away a part of your life. The one here at school where you can at least be free for a few hours. You shouldn__'__t blame him. You should blame your __**father**__. You shouldn__'__t be afraid of her. Ino will support you, won__'__t you, Ino?_"

"HELL NO! SHE'S A F—KING BITCH!" Not what I was hoping for, but I can work with it.

"_Have you ever thought why you hated each other so much? What caused it? Doubts? Misunderstanding? Did what happen really happen?_" I try not to stick out any names here. That would be so rude. "_Sakura. Ino has her own problems too. You two should really think about these things before attempting to kill each other. Don__'__t be like the British._" I turned off the mic and rolled to the center of the room. I thought about what I said and came to an important matter.

I should've ended it differently. Man that sucks. _'__Don__'__t be like the British__'_? What kind of idiot would say such a thing?!

* * *

**1)** Go to chapter one, right after the bell rings in Kakashi's classroom. 

**A/N:** The fight scene must be horrible! Give me credit for at least writing this absolutely long chapter in my busy hours. I just wanted to point out that Sakura and Ino are skill fighters. They can totally do martial arts. That's why it's more of a guy scene than a girly-girly scene. I didn't want to be stereotypical. All that hair-pulling and chair throwing, although funny, is not the kind I was hoping to do. Now I'm just praying. _Please like it, please like it!_

P.S. Even if the title says 'My Apology', there really isn't any in this chapter. It's...like...next chapter. I just thought it be cool...if I, you know, put it here. _  
_

**Charlie:**_ (after Narra wakes up)_ That whole fainting spell thing is getting kinda old. Can't you jump out the window like _normal _people?

**Narra:** _(does not respond because he fears for his sanity)_

**Charlie:** You want to eat anything before we leave?

**Narra:** Leave? What about the machine? You do realize it's our only ticket home, don't you?

**Charlie:** I put it in the shop.

**Narra:** _(eye a man twirling a spoon)_ ...what's exactly wrong with it?

**Charlie:** The engine is..._(coughs)_

**Narra:** THE ENGINE IS MISSING?!

**Charlie:** _(hushes him)_ First, how did you even hear that?

**Narra: **How can the engine be missing? If it was missing, how did we get here? And if we're here, how are we going to get the engine?

**Charlie:** _(calm as usual)_ The aliens stole the engine, I stole _their_ engine and installed it into the machine, but since the two isn't exactly made for each other, they couldn't stay together anymore.

**Narra:** You make it sound like a-OH MY GOD, IT'S HARRY POTTER!


	20. My Poor Unfortunate Soul

**(Wizards and Witches Arc Part 3)**

**Charlie:** _(creates a shield around them)_ You really need to start getting use to these kind of things.

**Narra:** How did you do that?

**Charlie:** What? Talk?

**Narra:** Do magic.

**Charlie:** …have you even read the Harry Potter series?

**Narra:** Ok. We are in a parallel universe that is supposed to be nonexistent and you _know_ how I get when we travel! You made me for crying out loud!

**Charlie:** Let's go see the mechanic.

**Narra:** Hey, don't you dare change the subj—Fred Weasley! Oh man, I feel sorry for you—.

**A/N:** By now I have high hopes that everyone around the world has already read the last Harry Potter book, but if you haven't, I didn't want to spoil it for you.

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Twenty: My Poor Unfortunate Soul_

* * *

Oh my god oh my god oh my god YES! Please say it! Say it! I am so excited! Ever since they banned me, I had only been hoping and waiting for this day. You cannot imagine the horror of waiting and waiting and waiting for something that seems so out of reach. I bless this day. Thou shall be called 'Rebirth'. I think I'm getting dizzy with excitement. First time that's happened. Well, once there was this whole thing that involved a whole lot of sugar, but a story for another time as usual. Still…I AM ECSTATIC BECAUSE TODAY, WE ARE—! 

"We are going to start an experiment," said Yamato-_sensei_.

Look, look! My hand is trembling from the rush of it. I don't care that Sakura and Ino had been sent home without a word. I don't even care that Sasuke is sitting right next to me because evidently, it was the only seat available.

"This will require a partner."

I was right up there—right up there—and now I'm back down here. Is there no justice? I slash away the formalities and scowled darkly at the black board. If it "suddenly" falls on top of Yamato, I won't burn it later. I swear.

"Let's go through the safety rules. You will need protective latex gloves, goggles, and an apron. If there is a fire, sadly, we don't have a fire extinguisher. But we do have a bucket and there's a bathroom down the hall. Don't count on the sprinklers. It's been broken since I started teaching here."

Oh, so it's been broken for two hundred years.

"Do not spill any of the chemicals. We only have napkins. If any of the acids get in your eye, like I said, there's a bathroom down the hall. There's no fountain in here, but…" He held up a bottle of water, open and half full. "Please try not to get yourself cut; I only have a few band aids. If anything breaks, don't scoop it up with your hand. There's a broom and dust pan behind the door. Well, that's about it. Let's try and have fun while doing the experiment."

We are so screwed.

………………………

Of all the people that I have to get stuck with, it's _him_! What has a mouth and never shuts up? Inuzuka Kiba! Even when we're not talking, he _still_ annoys me. Why did Kiba have to be so good at cutting things up? I'm no amateur either, but this boy right here has somehow completely memorized the interior of a piglet. He won't stop showing off his skill. So what if I accidentally cut off the thing's thing-thing? It's dead!

"The heart is only a quarter sizes so it'll probably be best to cut—." Not only does he show off his skill, he pretend as though I'm invisible. He doesn't look at me when he's talking nor directly respond to me. "Half of a cut would be best. Yes, I think it would be—." Oh, that is it!

In my moment of anger, I stabbed the chest of the dead and preserved piglet. Then with my own hands, I ripped out its tiny little heart and place it on the plate right next to its kidney and pancreas.

Enough said.

* * *

_Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap!_ Don't worry, it continues. 

Ibiki had crammed more than twenty computers into his room. You would think it's crowded, but it was easy enough to get to my seat. I had to punch a guy, but the point is I got to my seat. It was far away from the weirdoes, but close to a corner. The perfect spot I tell yah'. I hate sitting in front. You can feel everyone's eyes, even if they're not looking at you. Sitting in the back hurts my eyes. I don't have 20/20 vision. It's more like 19/18. I can see better out of my right eye than my left for some reason. I did read this book where it said a person can only look through one of their eyes at a time. Well, one more than the other.

Time to start world domination. Limited only in the virtual world. Yippee. I'd be excited if Sasuke would stop looking at me. It's a little unnerving. I thought about turning the table on him and see how he likes it if someone just stares at him, but I think that if I do that, ahem! I blink as a list of names came up.

**Byakugan** (Neji's uncle has a company called that)  
**Copy-Cat-Ninja  
Divine Goddess  
foodmania** (Chouji)  
**K&A **(Kiba and Akamaru)  
**Koutei** (Sai's last name)  
**LEE** (Duh)  
**Sharingan  
Shino  
Shukaku  
Sunn-y** (Hinata's name mean something sun, though why is there a dash?)  
**The Champion of All  
ZZZ** (Laziness. Sleepy. Ring a bell?)

Those are just the names I'm interested in. We were to have usernames and then take each other out in a Battle Royale. The Champion of All… Kinda pisses me off for some reason. Mine is **Dominion**.

"You have five minutes to get ready."

The objective of this game is to come out the winner. That is all. That leaves room in my mind for dirty tricks. The computer has a security system that links to all computers in this room. As long as I don't trip the wire, I could do a little hacking. Let's not forget this is an elite school which means these kids know a little "some some" about hacking too. Should I destroy all and rule over them or be civilized?

_**Ah heck, crush **__**'**__**em! **_

_You__'__ve got mail._

Seriously? Anyone with a brain can tell this is a trap. I open the mail and my computer will probably be flooded with viruses of every color. Sadly there's no name. I went through the context of the mail, careful not to do anything dangerous. Argh, I can't figure out who it is. Well, there's always Sasuke. He did annoy me and you know what happens when someone annoys me.

I grinned deviously as I attached a few viruses of my own and click on the word send. From the corners of my eye, I watched as he…he deleted it?! W-Wha—why? My eyes grew wide as big blue China plates. NOOOOO. _**He**__**'**__**s**_** the one who sent me the virus.** I lean back against my chair. An image of a [insert sport game appeared it my head. Do not ask. Hmm.

Hmm….

It wouldn't really be fun if the one you like always held themselves back against you. Would it?

I immediately started typing. Building a bigger circuit and jamming every home-made virus that I knew into one big ball. The company I had made was slowly growing, but it wasn't exactly fast enough. It's actually an engineering company, dealing with technology and such. I took the virus—disguised as a new product—and log it on to the Black Market. Yes, Ibiki never leaves anything out. The money needs to go to me, but how to hide my identity?

My eyes caught a little box in the corner. What's this?

……………………….

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"

"YOU GOT ONE TOO?!"

"—NOOOO, I'M DYING….!

"F—KING B—TCH!"

Oh yes! Ibiki provided us with our own "sleazebags". They're virtual robots that do whatever we tell them to, as long as we pay them of course. Huh? …I feel someone watching me. My head turn around sharply. _**Sasuke.**_ I turn back to the names. Damn, I was hoping to eliminate the names down some. I checked the news and updates. There are still too many possibilities to narrow it down. I can definitely rule out Divine Goddess and the Champion of All. However, those two aren't doing so bad themselves. They took out two freshmen.

_Blink! Blink!_

I almost fell down. Kiba is good, but…he's too eager. His scale bar is going up then he underestimates his opponent and down it went. Then he'll develop something, up it goes, but then oh, it went down again. Shikamaru is hanging there. He's not going anywhere; it's just a straight line going on miles after miles. Well, as long as he has no motivation. I'm pretty new at this game so I shouldn't go too far.

For all who haven't figured it out yet:

Ibiki is trying to teach these kids about the life of owning your own company and keeping it going. This is an elite school where businessmen/women send their kids to one day succeed them. Konoha's major is Business Management after all. Some people don't have the time for their kids to go off to college and they want them to be able to handle the company as soon as possible.

That's a lot of pressure. For them, that is. I mean if my parents did that to me, I'll probably have took the company from them and say, "Boo-yah! How yah' like me now?!" Of course they didn't and they're dead so that's the end of another short story that's never gonna happen. I began closing off my network. No use going at it. Need to research

_**I love researching**_

No, I do. I could spend hours at the library. I could look up someone's profile for no reason. I just love knowing everything about everybody. _**It**__**'**__**s like one of my greatest dreams. **_Haha, I get giddy just thinking about it.

Huh? Wait a minute. Aren't I fighting with Sasuke? What the hell was that about?!

'_It wouldn__'__t really be fun if the one you like always held themselves back against you. Would it?__'_

HE WAS DOING IT TO GET REVENGE, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!! Hold up! He likes me so why does that sentence…? I…I…huh? I what? Hmm, I have no idea. Ok, I was thinking about that phrase I said and then…t-then…uh, what happened?

"Oi, class is over!"

That's why I'm the only one left in class, but still. The important matter at hand is I can't remember what I was going to say. Should I be worried about this sudden appearance of amnesia? Probably not. It hasn't happened too often to be concerned about. So anyway, class was over.

* * *

I, along with other thousands of kids, shuffled out of school. It's been a long day and I'm in the need of this quiet weekend. But you know how life is. It's unfair and would use any ruthless means to swallow you whole. Maybe I'm exaggerating. It wouldn't exactly swallow you whole. That would be giants. Life would probably chew on you a bit, but not to the point of killing, spit you out then chew you again (repeat five times) before swallowing you and letting its stomach acid do the rest of the job. 

"_Uzumaki Naruto, please report to the main office.__"_

I thought about pretending to not have heard it and leave this demonic place. But that was Tsunade and she rarely makes the announcement herself, which brings up a lot of questions. Questions I don't want answered. I sigh and make a U-turn, unfortunately almost running into Shikamaru and the gang. Yeah, I can glare too, yah' bastards.

Shizune, the secretary, greeted me with a smile. Gag me. It's not like she did anything wrong, I just hate people who are smiling, especially when I'm having the worst day of my life. Wait, that was yesterday. Anyway, the old hag didn't look happy to see me. Her scowl was big and ugly. Something's definitely up.

"Have a seat." Sounded threatening, but alright. "Five parents came to me this afternoon. Haruno-san and Yamanaka-san didn't quite set the example this school has been hoping. When we established this deal, I had thought you might be the one to "cure" them." She clutched her head in a regrettably way.

"When we established this deal, I had thought you'd get the teachers off my back." I don't know, but I just didn't feel angry. I was tired.

Tsunade was surprised by my tone of voice, but didn't say anything of it. "I did."

"Not Kakashi." I sigh, this time in an I-can't-believe-these-people-are-so-stupid-and-what-the-hell-am-I-doing way. "You send people to watch me. That's all good and well since I understand that you need to know about the progress, but…the play, advising Sasuke to continue his crush, assignments about love and friendship. I know this involves me too, a special request by oji-san. I know about all of this. I just didn't do anything about it."

"Naruto," she rubbed her temples, then gave me a guilty look. "We're worried."

My brain loves to multi-task. So while I'm feeling tired and not angry, a part of my mind is thinking about Ibiki's project for the week. "Divine Goddess," I said out loud.

She gulps and sits back. Her eyes had darted to the left for a millisecond, but I caught it. "What are you talking about?"

Usually I would get angry and start shouting or something, but not today. "I thought it might be something like that, putting teachers in the game to further improve a student's strategic skills." Then I thought better of it. "Or obliterate them." Wait—yes, again—her words are _too_ comforting. "Have we met before…or do we know each other?"

She is drawing blanks.

"Well, you said you were worried, right?" She nodded. "Ok, even if oji-san is really and I mean _really_, stupid, he still has that family trustworthy thingy. Two months isn't really enough for him to confess everything. You have to be one hell of a seducer and yah' kinda aren't."

BANG! BANG!

"…why are you banging your head against the table?"

She looked up at me, with confused and angry eyes. "Y-You…you're telling me you don't remember?!"

I shrug. What was there to remember? "Not really," I said, hoping to make her feel a little better.

"OH HELL!" Obviously not. "Some nephew you are."

You remember how my eye always does that weird blinking thing when something totally absurd just pops up. That would be now.

* * *

**Narra:** _(walking into Knockturn Alley) _So where is this mechanic? 

**Charlie:** _(doesn__'__t answer, but instead turn a corner)_

**Narra:** _(turns the same corner, but was met with a wall of brick)_ Uh…Charlie? Charlie?! I think I'm lost!

**Crazy Woman:** Hey there, pretty boy. I can help you out. _(smiles and hold out her hand)_

**Narra:** _(backs away)_ I rather not.

**Charlie:** _(head appear out of the wall)_ Why aren't you coming in?

**Narra:** _(without answering, jumps in the wall)_ You could've just told me we were going into a wall, you know!


	21. My Twisty

**(Wizards and Witches Part 4)**

**Charlie:** This chapter is confusing, well, the ending.

**Wizardy Mechanic:** Uh...excuse me?

**Charlie:** If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask. Which remains me...would it be easier, for future references, if all the questions I receive from you guys be refer to as rhetorical or do you want me to be like the other authors and have it answer in each chapters?

**Wizardy Mechanic:** Seriously, who is she talking to?

**Narra:** _(whispers)_ She thinks she has an audience.

**Charlie:** I can hear you!

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Twenty-one: My Twisty_

* * *

This would be a speechless moment. Let's contemplate on how that came to be. Well, I was just thinking about doing some yelling and also thinking how tired I was to actually do the yelling, but then Konoha's principal told me that there is a slight chance we could be related. Like by blood. _Actual_ blood! 

I need someone to slap me.

Right now.

"NARU-CHAN!"

Oh god. N-No. WTF is going on?! I spun around on my heels and face the man who dared to call himself my oji-san. "Explain _this_," I pointed a shaky finger to the blonde woman. "I will be very put out if you tell me my hair is like this because of her!" I have been the center of way too many blonde jokes.

"No. You got it from your father." For the first of many hundredth times in his life, he looked at me like I was crazy. "Why? You've know this for years."

"Why?" For some reason I still can't find the ability to scream. "She just called me her nephew. I find that a very big deal right now." He looked shock. And you know what the real shocker is?

Oji-san is shocked _**because**_ Tsunade revealed that she's my legitimate aunt. That confirmed it. Tsunade and I are…re—re…I can't say it.

"You told him?! Oh, I am ashamed of you," he had that big O expression. He pulls it off really well.

Tsunade, or whatever the hell she is, blushed and looked away. "I-It sorta…slipped."

I stared at them with disbelief as they argued. I am being completely ignored in this petty argument, which is about **me**! So while I'm invisible, I thought about the possibility of her being my family. If she is indeed so then she must not be intelligent. In common sense, at least. All the signs were there. The kid that was scared of her for—until now—undiscovered reason, her drinking habits, and the reason why—. Oh no.

"Is this what you guys were hiding from me these past months?!" Oji-san didn't go to her to plan whatever scheme they had going. Well, he did, but the other reason is to see his sister! "You two are related and you didn't even bothered to tell me?! How dare—?!"

"Whoa, hold the phone there, kid," interrupted Tsunade, her hands held up. "We are not related." She pointed to me and herself. "You and I are. There's a difference." Then she crossed her arms around her busty chest and declared with sheer disgust, "Don't put me with that idiot."

"Me? I wasn't the one who couldn't keep my mouth shut," oji-san shot back.

Before they could get any further, I gave a sharp whistle. Guaranteed to destroy anyone's eardrums if raised a few more decibels. "Look, you guys really gotta learn to shut up." I cannot believe I'm not even mad. They must've realized that too because they're giving me this really weird look, like the one you would give to a guy eating a dirt covered worm.

Oji-san approached this situation cautiously. "…why aren't you mad?" I was too busy rolling my eyes to answer him, but it gave him enough time to come up with the idea that I'm holding a gun (wherever it may be). He didn't keep it to himself, but instead insisted Tsunade come hide with him behind her desk.

"Get out from the desk and do please give me a carefully spoken explanation." I tried to make it sound nice and free of any threats.

"Oh god, he said please!" A grown man hiding under a desk from an unarmed sixteen year old creates a very entertaining moment, but at this time, it just makes me regret all those life-threatening pranks I pulled.

"I swear I'm not going to do anything," I said with dull sarcasm, but my words were enough to get him out from under there. Oji-san, so naïve and full of trust. Tsunade had stayed a clear distance from me, but at least she wasn't crawling under tables like a certain someone.

Okay. The explanation is…Tsunade is my oba-san, the onee-chan of my otou-san, which means she's also the same oba-san I kicked. For anyone who doesn't know, oji-san is my oka-san's onii-chan. Tsunade's been busy with work, etc. so it's not a _real_ problem that I didn't recognize her. That and she got her entire body redesigned. Trust me, she is over fifty and did not look like _that_.

"Hmm the principal's nephew…" There are a lot of perks with that.

"We didn't want other people thinking **things** about you. That's why we kept it a secret."

My eyes twitched at the word things. I was almost lost in a flashback, but I recovered from it. "Sai was the one who did it." It wasn't worth discussing anymore. I can't change that, but I'm hoping in the near future, they'll sit me down and have a long conversation where they will tell me I was adopted. _That_ shall become a collection of my to-be dreams.

"I know."

"You what now?"

I broke a couple of things after that. Hey, it's a normal reaction! And I only punched them each once. There's this second bruise on oji-san's cheek, but that's because he fell! Turns out they knew everything, but couldn't possibly defeat a fifteen year old mastermind. It was like another me, but with black hair.

"Who's the Champion of All?" Technically they did owe me and Tsunade seemed willingly enough when she pointed to oji-san.

"Tsunade, why!"

"You're the egomaniac?" I must say I'm surprised. He's got some skills. Took out one third of the freshmen and two seniors. "Then who's Copy-Cat Ninja?" That person wasn't too bad either. He or she took two of my stocks.

"Oh that's Kakashi," oji-san said immediately. Yeah, he's a hypocrite, but rewind back to Kakashi. I still have scores to settle with him and this just snapped it. I wanted to ask more questions (namely about a certain embarrassing performance I'm being forced into), but I kinda got caught up in planning my revenge and forgot all about it. Until the next day. But since it's still today and not tomorrow, I haven't remembered it yet. Though I wish I did.

In fact, I was so caught up in revenge that I forgot about Sakura. She still hadn't returned, but she did send one of her goons after me. I hadn't noticed until I slipped and fell. The goon was right behind me too and when oji-san and oba—Tsunade came out (my head made a really loud sound), they thought he pushed me, but I didn't feel any physical contact. Besides, I think he was in front of me before he was behind me. There was also an odd bruise on his head with the number 7890 imprinted on it. (**2)**

He got detentions (note the plural) and I got a concussion. I went to the hospital, having blacked out. The doctor said I hit something that temporarily shut my brain down. At least I got to skip school. Those weirdoes' silent treatment was starting to get on my nerves. It's always been on my nerves. …for some reason. And it should remain just a "some reason". Doesn't need to be looked at and never will be. That will only happen if my dead oka-san comes back to life, including otou-san.

Try to fix that one, God. Hah! I scoff in your face. Watcha gonna do about it, huh? Huh?

"Naruto!" called the distinct sound of an oddly familiar voice.

Tsunade poked her head out. "Oh, Sasuke's coming."

Sorry. You're God Almighty. You're absurdly powerful and I shall never test that again. Make him go away.

"Naruto, are you alright?" said Sasuke. He's in the room, of course. He's nothing but poise so my wish for him to trip and break his ankle wasn't really going to stop him from running that five feet to the door. Plus, even if he did break his ankle, I have a feeling he'll crawl. Ugh.

An image of the Grudge just popped into my head.

Well, God, you are officially at the bottom of Christmas list. Thank you very much for ruining my life even when I have a concussion. I ruled out the thought of oji-san or Tsunade telling him. That would mean a third party which would lead to that good dude with the crowbar. He had a crowbar when I saw him. If he hadn't, he'll probably be expelled. Rich family, sure, but Tsunade… If you are not related to her by blood or highly skilled in the aspects of pranks, don't ever attempt anything that might have a possibility of getting you hurt.

"Naruto?!"

Oh yeah. He's still here and all three of them are ready to call the doctor. Maybe I should answer them instead of staring straight ahead like I'm dead. I deliberately rolled my eyes back so the white is showing then I fell back onto my bed. I meant to fall back, but Sasuke caught me. I quickly pushed him away, ignoring the whimpers of my protesting body.

"Joke, people. It was a joke. Why are you here anyway?" Last I heard we had a fight and he wasn't speaking to me. Or did that change without my notice? That question of mine (the one I had spoken out loud) definitely made him back away from my personal bubble. I watched his silent nervous features and listened as he tries to respond with a coherent answer, but luckily for him, his phone rang. When he left (emergency at home), I almost burst out laughing. "Oh my god, did you see how nervous he was?"

Oji-san and Tsunade's confusion swarmed at me like pissed-off bees. "Huh?"

"Uh…hello, the guy was obviously nervous. He was blushing." They gave each other a look. I sigh. They're probably trying to define nervous. So sad.

"His face was solid as a rock," said Tsunade. "_I_ can sense fear from a mile away and he was not nervous."

It was their turn for my confusion to swarm at them like pissed-off bees. What the hell were they talking about? Sasuke's eyes may not be darting around like crazy, but they did move. And that little pink stain on his face was blood caused by acceleration in the blood stream pumping inside his cheeks. How could they not see that?

Oji-san sat down beside me. "You mean you didn't notice?" I shook my head like someone with amnesia. "I think you…bonded with him."

He now has a third bruise on his face.

* * *

Bonded?! _**Bonded?! BONDED?!**_ I don't bond with anyone! No bonding! Bond is not even in my vocabulary unless you're talking about _James _Bond! Who the hell do they think they are?! Telling me I actually know and understand that bastard of a jerky slim jim! Yeah, that's what he is! A slim jim! No guy has a figure like that! All tall with his tiny little waist, spreading out his nasty pheromones to look delicious. Argh, I am so angry right now! And my phone is ringing again! Probably some idiot begging to have his phone back. 

I need to yell right now so I snap open my phone. "_**WHOEVER THE F**__**—**__**K THIS IS BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR CALLING ME!**_"

"We need to talk."

"_**Oh. You**__**'**__**re threatening me.**_"

"No, Naruto." I heard a heavy sigh. "I want to talk about my brother. He's been locked up in his room and won't answer to anybody. Not even to my father." His ability to actually carry out long sentences shock me into calmness.

"Fine." What? A rebelling Sasuke is a very interesting subject to discuss and further my process of good blackmail. I am educating myself here. Do not deprive me of my education.

Meeting Uchiha Itachi makes me feel like I'm having an affair. Not the professional kind either. It was late at night so most of the restaurant in town had already closed. The only place open this late would be the Red District. Sure he could come to the club, but it's kinda bolted right now. He could climb through my window, but I don't have any real desire for him to be in my room. Alone. With me.

When I arrived at the designated place, I had already received fifteen proposals, thirteen offers from prostitute houses, and got hit on by men and women of all ages and sizes. Well, I guess I should be thankful Itachi picked a geisha house. It's the only decent place around here. I can't even believe there's actually a geisha house in the Red District, but the idea of it being only professional with no sexual attachment was wrong when I saw the way the geisha's dressed. This generation has no respect for arts these days, excluding me. I like art. I just like it better if it explodes once in a while.

People eye me cautiously as I walk in. So there aren't exactly a lot of blondes in Japan. They don't have a lot of D cub breasts either, but you don't see me saying anything. I look for a head of black hair, but there was a lot of black hair so I look for an isolated loser where the table probably costs over thousands of dollars.

"Who brought the brat?"

I wasn't exactly a stranger to neither hostility nor the Red District itself. Where do you think oji-san got those R-rated ideas? I glared at the old lady who had spoken. She was probably in her late forties, but the heavy layers of make-up helped. Somewhat. I was glad when her eyes widened in realization. It shows she hadn't forgotten me.

"I'm looking for Mangekyo." I let myself be lead away upstairs to a black door.

"Hey, you still want to join?" Her smile was teasing, but still had the hints of friendliness along its edges. Too friendly.

I smile back and said the same answer as before, "Maybe later." She shrugs and left me alone to my business. She and I had met a few years back. We learn to tolerate one another, but it doesn't mean we're close enough to be friends. I opened the door and went in. The room was almost like one of the VIP we had back at the bar. And there sat Itachi, composed and suspicious. Any Uchiha is suspicious.

I seated myself across from him, refusing any kind of water he offered me. "So your brother…"

He smiled and shook his head. I _tried_ not to grimace. Trust me, it was pre—tty hard. His face got more serious after he got over that idea. "Sasuke is troubled by something that concerns you. He had missed three classes today, same as you."

Yeah, I pretty much got the hint.

"He has been pacing in his room more than even my father does. That is a matter to be concerned about," his brows scrunched up in a frown.

Possibilities and past situations formed together in my mind as I laid out calculations after calculations and at last, I had a conclusion. "You're gay too, aren't you?"

His surprised expression didn't spread everywhere. There was only the small widening of his eyes and a funny little twitch on his nose. He suddenly chuckled. "I can see why my brother likes you so much." Ok, I feel a shudder coming on, but overall I'm alright. The shudder wasn't from what he just said, there was just a glint sparkling in his eyes. "Tell me, Naruto…why are you up so late? Or early, whichever you prefer."

It was close to four in the morning. I was a little busy thinking about that whole bonding thing with Sasuke to be worried about lack of sleep. Who wants to bond with him anyway? "I have problems with caffeine. Now let's go back to your little brother." I find it safer. "He's upset and confused about this question I asked him. It wasn't a really unpleasant question and…" Itachi is his brother, _his_ brother. "…you should talk him through it."

Now he truly was surprised. He opened his mouth for a response, but having found none, closed it. The idea was juggled around and carefully weighted. "That's not a good idea."

"Why?" It better not be some stupid excuse.

"He hates me," he muttered. That is such a stupid excuse.

"What a coincidence. He thinks you hate him too."

He was shocked by this idea and had never really considered it. "I don't hate him."

I folded my arms, grab my chin with one hand, and titled my head to the side. "Hmm and I wonder how he's going to figure that out. It's a tough one."

"You do not know about our family." His tone was bitter, like bad salt. Ok, not a very good simile.

"And I prefer it that way." I grin and placed my hands behind my head. "However, the problem still remains that you and Sasuke don't talk. If you don't tell him how you feel, how is he going to find out? From what I can tell, you're not really good at charades."

He slapped on the famous Uchiha smirk. "You're one to talk."

I blinked. Perhaps blinking would help me solve this riddle. "What do you mean?"

He blinked. Yeah, buddy, that doesn't help at all. "You're sincere." Why is he finding that strange? When I'm truly confused about something, I'm sincere. It's a strange trait passed down by…probably Tsunade because it sure as hell wasn't in my oka-san or otou-san. "You're in denial."

I couldn't help laughing because; I mean c'mon, that's funny! "Why would I be in denial?"

"I don't know, but it seems that you have completely suppressed your ability to feel love." That is even more ridiculous than the first. "Have you sought out a psychiatrist?"

Ok, that is just insulting. "You should really talk to your brother," I said firmly. "He feels inferior of the standards you put for yourself and thinks of himself as weak for not being able to catch up." Itachi was ready to argue that, but I never gave him the chance. "That is just the way he thinks. I don't know why, but it's probably all that "pressure" your father puts on him. You are not the only one with problems, so for once in your life can you support him like a real brother instead of pitying yourself?" By the time he recovered and realized he's an asshole, I had already gone home and went to bed.

But my day didn't end there. No, it continued. In my dreams. My dreams! A place where you can let out your emotional stress or whatever and just f—king relax.

"…_otou-san__…__oka-san__…__"_

_Right in front of me was__…__well, me. A smaller me. Mini-me. Then he__—__me, whatever, disappeared into a smoke of clouds. Alright, so there wasn__'__t any smoke of clouds, but he did disappear before my eyes. A very cool trick for a twelve year old. _

"_Naruto__…__"_

_I really want to wake up._

"_Naruto!__"_

_Any minute now. _

"_Naruto Uzumkai, don__'__t you dare ignore your mother.__"_

* * *

**1)** Naruto has great reflexes so even if he's sleeping or out of it, his body will automatically defend itself. It's like the bodies memories, or a built-in alarm system. The guy swings his crowbar, missed, and ran right into locker 7890.**  
**

**Charlie:** Narra, hurry up! The machine's ready to go!

**Narra:** Ok alright, I'm coming! _(hauling a suitcase)_

**Charlie:** We didn't even bring a suitcase here!

**Narra:** It's just in case of emergencies!

**Charlie:** Whatever! Strap up!

_Time to skip to part where the machine lands..._

**Narra:** ...where are we?

**Charlie:** Home...

**Narra:** _(twitch)_

**Charlie:** ...in two thousand...

**Narra:** _(twitches more)_

**Charlie:** ...twenty-seven?

**Narra:** AHHHHH! WHY ME?!

**The end of Arc.  
**


	22. My Confession

**Answers blah blah to questions...continue...  
**

**crazylittlefox:** It's Naruto's POV all through, except for the flashbacks. Everything else…he's just weird like that

**x-EliteAssassin-x**: Uh…that was the person in his dream talking. Ok, the Sasuke scene. Sasuke was indeed nervous, but only Naruto can see it. Get it?

**How To Glomp:**

**Step 1:** The running sprint

**Step 2: **The tacklehug! Make sure to shatter the spinal column

**Step 3: **The victory dance

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Twenty-two: My Confession_

* * *

_My psychiatrist will have a field day with this__—__if I had one. To suddenly dream of your dead oka-san after three years is more than strange since I haven__'__t had a single dream of them until now. It__'__s probably Sakura performing some voodoo malevolence in her incongruously pink room. Why the hell am I using such big words? _

"_Naruto Uzumaki, you look at me right now,__"__ came the shrill cry of my dead otou-san. __"__My voice is not shrill.__"__ Oh, my bad. Shall I rephrase it as __'__came the shrill cry of my dead __**psychic**__ otou-san? _

_To have them both in one go is enough to make anyone go insane, but__…__I know this is a dream. When I wake up, they__'__ll be gone. The story of my life. Dreaming of my parents is a taunting reminder of what could__'__ve been avoided. It could__'__ve occurred because of Sasuke. His appearance in my life has made it more, though interesting, chaotic. _

_Upon the physical contact of my __"__illusions__"__, I moved away. For a reason I was well aware of, I couldn__'__t have thrown them into the ground like what that sumo wrestler did to his opponent. I could answer them, or ignore their presences until they go away. Childish, but it seemed effective in my position. _

"_Naruto, please__…__don__'__t do this.__"_

_I can hear their voices fading away now. Slowly, leaving me for a second time. When I open my eyes, I won__'__t see th-._

"_I__'__M NOT THAT EASY TO GET RID OF!__"__ That sounded oddly like what my oka-san would say. She was always the angry one in the family. _

"_Dear, calm down.__"_

_I__'__m pretending not to hear anything. Because it__'__s just a dream. It__'__ll eventually go away and leave me alone. _

"_But__…__LOOK AT HIM! LIVING LIKE THIS FOR FOUR YEARS?!__"_

"_Do you really think he wanted to?__"_

_I wonder if my parents having a conversation as if I can__'__t hear them was sane in this situation. I doubt it. They are dead. Oh god, am __**I**__ dead? _

"_Oh for heaven__'__s sake! Naruto, you__'__re not dead! You__'__re dreaming! There__'__s a difference!__"_

_I stayed quiet again. I don__'__t like hearing the voices. It__'__s disturbing. Besides, I can__'__t tell them apart either way. _

"_Naruto__…"__ I almost open my eyes when I realized it was so close to me. __"__Please__…__look at us.__"_

_My knee must__'__ve been weak__…__because I fell. I should stop running, or walking. Or standing. Then it came. A melody so sweet and soothing. That__'__s when I realized oka-san was laughing. _

_Maybe it was the seduction of tonight__'__s dream__…__ it could even be the stress of high school drama, perhaps oji-san__'__s immature behaviour is rubbing off on me, or everything__…__! Everything of today and yesterday! Because for the first time since my parent__'__s death__…__I deliberately__—__and shamelessly__—…_

… _cry. _

* * *

The line between failure and success really isn't that far apart. So it's taking all of my effort to not wring Kiba's neck. It's painful and humiliating to admit, but I'm actually _missing_ his voice. I can relate to Shikamaru and them now. It's much harder admitting these things than it looks. My throat is starting to cramp up, but a famous saying "life is a b—tch" kept me going. 

I stared into Kiba's pupils, digging my way into his puny brain and tried to telepathically tell him…I-I…I'm…you know…sorry. But the idiot's brain is so small that it can't process that energy into something coherent enough for him to understand.

NOTHING CAN BE SIMPLER THAN 'I'M SORRY'!

Which…y-you know…I am. Kinda.

What surprised me next was the understanding look on Kiba's face. A moment ago I thought he was constipated. His mind worked behind invisible threads and finally—it was only three seconds—he smiled. The most "real" smile he has shown me these past few days. Or had it only been two days? Could've been one. I'm guessing he expected a smile from me so the raised eyebrow must've confused him greatly.

"You're partially gay, aren't you?" That question definitely shocked him.

"W-Wha—?"

I shrug indifferently at the half-finished question. "It's a little weird for a _guy_ to smile at another guy during one of these moments. He's either gay or half way there."

He points an accusing finger at me. Strange. I no longer felt the need to snap it off, which would've been painful. "You made that up!"

"And?" I threatened. Well. It wasn't, but when it came out, it sounded threatening. I gave him that look that my mom used to give me. _'__I dare you to say something else__'_ was what it said. You can say I got most of my mom's personality and behavior. She was nicer though.

"…nothing." He pouted and I can see why he likes dogs so much. He looks just like one. Specific to this moment. I didn't have much experience dealing with these kinds of things so I gave it my best try.

"Cheer up?" I gave a smile. It's the thought that counts, right? Even if Shikamaru, Hinata, the whole gang is standing there. I'm trying to ignore them. I can only go one-on-one. What? I'm new at this whole apologizing thing.

Kiba didn't mind how strained my smile was. He knew I was trying so he gave one back. Everyone figure I had enough for one day so they all nodded in acceptance. Thank god, because that was embarrassing! Then…the awkward silence.

Chouji, the best friend of Shikamaru, laid a hand on his shoulder and walked off. "See you later."

Shikamaru had tensed a little, but he didn't get a chance to relax since Hinata also gave a shy stutter and walked off. One by one they left, except me. Kiba gave me a wink before leaving. Shikamaru didn't speak and I'm actually trying to find words of comfort.

"It's called independence." Surprisingly I wasn't the one who said that.

So they had listened to my words.

"Kiba has a date with Hinata tonight."

_Really_ listened. I'm impressed at their new development. "Oh. I see." I slap my hand down on his shoulder and gave him a sincere face. He let out a tired sigh and then called me an idiot.

"Hey, that's—hmph!" The word 'rude' got pounded back into my mouth when Kiba glomped me. I definitely broke something. "What the hell, man?" I pushed Kiba off of me and got up. "You're tramping on dangerous territory." I may consider them friends, but that still excludes any physical contact.

Kiba turned puppy eyes on Shikamaru and broke his barrier down faster than when the British won the first battle in the American Revolution. "Y-You told him, right? Right?!"

The poor guy could only nod.

I winced at this translation. Kiba dating. Kiba bad at choices. Kiba needs help. "Casual or formal?" May as well help for the good of the world. They really don't need a PMS-ing dog-lover on their hand.

"M-Movie!" It took him about two minutes to say that.

"Casual it is." I took a breath. "Black pants, nothing silky. Grey jacket over white button-down shirt. Tennis shoes, color ranging from blue to none." Lord, he was writing this all down. Oh well. "That'll be [insert money amount." Kiba opened his wallet willingly and I had to resist killing him. If we weren't friends, I would've jumped him after school. Damn.

I should've asked for more.

"You could be a fashion designer," suggested Shikamaru.

"Don't ever say that again."

* * *

Now that that's resolved, another matter needs to be taken care of. This one needs a gentler approach. 

"Hey, bastard!"

Would it kill yah' to think maybe I'm a little bit nervous? I am having a hard day and last night… You do not want to know what happened! Ugh, that jerk is still walking away!

"Sa-Sasuke!" People in Europe probably heard that. But at least he turned around…glaring. Oh, the ups and downs of life. What a piece of crap. "Can we talk?" Either he has a real walking-away problem or he _really_ doesn't want to talk. I rather he had a problem because then I wouldn't have to use this duct tape in my hand.

I'm sure it made him angry. He was kicking and mumbling a lot. I untied him quickly and backed away for safety. I was expecting some yelling, but he just sat there quietly, trying to burn a hole through either me or whatever is behind me. "Umm…"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I wince. A little. Well, his voice was really loud and mean. "You kidnapped me! Are you even thinking straight?!" I opened my mouth to answer, but he cut me off again. "Probably not! Because you kidnapped me!"

I know he's angry, but can he not repeat stuff? It makes me nervous. More than I already am. "Sa—."That one didn't make it either.

"After what you said to me, how can you expect—?!"

"Peanut butter!" Another reason for him to think I'm weird. I've said that twice to him already, excluding this. "Uh…m-my…my mom used to say that when she was…n-nervous." He was struggling between hitting me and wanting to explore this personal revelation I just told him.

He recovered and didn't hit me. That's a plus. But he did look away, which is a minus. So in the end, I got nothing.

"I want to apologize." The shock of it made him gave me a one second glance. "About Tsunade and everything else after that. Especially that part about your brother being better than—." He scowls. "Right."

"Can't you just tell me how you feel? Is that too much to ask?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't—." Dad told me to be honest so I was going to tell Sasuke I don't like him, but again there was that self-doubt and constant flashbacks that kept me from saying it. The clear rejection on his face made my chest ache.

'…_nervous about the date…'_

'…_.jealous of Sakura…kissing him…' _

'…_understanding him…more than anyone…'_

I thought it had just been nonsense made up by my parents. Yes, they told me that in my dream, which by the way is more than creepy. You know, because they're dead and they seem to know more about me than I do. I took a step backwards, thinking about it. The answer smacked me over the head and forced my eyes to look into its red depths. FYI, I am _not_ blushing. The blood is just rushing to my face really fast.

"Naruto?" His voice of concern is really not helping the situation or his advance toward me. My back suddenly hit a table and no, I am not afraid. Of what? He'll reject me? Hello, he likes me. He even told me…in the weirdest and wimpiest cliché form there is, but it's alright. He hasn't had a lot of experience confessing, nor have I. You can see where my concern lies.

"I…I-I think that I…like you." His eyes opened wide enough for me to tell that that wasn't what he was expecting when that piece of duct tape clamped onto his mouth. Now that I admitted that, it's easier to say this. He is _**hot!**_ "Sorry, but I was going through some—umpf!" A much undignified sound, but the cause of it was really, _really _thrilling. I mean…he was kissing me! I was kissing him back! He deepens the kiss, teasing me with his…ahem! Let's keep it PG-13.

Eager, I taste as much of him as I can. And he tastes…exotic, but the good kind. I don't really know how to describe it. The feeling, the taste, _the movement_… Finally, we had to separate. We don't exactly have gills to breathe out of. I can feel the heat from his body and I especially love how he was holding me. In his arms, not…n-not…ah, whatever. Suddenly I feel like I'm leaving him hanging. I did kiss him back, but that was only after he kissed me so…

I lean in close and whisper a confession ("I like you") against his wet lips. Then I planted a small quick kiss on him and back away, absolutely refusing to look him in the eye.

I-I was a little scared. Not everyday you kiss a guy, except he's being really quiet and not all that responsive. I got the courage to look up and immediately flush like the blood that's running rapidly through my veins.

Sasuke's eyes were full of lust and…a-and love. Before I can question any of it, I was pulled in for another mind-blowing kiss.

* * *

I am so angry! Why you ask? Well, Sasuke and I were kissing and…some random kid just walked in. I must say he looked quite shocked. Sasuke was pretty angry, but nothing serious happened to the guy. That kid sure wasn't expecting to see the most popular boy in school making out with the new guy on top of a table. We…kinda got tired of standing. Weak legs, you know? 

I guess Sasuke and I are dating. No, I know Sasuke and I are dating. Yes we are. And now suddenly the whole school knows. The random kid blabbed to someone and that someone told everyone. This brings us back to me being angry. I'm in a classroom with a bunch of curious students. Teacher is MIA. Most of my friends weren't surprised by this news, but Kiba, oh he yelled. I tried to explain to him and he's still confused about it.

"You like him?!

"…yeah. Is that a problem?"

"Of course! Why didn't you tell me about it?!"

"Because I didn't know."

"But you went out on a date with him last time! I thought you were being blackmailed!"

"That was different. I didn't like him then, but I found out I do. Today."

"What?"

See? It was simple and he still didn't get it. A shocking matter was that the blame is on me. Everyone thinks I turned Sasuke gay and I'm using some kind of manipulation thing. I'm not really sure about the details when I overheard it, but the point is, they hate me. My friends were ok with it.

Sakura came back to school today with Ino. They were both in wheelchairs and wearing a lot more bandages than clothing, but at least they were friends. They do argue a lot and they were both indifferent to Sasuke's sexual orientation. Sakura did sneer at me once. She stayed away from Sasuke. I'm glad. Now I don't have to hurt her.

And Sasuke's fanclub_s_…yes, there is more than one. They confronted me about it somewhere during second and third period. We didn't exchange many words and if we did, it was censored. _Sasuke_ was there and he said something too.

"Stay away from him."

Oooh, thinking it still gives me shivers. It's sweet how he's protective of me, but I did wish he would have come a little later. One of those fangirls had a really pretty, shiny looking knife that I _really really_ wanted.

The teachers were scary. That's all you need to know.

I did give Sasuke's clothes back. (**1)** He sniffed it. Please note that everything following this is in the past.

He_ sniffed_ it. Then he gave me a creepy, but delicious smile and said something that made me want to kiss him really bad. I didn't. We were in a classroom with lots of people and as I mentioned before, I don't like public attention all that much.

He was sitting right beside me and I wish he would stop looking at me like that, but then again I also wish he would stop looking and _do_ something. Argh, I'm such a pervert!

"Why are you blushing?" His breath tingled my ear. I force myself to sit still and wonder when the teacher's going to notice how close Sasuke is to me. The rest of the students' attention was focused on the blackboard and taking boring notes so we weren't bothered. "…Naruto."

He was purposely trying to arouse me! We haven't even been going out for more than two hours! Not that I mind. I think I'm blushing more than Hinata and she blushes a lot. I turned around to look at him and something caught my eye. I nudge my head toward his hand, but he found nothing wrong with it.

He was looking at me _while_ writing down notes.

Well, I give him credit for multitasking. I tapped his nose and made a motion for him to turn around. He did. Now if only he let go of my hand. He was sitting on my left so the hand I write with, my right, is entrapped in his. Don't smile, Naruto. Don't. But I can't help it. He's just too…

DING! DONG!

Damn. The only class I don't have with him. We parted ways peacefully, which meant I had to go on a date with him tonight or he'll never let me go to class. He promised no funny business and it was just a casual outing for me to get used to him as a boyfriend.

As I was walking to class, someone approached me. I sigh, already knowing his intentions. "Sai."

* * *

**No short story today, ladies. I am too busy watching the latest episode of House, but hey, at least I update so _you_ have something to read. What else...I guess that's about it. **

**1)** Go back to chapter 17. It's at the end where Naruto was washing Sasuke's clothes because they were wet.


	23. My Trust

**(Future Me And You Part 1)**

**Charlie:** Will you come out? _(silence)_ We're in the studio...just in a different time. _(nothing)_ My future self might be home any time soon. _(still nothing)_ She might be old.

**Narra:** ...really?

**Charlie:** S-Sure.

**Narra:** _(comes out)_ ...with lots of wrinkles?

**Charlie:** Don't push it.

* * *

**chibibecki:** Oh. Naruto's mom and dad's family were really close. They live right next door to each other in their younger days. Jiraiya had been asked to take Naruto's dad to school because everyone else was too busy to do it. 

**WHOO!:** You should tell me which part is confusing because I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to explain things as the story goes along, but I might miss a few things so anyone (including you) out there who feel there is some unanswered questions, tell me now or I might forget to explain them.

**Bubblegumcrazed:** I'm going to be truthful. I have no idea what you're talking about. I love happy comments…just not the really sexually implied kind.

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Twenty-three: My Trust  
_

* * *

I keep thinking of Sasuke…even if I'm following this future-paparazzi guy. Seriously, Sai loves taking pictures of people's indiscreet moments _way_ too much. But I would be a hypocrite to tell him to stop. What? Those moments are funny. Well, back to Sasuke. Does anyone feel that he's acting really different from the normal uptight and cool Uchiha? I'm gonna ask him about it later. 

"What exactly are you doing?" I asked Sai. He had a camera in his hand and, if used correctly, can become a very deadly weapon. Hey, it hurts when someone knocks you over the head with a big-ass camera.

Sai, I used to be like him.

…the mental image was even more disturbing than I thought.

Anyway, I know his thoughts. Same smile, same personality…sorta. Something changed. I don't think it helped him much, but rather confused him more. He tightens the lens or whatever and snaps a picture.

Uh…o—kay.

"Why do you help them?"

"How can that question sound so baffled and yet your face is so calm?" Seriously. Why can't I have a cool expression like that? My family depends more on vocal than actual facial expression. Damnit, one thing I desire. Well besides Sasuke. Cause you know…he's…whatever.

Sai let slip his mask for a second then shook his head to clear away my question. "Are you even thinking about your situation right now?"

"Situation?" Since when was I in a situation? I was clearly not informed of this. I thought if something happens, the student body was supposed to ignore you and all that shit. What happened to that? I was depending on them as a billboard.

"You mean to say you haven't even _thought _about it?"

I blink several times while nodding my head as if I knew what he was saying then very slowly shook it side to side. Yeah. He lost me. Oh lord Sai's having a heart attack—no wait, he's laughing. Good because for a second there I thought I might have to do CPR. That would indeed be tragic. Poor Sai, he would've been dead before the paramedics came. Wha—I'm not kissing him. That's gross. He's a _guy_ for crying out—ok, scratch out that part.

He took out a little bottle of films. "This is evidence that you're going out with Sasuke. People will find this infuriating. If something happens, you'll be shunned for the rest of your life," he said and observed closely how I would react. 'Something' means Sasuke will probably find out he doesn't really like me all that much and dumps me for some girl.

I thought about people avoiding me on the streets and not approaching me. I find it enjoyable so I shrug off his threat. That didn't mean he quit threatening me.

"What about Uchiha Fugaku?"

Alright, I'm stumped. Having a power-hungry man angry at me is not as enjoyable as the mob. Sai, on the other hand, was enjoying my silence. Suddenly he stops and almost scowls. _Almost_. I tried not to flinch when a figure draped every possible limb around me and lean down a little heavily.

"What about my father?"

I sigh and didn't move a muscle. Right now, Sasuke is a very large octopus and octopuses will cling tighter if you move, not that they'll let you go if you don't. Wait, I'm probably mixing this up with a python.

"Why aren't you worried?" I think Sai wants us to worry about it more than we do. Seems kinda bizarre, doesn't it?

"Why do you want us to?"

"Why are you dodging the question?"

"Oh my god!" I was waving my hands around like a madman. "Can you two _please_ stop ending everything a question mark?"

"You two trust each other _that_ much?"

"Oh hell no." Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"I don't understand."

"You sure don't." Why is this guy asking such stupid questions? This might take a while. "Look, this is just the way we are and unless you already instinctively know about this thing between us, you're never going to get it. Got it?"

* * *

So we ditched the guy and went up to the roof. Oddly enough the door was locked and Sasuke had been the one to pull out the key. What was even stranger was the couch. It was white, very big, and set right there on a carpet _on_ the roof. Sasuke laid himself on the couch, his hand still attached to mine. 

I took in the couch's size. "Uh…am I supposed to sit on the floor?" Upon my question, I was instantly pulled down. A silence immediately rang through the place, except for a bird that just flew past, chirping.

You must be confused. Obviously. I don't _completely_ trust Sasuke and Sasuke doesn't _completely _trust me. See, if I was going into battle with a murderous gang, I can't trust Sasuke _not_ to interfere. No way in hell was he going to let me go. Same goes for me, but why are we…we're moving really fast, aren't we?

I don't know. I just feel really comfortable around—. "Hey hey!" I grabbed the pale hand that had been wondering far from where it was supposed to. "You can't grab anything until the second date." A small rumble of laughter came to my ear.

"That's a very interesting way of phrasing it."

_Sigh_. I forgot how much work it was to have a relationship. Anyway, I feel really comfortable around Sasuke and I don't know. I feel we're moving at the right pace, but others must see it differently. Doesn't really bother me though…and who the hell am I talking to? **(1)**

"You don't trust me." His voice didn't show bitterness. If he did, I would break up with him right now.

"Only one tenth of the things concerning me."

He thought about it and found it true. "Do you trust me?"

I can feel him smiling when I said 'no'. Since we were on the subject of 'us', I might as well bring it up. "Why are you suddenly acting all touchy-feely?" I shivered slightly when his mouth touched the tip of my ear.

"You really want to know?" Luckily he had a great seducing voice or I would've felt annoyed by everyone's inability to say statements. I nodded in response. "Because…I want to touch you," he brought my hand to his lips. Well, it almost did…until I pulled it back.

So maybe I'm not as comfortable with him as I had thought. We confessed to each other about our likes and where are trust laid is out in the open. "What else is there?"

He held me tighter as if I was suddenly going to run off. I wasn't, but I don't think he's really going to be reassured by someone who just pulled away from him. "Penny for your thoughts."

I scoffed at the lack of humor. "You don't have a penny." A thousand dollar bill sure, but not a penny.

He answered me by magically extracting a jar full of pennies from an unknown place and putting it on the floor, not before jingling it in front of my face. "Ready to talk." He is clearly well prepared.

"What I think about your touchy-feely problem here is that you're doing as much as you can. Like…for example, you're a criminal and you're touching an unwillingly woman, or man, in a very not so PG-13 way. A police is on his way and you don't really stop touching her or him...until, of course, bullets starts coming your way." I gave him a pause for this to all settled in. "You don't trust me to not think I'm going to break up with you at the smallest problem. That's what I think."

I waited for his judgement, but I didn't expect for him to start another laughing session. The sound may be wonderful; however, it is confusing as ever. "Explain why you are laughing at me. Now."

"It's…uh…not that I'm mocking you, but…umm, is your thoughts always so…sadistically _erotic_?" He had me tightly in his arms and wasn't letting go anytime soon. Also, he has started putting his mouth from my ear to my neck. There isn't any kissing, but he is rubbing them…with his mouth.

Is he saying what I think he's saying? Probably because my brain is like shutting down at an intense speed. "Uh…" That's all I could squeeze out before the inside of my head started oozing out protein particles and brain cells. Then just when my head was almost empty of every logic and resistance, he stops.

I was disappointed.

"I don't like the idea of being less than what I am to you right now. Am I—?"

"No, you're not wrong. Selfish as a hungry shark after blood though. But from now on," I look up at him and…did something with my face. "Be yourself."

Kids under thirteen are forbidden from seeing this next part…

* * *

…not like I was actually going to tell you about it. We didn't do it, just made out. A lot. Please. Like I was going to do it on a roof. There could be something infected up there. Anything that has the ability to go inside you is dangerous. 

Sai remained silent for the rest of the day. I couldn't decide whether he was thinking about what I said _or_ going to act like Gaara. How did Gaara and I become friends anyway? Speaking of which, where is Gaara? I wasn't concerned about him, but now I am. Sakura and Ino had come back to school with crutches and the red head isn't back yet. He should've been back before that, or did something happen?

Then again…where is Neji? Hinata isn't too excited about her date. She's been really depressed lately. My return as a new person was only given a momentary welcoming. Something's wrong. I wanted to ask Shikamaru, but he looked too reluctant. Another secret.

Who is the one person I can turn to in a time like this?

……………………..

"You what now?!" shouted Tsunade.

"Can you possibly lower your voice because I'm bleeding from my ear right now?" I know it's not appropriate for me to say something like this, but… "You're not wearing a bra."

She flushed and covered her chest in astonishment. "H-How—?"

I look away and cough into my hand. Let's just say I'm really observant. "So back to Neji." She didn't question my change of subject, in fact, she was relieved. Not my business. I don't mess with my own family's…"affairs". That's disgusting. "I'll type and you talk." I push her away and sat down in front of the computer. She hesitated in picking up the phone.

I had barged into her office and demand she called the Hyuuga's household to question as to why Neji wasn't in school. Tsunade had been told that Neji was "sick" then the excuse had been later changed to "personal family matter". Since these rich and powerful parents pay for most of the things in this school, she wasn't obligated to ask, but that doesn't mean she can't tell. Ok, it does, but this is me here.

I started typing as we waited for someone to pick up.

"Good afternoon. This is Konoha High School's Principal, Mokuton Tsunade **(2)**. May I please speak with Hyuuga Hiashi-san?" I'm impress she could sound so polite from her usual nasty behavior. "Hello, Hyuuga-san."

In order to create thousands of viruses on a daily schedule, I taught myself to type about 130 (or higher) words per minute. I am good.

"Yes, I was getting concerned about Neji-san's repeated absence. I know, sir, but—." By the way, I did not do this. Tsunade's voice completely changed to a really disturbing tone. "There are rules against keeping a child away from her or his education. Hiashi-san, you will need a much better excuse than that. No, I am not threatening you." Yeah right.

"But rules are rules. I am the chief administrator of this school, not to mention a woman with a respected position in the corporate society. I expect Neji-san to be in school tomorrow morning." Then she hung up. I only have one thing to say to her that I've never said to anyone before.

"I now have respect for you."

No wonder she got along with my mom so well.

* * *

**1) Naruto sometimes narrates his thoughts as if he was talking to another person.**

**2)** **Mokuton was an ability used by the First Hokage. Couldn't probably think of a last name that's different from Jiraiya, since they are not related.**

**Future Narra:** _(opens the door and is hug) _Wha-?

**Charlie:** Hi, Narra!

**Future Narra:** _(shock)_ C-C-Charlie?!

**Narra:** Who else can it be?

**Future Narra:** A-And...me?

**Charlie:** _(let him go)_ Yeah, what's wrong?

**Future Narra:** _(faints)_

**Charlie:** You know...I really thought you grew out of that by now.


	24. My Love

**(Future Me and You Part 2)**

**Future Narra:** _(having tea with his past self)_ What are you guys doing here?

**Narra:** Someone here _(looks at Charlie)_ wanted to take a trip around the universe.

**Future Narra:** Oh, I remember.

**Narra:** You know how that can be.

**Future Narra:** Don't even get me started.

**Charlie:** I'm sitting right here, you morons. _(wishes to hex them, but rather not) _So...why did you faint? I mean, you're a made-up character in a fanfiction story. It doesn't get any weirder than that.

**Future Narra:** ...you died a year ago.

**Charlie:** ...

**Narra:** AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

**x-EliteAssassin-x:** The whole PWP thing…I didn't get that so I had to look it up and well…ahem! And whatever.

* * *

_Thou Shalt Not Kill_

_By Charlie_

_Chapter Twenty-four: My Love  
_

* * *

"Neji hasn't been to school." 

I have been on the phone with Gaara for about half an hour. Do you know how annoying it is talking to a brick wall? If it had been a wall of jelly, I wouldn't have cared. But no, he has to be made of bricks. But it's ok. He's an almost-40-percent Sasuke. I should be able to deal with this.

"How is that my problem?"

Rich guys and their ego. I know of a way to get Gaara over at Neji's house and do everything I suggest to him, but…Sasuke might get angry. A little. I'm still wondering where Sasuke and I stand. I know we're dating and all, but is his love for me deep enough that if I said -

"Sasuke's dating me."

...he won't hit me.

"Oh," Gaara sounded satisfied with a pinch of relief.

In the end, it was not surprising—for me—to see Neji bruised up like a viciously squeezed tomato and Hinata smiling throughout the whole thing the next morning. Well, not the whole thing. When Neji started staggering a bit, she called the hospital. Nothing major. We just had a few cops outside due to the fact that they thought a terrorist had taken over the school by the way Hinata had screamed and yelled into the phone. That was when Neji barely tripped. You definitely don't want to know what happened when he actually did trip.

And Sasuke…

I told Gaara _not_ to tell Sasuke about our conversation, but the fool thought he tried to be smart and placed his words in such a way that Sasuke immediately knew what happened. Gaara and Sasuke had somehow become friends again between the time when I called him to this morning. All I could do was avoid him. My boyfriend. It was like I'm cursed with the sexually transformed Grudge following me around. Seriously, if Sasuke grew out his hair…ugh! It'll be hot when he combs it, but not so much when it's all tangled and covering his face.

"Naruto!" He's been calling me in between classes, attempting many times to catch me. He failed, obviously, but this time was different. I was too distracted by the sight before me to run away from him. He caught up, but his attention wasn't on me anymore. His attention was on the incredibly and most brutal battle of all time: Neji and Gaara. But I was astonished. Where the hell did everybody go? The lockers looked

more damaged than the fighters; however, Neji is an exception since you know.

Neji's injuries evidently came from his uncle's objection to him being around Hinata, to which that ridiculously large bruise on the side of his head indicates that Neji won. And the split lip suggests that his uncle is only partially accepting of that relationship. From the way Gaara was throwing his punches tells me it was my fault.

"_Oh,__"__ Gaara sounded satisfied with a pinch of relief. __"__Congratulations. But I still fail to see the point of going over to Neji__'__s home.__"_

"_Neji__'__s dying.__"_

I was desperate and may have told a very big lie. It achieved a very bad and serious consequence. "Sasu—." As I turned to my boyfriend, I noticed him watching the fight intensely. For one minute, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, the doubt that he is _not _enjoying this fight. Not the people, but rather the moves that are played out, like he's a martial artist and were trying to learn from this action scene so it can help him in some way.

Oh dear. I am dating Bruce Lee.

"Sasuke."

"Huh?" He kept looking to the fight and we were forced to move one footstep away. Do those boys even see us standing here?

"Sasuke. Focus. Focus," I said, snapping my fingers in front of his face. "Can you stop Neji? If you don't mind that is." I gave him the smile my oji-san had failed to achieve. It was meant to intimidate people in a nicer way.

* * *

I've kidnapped Sasuke before, so doing the same to Neji and Gaara didn't have that much of an affect on me. Sasuke did seem uneasy when I said that his restraint on Neji was a little loose and that he had to hold on tighter. And yet, he's a professional at molesting me. Gaara, I had to use handcuffs. They weren't mine; oddly enough they were _Neji__'__s._ I had suggested it and Neji thought I was serious. Well, I didn't want to be rude so I had to use them. 

On the way to find an empty classroom, Tsunade spotted us. I think the cameras are in her room because this can't be just a coincidence. It can't happen. Not in my life, at least. The only coincidence it seems is any involvement with Sasuke.

"Why are you two dragging Neji-san and Gaara-san around school?" The three brick walls chose this moment to remain silent. When we were walking around, they could not shut up. It's 'let me go', 'I'm going to kill you', or 'will you two shut up'. That was just a sample; the real thing consisted of more violent and cruel words. None of them aimed at me. Neji was yelling at Sasuke, who was yelling at Gaara, who was yelling at Neji. I have no idea what the main argument was. I was trying really hard not to kill any of them.

It worked.

"I wouldn't exactly call it drag—."

"Naruto. This is serious. If they sue—."

"I won't sue," said both Neji and Gaara, though they refused to look at each other.

"See," I told her. "I am perfectly capable of—."

"Naru—."

"Will you stop interrupting me, Tsunade? I haven't been feeling well lately and these two idiots here are fighting each other for a—yet to be discussed—reason…" Gaara went over to Neji's house, but since Neji really wasn't dying, Gaara became shy. And how does Gaara show his emotions? That's right; anger. Neji isn't exactly dumb so he figured out some part of what that anger meant, but there's years of built up self-doubt and that only add more confusion. Uh….and then this morning…umm…think like Sasuke. What would Sasuke do?

Sasuke would totally harass me until I gave him an answer.

Thank god crazy people are all alike. Gaara wasn't the type to be harassed unless you were actually dating him which they weren't and comes in the fist-fighting and… "Oh my god, you guys are so stupid!" Four heads looked at me with great surprise and some of them were angry. Either it was my interruption or the insult.

"Do you know what I think?" Tsunade opened her mouth to answer, but since it was a rhetorical question, I didn't let her start. "I'll tell you what I think. I think…" Neji wouldn't like a lecture, especially from someone younger than him. Gaara would like it even less. "…you two should go out." I hope it isn't a mistake in saying so. "Sure your reputation might be somewhat ruined, but come on." I point to Neji and said, "Murderer" then to Gaara, "Devil Child." The worse that could happen is everyone adding the word gay to both of those "nicknames", which isn't exactly a step-down or a step-up. I wonder how Sasuke's reaction is to all of this.

"It won't be much of a difference. Since you are both emotionally damaged gay males, you might want to actually _think_ about your whole situation before throwing punches at someone who likes you. Yeah like that's a great conversation starter," I managed to pull off the whole sarcasm and sincere tone. Not that it was needed. I find that a little insulting because I immediately knew afterwards why the _tone_ was not needed.

It is true they're both damaged people. You can say Neji's mute and Gaara's angry-shy. They both just needed someone to say those words for them because they do accept the reality that they like each other. They had the decency to look sorry for causing me to waste such efforts on them.

"I cannot even look at you two anymore." But now, I had somehow lost the edge to my tone and all that came out was…paternal instinct. That only serves to make me more frustrated. "Both of you. Out. Now." They both apologized in their own ways and I was angry that I knew they were apologizing! Other people would just see Neji sighing and probably thought Gaara was stuck on his words like a baby rattle—no idea where the baby thing came from.

After they left, my feelings were not able to be soothed by Sasuke. I checked his reaction to this new found…thing and found almost nothing on his face. His hand was balled up in a fist as the only indication that this had any affect on him.

"Ok, what just happened?" Tsunade asked.

Argh! That woman needs to be quiet! Thankfully, Sasuke feigned indifference to the matter. I'll tell him about it later.

"I still want to talk," said Sasuke.

Later might be a couple of hours from now.

* * *

I explained to Sasuke everything about Gaara and Neji, not leaving out Sai's involvement either. He took the couple's news way better than he did Sai's. I convinced him not to kill Sai, somehow. I had no idea how I did that. But I remember thinking… 

….I wasn't kidding when I said Sasuke'll probably hit me, except he didn't, but he acted like it. See, he pulled his hand back and I was expecting a punch, not a push. Then the physical part came. It can be called…violent, but I didn't exactly mind this kind of violence. I enjoyed it for a couple of minutes until Sasuke said I had to take him out. On a date. Shifting the responsibility to even everything out. I never thought about which one of us will be the girl in this relationship, but he apparently thought a lot about it.

By 'a lot' I mean he told me all the food he liked to the ones he disliked and many types of activities. Actually he started with 'I like' and I cut him off, telling him that dates are funnier if I find out all his likes and dislikes on my own. Well, fun for me. If his throat starts swelling from a peanut, totally not my fault. He should know what not to eat. I only get to find out either by accident or from someone else who is not him. Unless I get too curious and ask him.

News of Neji and Gaara spread to all ears by fifth period, or some class. Their fanclubs dissolved completely…and up comes another one. There were two groups. An anti-Neji-and-Gaara, but there were more people supporting the couple. I find that extremely odd. Some girl had the pleasure of finding them discussing their date in a hallway.

And the word 'date' isn't code for making-out. They _really_ were discussing their date.

"I'd rather not know the details, Kiba." This distracted him from his date with Hinata, but it came back after Neji found out about the date. Turns out he didn't know and is seriously pissed…at Kiba. There were threats and insults.

"Neji, do you really think that with his IQ, he could do anything that you just listed?" came my advice. Neji didn't have to think about it much. Kiba was safe, for now. I do hope Hinata doesn't come out pregnant. I won't be able to save our dog boy then.

Lunch came quick and swiftly as if wanting to test me. Nobody found it strange that Gaara and Neji chose to sit with us. Sasuke got more of the attention since he technically was supposed to be angry at me. No one really got the memo yet. Sakura and Ino weren't concerned with us, but Sakura kept glancing over here. I think it's trouble.

"HELLO, NARUTO, MY FRIEND!"

A setback. Since declaring my friendship to these weirdoes, I'm beginning to take notice of Lee more and more. I can only push him out of my head for a certain amount of time now. It sucks. My only good news is Sasuke isn't one for PDA: Public Display of Affection. It wasn't really PDA, more like DDA: Discreet Display of Affection, meaning he's freaking touching my leg under the table!

It could be the reason Sakura keeps looking over here. But there's a big red cloth covering everything so I have to keep thinking about that.

"Holy crap, you just ate something!"

That would be Kiba. I hate people who blow things way out of proportion. It makes the event seem more ridiculous than it truly is. Suddenly, I remembered. No evil thoughts have come into my head. No killing or going on a mutilation hunt. I just thought it was really annoying. I've grown soft. Does this have to do with me being gay? Or not gay, more like…Sasuke-swinging. I only know I'm not attracted to other guys, or girls for that matter. Just Sasuke. Ok, how did my frustration from Kiba's big mouth start turning towards my sexuality?

"Shut up the hell up or I'll crush you." Hmm… "I'm sorry. That was only meant to be in my head."

…………………….

Class…Ibiki…Sasuke… I was in class doing an assignment for Ibiki and Sasuke IMed me. In that message, he apologized for his sudden action when he had said he wanted to talk. I had given him the impression of a trapped bunny rabbit and that…it turned him on. I'll keep that in mind for future purposes. Then he gave me a sentence in big giant letters.

"_**HOW COME YOU DIDN**__**'**__** TELL ME IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY?!**_"

I think he's mad.

To answer his question, I would have to say, "_**Huh? My birthday? When was that?**_"

"_**October 10.**_ _**Two or three days ago. How can you not remember your own birthday?**_"

I didn't reply. I couldn't find an answer for that one. I guess I've never really thought about it. It's been years since I've actually had a real birthday party. My parents would celebrate it by throwing a party and inviting everyone over. I distinctly remember an old woman sitting in a corner, drinking booze, who could only be Tsunade.

"_**Do you even know my birthday?**_

I had more confidence in that question. "_**July 23.**_"

"_**How could you know mine, but not your own?**_"

My boyfriend isn't like me. He has flaws. I just have to remember that when we're communicating. "_**Because it**__**'**__**s only a birthday. Not like its going anywhere.**_" Be extremely odd if it did.

"_**I**__**'**__**m taking you out.**_" He's being such a date-hog.

"_**But it**__**'**__**s my turn.**_"

"_**Special occasion. You don**__**'**__**t get a say**_."

What happened to democracy? My civil rights? Just because it's my birthday—two or three days old—he's going to forget that I'm a part of this relationship too. Before I can cuss him out or even think about the idea of breaking up with him, he slammed me back with logic.

"_**You can**__**'**__**t be trusted with important dates.**_"

Well then.

Darn it.

* * *

"I thought we were over this whole bullying thing," I said to Sakura. She didn't bring her minions this time. It was more private and personal to include any outside interference. 

"Are you going out with Sasuke—?" She stops herself just in time from using the familiar honorific.

To lie or not to lie. That is the question.

"Yes." I hope this doesn't end with a knife in my back. Painful and too bloody for my taste. Not to mention I'll probably die, but in my mind, that isn't the worst-case scenario. It is to be paralyzed because this girl here can't aim. Oh, then my life is going to be subjugated to being carried and other humiliating…"situations".

I didn't dare step back. If I did, she might attack. Sakura looks to be in an emotional state right now, one that can't be disturbed. Then she smiled—wait? Smile? This calls for a more serious face. I'm not joking. She wants to hurt Sasuke. It's all in the smile. And hurting Sasuke is a big NO NO. With that evil smile on, she said something that really surprised me.

"I'm going to get over it," she said _sincerely_. Evil smile, sincere voice?

Oh man, I want her _tone_ so bad.

"You're such a liar, Sakura." Pity, such a pity. At a young age, her mind could've been trained to do great and evil things. I would've been proud…if she wasn't messing with _me_. "You're a smart girl, aren't you? Stop relying on people so much. It's disturbing since _I_ know what kind of skills you have. And next time, you might want to thank Lee."

She's starting to sound like Tsunade and oji-san. "I don't know what you're—."

"Think about it." I didn't want to sound harsh so I kept all the 'moron' and 'stupid pink stick' to myself.

………………..

"So why were you avoiding me?" asked Sasuke. I'm ignoring him for the time being to re-think about the location of our date.

Instead of going to some restaurant behind an alleyway with surprisingly delicious food, we're...? Sasuke had kept driving and driving until I can't see buildings anymore. Then after a while, I didn't see any trees either. I stopped seeing grass half an hour into the ride. Right now my feet are definitely touching sand, but there's not an ocean for miles so I asked again.

"Where the hell are we?"

His face formed the very definition of smug. Slap, slap. "I asked first."

I rolled my eyes. I rolled them like little pieces of gooey dough. "What are you? Seven?" He remained firm in this ridiculous competition. "Gaara knows about us." I had more courage when I didn't say it. Now that I did, it dimmed. Greatly. "But that was only why I was avoiding you. Now…Sakura knows too." I watched as he breathes in deeply then out slowly. It's like watching live yoga, or the becoming of a psycho. "Are you going to hurt Sai?"

I wasn't worried about him; I'm more concerned about Sasuke. If they go one-on-one, I don't know if Sasuke can handle him. I hadn't had the time to test out my boyfriend's fighting abilities. Can't exactly just go up to him and try knocking him out. Well, I can, but that would be rude.

"No."

"Say what now?"

Sasuke raised an amused eyebrow. What is with stoic guys and raising their eyebrows? Couldn't he had answered first _then_ raised the eyebrow? I'd rather he not raise anything at this time. "You _want_ me to hurt him?"

"Hell yeah," I said, excited just by thinking about it. I am concern about Sasuke, but I have this image of him being really HOT in battle. That is, if he wins.

He shrugs with laughter. "Gaara and Neji have scores to settle with him too. It won't be just me."

Now I was the one raising the eyebrow. But my eyebrow's blonde so I don't know if you can really see it. "I'm up for a battle royale as much as the next guy, but that's usually group versus group. If you're doing wh—."

"Naruto," he said as if I was a child. "We're not doing any cheap trick. Trust me."

I narrow my eyes and decided to throw in, "He's not doing anything bad to me" to make sure nothing too serious happens to Sai. He nodded, shoulders shaking with gallons of laughs. "Now where the hell are we?"

Naruto: too many to count, Sasuke's emotionless face: 0.

* * *

The desert. Sasuke said we were in the _desert_. THE DESERT! I think it's more than okay for me to be freaking out! Were there even any deserts in Japan? Or maybe I've gone crazy and what really came out of Sasuke's mouth was an ancient form of Japanese I can't understand. 

"It's artificial," he told me.

Sasuke was very literal about what he does. He took the words, "money can buy anything", and created a f—king landscape. He explained the process of how it was done, details by details. I lost him five seconds into the explanation. He was using words I had never even heard of, most of which I suspect he made up. The weirdest thing he said was, "I co-founded this place."

The desert is part of an amusement park, built for poor people because most of them can't afford a trip to a _real_ desert. But not only was this whole artificial desert thing geographically impossible, it was also historically impossible. You hear me? IM-POS-SI-BLE! This park was founded in 1995. That means Sasuke was 6 when he co-founded this place. SIX, PEOPLE!

But of course, he explained…_after_ watching with fluttery delight how I yelled on and on. FYI, I was only yelling because he kept laughing and he kept laughing because I was yelling. I forgot which one started first, but it certainly wasn't me.

With the emotional phase over, we enter the awkward-what-the-hell-am-I-supposed-to-be-saying car talk. This is our first date to which I have officially and willingly agreed to. I am nervous for an unknown-but-understandable reason. Why do I keep thinking of hyphens in my head?

Anyway, it wasn't okay. I have this bad habit of complaining when I'm really nervous. So…I began by complaining how hot it was in the car, but since I really wasn't, I later complained about the heat and hinted strongly about the need for cool air. Then it got too 'cool' and along the way the complaints drifted to how bad the food was.

I love the food!

It was delicious and I will kill myself if I can not achieve one third of the food's taste. But that is for a Tuesday night. Today was Saturday. I edited all the Romeo and Juliet crap because now that I'm going out with Sasuke, he has no problem in insisting that we do the kissing scene. Since none of the public knows of our relationship, he did this discreetly. However, our friends (they reluctantly accepted Sasuke for my sake) knew so it kinda grossed them out a bit.

And I have not forgotten about Kakashi. A car cannot lose four wheels by itself. Shh. Don't tell. Iruka, a religious man, moves at a very slow pace in the relationship and I used this to my advantage. I borrowed various clothing from a man and gave them to Iruka. Actually, I had to force him to wear them. An easy enough task. The clothes are guaranteed a 95 percent chance of drooling. Beware of me.

SCREETCH! I smack into the glove compartment. Totally not my fault, Sasuke stopped the car. I'm now suddenly aware of how angry he is. Before he can get one word out, I apologize for the complaints.

"It's not about that, but…didn't you have a good time?"

When I complain, I lie like a dog. It's complicated and shockingly, not one of my family's traits. Nope, this is all mine. Believe me, it's not one of my favorites. I didn't know what to tell him or where to start.

"Can't you tell me _one_ thing you enjoy about our date?" His voice contained more patience than I thought him capable of.

I see. Among the complaints, he couldn't identify the truth—not that there was much—because he is _also_ nervous. I smile, feeling much more comfortable. Gathering up some much-needed courage, I lean towards him and whispered into his ear, "I love how jealous you got." He was brave against my seductive gesture and managed to look between amused and vexed.

"The girl deserved it."

I sat back into my seat and snorted at how lightly Sasuke made it sound. Back at the restaurant in the "desert", a girl decided to be suicidal and flirted with me. "You shoved her into a birthday cake…_with_ the candles in flames. You were lucky she was unharmed."

Sasuke stared at me accusingly. "You encouraged her." I accepted since it was truly my fault. I was just curious, like any sixteen or seventeen year old would be. I wondered how a jealous boyfriend would act since I _had_ no experience with it. My curiosity was dim, but thinking back on it, the flames to my desire lit up like a bonfire again.

"I did a bad thing, didn't I? _Sasuke__…_"

* * *

I didn't get home till a little later than expected because of…car…trouble. Ahem! I found it weird oji-san wasn't leaping out of the door to greet me. I went inside and found the place…dark. A Saturday night and the club was empty. Something suspicious is going on, not to mention Sasuke insisted coming in with me. 

"It's a surprise birthday party."

Sasuke did not sigh or shake his head. He shrugged and pointed out oji-san and Tsunade—though he has no idea why—as the culprits. "Pretend to be surprised. They actually think it's important."

My eyes did that whole narrow thing. "Yeah, this coming from the guy who closed down a national amusement park because of me." He didn't say anything, but he didn't look defeated either. I think he doesn't want to put me in a bad mood before the party. Oh and Sasuke did close down the amusement park. It was just me, Sasuke, and a few staffs. Romantic, yet creepy.

The dinner wasn't even the present, which reminds me that he hasn't given me anything yet. The dinner alone was enough for me, but this was Uchiha Sasuke. He doesn't just buy you dinner; he'll give you a diamond-crafted sculpture of yourself.

…damn, I hope it's not a sculpture.

We went up to my dwelling and opened the door to the dark living room. I gave Sasuke a pleading look, but he didn't budge. I sigh and flipped on the light, suddenly engulfed with…nothing. Sasuke looked just as surprised as me so this can't possibly be a prank. I step inside and look for any signs of life. "Oji-san? Tsunade?"

"…Nauuu-chummm…"

I know my name doesn't have that many 'u's.

"Oji-san…" I search where the voice came from and found it to be from behind the couch. "…were you sleeping?" I try not to flinch in obvious pain when oji-san uncurled from his thumb-sucking position. "Where's Tsunade?"

I nearly trip from running to my room to check if Tsunade was there. I've only known her for a few days. We're not that close yet, even if I have met her a few times before, but she had wrinkles then. Lots and lots of wrinkles. I found her waking up in the kitchen along with an empty bucket of chocolate ice cream. Sasuke found a couple other lodgers lying around and woke them. Gaara, Neji, Hinata, Kiba, Shikamaru etc, all were here for my birthday party.

Cute.

"Where have you been? Do you know how long we waited?" asked Tsunade, clearly angry.

"Hey, I am not the one with ice cream on my boobs." The evidence is visible in little brown splats. She blushed and half-ran to the bathroom to wash it off. I'm going to have to bless the place later. It smells of friends and family, different from the usual depressing mood I was so used to.

"NARUTO-KUN, DO NOT BE MAD! WE BRING GIFTS!"

Now how can I stay mad at them for _that_?

………………….

Kiba freaking gave me condoms. I asked him why and he openly admitted that I might need them one day. These condoms were guaranteed to last at least a whole year, which by the way is not true.

"Why would I need them?" Sasuke blushed at this. Well, he was already blushing, but this was more.

"For…you know." I think he means sex.

You hear a lot of things tending a bar thus my knowledge stretched much further than Kiba's. However his innocence still needed to be preserved for Hinata's sake, but that's also why I can freely hit him. I excuse Kiba from any more harm and communication.

It wasn't as bad as Gaara's gift.

The box was pleasantly wrapped and pretty harmless…until I saw it. I reached in slowly and pulled out an object. Sasuke almost had a nose bleed and Neji was faintly excited. "Thank you, Gaara. It looks…strong." Then I promptly put down the foot long, black leather _whip_.

I thought this was supposed to be a birthday party. Somehow it seems more like a bachelor's party, minus the strippers. They kinda take the fun out of it. Anyway, the most normal and awesome gift I had was from Shikamaru. He bought me _**DEAL WITH DEATH: VOLUME IV**_ **(1)**.

Chouji gave me a cook book (much appreciated), but I had to wonder how he found out I cook. I prefer not to think about such trivial things so much. I got some normal gifts, but the worse present ever was from Lee. It just had to be him. I shudder just thinking about. UGH! A thing like that shouldn't even be in any store! They should've burned the idea when it came into their head!

Lee…he gave me a-a…g-green jumpsuit. Green! Jumpsuit! What the hell am I going to use it for?! A slingshot?! Hey, that would be a good. Ah, but it's still green! Luckily I didn't have my gun or a match. Either one I would've been fine with. Then oji-san's turn. I sigh in desperation for the day to end peacefully.

"I gave you your gift."

It didn't.

"I think I would remember." Yeah, the gift is probably made out of rubber and makes weird noises when I try to strangle the cotton balls out of it.

Oji-san made the strangling noise instead. That usually happens when he's really upset or in the toilet. "I did. I put it around your neck _on_ your birthday."

I held up the locket strapped to my pants. "You mean this?"

"Wha—? Wasn't it a necklace?"

Oh. "Then all those years when you took me out to really expensive places and bought me even more expensive gifts was because…it was my birthday?"

The strangling noise didn't cease so easily this time.

* * *

Over all, it was a good party. However, oji-san cried. But it wasn't a big deal He was only upset about me not remembering my own birthday and the whole gift thing came along with it. Before the party ended, Hinata was forced to go home. Afterwards, people started leaving by themselves or I kicked them out. They were getting really annoying…and drunk. Especially Lee. He got really violent and I actually had to shoot him with a tranquilizer—twice—just to get him to stop breaking my furniture. 

Oji-san and Tsunade were left to clean up the place while I took Sasuke up to the roof. It's rare for the club to be empty so early and I took every opportunity that came my way. I live in a dark side of Japan. That doesn't mean its evil, it's just really black. On a night like this, the stars shine brightly. Now I don't sound or look like a star-gazing type of person, but blame my parents for that. When I was small, they would corrupt me by taking me camping where there was usually a lot of stars and I was forced to reluctantly enjoy them.

Sasuke didn't say anything about this peculiar hobby of mine, but instead joined me. I was hoping for a bit of silence, but my hope crashed and burned. "Naruto…"

Uh-oh.

He sounds serious. Can't be a break-up speech. It's too early for that. Then it's some nonsense I don't really care about, but is important to him. I prepared myself for the crushing blow of his thoughts.

"My father won't approve."

Silence stretched like a sea between us and I knew I had to disturb the not-so-calm salt water. I felt bitter and angry even when I knew it was coming, but it came like a hurricane. Scenarios of this have played in my head many times, every one of them ending up with failing colors.

"I know." What the hell was I supposed to say? Confessing seemed like a pretty good choice. Then I realized the full strength of what that confession meant and I grew angry. "So what? This was only a temporary fling?" I can feel him tensing and trying to control his frustration.

"No. I don't know what to—."

"Are you always this indecisive?" He was stuck between family duties and me. If I was him, I would prefer me because his family is f—ked up. And I mean this seriously, if he starts acting like one of those I'm-pretending-to-hate-you-because-I-supposedly-care-about-you morons, I'm going to be the first one in this relationship to kick his royal ass. Those kinds of people are so immature with their feelings. Sure, my feelings have been dead for the last four years and I've been incapable of love, but I know how to treat someone I lo…

"Oh my god." The shock in my voice woke Sasuke from whatever dimension he's been habiting to tend to me.

"What's wrong?"

Nothing…nothing he can do will force me to say it. Those words are too embarrassing. That's why I didn't really understand why he was laughing.

"I love you."

My cheeks flustered. It's not a blush. The air…a-and everything, it's not me! We've been going out barely a few days and already he's saying stuff like that. Is that supposed to happen? I'm starting to think we really are moving too fast. I'm sixteen, he's sixteen, we're kids. Is it really alright like this? But then he held me in his arms—no matter how cliche it is—and everything was fine.

It just was.

I had always been the kind of person who wanted time to move really fast. Because it meant I'll die faster. But, right now, in this _perfect_ moment, I wish for it to stop. I open my mouth to say those three words, but no sound came out. No worries. Sasuke understood the meaning and he smiled.

………………………

Monday came sooner than either of us knew and that was when news of Sasuke's new relationship spread throughout school. I ignored most of it, but when they tampered with my pride, I had to crush them. They cried and one of them bled, but still…they deserved it. Well, not the blood shedding.

This was where I left off.

Sai still didn't understand any of these things I've done, but he was willing to learn. He's a friend of some sort. Well, you know what they say, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'.

"Naruto!" Every time Sasuke speaks my name, I love it more and more. When Kiba says it, I rather he didn't.

I stop and waited for _my boyfriend_ to catch up then we walked to class together. We were supposed to, but I dragged him to the roof instead. Sasuke had a refrigerator installed and…a PS2! Isn't he awesome?! But this isn't the time for that. Skip the boring parts and go right into the main points.

Maybe one day, I can repeat his words and return the feelings he deserves. However...

"I like you."

That will have to suffice. For now.

* * *

** 1)** Deal with Death: Volume IV is absolutely fictional so please don't go looking for this non-existent game. If it was real, it would be totally awesome. 

**Future Narra:** _(fixed the time machine for them)_ Have a nice trip!

**Charlie:** I'm dead?

**Narra:** No, you're not. _(waves to future Narra)_ See you in a few years!

**Charlie:** I really died?

**Narra:** You're still alive. We can change it. _(starts the engine)_ It'll be fine...but in case you really do die, can I have your computer? OW! What was that for?

**Future Narra:** _(hears the door open)_ Oh. Hey, Charlie.

**Future Charlie:** What's up?

**Future Narra:** _(starts laughing)_ Our past self came here today. Guess what?

**Future Charlie:** What?

**Future Narra:** I told them you were DEAD!

**Future Charlie:** _(not smiling) _You told them I was dead?

**Future Narra:** _(still laughing)_ Yeah! Isn't that funny? OW! What was that for?

* * *

**A/N: _Ok, you're probably all laughing. That's good because I need to tell you something. I also told my beta this. Don't know if she's happy or sad about this, but she's sick. Uh...please don't egg my house. You promise? Like, really promise? No, I'm serious. You have to swear over your grandmother's grave, or any dead relative that you won't do anything bad, evil, or sadistic to me. _**

**_You promise now? _**

**_Ahem! That's it. That's it...to the story. The end? (lol) You know, the story ended. That's it. No more. Nada. No future chapter for this. _**

**_Ok-ay, I'm going to go hide now. _**


	25. AUTHOR ALERT

**Author Alert**

So many things have happened and so many reviews. Awesome! First, I like to thank my beta, even though she isn't reading this and possibly couldn't since she's sick. _Hope you get well soon._ I want to tell everyone that I'm not exactly taking a break, or vacation, but I want to finish something. It's a secret and if this secret makes it out into the world, I hope you will support me. But for now, I can't say anything.

**Narra:** 'urry it up already! _(eating cookies)_

Alright. Geez. Someone was gracious enough to send us some cookies, virtually and I would like to thank you. This project (secret), I want to complete it before doing anything else (especially writing a sequel to this), possibly before Valentine's Day. Remember the Konrinzai? I think that's what it's called. Can't exactly remember specifically. Anyway, I wanted to do that story for you guys and several others. We'll just have to see.

Oh, did anyone went to the Oni-con last _last_ Saturday? I spent eighty dollars worth of items. Bought a few mangas and an Atashi plushie (from Chobits). I have a plushie face of Sasuke from last convention, still do. Ah, he's beautiful.

**Sqry XDC:** Sorry, but I already have a beta. I'm really flattered, but it can never be between us. Maybe in another time, at another place, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...Ok, a little too dramatic. **;P** And you got the riddle right. Congratulations!

**Uniasus:** Thank you! Thank you for reminding me about Sai's role. That shall be in the sequel. Also Naruto's lunch problem and him fixing everyone will be in the sequel too.

**catgrl106:** ...hmm, should I be cruel? Should I not tell you the answer and let you suffer? Well, it wasn't in the story and I am nice so I will tell you the answer. Do not be disappointed when you hear this.

**Self-Defence Plan** (Chapter 6)

**Direction:** Please read carefully before answering.

1) _If it was very dark outside and a man mugged you, what is the first thing you do?_ ETC.

The answer Naruto wrote was: **I will kick his ass.** The point of the pop quiz was that you're not supposed to write something that makes you the poor victim. In a successful industry, you're not supposed to back down from whatever challenge thrown at you and a man mugging you is a form of a challenge.That's what Ibiki was trying to tell them...through a very confusing and indirect way. However, please do not start fighting a man if he mugs you. The chances of him pulling out a knife is very high. I'm sorry, but encouraging you to fight is illegal for me. In here.

I know the ending was rather abrupt, but it was something I decided and I didn't want to procrastinate this project any longer. It will continue. A sequel. But not right now. There is many things unanswered, I know, but I do remember telling you guys that if you have any questions about the story, any mysteries unsolved, to tell me so that I can explain it. There's a sequel so no need for that, but still, tell me or I might forget and not put it in the upcoming story, which is a way long off.

Sakura and Ino will be further explored in the sequel and Sasuke, Neji, Gaara, and Sai's problems are not over, but I don't know, at the moment, how I'm going to solve it.

The story is just a conversation panel between Narra (The Narrator) and me (The Author). I wanted to make it interesting, try something new. I'm glad you enjoyed it! High five for me!

I will open up an Author's Alert to answer all questions, concerning any stories. Wow, look at me. I sound all professional. That phrase is probably grammatically incorrect. The Author Alert shall be in the form of a story and updated at the end of every week. There shall be nothing like story stories in it. It will be up only till I start writing again. I want to keep in contact with you guys. I've been a little shy about talking one-on-one recently and this will open up the communication a little bit. It will also keep some of you guys entertained with the funny questions some people will ask.


End file.
